I, Me and Myself

Assumptions.. Assumptions.. Everywhere !!!

2011-09-30T10:15:00.003+05:30

During my lifetime ( I know I still have a long way to go … but it sounds better to start a sentence like this)… I have come across with lots of people who are good at just assuming things.. even without clarifying it with anyone.. especially with the person who is concerned with the subject.. For example:- When I was in my 10^th std people were talking about which group I have to take in order to tackle the entrance exams.. These people just assumed that I want to write entrance exams and they didn’t even have the courtesy to ask me what I want to do with my life. So for those people who assumed that I would go for 1^st or 2^nd group (maths and science subjects), were clearly disappointed (like it had something to do with them) when I took 3^rd group (history and economics)… All through my pre degree course people have asked.. “So which group are you in?? 1^st or 2^nd ??”.. Like there is no way someone would go below that..

When I joined for my degree course.. majority of my classmates were from science groups … so for sometime some people assumed that I was one of those who went for a science group .. wrote the entrance, didn’t get through and joined English litt as a last resort.. see again.. assumptions.. After my MA.. everyone assumed that I would either get married or go for B.Ed… because it is the obvious choice for a woman of my position to do.. I didn’t do the first one.. but I did the second one a year later… only because it felt right for me..

Assumptions concerning one’s academic and professional life are nothing compared to those of one’s personal life.. for example:- it is a general assumption that women who has reached a certain age must be married or looking to get married.. not being interested is not even an option… When I first joined at my current workplace, a male colleague asked me, “ So what is your husband?”, assuming that I am a woman of certain age and I must be married.. He didn’t even have the courtesy to ask me whether I was married or not.. Similarly, when I first came here, I was accompanied by my father and my cousin.. After a few days I was talking to this peon lady who works here and she asked me.. “So who were those people who came with you on the first day?”.. I said, “ That was my father and my cousin”. “Cousin!!”.. She exclaimed, “I thought that was your husband”… again.. assumptions…

It is also assumed that women are interested in visiting religious places. I was talking to yet another colleague of mine, when she asked me, “ Would you like to accompany me to the temple this Friday?”.. I said..” I don’t go to temples or any other religious places”. The next question from her side was, “ Are you an atheist?” .. So let me get this straight… if you are not stupid enough to believe that God resides in these buildings which humans call temple, church or mosque, you are an atheist.. I told her.. “ I believe in God, but I am not religious… I don’t believe in going to the temple to see God or talk to him.. FYI .. God and religion are two different things”.. She looked at me as though I am from some other planet.. From that look, I could understand how hard she and people like her were brainwashed by her elders into making this generation believe that if you don’t go to temple you will go straight away to hell after your death and there is not going to be a rest stop in between.

Similarly it is also assumed that women of all ages are interested in jewellery (especially gold), sarees, having long hair, getting married and having kids.. what others don’t realise or hesitate to accept is that there are exceptional cases.. who are not at all interested in any of the above.. but.. it is assumed that if the majority is in a particular way then it is only natural that everyone is like that...

I have a friend who was married for seven years without having a baby… people started asking them questions and gave them phone numbers of eminent doctors whom they should consult regarding this ‘problem’.. but after a while she had a baby and she told me..” I wasn’t ready to have a baby .. that is why it took us sometime … why do people always assume that if you don’t have a baby within a certain period of time after your marriage, there is something medically wrong with you.. I mean, that is not the only thing you want out of a marriage.. Right?”.. I didn’t say ‘yes’ or ‘no’, as I haven’t got a clue as to why people get married in the first place..

When a woman fights against male domination, it is assumed that she is a feminist.. if she is not interested in womanly things… her testosterone level must be higher than usual (a.a.a she is not a real woman).. if she wants to stay single, it is because of a love failure, didn’t get any good marriage proposals yet, is afraid that it will end tragically, feels insecure because she is coming from a broken family, oh and please don’t forget to assume that she might be batting for the other side..

I know it is hard not to assume things.. especially when it is human nature… may be it is something that cannot be controlled… but one sure can help themselves from asking ridiculous foolish questions based on those assumptions… you may not be able to control your mind, but you can certainly control your mouth…

So have people made any assumptions about you so far.. or have you made any assumptions about others… care to share…

Why do women get married ??

2011-01-01T21:17:00.004+05:30

Forgive me for trying to attempt to write about such a ‘bold’ subject… but you got to admit.. sooner or later I was going to write about it…

If you know me as a person, you would also know that I am against the institution of marriage.. was always.. and always will be… even though there were some time frames in my life.. where I got the opportunity and chance to change my relationship status to the ‘inevitable’..but as always God’s mysterious hands saved me from making those vital mistakes…

I don’t know why.. but I can’t see myself as a ladyfriend, a partner, a wife or even as a mother.... I don’t even like kids or men for that matter… guess I am ‘one of those’ women who is missing something from my somewhere…

But I don’t regret for not being married for 30 years of my life.. I like my single life.. infact.. I am proud about it.. I mean.. I might be the only almost 30 year old single woman who doesn’t wanna get married remaining from my group.. whichever group I belong to.. all my classmates from my school, college and my colleagues of my age group got married and those who haven’t are looking to tie the knot at any given time…

There are only two things that would get me married… do you want to know what are those things… ok .. ok.. I will tell you…

No. 1 – Falling in Love

That’s right folks.. if I fall in love with somebody.. and I mean.. the Real Thing… not one of those ‘things’ I feel for someone just because they appeal good to my eye…love that rapture or ruin.. if that happens.. and if that person is stupid enough to feel that same thing for me …. and an idiot enough to tolerate me for the rest of his life.. ‘till death do us part’… then I will marry him.. I don’t care about religion or caste or education or career or looks… If I fall in love… then that’s it.. case closed…

No.2 – If I don’t have a choice

As in, everyone around me pressurizing me to do the thing that I never want to do… you know.. like I don’t have a choice ..I guess a woman understands this concept better than anyone else… if that happens… and if I am not woman enough to commit suicide.. then I guess .. I will do it… but just as you know…. that legal contract will blow out of proportion within no time… as in I will get a divorce even faster than Britney Spears did… yeah.. that’s right folks…

So, if you know me in person.. and if you come to know about me getting married.. just think that one or the other of the two of the above reason has happened…

So as someone who does not believe in something.. and when sees that everyone else around her is doing that same thing… over all the years.. isn’t it obvious that my curiosity will definitely arise… and if you know me.. you will also know that I am the cat who got killed by her curiosity…

So I asked my friends, relatives, colleagues and some acquaintances about their decision of getting into this tangled web.. and stays on it day after day.. week after week.. month after month.. and year after year.. I mean… forgive my ignorance… but how can a woman be both married and happy… I just don’t get it…

Of the people I emailed.. only some replied… of the people I asked in person… some made fun of me.. some gave a despicable look.. some ignored my question and changed the subject… some asked me ‘is everything alright with you?’, some got angry, some acted goofy… but anyways.. here are some of the answers I got and I would like to share these answers with you…

Oh... by the way.. just so to present the ideas clearly, I am writing it in my mother tongue (Malayalam).. trust me.. it is far more effective than English.. so if you don’t know how to read Malayalam… then I am saying goodbye… byeee….

Disclaimer:-

The following views and opinions presented in this blog post are solely those of the people whom the blogger talked in person and from emails send by them and do not necessarily represent those of the blogger. AMEN !!!

I apologize for the spelling mistakes and the occasional English wordings in between... the translator was not working as per my expectations...

1
"ശെടാ ... കല്യാണം കഴിക്കാതെ നടനപ്പോ എല്ലാവര്രും ചോദിച്ചു, എന്താ കല്യാണംകഴിക്കാതെ എന്ന്, ഇപ്പൊ കഴിച്ചപ്പോ ചോദിക്കുന്നു ... എന്തിനാ കഴിച്ചേ എന്ന് ..ഇതു നല്ല കൂത്ത് "...

2
"കല്യാണം കഴിക്കാതെ പിന്നെ എന്ത് ചെയ്യണം ആയിര്രുന്നു... സന്യസിക്കനമായിര്രുന്നോ... "

3
"അതെ ... ഞാന്‍ നോക്കിയപ്പോ എന്റെ ഫ്രണ്ട്സും കസിന്‍സും ഒക്കെ കല്യാണം കഴിക്കുന്നു... അപ്പൊ ഞാനും വിചാരിച്ചു കേട്ടികല്ലയാമെന്നു" ....

4
"നല്ല ഒരു ആലോചന വന്നു... ജാതകം ചേര്ന്നു ... അത് അങ്ങനെ അങ്ങ് നടന്നു...അല്ലാതെ ഇപ്പൊ എന്തോ പറയാനാ ".....

5
"എനിക്ക് സത്യത്തില്‍ താല്പരിയം ഇല്ലയിര്രുന്നു... വീട്ടുക്കാര്‍ അങ്ങ്നിശ്ചയിച്ചു... പിന്നെ എങ്ങനെയാ അതീനു മാറുന്നത്.. നാന്നകെടല്ലേ... അത് കൊണ്ടുഞാന്‍ അങ്ങ് സമ്മതിച്ചു..."

6
"വീട്ടില്‍ ഉള്ളവര്‍ പറഞ്ഞു... കല്യാണം കഴിക്കണം എന്ന്.. പിന്നെ.. എല്ലാം കൂടിഒത്തു ഒരു ആലോചന വന്നു... ആ വണ്ടി ഇപ്പോഴും ഓടി കൊണ്ടിരിക്കുന്നു..."
( this answer was given most of the people I asked )

7
"ഒരു അമ്മ ആവണം എന്ന് എനിക്ക് വല്ലാത്ത മോഹമായിരുന്നു .... കല്യാണംകഴിക്കാതെ അമ്മയായാല്‍ എന്റെ കുഞ്ഞിനെ "അച്ചനില്ലാത്തവന്‍" എന്നുവിളിക്കില്ലേ ... അത് കൊണ്ടു അങ്ങ് കെട്ടി... ഇപ്പൊ രണ്ടു കുട്ടികളുമായി..."

8
(കുറച്ചു hormone count കൂടിയ ഒരു ഫ്രണ്ട് പറഞ്ഞതു) .....

"sex enjoy ചെയ്യാന്‍... പുറം നാട്ടില്‍ വല്ലോം ആയിര്രുന്നെകില്‍ ഇഷ്ടം ഉള്ളവന്റെകൂടെ പോകാം ... ഇഷ്ടം തീരുമ്പോ തിരിച്ചു വരാം... ഇവിടെ അത് പറ്റില്ലല്ലോ...അത് കൊണ്ടു ഒരുത്തന്‍ എങ്കില്‍ ഒരുത്തന്‍... ഇരിക്കട്ടെ എന്ന് വെച്ചു..."

9
"താന്‍ എന്താടോ ഇങ്ങനെ ഒക്കെ ചോദിക്കുന്നത്... തന്നിക്ക് എന്ത്പറ്റി !!! "....

10
"വല്ലയിടത്തും പോകുമ്പോ എപ്പോഴും അച്ചന്നും ചെട്ടന്നും ഒക്കെ കൂടെ വരുമോ...അവര്ക്കു ബുദ്ധിമുട്ടല്ലേ... അപ്പൊ കല്യാണം kazhicha husbandinneyum കൊണ്ടുഎല്ലായിടത്തും പോകാം... മനസ്സിലായോ???"
11
"എന്തിനാ കുഞ്ഞേ ഇതൊക്കെ ഓര്മിപ്പിക്കുന്നത് ... അതൊക്കെ കഴിഞ്ഞില്ലേ ...ഇന്നി പറഞ്ഞിട്ട് എന്ത് കാര്യം..."
12
" ഞാന്‍ എപ്പോഴും എന്നെ ഒരു ഭാര്യ ആയിട്ടും അമ്മ ആയിട്ടും ആണ്സങ്ങല്‍പ്പിചിട്ടുള്ളത്... എന്താന്നോ എന്തോ...ചിലപ്പോ തലമുര്രകലായി നടന്നുവരുന്ന brainwashing ഇന്റെ ഫലം ആയിര്രിക്കും" ...

13
"ഒരു sense of security ക്ക് വേണ്ടി"... ( I really don't know what she meant by that)

14
"വീട്ടില് ഇനി ഞാനും കൂടിയേ ഉണ്ടായിരുനുല്ല് കെട്ടാന്‍... അപ്പൊ എന്റേത്കഴിഞ്ഞാല്‍ അവര്ക്കു മനസമാധാനത്തോടെ ഇരിക്കാമല്ലോ ... അപ്പൊ അത്അങ്ങനെ അങ്ങ് തീരുമാനിച്ചു"....

15
"അച്ഛന്നു വയസ്സായി ഇരിക്കുവല്ലേ... പെട്ടെന്ന് എന്തെങ്ങില്ലും സംഭവിചാല്ലോ...അത് കൊണ്ടു ഞാന്‍ അങ്ങ് സമ്മതിച്ചു"....

16
"എന്റെ ഇളയത് ഒരു അനിയത്തി അല്ലെ... എന്റെ കല്യാണം കഴിഞ്ഞാല്ലല്ലേ അവളുടേത്‌ നടക്കു... അത് കൊണ്ടു എന്തെത് അങ്ങ് നടത്തി"....

17
"ഞങ്ങള്‍ തമ്മില്‍ സ്നേഹിച്ചു... ഒരുമിച്ചു ജീവിക്കനം എന്നു ആഗ്രഹിചു .. അത്കൊണ്ടു കല്യാണം കഴിച്ചു... പുറത്തു വല്ലതും അയിരുനെകില്‍ കെട്ടാതെ ഒരുമിച്ചുജീവിക്കാം ആയിരുന്നു ... ഇവിടെ ആയതു കൊണ്ടു ഒരു കടലാസില്‍ ഒപ്പ്വെയ്ക്കേണ്ടി വന്നു".....

18
"തന്റേതു പോലെ ഇഷ്ടപെട്ട ജീവിതം തിരഞ്ഞെടുക്കന്നുള്ള freedom എനിക്ക്ഉണ്ടായിരുന്നില്ല ... ഉണ്ടായിരുനെകില്‍ ആരെങ്ങില്ലും ഇതിന് പോകുമോ ???"

19
( വിവാഹം കഴിഞ്ഞിട്ട് അഞ്ചു വര്ഷം പോലും ആയിട്ടില്ലാത്ത ഒരു സുഹുര്‍ത്തുമനസ് തുറന്നു സംസാരിച്ചു...ആരെങ്കില്ലും ചോദ്യം ചോദിക്കാന്‍ കാത്തിരുന്നത്പോലെ...)

"എങ്ങനെ കെട്ടാതെ ഇരിക്കും??? വീട്ടുക്കാരും നാട്ടുക്കാരും ഇടവും വലവുംthiriyaan sammathikkaathe ചോധിചോണ്ട് നടക്കുവല്ലയിര്രുന്നോ... " കല്യാണം ഒന്നുംആയില്ലേ ?? ശോ .. അതെന്താ... ഇതൊന്നും വേണ്ടായോ ??"
വീട്ടീന് ഇറങ്ങുപോല്ലും, കേര്രുംപോല്ലും, വഴിയില് bus stop ഇല്ലും, എന്തിന്നുബസിന്റെ അകത്തു വെച്ചു വരെ ചോദ്യവും ഉപധേസവും .... വീട്ടുക്കാരുടെ വക വേറെ... അങ്ങനെ എല്ലാംകൊള്ളാവുന്ന ഒരു ആലോചന വന്നു .. അല്ലടെയ്‌... enthuva ഈ'എല്ലാം കൊണ്ടും കൊള്ളാവുന്ന' എന്ന് കൊണ്ടു ഉദേശിക്കുന്നത് ... ആര്‍ക്കുകൊള്ളാവുന്നത്..ന്ന്നോക്കുന്നത് നാലാള്‍ കേട്ടാല്‍ 'കൊള്ളാം', yennu thonnunna ഒരുആലോചനയാ ... നമ്മുക്ക് നല്ലതാണോ എന്ന് ഇവര്‍ക്കെങ്ങനെ മനസിലാവും....അങ്ങനെ engagement കഴിഞ്ഞു ...

കല്യാണത്തിന്നു മൂന്ന് മാസം കൂടി ഉണ്ടായിരുന്നു ... പിന്നെ.. എന്നും അങ്ങ് വിളിയാ... miscal അടിയും...msg അയപ്പും.... ഒന്നും പറയണ്ട... "നിന്നെ എനിക്ക് വേണ്ടി മാത്രം ദൈവം സ്രിഷിടിച്ചതാനെന്നുള്ള" മട്ടില്‍ ഉള്ള വര്‍ത്തമാനവും.. സത്യം പറയാമല്ലോ.... ആരും വിശ്വസിക്കും... ഇടയ്ക്ക് വല്ലപ്പോഴും private ആയിട്ട് ഇരിക്കാന്‍ പറ്റിയ ചില്ലറ കൈയാന്കള്ളിക്കളും.... പറയുന്നത് എന്തുവാ... "ഇതൊക്കെ എനിക്ക് ഉള്ളത്തന്നെയല്ലേ.... പിന്നെ എന്താ പ്രശ്നം ??" ... ശെരിക്കും... ഈ ആനുങ്ങല്ലുക്ക്പെന്നുങ്ങല്ലേ വീഴ്ത്താന്‍ ഭയങ്കര കഴിവാ അല്ലെ !!!.... അങ്ങനെ ലക്ഷങ്ങള്‍ മുടക്കികല്യാണം കഴിച്ചു... ആദ്യത്തെ 6 months ഒരു കുഴപ്പവും ഇല്ലായിരുന്നു ... അത്കഴിഞ്ഞു പിന്നെ പതുക്കെ പതുക്കെ തനി സ്വഭാവം പുറത്തിറങ്ങാന്‍ തുന്ടങ്ങി ... njaan എന്റെ കൂടെ work ചെയ്യുന്ന ആനുങല്ലോട് സംസാരിക്കുന്നതു ഒക്കെ എന്തോപിടിക്ക്കാത്തത് പോലെ... ഞാന്‍ എവിടെ പോകനമെങ്ങില്ലും നേരത്തെ മുന്‍കൂട്ടിpermission മേടിക്കണം ... ഒറ്റയ്ക്ക് എവിടെയും പോകാന്‍ പാടില്ല ... അവന്‍കൊണ്ടു പോകുമ്പോ പോയാ മതി... എനാ കൊണ്ടു പോകുവോ... അതും ഇല്ല ...ഒരു സിനിമ കാണണം എന്ന് പറഞ്ഞാ രണ്ടു മാസം കഴിഞ്ഞിട്ടയിര്രിക്കും കൊണ്ടുപോകുനത്... അതും .. നമ്മളോട് എന്തോ ഒരു ഔദാര്യം കാണിക്കുന്നത് പോലെ...അവന് കൂട്ടുക്കാരുമായി കറങ്ങി അടിച്ച് നടക്കാം .... ഞാന്‍ എന്റെ വീട്ടില്‍ ഒന്നുപോകണമെങ്കില്‍ ഒരു മാസം അവന്റെ പുറകെ നടക്കണം .... അങ്ങനെ പലതും...നമ്മുടെ സ്വന്തം കാര്യം പോലും തീരുമാനിക്കന്നുള്ള freedom പോയി... ഞാന്‍ ഏത്തരം ഡ്രസ്സ്‌ ഇടണം , എങ്ങനെ മുടി കെട്ടണം, എന്ന് പോലും അവനാ തീരുമാനിക്കുന്നത്... പിന്നെ... മറ്റുള്ളവരുടെ മുന്നില്‍ വെച്ചു ആവശ്യം ഇല്ലാതെ കളിയാക്കും .... nammude വീട്ടുക്കാരെ.... പ്രതേകിച്ചു എന്റെ അച്ചന്നെ കളിയാക്കി സംസാരിക്കും ... ഇതൊക്കെ വലിയ മിടുക്കാന്നെന്നാ വിചാരം...ഒരു mobile ഉള്ളത്കാരണം കാണിക്കുന്ന കള്ളതരത്തിന്നു ഒരു കണക്കും ഇല്ല.... പെനുങള്‍ എല്ലാം മണ്ടികള്‍ ആണെന്നാ ഇവരുടെ ഒക്കെ വിചാരം... നമുക്കു ഇതൊന്നും മനസില്ലാവില്ലല്ലോ .... നമ്മുടെ അഭിമാനത്തെ ചോദ്യം ചെയ്യുന്ന എത്ര എത്രസംഭവങ്ങള്‍ ഉണ്ടാവും എന്നറിയാമോ ?? നീ ഇപ്പൊ എന്താ ആലോചിക്കുന്നത്‌ enthannennu എനിക്ക് അറിയാം.... ഇത് വല്ലതും ഒരു പ്രശ്നമാണോ... ഇതിന്നെക്കള്‍ പ്രശ്നം ഉള്ളവര്‍ ഇല്ലേ.... എന്നല്ലെ?? പക്ഷെ ഓരോര്‍ത്തര്‍ക്കും അവരവരുടെ problems അല്ലെ വലുത്....

അമ്മയോടോ മറ്റോ വല്ലതും പറഞ്ഞാ മറുപടി എന്താണെന്ന് അറിയാമോ...
" എടീ, അതൊക്കെ അങ്ങനാ.. എല്ലാ വീട്ടിലും ഇതൊക്കെ തന്നെയാ അവസ്ഥ....പിന്നെ adjust ചെയ്യ്തു അങ്ങ് പോകണം.. അല്ലാതെ ഇപ്പൊ എന്തോ ചെയ്യാനാ !!"

കൊള്ളാം !!! ഒരു കുഴപ്പവും ഇല്ലാതെ നടന്നിരുന്ന എന്റെ തലയില്‍ ഏതോ ഒരുതന്നെ വെച്ചു കെട്ടിയിട്ടു adjust ചെയയ്താ മതി പോലും... സിഗരറ്റ് വലിയുംമദ്യപാനവും മാത്രമല്ലെടെ ദുസീലങ്ങല്ല്... ഈ പറഞ്ഞതു എല്ലാം പെടും... സത്യം....എനിക്ക് മടുത്തു... പുറമേക്ക് കാണുന്നത് പോലെ അല്ല പല family life ഉം... പക്ഷെ...എന്ത് ചെയ്യാന്‍.. ഇതു കളഞ്ഞിട്ടു വീട്ടി ചെന്നാ അവരു തിരുച്ചു കൊണ്ടു വിടും....ഒരു കുഞ്ഞു ഉണ്ടായി പോയില്ലേ... അതിന്നെ നോക്കണ്ടേ... അതിന്നും മാത്രം ഉള്ള salary ഉം എനിക്കില്ല... അപ്പൊ പിന്നെ അവനെ depend ചെയ്യാതെ എങ്ങനെയാ ജീവിക്കുന്നതു....പുറമെ നിന്നു നോക്കുന്നവര്‍ക്ക് എന്താ... വലിയ വീട്, കാറ്, രണ്ടുപേര്‍ക്കും ജോലി, ഒരു കുഞ്ഞുണ്ട്... ഒരു കുഴപ്പവും ഇല്ലല്ലോ... ഇതേ അവസ്ഥ ഉള്ള വേറെ മൂന്ന് നാലു സ്ത്രീകല്ലെ എനിക്കറിയാം... വേറെ നിവര്‍ത്തി ഇല്ലാത്തതുകൊണ്ടു മാത്രം husband ഇന്റെ കൂടെ നില്‍ക്കുന്നവര്...

സത്യത്തില്‍ പെനുങ്ങല്ല്ക്കല്ല ... ആണുങ്ങളുടെ ആവശ്യം ... നേരെ മര്രിച്ചാ...അവരുടെ കാര്യങ്ങള്‍ നോക്കാനും അവര്ക്കു തലമുറ ഉണ്ടാക്കി കൊടുക്കാനും അവര്‍ക്കാ നമ്മുടെ അവശ്യം .. ഒരു പെന്നിന്നു കഴിയാന്‍ ഒരു ആണിന്റെ ഒരു ആവശ്യവും ഇല്ല... അല്ല ... അത് അവര്ക്കും അറിയാം... അത് കൊണ്ടാണല്ലോ നമ്മളെ അടക്കി ഭരിക്കാന്‍ നോക്കുന്നത് .....

എന്റെ പൊന്നു കൊച്ചെ... നിന്റെ തീരുമാനം തന്നെയാ നല്ലത്... കല്യാണംകഴിക്കുക്കയെ ചെയ്യരുത്... കഴിചില്ലെങ്ങി ഇല്ല എന്നെ ഉള്ളു ... കഴിച്ചു കഴിഞ്ഞുപിന്നെ ഇതു വേണ്ടിയിരുന്നില്ല .... എന്ന് തോന്നാന്നും ... ഒന്നും ചെയ്യാന്‍ പറ്റാത്ത അവസ്ഥയും എന്നിക്ക് നന്നായിട്ട് അറിയാം... സത്യം... വേണ്ടായിരുന്നു ... ആ !!ഇന്നി പറഞ്ഞിട്ട് കാര്യം ഇല്ല"....

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I think that says it all.. it's women like this who makes me happy and proud about my decision...

I know.. I know... after reading this post you will have lots of things to say to me... even as I conclude I know exactly what you have to say about this so called 'venture' of mine... but that's fine... everybody is entitled to their opinion....

And Finally ... Thank God I am Single !!!

Take care and cheers....

What happened to me in 2010 !!!

2010-12-26T21:24:00.001+05:30

Kids, when the year 2010 started I was in a rocky place (Sorry, for sounding like Bob Saget in ‘How I Met Your Mother’, but I really like his narrating style)..

Well, anyways, when the year 2010 started I was in a really bad place, as in, ‘I can’t take this anymore, I want to kill myself’ bad, yeah.. that’s right !!!

I was back in KFC, the one place on earth, I never wanted to go back.. I was working there for an year.. and then.. things got really bad for me.. so I quit… after an year of unemployment, I had to go back and ask them to give me my old job , because truly I didn’t have a choice… I thought… this is it.. I have hit the bottom of the rock… even thought about killing myself… but you know what.. things were just getting interesting… but later on that ..(see..again the Bob Saget thing)…

When the year started, the weather was changing in UK.. to the worst.. it was snowing in December… so by Jan the snow was melting to ice… it was horrible.. I was living at the top of a dead end road.. so everyday.. I had to walk down.. and I mean ..really down.. to go anywhere… normally it only takes me less than 5 mins to get down that hill.. but thanks to the ice.. it took me half an hour to get down… oh!! how sweet joy that was !!!... since I was working at that time… I had to go out of the house everyday.. dressed in layers… taking each step very carefully… somehow.. I managed to go and come back to wherever I want at that time… without falling down…

Weather changed.. new manager took charge at work… life was not so bad then… although I was depressed with the fact that I was not finding a job in my field… I got a couple of interviews.. eventhough I ‘preformed well’.. they just ‘decided to go the other way’.. whichever way that is…

Days passed… this new guy came to live at our house… the house I was living was a shared house.. it felt more like a hostel than a house as lots of people came and went and I stayed there for almost two years… I didn’t want to.. but again.. I didn’t have a choice.. anyways.. this guy was a wild one.. he didn’t really gel well with the herd which was present at that time… he created some problems with me… so I decided to move out of the house… started searching.. and searching some more… but nothing good came.. but that’s only because something better was on its way..

Summer came… As I wasted two of my summers .. one doing my dissertation and the other because of the unemployment thing.. I didn’t want to waste this summer.. so I decided to do some travelling.… so I went to Scotland as a b’day gift to myself… after three magical days of my life and more than 200 photographs later, I came back to reality.. and started house hunting… but as I was short of cash.. (because of all the travelling).. I couldn’t do anything on the matter.. as everyone started to ask both security deposit and one month rent in advance.. which came upto a good size amount.. that I couldn’t possibly afford at that moment.. so I decided to put my search onhold…

But this guy I was talking about was really starting to push my buttons.. it became unbearable to live with him under one roof.. it was either him or me.. as I am famous for running away from my problems.. I decided not to break the pattern and asked my colleague/friend to help me out.. and you know what.. she did.. she was living in a shared house with a live in landlord and she had a double room.. which she was willing to share with me.. so I moved in with her… I didn’t have to pay any advance and only had to pay half the rent compared to my previous place.. how come I didn’t do this earlier?? Then again.. everything happens when its time comes..

Going back to KFC, was one of the things I never wanted to do in my life… but now.. when I look back I am glad that I did.. because despite of the employment factor… the second time really worked out for me… I became good at the job.. got to meet and befriend some nice people… also met some really irritating and annoying people… who really managed their way to get under my skin… I evolved as a person.. developed some life skills (hence.. the everyday obsessive cleaning)... got the respect of some of my colleagues who thought I should stay and become a team leader.. but I was ready to jump out on the first bus I got… I cared about what I was doing there… I started to give it a cent percent effort… I proved myself that I am good at everything I do…

The summer was getting over… so I decided to visit India for a month.. because what I had in mind was.. my visa is going to expire in March… so if I apply for my visa in Feb and if it takes a long time to get processed .. like my room mate.. she gave her passport for processing like 2 years ago.. still hasn’t got it.. so I figured I will visit India now and come back before winter starts.. so even if it takes some time to get my passport back I wouldn’t regret it.. well.. have you heard the saying, ‘Man proposes and GOD disposes’… it is true !!!

By now.. I had the reputation of being one of the best staff in KFC… so I got my leave sanctioned.. booked my ticket .. went on a shopping spree… days before my departure I found out something about my bank account… it was empty.. only £35 left… I was shocked.. my jaws actually dropped… I mean.. this is the kind of thing you would expect to happen to someone other than yourself… I was in a bad place again… I needed money.. really bad… I didn’t wanted to do any overtime… I was exhausted as it is…. Besides… the rule is 'the more hours you work the more tax you pay'.. yeah.. that’s right !!!

Do you believe that when you are in absolute trouble, God sends someone to help you even if you think you have the situation totally under control ?? Well… I do… HE sent someone to help me at that critical moment of my life… it was none other than my room mate.. she offered to give me back my rent money and paid for some of my expenses till I left the country… I still owe her some money… which I will definitely pay her back…

So I packed my bags, came home and realised that I didn’t wanted to go back… I swear to GOD..if I had that file which contained my certificates I wouldn’t have gone back to UK.. true story…

After four weeks with my father.. I didn’t want to leave… everyone asked me to get a job here and stay and take care of my dad.. I told them .. “Well.. if nothing turns up until March, I will come back and stay”… guess again…

My holidays were getting over.. I was really sad to leave.. I felt like .. this home, the people and animals in it.. needs me… they need my love, my care, my attention and everything else I can offer them… and more than that... I need them too... then again… my inferiority complex got the best of it… I thought… who would want to be with a woman like me?? right.. I mean.. I am bad news as it is.... So I tried to ignore the fact that we need eachother… and prepared myself to get back to the Queen…

So I left home…reached the royals… had a bad experience with the immigration at the airport.. nothing much.. they were just plain rude… then again.. it is England.. rudeness is part of their culture.. joined back in the force.. one day later.. I realised.. this is not what I want to do with my life… I don’t want to stay here and do this anymore when I can live a much better life… so I called my father.. told him how I feel.. he asked me to come back… even offered to pay for my tickets… well.. frankly.. I was bankrupt.. remember… I was happy.. so I made a phone call to one of my old colleagues and asked her about any job vacancies.. even though there was a tiny hope in that area.. it all blew off really quickly…but that also happened for the better.. I told my boss that I am leaving for good… packed everything.. although I think I left my driving license there… hey.. what the heck.. I don’t drive anyways….

Within two weeks…. I was out of there… I am glad that I went back the second time… I got a chance to say proper goodbye to my friends… some of them even visited me at work … just to say bye… it was really nice of you guys to do that…

I left UK for good… reached home on the 18th of October… it was a Monday… really sick and tired of travelling… slept the whole day… was so happy to come back home … after 3 years of life revolting experiences.. I was back where I belong…

The very same day my father forced me to email my CV to an id his friend gave him… I did so… next day I got the interview call…. Long story short.. I joined in one of the finest schools in India the very next monday…

As the year is ending.. I am nothing but eternally grateful to everyone who helped me through my rough patches and stood by me when I was out there and all alone…

I have experienced GOD’s invisible hands lending me a lift whenever I needed it.. he appeared as the people who helped me to walk through the ice… as my neighbour who helped me to move into my new place… as my friend who gave me a home and helped me through my money crisis…

As a person I have changed a lot… I am not the same ‘rude, rough, says and does anything she wants without caring for others’ feelings girl’ anymore…. I am becoming a better person everyday… blessed with good people in my life…

I am back where I am supposed to be… and my purpose for this life is to take care of my home and my father… which I think is the greatest privilege for a woman like me… and I hope I will be able to do the honours with the little ability that I have…

Although this year started bad.. as it is ending.. here I am… back home…happily helping to take care of it… teasing my father… being as responsible and as childish as I possibly can.. working in a school as an English Teacher… and looking forward to the next year… making a bunch of resolutions…

I guess… that will be an entirely new post for you to read…

Take care and cheers…

ഒരു നടന്ന കഥ

2009-09-29T01:54:00.005+05:30

തിരുവനന്തപുരം നഗരത്തിലെ ഒരു upper middle class കുടുംബം ... അച്ഛന്‍ ഗള്‍ഫില്‍ ജോലി ചെയ്യുന്നു... അമ്മ house wife... മകന്‍ കേരളത്തിന്നു പുറത്തു എവിടെയോ പഠിക്കുന്നു... മകള്‍ പ്ലസ്‌ 1 ഇന്നു പഠിക്കുന്നു ...

ഈ കഥയില്‍ അമ്മയും മകളും ആണ് താരം ... മകളെ നമുക്കു തത്കാലം 'മിനി' എന്ന് വിളിക്കാം ...

മിനി നഗരത്തിലെ ഒരു പ്രശസ്ത സ്കൂള്‍ ആണ് പഠിക്കുന്നത് ... ക്ലാസ്സില്‍ ഫസ്റ്റ് ഒന്നും അല്ലെങ്ങില്ലും മിനി പഠിക്കാന്‍ അത്ര മോശക്കാരി ഒന്നും അല്ല...

മിനിയുടെ അമ്മ ഒരു ധാരാല്ലിയാണ് ... എത്ര പൈസ കിട്ടിയാല്ലും അത് എല്ലാം വളരെ പെട്ടെന്ന് തന്നെ തീരും... പക്ഷെ മിനി ഈ കാര്യത്തില്‍ ഒന്നും ഇടപെടാറില്ല .... അല്ല... ഇടപെടാന്‍ അമ്മ സമ്മതിക്കാര്രും ഇല്ല... മിനിയുടെ ചേട്ടന്‍ വല്ലപ്പോഴും വീട്ടില്‍ വരുമ്പോള്‍ അങ്ങനെ സംസാരിക്കാറ് കൂടിയില്ല... എപ്പോഴും മുറി അടിച്ചിട്ട് ഇരുപ്പാണ് ...

അമ്മക്ക് ഒരുപാടു friends ഉള്ളതായി മിനിക്ക് അറിയാം... അതില്‍ ആനുങല്ലും പെനുങ്ങല്ലും പെടും.. ഒരു സാധാരണ വീട്ടമ്മയെ പോലെ അല്ല മിനിയുടെ അമ്മയുടെ ജീവിതം... ആവശ്യത്തില്‍ കൂടുതല്‍ പണം ... മൊബൈല് ... കാര്‍ ... അങ്ങനെ ഒരുപാടു സൌകര്യത്തില്‍ ആണ് മിനിയുടെ അമ്മയുടെ ജീവിതം... ഉള്ളത് പറയണമല്ലോ .. മിനിയുടെ കാര്യത്തില്‍ അമ്മ ഒരിക്കല്ലും ഒരു കുറവും വരുത്തിയിരുന്നില്ല ....

അങ്ങനെ ഒരു ദിവസം മിനി അറിയുകയാണ് അമ്മക്ക് ഒരുപാടു കടങ്ങള്‍ ഉണ്ടെന്നു.. അച്ഛന്‍ അയക്കുന്ന പണം ധൂര്‍ത്ത് അടിക്കുന്നതിനെടയില്‍ അമ്മ വീടിന്റെ ആധാരം വരെ പണയം വെച്ചു എന്ന് ... എനിട്ട്‌ ആ കാശ് കൊണ്ടു അമ്മ എന്ത് ചെയ്യുത് എന്ന് മിനിക്ക് അറിയില്ല... അമ്മ ഒട്ടു പറയാന്‍ കൂട്ടാക്കിയും ഇല്ല... മൂന്ന് മാസം കൂടി കഴിഞ്ഞാല്‍ അച്ഛന്‍ ഗള്‍ഫില്‍ നിന്നു അവധിക്കു നാട്ടില്‍ വരും ... അതിന്നു മുമ്പ്‌ കടങ്ങള്‍ വീട്ടിയിലെന്കില്‍ ആകെ പ്രശ്നമാകും ... ഇതൊക്കെ അമ്മ ആരോടോ ഫോണില്‍ സംസാരിച്ചപ്പോള്‍ മിനി കേട്ടതാണ് ...

അങ്ങനെ ഒരു ദിവസം മിനി സ്കൂള്‍ വിട്ടു വന്നു... അന്ന് tuition ഉണ്ടായിരുന്നില്ല ... അത് കൊണ്ടു മിനി നേരത്തെ വീട്ടില്‍ എത്തി ... അമ്മ അടുക്കളയില്‍ ഉണ്ടായിരുന്നു ... മിനിയും അമ്മയുടെ കൂടെ അടുക്കളയില്‍ കൂടി ... അന്നത്തെ പത്രത്തില്‍ എന്തോ interesting ആയ വാര്ത്ത ഉണ്ടെന്നും ... മിനി അത് വായിക്കണം എന്നും അമ്മ പറഞ്ഞു... അമ്മയുടെ കന്നട മുറിയില്‍ ഇരിക്കുകയന്നെന്നും , ഒന്നു പോയി എടുത്തോണ്ട് വരാന്‍ മിനിയോട്‌ പറഞ്ഞു... മിനി അമ്മയുടെ മുറിയില്‍ കേറി കണ്ണടക്കു വേണ്ടി നോക്കിയപ്പോള്‍ മുറിയില്‍ ആരോ ഒരാള്‍ ഇരിക്കുന്നത് കണ്ടു ... പെട്ടെന്ന് മുറി പുറത്തു നിന്നു ആരോ പൂട്ടുകയും ചെയ്യുത് ... അത് സ്വന്തം അമ്മതന്നെ ആണെന്ന് തിരിച്ചറിയാന്‍ മിനിക്ക് കുറച്ചു second ഉക്കള്‍ വേണ്ടി വന്നു...

പിന്നീട് എന്ത് നടന്നു എന്ന് ഞാന്‍ പറയേണ്ടല്ലോ...

കുറച്ചു സമയം കഴിഞ്ഞു ആ മനുഷ്യന്‍ മുറിയില്‍ നിന്നും ഇറങ്ങി ... അമ്മയുടെ കൈയില്‍ ഒരു കെട്ട് നോട്ടു വെച്ചു കൊടുത്തു ....

മിനിയുടെ അമ്മ അവളുടെ അടുത്ത് ചെന്നിട്ടു പറഞ്ഞു , " അച്ഛനോടോ മറ്റു ആരോടെങ്ങില്ലുമോ ഇതു പറഞ്ഞാലുണ്ടല്ലോ ... നിന്നെയും കൊന്നു ഞാനും ചാവും "...

ആ പെണ്‍കുട്ടിയുടെ ജീവിതം ഇനി എന്തായി തീരും ?? ആ കുട്ടി ഇനി ഈ ജീവിതത്തില്‍ ആരെ വിശ്വസിക്കും ?? rape ചെയ്യ പെട്ട് എന്നതിന്നെക്കാള്‍ ഉപരി അവളുടെ മനസ്സില്‍ അവളുടെ അമ്മ ചെയയ്ത വിശ്വാസ വഞ്ചന ആയിരിക്കും കൂടുതല്‍ വേദനിപ്പിച്ചത് എന്ന് എടുത്തു പറയണ്ടല്ലോ ...

ഒരു പെണ്‍കുട്ടിയുടെ ജീവിതത്തില്‍ ഏറ്റവും വല്യ പങ്കു വഹിക്കുന്നത് അവളുടെ അമ്മ ആണ് ... ആ അമ്മ തന്നെ ഇങ്ങനെ ചെയ്യതാല്‍ എന്താ ചെയ്യുകയാ...

എല്ലാ അമ്മമ്മാരും ഇങ്ങനെ അല്ല കേട്ടോ... സ്വന്തം മക്കളുടെ ജീവനും മാനവും രക്ഷിക്കാന്‍ സ്വയം ബലി ആടാവുന്ന അമ്മമ്മാരും ഉണ്ട് ...

ഇനി മിനി ഒരു sex worker ആയി മാറിയാല്‍ അതില്‍ അതിശയിക്കാന്‍ ഒന്നുമില്ല.. വഴിയില്‍ എവിടെയെങ്ങില്ലും വെച്ചു 'വശപിശകായി ' ഒരു പെന്നിന്നെ കണ്ടാല്‍ ഓര്ക്കുക .. ആരുടെയോ വിശ്വാസ വഞ്ചനയുടെ ബാക്കി പത്രം ആണ് അവര്‍ എന്ന് ... അല്ലാതെ 'പോക്ക് കേസ് ' എന്ന് പറഞ്ഞു അവരെ എഴുതി തളരുത് ... അവര്ക്കും പറയാന്‍ കാണും ഇതു പോലെ ഒരു കഥ...

നമ്മുക്ക് ഇതു വെറും കഥ... പക്ഷെ ഇതു ഒരാളുടെ ജീവിതത്തില്‍ നടന്ന സംഭവം ആണ്...

സ്വര്‍ണവും മലയാളീ പെണ്ണുങ്ങളും

2009-09-23T12:39:00.002+05:30

From a forwarded email....

സ്വര്‍ണത്തിന്റെ വില റോക്കറ്റ് പോലെ കുതിച്ചു കയറുകയാണ് ദിനം പ്രതി. പാവപെട്ട രക്ഷിതാക്കള്‍ മകളുടെ സന്തോഷത്തിനു വേണ്ടി കിടപ്പാടം പണയം വെച്ചും വട്ടി പലിശ എടുത്തും കല്യാണം നടത്തി അവസാനം ഒരു മുഴം കയറിലോ കീടനാശിനിയിലോ ജീവിതം അവസ്സാനിപ്പിക്കുന്നു . ഉള്ള കിടപ്പാടം വട്ടിപലിശക്കാര്‍ കൊണ്ടുപോകുകയും ചെയ്യും. സ്വര്‍ണത്തിന്റെ വില താമസിയാതെ 14,000 കടക്കുവെന്നാണ് റിപ്പോര്‍ട്ടുകള്‍. സ്വര്‍ണ്ണം വാങ്ങുന്നതുകൊണ്ട് ആരാണ്, എന്താണ് നേടുന്നത് ?? ഒരു പെണ്‍കുട്ടിയുടെ കല്യാണത്തിന് 50 പവന്റെ സ്വര്‍ണ്ണം എടുക്കുമ്പോള്‍ ആറു ലക്ഷം രൂപ ആകുന്നു , കല്യാണം കഴിഞ്ഞു പത്തു ദിവസ്സമോ ഒരു മാസ്സം കഴിഞ്ഞോ വാങ്ങിയ കടയില്‍ കൊടുക്കുമ്പോള്‍ അവര്‍ തരുന്നത് അഞ്ചു ലക്ഷത്തി അമ്പതിനായിരം രൂപ മാത്രമാണ് . അതായത് കടക്കാരന് കിട്ടിയത് 50, 000 രൂപ. ഈ ആറു ലക്ഷം രൂപ സ്വര്‍ണ്ണം വാങ്ങുന്നതിന് പകരം ബാങ്കില്‍ നിക്ഷേപിച്ചിരുന്നു എങ്കില്‍ കുറഞ്ഞത് ആറായിരം രൂപ പലിശ കിട്ടിയേനെ. അതായതു 56,000 രൂപ ലാഭം. സ്വര്‍ണകടകള്‍ തടിച്ചു കൊഴുക്കുന്നു. ഒരു കട തുടങ്ങുന്നവന്‍ ഒരു വര്‍ഷത്തിനുള്ളില്‍ ഒന്‍പതു കടകള്‍ തുടങ്ങുന്നു. കേരളത്തിലെ പെണ്‍കുട്ടികള്‍ക്ക് ഒരു മിഥ്യ ധാരണയുണ്ട് അവര്‍ സ്വര്‍ണ്ണം ഇടുമ്പോള്‍ കൂടുതല്‍ സുന്ദരി ആകുവെന്നു. അത് വെറും തോന്നല്‍ മാത്രമാന്.

കല്യാണം കഴിക്കാന്‍ പോകുന്ന ചെറുപ്പക്കാര്‍ പറയുക, സ്വര്‍ണത്തിന് പകരം ആ പണം ബാങ്കില്‍ ഇട്ടാല്‍ മതിയെന്ന്. മാസ്സം ചെല്ലുതോറും അത് കൂടി കൂടി വരും, കള്ളന്മാരെയും പേടിക്കണ്ട.

സമുദായ നേതാന്ക്കന്മാര്‍ എന്തിനും ഏതിനും ജാതി പറയും. അത് അവരുടെ നിലനില്‍പ്പിന്റെ പ്രശ്നമാണ് . പക്ഷെ പാവപെട്ടവെന്റെ കാര്യത്തില്‍ മുഖം തിരിക്കും. അവര്‍ക്ക് ഈ കാര്യത്തില്‍ ചെയ്യാന്‍ ഒരു പാട് കാര്യങ്ങള്‍ ഉണ്ട്. പക്ഷെ ചെയ്യില്ല. തന്റെ സമുദായത്തിലെ കല്യാണത്തിന് സ്ത്രീധനവായി അഞ്ചു പവനില്‍ കൂടുതല്‍ കൊടുക്കരുത്‌ എന്ന് സര്കുലര്‍ ഇറക്കാന്‍ ഇവര്‍ക്ക് കഴിയും.

ഇതിനെ കുറിച്ച് വെള്ളാപ്പള്ളി:

"കേരളത്തിലും കര്‍ണാടകത്തിലും ആയി എനിക്ക് എട്ടു സ്വര്‍ണ്ണ കടകള്‍ ഉണ്ട്. കല്യാണത്തിന് അഞ്ചു പവനില്‍ കൂടുതല്‍ കൊടുക്കരുത്‌ എന്ന് ഞാന്‍ പറഞ്ഞാല്‍ എങ്ങനെ കച്ചവടം നടുക്കും?. മൈക്രോ ഫിനാന്‍സ് വഴി ഞാന്‍ ഈഴവ സമുദായത്തിലെ പാവപെട്ടവര്‍ക്ക് പണം കുറഞ്ഞ നിരക്കില്‍ കൊടുക്കുന്നുണ്ടല്ലോ. അത് വാങ്ങി അവര്‍ സ്വര്‍ണ്ണം വാങ്ങെട്ടെ. അല്ലാതെ ഈ പാവപെട്ട എന്റെ എട്ടു സ്വര്‍ണ്ണ കട എന്തിനാ അനിയാ പുട്ടിക്കുന്നത്".

നാരായണ പണിക്കര്‍:

"NSS ന്റെ ബോര്‍ഡ്‌ മെമ്പര്‍ മാര്‍ പലരും സ്വര്‍ണ്ണ കട നടത്തുന്നവര്‍ ആണ്. എന്നെ എതിരില്ലാതെ തിരെഞ്ഞുടുക്കന്നതും അവര്‍ ആണ്. അപ്പോള്‍ ഞാന്‍ അഞ്ചു പവനില്‍ കൂടുതല്‍ സ്ത്രീധനം കൊടുക്കരുത്‌ എന്ന് എങ്ങനെയാണ് സര്കുലര്‍ ഇറക്കുന്നത്‌. സ്ത്രീധനം കൊടുക്കാന്‍ നിവര്തിയില്ലാത്ത വീടിലെ പെണ്‍കുട്ടികളോട് ആരുടെ കൂടെ എങ്കിലും ഒളിച്ചോടാന്‍ പറ. അപ്പോള്‍ തീര്നില്ലേ കാര്യം. അല്ലാതെ സ്വര്‍ണ്ണ കടക്കാരന്റെ കഞ്ഞിയില്‍ മണ്ണ് വാരി ഇടാന്‍ ഞാന്‍ ഇല്ല".

സ്ത്രീധനം കൊടുക്കുന്നത് ഹറാമ് എന്നല്ലേ മുസ്ലിയാരെ പരിശുദ്ധ ഖുറാനില്‍ ‍പറഞ്ഞിരിക്കുന്നത്. അതുകൊണ്ട് നിങ്ങള്ക്ക് ഒരു തീരുമാനം എടുത്തുകൂടെ? . അതുപോലെ പുരുഷന്‍ കല്യാണ സമയത്ത് സ്ത്രീ ക്ക് കൊടുക്കന്നം എന്ന് അല്ലെ പരിശുദ്ധ ഖുറാനില്‍ പറഞ്ഞിട്ടുള്ളത്. സ്ത്രീക്ക് കൊടുത്തില്ലെങ്കിലും വേണ്ടില്ല നിക്കാഹ് സമയത്ത് അഞ്ചു പവനില്‍ കൂടുതല്‍ ആകരുത് എന്ന് പറഞ്ഞുകൂടെ?

മുസ്ലിയാര്‍:

"ഖുറാനില്‍ അങ്ങനെ ഒരുപാട് നല്ല കാര്യങ്ങള്‍ മാനവ രാശിയുടെ നല്ലതിന് വേണ്ടി പറഞ്ഞിട്ടുണ്ട്. അതുകൊണ്ട് ഞങ്ങള്‍ മഹല്ല് കമ്മറ്റിയുടെ തീരുമാനം കുറഞ്ഞത് നാല് കെട്ടാം എന്നുള്ളത് മാത്രം കര്‍ശനവായി നടപ്പാക്കിയാല്‍ മതിയെന്നാണ്. ബാക്കിയുള്ള കാര്യത്തില്‍ ഞമ്മള്‍ എന്തിനാ മോനെ തലയിടുന്നത്. സ്വര്‍ണ്ണ കട നടത്തി പത്തു പൈസ ഉണ്ടാക്കുന്നവെന്റെ കഞ്ഞിയില്‍ എന്തിനാ വെറുതെ മണ്ണ് വാരി ഇടുന്നത്‌. ഓന്‍ ജീവിച്ചു പൊക്കോട്ടെ. പണിക്കരു ചേട്ടന്‍ പറഞ്ഞ മാതിരി പാവപെട്ട പെണ്‍കുട്ടികള്‍ ആരുടെയെങ്കിലും കൂടെ ഒളിച്ചോടി പോട്ടെ. ഈ കാര്യത്തില്‍ മാത്രം ഞങ്ങള്‍ സമുദായ നേതാക്കന്‍ മാര്‍ ഒറ്റ കെട്ട. മോന്‍ പോകാന്‍ നോക്ക്. ഹിമാറ്".

അച്ചോ, ഈ കല്യാണ സമയത്ത് ഈ സ്വര്‍ണ്ണം വാരി കോരി ഇടുന്നത്‌ ഒന്ന് നിര്തലാകി കൂടെ?. അഞ്ചു പവനില്‍ കൂടുതല്‍ ഇടാന്‍ പാടില്ല എന്ന് ഒരു ഇടയ ലേഖനം ഇറക്കി പാവപെട്ട വീട്ടുകാരെ ഒന്ന് രക്ഷിചൂടെ??

അച്ഛന്‍:

"കേരളത്തില്‍ ഏറ്റവും കൂടുതല്‍ സ്വര്‍ണ്ണ കടയുള്ളത് നമ്മുടെ സമുദായത്തിന് ആണ്. അവര്‍ നല്ലയൊരു amount പള്ളിക്ക് തരുകയും ചെയ്യുന്നുണ്ട്. ഇടക്കിടെ ഓരോ പ്രാര്‍ത്ഥനയും നടത്തുന്നുണ്ട്. ആ അവരുടെ കട ഞാന്‍ അടപ്പിക്കണം അല്ലെ ?? പിശാചേ , ദൂരെ പോ. നിന്നെ ഇനി ഈ പള്ളി പരിസ്സരത് കണ്ടാല്‍ തട്ടാന്‍ ഞാന്‍ ഇടയലേഖനം ഇറക്കും. പാവപെട്ട വീട്ടിലെ സ്ത്രീധനം കൊടുക്കാന്‍ കഴിയാത്ത പെണ്‍കുട്ടികള്‍ക്ക് വേണ്ടിയാ, മറ്റൊരു സമുദായത്തിലും ഇല്ലാത്ത ഈ കന്യാസ്ത്രീ മഠം എന്ന ഒന്ന് കോടികള്‍ മുടക്കി പണിഞ്ഞു ഇട്ടിരിക്കുന്നത്. അതുകൊണ്ട് കന്യാസ്ത്രീ മഠത്തില്‍ ചേരാന്‍ പറ. അവര്‍ക്ക് ഒരു ഉപഹാരവും ആകും മടത്തിലെ അച്ഛനമാര്‍ക്കു ഒരു പലഹാരവും ആകും. കര്‍ത്താവെ, കോട്ടൂര്‍ അച്ഛനോട് പൊറുതാല്ലും ഈ വന്നവനോട്‌ പൊറുക്കല്ലേ ".

സുഹൃതക്കളെ, ഈ സമുദായ നേതാക്കന്മാര്‍ എന്ന, ജനങ്ങളെ ഊറ്റികുടിച്ചു വളരുന്ന ഇവരില്‍ നിന്നും നമ്മള്‍ നല്ലത് ഒന്നും നോക്കണ്ട. നിങ്ങള്‍ ചെയ്യണ്ടത്, കോളേജില്‍ ആണെങ്കില്‍ ഒരു ഒരു സ്വര്‍ണ രഹിത ക്യാമ്പസ്‌ ഉണ്ടാക്കാന്‍ ശ്രമിക്കുക. വളര്‍ന്നു വരുന്ന തലമുറയെങ്കിലും സ്വര്‍ണ്ണ ഉപയോഗത്തില്‍ നിന്നും ഒഴിഞ്ഞു നില്‍ക്കട്ടെ.

(അല്ല ... നിങ്ങളുടെ ഒക്കെ കല്യാണത്തിന്നു തന്നെ എത്ര പവന്റെ സ്വര്‍ണമാണ് വാങ്ങിയത് എന്ന് വല്ല ഓര്‍മയും ഉണ്ടോ ???) ....

Retirement after marriage

2009-09-13T16:55:00.013+05:30

പ്രത്യക്ഷത്തില്‍ എനിക്ക് ഈ സംഭവവുമായി ഒരു ബന്ധവും ഇല്ലെങ്ങില്ലും... ഒരു തരകെടില്ലാത്ത സിനിമ ആസ്വാദക എന്ന നിലക്ക് ഈ വിഷയത്തെ കുറിച്ചു ഒന്നു എഴുതികള്ളയാം എന്ന് വിചാരിച്ചു...

നമ്മുടെ സിനിമ നടികള്‍... സോറി...നായികാ നടികള്‍ വിവാഹത്തിന്നു ശേഷം സിനിമയില്‍ നിന്നു വിട്ടു നില്‍ക്കുന്നു എന്നും .... ഇതിനു എന്താന്ന് കാരണം എന്നും, വിവാഹത്തിന്നു ശേഷം തുടരാന്‍ കഴിയാത്ത വിധം മോശമായ ഒരു മേഘ്ഖലയാണോ സിനിമ എന്നും കുര്രച്ചു നാള്‍ മുമ്പ്‌ manoramaonline.com ഇല്‍ വായിക്കാന്‍ ഇടയായി...

സിനിമയുടെ ഉള്ളില്‍ എനിക്ക് പരിചയം ഒന്നുമില്ല .... സിനിമ കണ്ടും അതിന്നെ കുര്രിച്ചു മാസികകളില്‍ വായിച്ചും ഉള്ള അറിവേ എനിക്കുള്ളൂ... അതിന്റെ വെളിച്ചത്തില്‍ എനിക്ക് തോന്നിയ ചില കാര്യങള്‍ ഇവിടെ എഴുതുന്നു... ആദ്യമേ പറയട്ടെ.. ഇതു എനിക്ക് തോന്നുന്നതാന്നു... സത്യമാവാം അല്ലാതെയിര്രിക്കാം..

പണ്ടൊക്കെ ... (ഒരുപാടു പണ്ടോന്നുംമല്ല)... നാടകം ആയിര്രുന്നു കലരന്ഗത്ത് ഉയര്ര്‍ന്ന ഒരു പങ്കു വഹിച്ചിരുന്നത്... അതില്ലേക്ക് അഭിനയിക്കനയിട്ടു വന്നാന്നു നമ്മുടെ പല പ്രസസ്ഥ നടികളും പിന്നെ സിനിമയിലേക്ക് വന്നത്... അന്നൊക്കെ വളരെ കുറുച്ച് കുടുംബങല്ലേ നല്ല രീതിയില്‍ ജീവിചിര്രുന്നുല്ല്... അപ്പൊ... നാടകത്തില്‍ പോയാല്‍ നല്ല കാശ് കിട്ടും എന്നുള്ളത് കൊണ്ടു കൂട്ടത്തില്‍ കൊള്ളാവുന്ന കൊച്ചിനെ, അല്ലെങ്ങില്‍ പഠിക്കാന്‍ മണ്ടിയായവളെ , അതും അല്ലെങ്ങില്‍ അല്‍പ സ്വല്പം ഡാന്‍സും പാട്ടും അറിയാവുന്നവളെ നാടകത്തില്‍ വിടും... ഈ കൊച്ചു പോയി നാടകത്തില്‍ കളിച്ചു കിട്ടുന്ന കാശ് കൊണ്ടാണ് അതിന്റെ താഴെ ഉള്ള സഹോദരങ്ങളുടെ കാര്യം കൂടി നോക്കുന്നത്... ഉദാഹരണം: കെ പിഎ സി ലളിത ....

പിന്നെ... വേറെ ഒരു കൂട്ടരുണ്ട്.. അവര്‍ തലമുറകളായി കലാ പാരമ്പര്യം ഉള്ളവരാണ് .... അവര്‍ക്ക് ഈ തൊഴില്‍ അല്ലാതെ വേറെ ഒന്നും അറിയില്ല... ഫാമിലി ബിസിനസ്സ് എന്നൊക്കെ പറയില്ലേ... അത് പോലെ... ഉദാഹരണം: സുകുമാരി... ശ്രീവിദ്യ ...

അങ്ങനെ സിനിമ വന്നപ്പോ നാടകത്തിന്റെ ചുക്കാന്‍ പിടച്ചവര്‍ തന്നെ അതും ഏറ്റെടുത്ത്... എന്നിട്ട് നേരത്തെ നാടകത്തില്‍ ഉണ്ടായിര്രുന്ന നടികളെയും അതില്‍ ഉള്‍പെടുത്തി...

അത് കഴിഞ്ഞും ഇതു പോലെ കുടുംബം നോക്കാനായി പല പെന്ന്പില്ലെര്രും സിനിമയില്‍ വന്നു... വെള്ളിവെളിച്ചം കണ്ടവര്‍ അതില്‍ വളരെ ചുരുക്കം ആണ്... കുറച്ചു സമയം കൊണ്ടു ഒരുപാടു കാശ് ഉണ്ടാക്കാന്‍ പറ്റിയ ഒരു സ്ഥലമാണല്ലോ... പുറമെ നിന്നു നോക്കുമ്പോ വലിയ അധ്വാനം ഉള്ള ജോലിയായി തോന്നതുമില്ല .... അത് തന്നെ ഒരുപാടു പേരെ ആകര്‍ഷിച്ചു കാണണം... പ്രേതെഗിച്ചു മാതപിതാകളെ... ലേഖയുടെ മരണം ഒരു ഫ്ലാഷ് ബാക്ക് എന്ന സിനിമ ഒര്ര്‍ക്കുന്നില്ലേ ...

(ഒന്നാലോചിച്ചു നോക്ക്... സിനിമയില്‍ അഭിനയിക്കന്നായി മാത്രം കേരളത്തിന്റെ ഏതോ ഒരു മൂലയ്ക്ക് നിന്നും തീവണ്ടി കേറി മദിരാശിയില്‍ എത്തി ജീവിതം നഷ്ടപെട്ട എത്ര പേര്‍ ഉണ്ടാവും... അവരൊക്കെ ഇപ്പൊ എവിടെ എന്ത് ചെയ്യുകയാവും... )

അവര്‍കൊക്കെ സിനിമ അവരുടെ അന്നം ആയിര്രുന്നു... അത് കൊണ്ടു തന്നെ പെട്ടന്ന് വിട്ടിട്ടു പോകുക എന്ന ചിന്ത മിക്കവരുടെയും മനസ്സില്‍ ഉണ്ടായിര്രിന്നിര്രിക്കില്ല... ഷീലയുടെ ഒരു ഇന്റര്‍വ്യൂ യില്‍ കേട്ടത്... അവര്‍ സിനിമയില്‍ വന്നത് കൊണ്ടാണ് അവരുടെ ഇളയ സഹോദരകളുടെ പഠിപ്പും വിവാഹവും ഒക്കെ നടന്നനെതെന്നു... ഇതു പോലെ തന്നെ ആയിര്രുന്നു ജയഭരതിയുടെയും സീമയുടെയും ഒക്കെ കാര്യം... അത് കൊണ്ടാണ് കല്യാണം കഴിഞ്ഞിട്ടും കുട്ടികള്‍ ആയിട്ടും അവരൊക്കെ സിനിമയില്‍ തന്നെ തുടര്നത് .....അത് കൊണ്ടു തന്നെ ആണ് അവര്‍ക്ക് പല compromise ഉം ചെയ്യേണ്ടി വന്നതും...

മുഴു ഗര്‍ഭിണി ആയിര്രുന്നപോള്‍ പോലും സീമ അഭിനയിചിര്രുന്നു...

പിന്നെ പിന്നെ... നായികമാര്‍ വന്നത്... ഏതെങ്കിലും ഒരു function ന്ന് പോകുമോ, അല്ലെങ്ങില്‍ പരിച്ചയകാര്‍ ആരെങ്ങില്ലും പറഞ്ഞറിഞ്ഞു .... അങ്ങനെ ആണ് സിനിമ രംഗത്തുള്ളവര്‍ നായിക്കമാര്രെ കണ്ടെതുനത് ... എല്ലാവരും ഒരു വിധം നല്ല ധനസ്ഥിതി ഉള്ളവര്‍ ആയിര്രിക്കും... പണ്ടത്തെ പോലെ ഇപ്പൊഒരു വീട്ടില്‍ ഏഴും എട്ടും പിള്ളേര്‍ ഒന്നും ഇല്ലല്ലോ... ഒരു അനിയന്നോ അനിയത്തിയോ കാണും... അവരുടെ കാര്യം നോക്കേണ്ട ബാധ്യത ഒന്നും ഇവര്‍ക്കില്ല... അപ്പൊ ...എവിടേക്കോ പോകുന്ന വഴി ഒന്നു കേറിയിട്ട് പോകുനത് പോലെ ആണ് ഇപ്പോഴത്തെ സിനിമ അഭിനയം... മിക്കവാറും പഠിച്ചു കൊണ്ടു ഇര്രിക്കുന്നവര്‍ ആയിര്രിക്കും... അല്ലെങ്ങില്‍ തന്നെ 50 വയസ്സായ നായകന് 18 വയസ്സായ നായികയെ ആന്നല്ലോ പഥ്യം.... പഠിച്ചു കൊണ്ടു ഇര്രികുന്ന കൊച്ചിനെ കൊണ്ടു വന്നു നാലോ അഞ്ചോ വര്ഷം അഭിനയിപ്പിക്കും... അപ്പോഴേക്കും അതിന്നു 'കല്യാണ പ്രായമാവും'... പിന്നെ... നമ്മുടെ നാട്ടുക്കാര്‍ അല്ലെ... കുത്തി കുത്തി ചോദിച്ചു കൊണ്ടിര്രിക്കും... അങ്ങനെ വിതെശത്ത് ജോലി ഉള്ള ഏതെങ്കിലും ഡോക്ടറോ എന്ചിനീരോ വന്നു കെട്ടി കൊണ്ടു പോകും... അല്ലെങ്ങില്‍ കൂടെ അഭിനയിച്ച ഒരുത്തന്റെ കെട്ടും.... പിന്നെ... പൊടി പോലും ഇല്ല കണ്ടു പിടിക്കാന്‍... അങ്ങനെ പഠിത്തവും പോയി.. സിനിമയും പോയി... ഇനി ഈ ബന്ധം എങ്ങാനും fail ആയാലോ... പിന്നെ കൊച്ചിന്റെ കാര്യം ഗോപി...

നേരെ ചൊവേ എന്ന പരിപാടി അവതരിപ്പിക്കുന്ന ചേട്ടന്റെ സ്ഥിരം ചോദ്യമാണ്... manju warrior എന്ത് കൊണ്ടു സിനിമ വിട്ടു പോയി... ഏത് നടി ഷോയില്‍ പങ്കെടുക്കാന്‍ വന്നാലും ഇതു തന്നെ ചോദ്യം... ഹേ ... മനുഷ്യാ... ഈ manju warrior എന്ന് പറയുന്ന പെന്ന്കുട്ടിയെ ആര്രും നിര്‍ബന്ധിച്ചും, ഭീഷിനിപെടുതിയും കല്യാണം കഴിച്ചതോ കഴിപ്പിച്ചതോ അല്ല... അത് സ്വന്ത ഇഷ്ട പ്രകാരം ഇറങ്ങി പോയതാണ്... ഈ സംഭവം നടന്നിട്ട് ഇപ്പൊ 10 വര്ഷം കഴിഞ്ഞില്ലേ ... ഇനി എന്കില്ലും അതിനെ വെറുതെ വിട്...

അടുത്ത് അറിഞ്ഞ ഒരു കാര്യം... (ഇതു നടക്കാന്‍ തുടങിയിട്ട് കുറെ നാളായി ... ഞാന്‍ അറിഞ്ഞത് കുറച്ചു നാള്‍ മുന്ബാന്നനെ ഉള്ളു)... ഒരു സിനിമയുടെ കഥ ഉണ്ടാവുമ്പോള്‍ തിരകഥ എഴുതുന്നു ആള്‍ ആദ്യം ഒരു നടനെയോ നിര്മാതാവിനെയോ സമീപിക്കും... എന്നിട്ട് ആ discussion ഇല്‍ വെച്ചിടാന്നു ആര് സംവിധാനം ചെയ്യണം, ആര് സംഗീത സംവിധാനം ചെയ്യണം, വില്ലന്‍ ആര് , നായികാ ആര്, എന്നൊക്കെ തീരുമാനിക്കുന്നത് .... കാരണം... നമ്മുടെ എല്ലാ സിനിമയും നായക പ്രാധാന്യം ഉള്ള സിനിമകള്‍ ആണ്.. അപ്പൊ നായകന്‍ പര്രയുകയാന്നു .... "നമുക്കു പുതിയ ഒരു കുട്ടിയെ കൊണ്ടു ഈ കഥാപാത്രം ചെയ്യിക്കാം".. എന്ന് ... മറ്റുള്ളവര്‍ക്ക് അത് സമ്മതിക്കുകയെ തരമുള്ളൂ... കാരണം ആ നായകന്റെ date ആണ് മുഖ്യം... നായികാ ആരായാല്‍ എന്താ.. നായിക്കക്ക് അല്ലെങ്ങില്ലും വലിയ റോളൊന്നും ഇല്ലല്ലോ... 3 song ഉം 20 scenes ഉം .. അതിന്നു അല്ലെങ്ങില്ലും new face തന്നെയാ നല്ലതെന്ന്....

നേരെ ചോവെയില്‍ തന്നെ വിക്രം പറഞ്ഞതു കേട്ടില്ലേ... ഒരു നായികയുടെ ഫിലിം കരീയര്‍ കൂടി പോയ 5 വര്ഷം... പക്ഷെ നായകന്റെത് 20-25 years ആണ്....

ഒരിടക്ക് കാവ്യാ മാധവന്‍ എവിടെ ചെന്നാല്ലും ആളുകള്‍ ചോദിക്കും ആയിര്രുന്നു പോലും "കല്യാണം ഒന്നും ആയില്ലേ??" എന്ന് ... ഇപ്പൊ എല്ലാവര്ക്കും തൃപ്തി ആയല്ലോ... (പറഞ്ഞതു പോലെ അത് എന്തോ ആയി... പിന്നെ അതിനേ കുറിച്ചു ഒന്നും കേട്ടില്ലല്ലോ... compromise ആയോ ??)

ദിവ്യ ഉണ്ണിയെ ഓര്‍മയില്ലേ... പുള്ളിക്കാരി കല്യാണം കഴിഞ്ഞു കുറച്ചു നാള്‍ കഴിയുനതിന്നു മുന്പേ ഒരു സീരിയലില്‍ അഭിനയിക്കാന്‍ വേണ്ടി വന്നു... എന്റെ വീട്ടില്‍ ഉള്ളവര്‍ തന്നെ പറഞ്ഞതു എന്താന്നെന്നു അറിയണോ ?? "ഇതിനൊക്കെ കല്യാണം കഴിഞ്ഞാലും വീട്ടില്‍ എന്ങാന്നും ഇര്രുന്നാ പോരെ?? പിന്നെയും എന്തിനാ ഇങ്ങനെ ഇറങ്ങി നടക്കുന്നത് എന്ന് ??".. ചിലപ്പോ ഇതൊന്നും കേള്‍ക്കാന്‍ തല്പരിയം ഇല്ലാത്തതു കൊണ്ടയിര്രിക്കും manju warrior എല്ലാം മതിയാക്കി പോയത്... അല്ലെങ്ങില്‍ തന്നെ അവര്‍ ഇനി തിരിച്ചു വന്നു എന്നിര്രിക്കട്ടെ... ഏത് തരം റോള്‍ ആയിര്രിക്കും അവര്ക്കു കൊടുക്കുക... മോഹന്‍ലാലിന്‍റെ ചേട്ടത്തി ആയിട്ടോ... അല്ല... നമ്മുടെ നാട്ടുക്കാര്‍ അല്ലെ... അവര്‍ അതും സമ്മതിച്ചു കൊടുക്കും...

കല്യാണം കഴിച്ചതിനു ശേഷം സിനിമയില്‍ സജീവമായി തുടരുന്ന ജ്യോതിര്‍മയിയെ എനിക്കിഷ്ടമാണ്... കാരണം... ആര് എന്തൊക്കെ പറഞ്ഞിട്ടും അവര്‍ ഇപ്പോഴും ഈ ഫീല്‍ഡില്‍ തന്നെ ഉണ്ട്... അവരുടെ ഒരു ഇന്റര്‍വ്യൂ ഇന്റെ ഹെഡ് ലൈന്‍ ഇങ്ങനേ ആയിര്രുന്നു... "കല്യാണം കഴിക്കുന്നത്‌ കുറ്റം ആണോ ??"... കാരണം... കല്യാണം കഴിച്ചതിനു ശേഷം സിനിമയില്‍ തുടരുന്നത് എന്തിന്നാന്നെന്നു അവരോട് പലരും ചോധിക്കര്ര്‍ ഉണ്ടത്രേ.. വിവാഹം കഴിച്ചത് കൊണ്ടു ഇനി കക്ഷി അഭിനയിക്കില്ല എന്ന് കരുതി പല അവസരങ്ങളും നഷ്ടമായിട്ടുണ്ട് പോലും...

എന്ത് കാരണം കൊണ്ടാനെങില്ലും കല്യാണം കഴിക്കാതെ കലയെ ജീവിതമാക്കിയ ശോഭനയെ ഞാന്‍ ആരാധിക്കുന്നു...

ഇതൊക്കെ എത്ര പേര്ക്ക് കഴിയും...

അപ്പൊ കല്യാണം കഴിച്ചിട്ടും സിനിമയില്‍ തുന്ടരുന്ന ഒരു ജ്യോതിര്‍മയി നമുക്കുണ്ട്... കല്യാണം കഴിക്കാതെ സിനിമയില്‍ ഉള്ള ശോഭനയും ഉണ്ട്... എന്നിട്ടും അവര്‍ ഒരു വര്ഷം എത്ര മലയാളം സിനിമയില്‍ അഭിനയിക്കാരുണ്ട്... അവരുടെ പ്രായതിന്നു പറ്റുന്ന എത്ര കഥകള്‍ ഉണ്ട് ഇവിടെ...

അപ്പൊ ഇതൊന്നും അല്ല കാര്യം... സിനിമയ്ക്കു അകത്തു തന്നെ നടക്കുന്ന പൊളിറ്റിക്സ് ആണ് ഇതിനെല്ലാം കാരണം.... നായകന്മാര്‍ക്കും എന്നും ചെര്രുപ്പമായി ഇരിക്കണം... അതിന്നു ചെറുപ്പക്കാരികളായ നായികമാര്‍ വേണം...

പിന്നെ... വേറെ ഒരു കാര്യം എന്നിക്ക് തോന്നുന്നത്... കുറച്ചു നാള്‍ കഴിയുമ്പോ മടുപ്പ് തോന്നുന്ന ഒരു ഫീല്‍ഡ് ആവാം സിനിമ എന്നാന്നു... പുറമെ കാണുന്നത് പോലെ അത്രയ്ക്ക് സുന്ദരമല്ല അതിനകം... ഷൂട്ടിംഗ് കണ്ടിട്ടുന്ടെഗില്‍ അത് മനസിലാവും.. പിന്നെ... ഈ make up, touch up, start, action, camera, യാത്രകള്‍, എന്നും ഷൂട്ടിംഗ്, ഡാന്‍സ് റിഹേഴ്സല്‍, ഫോട്ടോ ഷൂട്ട്‌ , ഇന്റര്‍വ്യൂ കൊടുക്കല്‍, കൂടെ വര്‍ക്കിംഗ്‌ ചെയ്യുന്ന ചില വശലന്മാരിള്ളില്‍ നിന്നുമുള്ള രക്ഷപെടല്ലുകള്‍, ഫാന്‍സിന്റെ ശല്യം, പിന്നെ അതും പോരാഞ്ഞ് അപവാധങ്ങല്ലും കേള്കണം.... അപ്പൊ ഒരു നായിക്കക്ക് സ്വാഭാവികമായും തോന്നാം... "എനിക്ക് ഇതിന്റെ വല്ല ആവശ്യവും ഉണ്ടോ... ഇങ്ങനേ കഥാപാത്രമായി ജീവിക്കണോ... എനിക്കും ഒരു യഥാര്‍ഥ ജീവിതം വേണ്ടേ "... എന്ന്... അങ്ങനെ മടുത്തിട്ട് സ്ഥലം വിടുന്നവര്രും ഉണ്ടാവാം...

ഇവിടെ നായികമാര്‍ക്കല്ല ... നല്ല കഥയ്ക്കും നായകന്മാര്‍ക്കും ആണ് ദാരിദ്ര്യം ... മലയാള സിനിമ ഇപ്പോഴും നാല്പതു കഴിഞ്ഞ നായകന്മാരുടെ കൈയില്‍ അല്ലെ... ഇരുപത്തഞ്ചു കഴിഞ്ഞ നായികമാരെ കേരളീയര്ര്‍ക്ക് പുച്ച്ചമാനാല്ലോ .......

നായകന്മാര്‍ക്ക് സിനിമ അവരുടെ തൊഴില്‍ ആണ്... നായികമാര്‍ക്ക് അത് ഒരു നേരം പോക്കും... അല്ലെങ്ങില്‍ അങ്ങനെ ആക്കിയെടുക്കും നമ്മുടെ ജനം... എന്താ ഞാന്‍ പറഞ്ഞതു ശേരിയല്ലേ....

ഒറ്റയ്ക്കുള്ള ജീവിതം

2009-09-10T18:06:00.009+05:30

കുറച്ചു വര്‍ഷങ്ങള്‍ക്ക് മുബാന്നു... മനോരമയുടെ സണ്‍‌ഡേ സപ്ലിമെന്റില്‍ ഒരു ആര്‍ട്ടിക്കിള്‍ കണ്ടു... സുഹൃത്തിന്റെ ഫ്ലാറ്റില്‍ വാടകയ്ക്ക് തനിച്ചു താമസിക്കുന്ന ഒരു ഗവേഷണ വിദ്യാര്ധിനി എഴുതിയതായിരുന്നു അത്.... അവര്‍ തനിച്ചു താമസിക്കുന്നത് കൊണ്ടു ആ building ഇല്ലേ സെക്യൂരിറ്റി അടക്കം എല്ലാവരും അവരെ ഒറ്റപെടുതുകയും, അനാവശ്യം പറയുകയും, അപവാദം പരത്തുകയും ചെയ്യുന്നു എന്നായിരുന്നു അത്... അവരുടെ അവിടുത്തെ ജീവിതം ബുദ്ധിമുട്ടില്‍ ആക്കാന്‍ അവിടെ അടുത്തുള്ള ഫ്ലാറ്റില്‍ ഉള്ളവര്‍ ശ്രെമിക്കുകയും ചെയ്യുന്നു എന്ന് എഴുതി കണ്ടു...അവരുടെ അച്ഛന്നു പോലും അവരെ വന്നു കാണാന്‍ പറ്റാത്ത അവസ്ഥയായി... പക്ഷെ അവര്‍ വീണ്ടും ധൈര്യപൂര്‍വ്വം അവിടെ താമസം തുടരുന്നു എന്നും എഴുതി കാണിച്ചു .... (ഇപ്പൊ അവര്‍ എവിടെയുണ്ടാന്നോ എങ്ങനെ കഴിയുന്നു വെന്നോ അറിഞ്ഞൂടാ......)

"എന്തിനാ ഇങ്ങനെ ഒറ്റയ്ക്ക് താമസിക്കുന്നത്?? ഒന്നുകില്‍ കൂട്ടിന്നു ആരെയെങ്ങില്ലും നിര്‍ത്തണം ?? അല്ലെങ്ങില്‍ ഒരു വീടെടുത്ത് കുറച്ചു പെണ്‍കുട്ടികളുമായി വാടക ഷെയര്‍ ചെയ്യ്തു താമസിക്കണം?? അല്ലാതെ ഇതു പോലെ അല്ല കല്യാണം കഴിക്കാത്ത ഒരു പെണ്ണ് താമസിക്കേണ്ടത് ?? " ഇതായിരുന്നത്രേ അവരുടെ വാദം.....

ഇത്രയ്ക്കു അധഃപഥിച്ച ഒരു നാടാന്നോ കേരളം?? ഒരു സ്ത്രീക്ക് തനിച്ചു താമസിക്കണം എന്നുന്ടെങ്ങില്‍ അതിന് മറ്റുള്ളവര്‍ക്ക് എന്താ ചേതം?? ഒറ്റക്ക് ജീവിക്കാന്‍ ആഗ്രഹിക്കുന്ന സ്ത്രീകള്‍ക്ക് ജീവിക്കാന്‍ പറ്റാത്ത തരംതാഴ്ന്ന നാടാന്നോ നമ്മുടെ GOD'S OWN COUNTRY ??

വിവാഹം കഴിച്ചിട്ടില്ലാത്ത അഥവാ കഴിക്കാന്‍ ആഗ്രഹമില്ലാത്ത, അല്ലെങ്ങില്‍ ഭര്ത്താവ് മരിച്ച, ഉപേക്ഷിച്ചു പോയ, ജീവിതത്തില്‍ ഒറ്റപെട്ടു പോയ, ഇനി ഇതൊന്നും അല്ല, ഒറ്റയ്ക്ക് ജീവിക്കണം എന്ന്‍ ആഗ്രഹിക്കുന്ന (എന്നെ പോലെയുള്ള) സ്ത്രീകള്‍ക്ക് പറ്റിയ നാടല്ല കേരളം എന്നുണ്ടോ??

അശ്ലീലം കലര്ന്ന ഫോണ്‍ വിളികളും, ചൂളം അടിയും, കൂടെ ജോലി ചെയ്യുന്നവരുടെ ദ്വയാര്‍ത്ഥ സംസാരങ്ങളും, അയ്യലതുകാരുടെ അവഗണനയും പരിഹാസവും ... ഇതിന്റെ ഒക്കെ അവശ്യം ഉണ്ടോ... ഒരാള്‍ അയാളുടെ ഇഷ്ടത്തിന് ആരെയും ദ്രോഹിക്കാതെ ജീവിക്കാന്‍ ആഗ്രഹിച്ചാല്‍ അയാളോട് ഈ രീതിയില്‍ ആണോ പെരുമാറേണ്ടത്..

നേരത്തെ ആര്‍ട്ടിക്കിള്‍ എഴുതി എന്ന് പര്രയപെടുന്ന സ്ത്രീ എഴുതിയത് ... ആ ഫ്ലാറ്റില്‍ ഉണ്ടായിരുന്ന മറ്റു സ്ത്രീകളുടെ പെരുമാറ്റം ആണ് തീരെ സഹിക്കാന്‍ പറ്റാത്തത് എന്നാണ് .. സ്ത്രീകള്‍ തന്നെയാണ് സ്ത്രീകളുടെ ശത്രു എന്ന് പറയുന്നതു വെറുതെ അല്ല...

ഇനി തന്ന്റെ ഭര്‍ത്താവോ മകനോ ആ സ്ത്രീയുടെ കൂടെ പോയാല്ലോ എന്ന ഭയമാവാം .... അല്ലെങ്ങില്‍ തന്റെ മകള്‍ അവരെ കണ്ടു പഠിച്ചു 'എനിക്കും ഒറ്റയ്ക്ക് ജീവിക്കണം' എന്ന് പറഞ്ഞു വീട്ടില്‍ നിന്നു പോയാല്ലോ എന്ന പേടിയാവാം... അതോ തനിക്ക് ജീവിതത്തില്‍ ഒരിക്കലും പറ്റാത്തത് മറ്റൊരു പെണ്ണ് ചെയ്യ്തു വിജൈപ്പിക്കുന്നത് കാണുന്പോള്‍ ഉള്ള നീരസമോ...

എന്‍റെ ചില സുഹൃത്തുകളോട് ഞാന്‍ ഈ കാരിയം ചര്ച്ച ചെയ്തപോല്‍ കിട്ടിയ ചില points ഇതാണ് ...

" നമ്മുടെ നാട്ടില്‍ ഒരു ഗള്ഫ് കാരന്റെ ഭാര്യ അവരുടെ കുട്ടിക്കല്ലുമായി ഒരു വീട്ടില്‍ താമസിക്കുയാന്നെകില്‍ പോലും അയ്യലതുള്ളവര്‍ക്ക് ഉറക്കം കാണില്ല... ആരൊക്കെയാ അവിടെ വരുന്നേ... ഈ സ്ത്രീ എന്ഗോടോക്കെയാ പോകുന്നെ... അങ്ങനെ തുടങി എല്ലാം അവര്ക്കു അറിയണം... പിന്നെ ഞരമ്പ്‌ രോഗികളുടെ ഫോണ്‍ വിളികളും സഹിക്കണം... കാരണം.. ഭര്ത്താവ് കൂടെയില്ലാത്ത സ്ത്രീയല്ലേ.... ഏത് !!! ഇനി ഇതിനെ ചൊല്ലി ഗള്ഫ് കാരന്റെ ഭാര്യ എന്തെങ്ങില്ലും പറഞ്ഞാല്ലോ.... പിന്നെ അവര് മോശകാരിയായി... പരപുരുഷ ബന്ധം ഉള്ളവളായി... ഗാന്ധിനഗര്‍ 2nd സ്ട്രീടില്ലേ സീമയുടെ കാരിയം പോലെ"...

"ഒറ്റയ്ക്ക് താമസിക്കുന്ന സ്ത്രീകള്‍ എല്ലാം മറ്റേ പണിക്കു താമസ്സിക്കുന്നവര്‍ ennannu പൊതുവെ ഉള്ള ധാരണ ... അത് kondanu സദാചാര മോഹികളായ നാട്ടുകാര്‍ ആ പെന്നിന്നെ ഇടവും വലവും തിരിയാന്‍ sammathikkathe ... എന്ന് vecha ഇവരാരും ഇങ്ങനെയൊന്നും ചിന്തക്കാതെ പച്ചവെള്ളം ചവച്ചിറക്കി കഴിയുകയല്ലേ... ഇവിടെ sex racket ഉം പെണ്‍ വാന്നിഭാവും ഒന്നും ഇല്ലല്ലോ... ഇനി ഈ പെണ്ണആയിട്ടു തുടങി വെചാല്ലോ ".....

"ഒരു വീട്ടില്‍ ഒരു സ്ത്രീ ഒറ്റയ്ക്ക് താമസിക്കുന്നു യെന്നിര്രിക്കട്ടെ ... ഏതെങ്കിലും ഒരു സാമൂഹ്യ വിരുദ്ധന്‍ ഏതെങ്കിലും ഒരു രാത്രി ആ വീടിന്റെ മതില്‍ എടുത്തു ചാടും... പിടിക്കപെട്ടു എന്ന് വെച്ചോ... അയ്യലതുള്ളവര്‍ ഓടി കൂടുമ്പോ അവന്‍ പറയും... ഈ പെണ്ണ് വിളിച്ചിട്ടാ അവന്‍ വന്നതെന്ന്... തീര്‍ന്നേ കാരിയം... പിന്നെ.. ആ പെണ്ണ് ജീവിച്ചിര്രുന്നിട്ട് കാരിയം ഉണ്ടോ... ജീവിക്കാന്‍ അവിടെ ഉള്ളവര്‍ സമ്മതിക്കുംമോ... ചിലപ്പോ ഈ കാരിയം പത്രത്തില്‍ വര്രെ വരും... ഇനി പോലീസ് വന്നു എന്ന് വെച്ചോ... അവര് എന്ത് പറയും.... " കല്യാണം കഴിക്കാതെ ജീവിച്ചാ ഇങ്ങനെ പലതും സംഭവിക്കും... ഇതോന്നും മോള്‍ക്ക്‌ ആരും പറഞ്ഞു തന്നില്ലേ.." എന്ന്... ഇനി ഈ ചാടിയവനെ ആരും പിടിച്ചില്ല എന്ന് വെയിക്ക്... അവന്റെ കാരിയം കുശാല്‍.... ആ പെനിന്നു ഒന്നും ചെയ്യാന്‍ പറ്റില്ല.... കാരണം ശാരീരിക ബലം എപ്പോഴും ആനിനാന്നെ കൂടുതല്‍...."

"നമ്മുടെ നാട്ടില്‍ എപ്പോഴും സ്ത്രീകളെ പുരുഷന്മാരുമായി associate ചെയ്തെ കാണാറുള്ളു... അവളുടെ ജീവിതത്തില്‍ ഏതെങ്കിലും റോളില്‍ ഒരു പുരുഷന്‍ വേണം... അച്ഛന്റെ കൂടെ കുറച്ചു നാള്‍.. അത് കഴിഞ്ഞു പിന്നെ ഭര്‍ത്താവിന്റെ കൂടെ.... പിന്നെ മകനോ മകളോ സവ്കരിയപൂര്വം അങ്ങോട്ടും ഇങ്ങോട്ടും shuffle ചെയ്യ്തു കളിക്കും... പിന്നെ.. ഡിം .... ഒരു പുരുഷന്‍ ജീവിതത്തില്‍ ഇല്ലാത്ത സ്ത്രീ .. സ്ത്രീ അല്ല... അവള്‍ അപമാനമാണ് ... അങ്ങനെ ഒരന്നെതിന്നെ എങ്ങനെ വെചോണ്ടിര്രിക്കും ... അപ്പൊ എങ്ങനെ യെങ്ങില്ലും കല്യാണം കഴിക്കണം... അല്ലെങ്ങില്‍ ഏതെങ്കിലും ഹോസ്റ്ലെഇല്‍ താമസിക്കണം...അല്ലങ്ങില്‍ നാടു വിടണം.. അതും അല്ലെങ്ങില്‍ suicide ചെയ്യണം... ഇതല്ലാതെ മറ്റൊരു option നെ കുറിച്ചു ചിന്തിക്കുക്കയെ വേണ്ട, കാരണം അങ്ങനെ ഒരു option നമ്മുടെ നാട്ടുക്കാര്‍ സമ്മതിച്ചു തരില്ല "...

ഒറ്റക്കാണെന്നു പറഞ്ഞാല്‍ ആരും വീട് വാടകയ്ക്ക് കൊടുക്കയും ഇല്ല.... എന്ത് ചെയ്യാന്‍...

എന്റെ അമ്മ മരിച്ച സമയത്തു എന്റെ അച്ഛന്‍ എന്നോട് ചോദിച്ചു ... " എനിക്ക് പെട്ടന്ന് എന്തെങ്ങില്ലും സംഭവിച്ച നിനക്ക് ഒറ്റയ്ക്ക് ജീവിക്കാന്‍ പറ്റുമോ??" എന്ന് ...

ജീവിതത്തില്‍ അന്ന് വരെ ഒറ്റയ്ക്ക് കഴിഞ്ഞിട്ടില്ലാത്ത എനിക്ക് ഒരു eye opener ആയിര്രുന്നു ആ ചോദ്യം... ശെരിയാണ് ..... അച്ഛന്‍ എപ്പോഴും കൂടെയുണ്ടാവില്ല... കല്യാണം കഴിക്കുനതിനെ കുറിച്ചു അപ്പോള്‍ പോലും എനിക്ക് ചിന്തിക്കാന്‍ ആവുമായിരുന്നില്ല... എനിക്കാനെകില്‍ ഒറ്റയ്ക്ക് ജീവിക്കുകയും വേണം... അതും മരണം വരെ... നമ്മുടെ സമൂഹം എന്ന് പറയുന്ന വില്ലന്‍ എന്നെ പോലെ ഒരു പെണ്ണ് ഒരു വലിയ വീട്ടില്‍ ഒറ്റയ്ക്ക് താമസിക്കുന്ന കാരിയം സമ്മതിച്ചു തരില്ല... അയല്കര്‍ക്ക് ആര്ക്കും അല്ലെങ്ങില്ലേ എന്നെ കണ്ടു കൂടാ... കാരണം... സാധാരണ പെന്പില്ലേറെ പോലെ അന്നിങ്ങു ഒരുങല്ലില്ലും, വിവാഹം കഴിക്കുന്നതില്ലും, കുട്ടികളെ ഉണ്ടാക്കുന്ന കാര്യതില്ലും, പിന്നെ മറ്റുള്ളവര്രെ ത്രിപ്തിപെടുതുന്ന രീതിയില്‍ സംസാരിക്കാനും, ജീവിക്കാനും എനിക്ക് തല്പരിയം ഇല്ല എന്നത് തന്നെ കാര്യം... അവര്‍ എന്നെ പണ്ടേ എഴുതി തളിയതാണ് .... അപ്പൊ പിന്നെ എന്ത് ചെയ്യും... അങ്ങനെ ആണ് നാടു വിടാന്‍ തീരുമാനിച്ചത്... എന്തോ ഈശ്വരന്റെ അനുഗ്രഹം കൊണ്ടു അത് സാധിച്ചു... ഇപ്പൊ മനസമാധാനത്തോടെ ആരുടെയും ശല്യം ഇല്ലാതെ, ആരെയും ശല്യം ചെയ്യാതെ കഴിയുന്നു...

ഒന്നാല്ലോചിച്ചു നോക്ക്... സ്വന്തം ഇഷ്ട പ്രകാരം ജീവിക്കാന്‍ വേണ്ടി സ്വന്തം വീടും നാടും ഒക്കെ ഉപേക്ഷിച്ചു പോകേണ്ടി വരുനത്‌... ഇങ്ങനെ എല്ലാ പെണ്ണുങ്ങള്‍ക്കും പറ്റുമോ... എല്ലാവര്ക്കും അതിനുള്ള സാഹചര്യം ഉണ്ടോ.... അല്ലെങ്ങില്‍ തന്നെ ഒറ്റയ്ക്ക് ജീവിക്കനമെങ്ങില്‍ നാടു വിടണം എന അവസ്ഥ നല്ലതാണോ...

കഷ്ടം തന്നെ... സംസ്കാരത്തെ കുറിച്ചു വാനോളം സംസാരിക്കുന്ന നാടാണ്... ഒറ്റയ്ക്ക് ജീവിയ്ക്കുന്ന ഒരു പെനിന്നെ അംഗീകരിക്കാന്‍ പോലും വയ്യ ....

എന്‍റെ അഭിപ്രായത്തില്‍ സ്ത്രീകള്‍ക്ക് ഒറ്റയ്ക്ക് ജീവിക്കാന്‍ മാത്രമല്ല... വിവാഹം കഴിക്കാതെ ജീവിക്കാനും, വിവാഹം കഴിക്കാതെ അമ്മയാവാനും, സ്വന്തമായി ഒരു കുട്ടിയെ ദത്തെടുത്തു വളര്ര്താനും ഉള്ള അവകാശം വേണം... അതിന്നു നിയമത്തിന്റെ സഹായം വേണം .... അനാഥാലയത്തിലെ തിരക്ക് അത്രയും കുറയും....

ശെരിക്കും.... നമ്മുടെ നാടു ഒരുപാടു മാര്രെണ്ടിയിരിക്കുന്നു.... ഇനി എന്നാണാവോ !!!

MAN, not even a dot !!!

2009-09-06T14:37:00.006+05:30

This is something my Professor told our class when I was in college... so whenever I feel like I am on top of the world or I am invincible or something like that.. I just put myself in this position... it really helps.. ok .. here goes...

(forgive me .. incase you knew this before)....

so visualize it when you are reading this post..ok..

I assume that right now.. you must be sitting down.. in a room somewhere... right !!! ....

Ok...now......

Compare yourself to that room.....

Compare that room to the buliding in which the room is ...(home, office, lab, cafe')....

Compare that buliding to the locality in which it is situated....

Compare that locality to your district/city.....

Compare your district/city to your state/county....

Compare your state/county to your country....

Compare your country to the continent (for ex:- if it is India, then Asia)...

Compare that continent to the world/earth...

Compare earth to the galaxy it belongs..

Compare that galaxy to its fellow galaxies...

Compare all the galaxies to the entire Universe...

Now... can you see you from there?? you are not even a dot...

So... stop thinking ... "I AM THE UNIVERSE".....

'True' Malayalee Woman

2009-09-03T13:22:00.064+05:30

Often people have asked me, whether I was born and brought up in Kerala, (a southern state in India) or somewhere else, because according to them, I am different from all the other girls whom they ever met or heard about. That I do not exhibit feminine qualities and they even wonder whether I am a 'true' malayalee woman or not.. Some of them have even accused me of being born in the wrong gender..

So I started to think what are the qualities of a 'true' malayalee woman... Why am I considered as an out caste and more over a disgrace to the womanhood?? One of my guy friends once told me that.. (like.. almost 10 years ago) "a 'true' malayalee woman is someone that you are not or refuse to be ... so whatever qualities/ characteristics that you think doesn't belong to you or care not to possess or have the opinion that they are bad and find it difficult to accept... that is something that a 'true' malayalee woman should have or atleast want / try to have"....

A couple of days ago.. I called one of my best friends (she lives in Thiruvananthapuram, [Kerala, India]) to wish her "Happy Birthday" and she told me that her colleagues consider her as 'unfeminine' because according to them, she lacks a certain number of 'qualities' that the female species is expected to have...

So I started thinking... what are these 'qualities' or traits, that a 'true' mallu woman should have or is supposed to have and maintain all through her life... that if for some or no reason she is not interested in these things which malayalees call 'qualities' , questions shall arise on her being a woman ...

So I made a list of things that I am not interested in, 'qualities' /characteristics that I do not have or don't want to have, things that I never do, or say or accept and lots more.. Apparently these are the eligibility criteria for being a 'true' mallu woman.. so if you are a mallu woman.. just check if you possess these 'qualities' ... if not, you will also be considered as someone who is only a woman because of her physical and biological attributes, but not otherwise...

so here goes.... ahem.. you might want to take notes...

A 'true' malayalee woman (TMW) is someone who(se) [(is) (always)],

- has long, thick, black lustrous hair or is dying to have it.. (she secretly envies those with long hair and asks them what do they do, inorder to maintain it and accuses them [secretly, of course] for not telling her the truth...because they don't want her to have hair like theirs...)

- wears make-up/ interested in cosmetics or atleast she applies some sort of powder to her face..
- loves loves loves..wait... let me rephrase that... obsessed with gold... yeah..that's right.. she is absolutely crazy about gold... she knows almost all the famous jewellery stores in the city/state... she wears gold all the time.. even whe she goes to sleep... she simply can't live without it.. she doesn't mind spending too much money for it... and if you are planning to give her some gift..let it be something in gold..... she can't imagine a life without it... her greatest achievement in life depends on the fact that how much gold ornaments she has... (this goes for other types of jewellery, but malayalee women are so crazy about gold... I have no idea why)...

- loves to wear saree and yearns someone to compliment her on that.. she votes to wear them all the time, if not, atleast for making it a compulsory dress code at work place and educational institutions... she has a wide knowledge on different types of sarees and their importance and if someone, is feeling uncomfortable in it... she just doesn't understand it... she also has a wardrobe full of them.. and continues to buy them even though she has a cupboard full of never worn sarees....

- very conscious the way she looks, or how should she look infront of others... one of the (other) important thing in her life is to look beautiful and fair ( mallus' have this thing for fair complexioned girls, they have more demand in the marriage market rather than a not so fair/dark complexioned girls)... so she tries her best to look good and get complimented in whichever way possible...she takes a lot of time to get ready... and justifies it by saying she is a woman....

-loves to pluck flowers and buys it from the market... she believes that if she wears them on her hair, she will be as beautiful as a flower.. TMW even has superstitions based on a particular type of flower that they wear in their 'long lustrous' hair and how long will it take the flower to wear out or burn out... so that what kind of a mother-in-law they will have !!!!

- visits religious places such as temple or church once in a week or atleast once in a month... is involved in fasting and festivals... looks forward to go to temple every once in a while... because according to her, "the temple is where the GOD lives, so unless you go to the temple, how can you see GOD".... and most importantly, all the senior TMW comes to the temple on this particular time of the week.. if they don't see her there, she is bound to be expelled from the 'true' mallu women sorority....

- cares about what other people think about her... that's right.. her whole life/ character/ likes, dislikes/ interests, hobbies/ profession/way of thinking/dressing and everything else is based on how would other people think about it...

- quits singing, dancing, working out or any other good things that she used to do, if her man doesn't want her to... or she prefers to do so after getting engaged or married... because she only learned music, dancing or stayed slim to impress a man... (once I heard two 'true' married mallu women talking, the conversation went something like this,

TMMW 1:- " I used to be slim before I got married.. now I have gained so much weight, my old friends don't even recognise me anymore... they are surprised to see me like this.. and it has only been a year since I got married, may be I should do something about my overweight"...
TMMW2:- "What is the use now?? You got married..didn't you ?? what is the point in working out after you get married??"..
TMMW1:- "You're right... that's what I thought too".... ) !!!!! (trust me.. I am not making this up ....these women were not even 25 years old...)

- not interested in having a career..not serious about it... she only took those degrees ...because men like educated women... so when planning to get married she will have more demand in the 'marriage market' than others, because of her education... she may have a job... but that's just for her to pass the time when her man is not around... her job is never a part of her identity...she is not the main provider of the house... she is there to spent the money...... not to earn it for the family... money wise... she is the taker... for everything else... she is the giver... or that is what she claims to be...

-uses crying as her most deadliest weapons.. nobody has ever survived it...

-tries to take credit for other people's (especially ordinary women's) ideas and hardwork.. and she wins everytime in doing it.....

- never , and I mean never reacts or responds when a man tries to take advantage of her... that is, in a bus or in public places, or at work place, or anywhere... if a man tries to molest her, tease her, harass her, or tell dirty double meaning jokes to her... she will not react or show discomfort as she is a TMW and a TMW is expected to either ignore or tolerate anything and everything and is supposed to suffer in silence... if she chooses to react or respond or show discomfort even in the most slightest way... all the other TMW will disown her and will consider her as an outcaste... because she is the one who can't take a joke as a joke and also thinks herself as something special that if somebody touches her, she will melt right away, "ഒന്നു തൊട്ടാല്‍ അങ്ങ് ഉരുകി പോകുവോ !!!!".... she will become a disgrace to womanhood...that is, if she chose to react.. so inorder to protect her 'true' mallu woman status... she will not respond to these kind of atrocities...

-concepts such as individuality, independence, freedom, feminism, equality, liberation and revolution are alien to her...

- loves having a big wedding... dreams about spending sooo much (of her parent's) money on jewellery, dresses, auditorium and all the other things associated with it...

- anti feminist, pro sexist, dowry system and marriage...

- lives in fear.. fear on what other people will think about her...fear is what dictates her life...

- so concerned about being socially accepted... will do anything for that...

-very good brainwasher....

-wants/expects special treatment from men / society / government, because she is a woman....

- very shallow and narrow minded... for her what is on the surface is what really matters...

- very religious / community conscious... has a very special affinity towards her own community and considers all the other religion / community is below her own religion / community.

-prefers to identify and address people on the basis of their caste / community... if you know a TMW she would have definitely asked you , which community of caste do you belong in? and if you are of the same community like her.. you guys will share a special friendship.

-conservative in her thoughts, words and deeds.

- wouldn't support her colleague/ or a stranger woman in time of need... for ex:- its a known fact that in Kerala that women are teased by men on the public transportations and in public places... everybody expects women to go along with it and not to react to it.. because it is a man's right to treat women as an object.. so he is simply doing his duty... if you are a woman, and if you are travelling in one of the (transport) buses in Kerala, and you are being teased by a man, and you react to it.. all the other (TM) women will start staring at you.. as in "what is her problem?... I am sitting/standing right here.. and he is not doing anything to me... how come he does something to her... I am more fleshy than she is.... she is lying.. definitely lying... LIAR"... or even if they know you are not lying... they prefer not to support you.. because as they are a TMW and a TMW will never react and always lives in fear...and don't want to be associated with ordinary type of women.. because ordinary type of women can't be considered as women... Same thing at the work place... if a male colleague attempts to be sexually funny to a female colleague and she reacts to it.. all her female colleagues will start treating her like, " ഓ... അവളൊരു ശീലാവതി ..."... basically.. they are just afraid to put up a visible fight... did I mention, fear dictates a TMW's life....

- recognises herself only as a woman, not as a human being, a person or an individual... and hates or feels threatened by individualistic ordinary women....(like me...)

- her body is more important than her brain, mind or soul... she is always conscious of her body and so afraid of it.. for a TMW the most important thing in her life is her virginity... if that is lost, then everything is lost... people can take advantage of her by taking her semi nude pics with/ without her knowledge- which has now become a favourite pass time in Kerala - and then blackmail her using those pics... it always works..

-not interested in intellectual conversations...frankly, because she won't be able to put anything on the plate...

-lacks self-knowledge... but always tries to figure out about others' personality....

- prude or atleast pretend to be...

-considers society as her personal GOD... so whatever her society wants her to do it... she will do it...

- can't keep a secret... just can't keep a secret...if she knows a secret, then it is not a secret anymore... and you can guarantee on that...

- loves to shop.. mostly on other people's money... she can't go into a shop and come out without buying anything from there....she will spend hours or a whole day shopping... she loves it...enjoys it... its her favourite past time...

- can talk hours and hours on sarees and jewellery.. that is her favourite conversation topic...

- enjoys watching mega serials... she wouldn't miss it for the world... sympathesizes/ empathesizes with the characters... and discuss it with family/ friends/ colleagues...

- loves children.. wants to have them...dreams on raising a child just like her...never misses to visit a friend /relative who just had a baby.... she also wants to hear them say to her, "ഇപ്പോഴേ എടുത്തു പഠിച്ചോ ... അല്ലെങ്ങില്‍ സമയം ആവുമ്പോള്‍ വിഷമിക്കും"........because having a child is one way to get socially accepted... and apparently, it is every TW's dream !!!

- believes that the greatest milestone in a woman's life is getting married and having children... everything else doesn't matter at all...

- her ultimate goal in life is to be desirable for men... they should find her attractive (to get married or want to have sex with)...or else she is worthless... a TMW's greatest fear is not being able to get married and living a single life.... and people saying about her, "അവളൊരു കെട്ടാ മന്കായ..."... being raped or catching cancer are not even in the top 10.... did I mention... getting married is the important thing in a 'true' mallu woman's life... otherwise she is a waste and there is no point in her being alive...

- yearns for love, admiration, attention, compliment, appreciation, approval, care, understanding and support from men...(any man)... because that is the ultimate aim of her being born in this world...she wants her whole life revolving on some guy... any guy...

- never argues.. whatever others say she will agree to it... unless if she is talking to ordinary women and not to other 'true' mallu women or to men....

- never questions authority... authority loves her...because she is a kiss ass...

- pries, gives out suggestions, makes comments, states an opinion on others personal matters... not because she cares about them... but because she wants to be taken importantly and seriously.... as in "other people should care what I think about them"... if she has adviced you on something and it backfired.. its all your fault... because that very same advice 'worked' for her....

-likes depending on others.. because that is how GOD (by that, she means, society) intended it to be... women should be a dependent.. especially on men... then who is she to be a self-reliant person.. she even advises the independent ordinary women to cut the act and start depending on some man.... otherwise you will never be a TMW..... and will end up all alone...

- doesn't have a mind of her own... she depends on others for decision making... most of her life's important decisions were made by others... she has left thinking and decision making to others...

- wants everybody to like her and say good things about her both infront of her and behind her back.. can't imagine the thought of somebody not liking or worst.. hating her.... if she finds out somebody doesn't like her.. she will find a way to make them like her... because she cares too much about what other people think about her.... did I mention her life depends on it....

-doesn't have the courage to stand up for herself... and envies those woman who can....

-doesn't like change... is an ardent fan of tradition and follows it by the book... and if there is a book on traditions... she will be the author... that's how much she is into tradition....

- loves to gossip and spread rumors about the people she knows in real life and is an expert in backstabbing and pretending it was an accident...

- green with jealousy... she doesn't like women beautiful than her, fairer than her, whose hair is longer than hers, who has more jewellery than she does, who has nice dresses (sarees) than hers, who is been complimented or appreciated infront of her, most importantly, if men tend to give attention and compliment to some other woman instead of her and infront of her... she will just die with jealousy....

-never fails to notice what other women are wearing... never mind the occasion... if she likes it....she will ask you where did you buy it from.. even if both of you are attending someone's funeral....

- very very very coy... and insults those who are not....

-doesn't believe in the freedom of speech and expression... according to her.. "women shouldn't be allowed any freedom.. if they need something they should ask men... don't even think of changing the traditional sex roles.. this is how GOD (ak.a. society) wanted it to be"... besides.. men know everything there is to know about anything... right!!!

- a follower never a leader... because following is easy.. leading is not ...

-talks down on people smarter than her... for ex:- if you are a woman working with a 'true' mallu woman.. and you are skilled and talented in your job.. she will accuse you of sucking up to the boss or taking advantage of your looks (i.e., if you are better looking than she is, then its not her talking, her jealousy is), and that is how you are getting a better evaluation than hers, not because you are good in what you do... and she says this in the most polite, friendly and you not being able to answer back way...

- never talks about her love/sex life... before marriage she wouldn't have either.. if she does.. then she better marry the guy.. or else.. she is not a TMW...

- ready to lose her 'self' to some random guy... all he has to do is to call on her mobile on a daily basis and tell her how beautiful she is and how different she is from all the other women he has ever met...gives her miscals now and then... send her cute love messages... and tell her that he would like to marry her and can't think a life without her... well...that's it...everything is settled then.. she is all set to get married.. even if she hasn't met the guy.. or doesn't know anything about him... ( if single, a TMW will fall for any guy if he tells her that he loves her and wants to marry her...)....

- judges others.. have a prejudist opinion on everything and everyone... how could she not have one?? after all... she is a 'true' mallu women....

- believes that household chores are womens' thing to do... do not involve poor men to do this.. its a woman's job.. it has been since the beginning... and it will be like this till the end of time... she even finds delight in washing her husband's dirty underwear with her own bare hands and brags about it to her friends... she wouldn't even allow her husband to dry his own hair.. she will do it for him.. for she is a TMW... she hates those women who makes their husbands to share the household work... how rude and insensitive of them !!!

- goes to every single wedding/party she is invited to.. eventhough it is from someone she hardly knows... (yes..keralites invites their bus-stop mates and the distant relatives of some friend they had when they were in the 5th grade for their wedding !!! because otherwise those people might think something really bad about them !!!!) ... she uses this chance to show off her new jewellery set, expensive saree, how good she looks and to boast her personal achievements...(like her husband got promoted..or something like that)....

- supports men... because she needs man's approval.. that is the most important goal in her life... "being approved by a man".. she is ready to change head to toe for him... if she finds it appealing to men.. she will disown all her clothes.. and starts wearing saree even at home, because men like to see women in saree... she will grow her hair long (if she can)... because that's how men like it... if the man she is interested in, doesn't like women growing nails on their hands.. she will cut them right off...if he.. well... you got the point... for her.. its always about how men would like to see her... she will kill for a glance from them...

- blushes and plays with her hair, everytime when she realises that some guy has been noticing her for a while... and she will start dreaming about having a life with him and what school would their kids go to... this guy might be someone chained to a sex racket... but that doesn't matter... if he loves her and if she loves him... she can change him and make him a better man.. a much better man.. for as she is a 'true' malayalee woman....

- believes anything and everything (her) man tells her...if he tells her, her best friend is interested in him in a not so good way... she will believe him... if he tells her, that he hasn't been with any other woman but her... she will believe him.. if he tells her, that she is the most beautiful woman in the whole world and he loves her (this goes for any man).... she will believe him... because she chose to believe him... if he tells her not to be associated with ordinary women, because they will corrupt her with illogical and unreasonable thoughts.. (like individuality, feminism etc) she will believe and obey him....on the contrary.. if an ordinary woman comes up to her and tells her that her husband or prospective husband has made a pass at her or is not a nice guy... she will refuse to believe her....(even if ..she has known this woman for a longtime)... for she is a TMW... and a TMW always (chose to) believe men.... ("how dare of you ordinary woman...accusing my man on something that cheap... he will never..ever.. look at another woman when I am alive !!! you whore !! you are just jealous" !!!) .. she will start rumours about this particular woman and tries to isolate her from their usual crowd... and makes everybody hate the ordinary woman... because she (the ordinary woman) is after the TMW's man....

- after marriage, she stops her friendship with her guy friends... because... her husband doesn't like her to talk to other men... if she feels her husband feels uncomfortable ... she is even ready to stop talking to her own father....

- gives importance to her in-laws than her own parents and siblings...

- doesn't like to compliment other women... and if by chance.. if she does compliment them on something... it is just to show others, that she is capable of doing so... and she is someone who is free from one of the seven deadily sins... ENVY (yeah..right !!!)

- gets easily embarassed... because she cares toooo much on what other people will think about her...

- doesn't have any compassion towards her fellow beings... like.... homeless people, beggars, orphans, sex workers, homosexuals, less fortunates/poor people, sick people, senior citizens/ old people, ordinary women etc.

- very naive, gullible and vulnerable...

- believes in formality, not a fan of genuinity....

-hates to be proved wrong...

-believes that women are the weaker sex and wants it to remain like that forever... because that is how GOD (a.k.a society) wants it to be....

- her identity lies on the fact that whether she is married, and to whom she is married.... otherwise .. she is considered as an oridnary woman...not a 'true' woman... for ‘'true' woman is someone who wants to get married, since she was 8 years old.....

-doesn't have a clue on what is going on in the world... because... what does that have to do with her..anyways !!! പൊട്ടാകിന്നട്റില്‍ കിടക്കുന്ന തവള ....

- never fails to fall for flattery... if you want a TMW to do something for you and wants her to fall for you.. all you have to do is prasie her unnecessary... it always works... she is a sucker for flattery...

- believes that she can get away with things with either by crying or flattering....

- passive aggressive

-boasts on people, things, accomplishments and events related to her... (പൊങ്ങച്ചം പറച്ചില്‍)

- an emotional fool... mixes emotions with everything and anything... that's her secret ingredient...

- attempts to justify herself to others.. because .... you know... she cares about what other people think about her... and she wants others to think and say good things about her...

- concerned about caste/community.. has special affinity towards her own caste/community.. thinks, speaks and acts as if all the other caste/community is lower than hers... has a tendency to ask for others caste/community and makes fun of them behind their back...

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Well... these are the things that came to my mind now... feel free to help me in adding more points....

These are the 'qualities' which a malayalee woman should have or atleast want to have... or else she is not a 'true' malayalee woman... she is just an ordinary woman.. which according to the malayalee society is very bad... they don't accept an ordinary woman...they are only considered as a woman because of their physical and biological attributes.... the mallu society just can't understand why ordinary women don't want to be a 'true' malayalee woman by acquiring the above mentioned 'qualities'... they will force the ordinary woman to become a 'true' malayalee woman by advising, compelling, insulting and ignoring... one of these tactics has to work... and guess what.. sometimes it does work.. otherwise you have to leave ..... that's why I left.. couldn't stand it anymore....

So if you are a malayalee woman... check if you possess these qualities.. if not... then you are in BIG trouble...

You have to fit into their frame... if you even think of getting out of the frame.. because you didn't belong there.. then you don't belong anywhere... you have to get out... its like either live their way or don't live at all....

So what do you say, mallu women... are you a 'true' malayalee woman or just an ordinary woman like me????

What if Married People were treated like Singles??

2009-09-01T12:08:00.007+05:30

Are you Single?? Are you being constantly irritated by your family, friends, relatives, neighbours, co-workers and society in general about "you not getting married"... Here are some conversational slips you can use ....

Owners of the singles advocate blog,Onely, came up with this list of the types of statements couples would be forced to endure:
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"Don‘t worry, you‘ll get a divorce someday."

"Oh, you‘re married? I‘m so sorry!"

"You‘re so great - how come you‘re still married?"

"It‘s OK to be married for a while but eventually you need to grow up and become single."

"You‘re so lucky to be married and not have as much responsibility."

"But don‘t you feel bad not having a life, seeing as you‘re married?"

"When are you going to get a divorce?"

"It‘s so sad having to come home to a house with someone in it all the time."

"Well, I would‘ve invited you to our book group, except you‘re married and I thought you wouldn‘t want to be around all those happily single people."

"What‘s a beautiful woman like you doing married?"
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Hurts much !!!

Don't you wanna have a life?? ഒരു ജീവിതം വേണ്ടേ???

2009-08-31T14:31:00.021+05:30

My father has been asking me this question for some years now... directly, indirectly and in which ever way possible and I always get irritated by this question.... and I ask him back.. “What!! Am I not having a life right now?” and he answers with emotions that I may never undergo… “Is this the way to live”??

Maybe.. this is not the way to live…but this is definitely a way to live… people can live like this…correction.. people do live like this in various parts of the world….

Yes people… my father was asking me about getting married… like it is the only way to live… and because he is my father I always choose the words very carefully when I answer this question…

(I don't know why I get angry/ irritated when I hear questions, opinions and suggestions about getting married from a very young age.. it has always annoyed me...it still does... ummmm... interesting.....)

I have never understood the co-relation between marriage and life… people may be getting married for reasons I may never want to know… but it is one way to lead your life… not the only way to live… just one way… it is a multiple choice… its like telling a heterosexual person that the only way to enjoy sexual intercourse is to become a homosexual… well…something like that…you know what I mean…

(I am doing a 'research' on why do women get married?? so far.. I am getting rather similar kind of responses regarding this matter… I will write about it in a month or so…)

My married friends always ask me about being lonely and the darkness that surrounds you because of loneliness… because you know… I am single… I always tell them.. "I never feel loneliness when I am alone… I enjoy being alone.. it is when I am with other people ..that I crave for loneliness”… Besides.. aren’t we all lonely/alone in one way or the other…which I yearn when I am with people.... even if they are my immediate family or close friends…

Afterall...LONELINESS is not a bad thing... people shouldn ‘t be afraid of it..At a certain point everybody will end up alone.. doesn’t matter if you are married or single… Single people always know they are alone…. So they don’t expect anything from anyone… Married people don’t always or never die together… one of them has to go first.. or in these modern times…leave first.. possibly with another suitor… the kids will fly off their nest too when they are able to do so..(what if you never have kids..no matter what you do about it??) then who is left?? YOU… just YOU…right… so ultimately everyone will end up alone… lucky for me… I enjoy being alone…I prefer to be alone... (unless it is a professional thing).. I can’t even compare that feeling to anything else…its really a perfect feeling (for me)… Solitude…Loneliness… whatever you call it… I LOVE IT… and I am not gonna give that up for anything or anyone...

I have always observed that married people are so co-dependent.. that is ..they depend on each other for almost everything in life…(may be that's why they get married.. to have somebody to depend on..are they??) ..

I know everybody has to depend on somebody for certain things in life, for ex:- the vehicles we use for our daily transportation are not our creation…things like that… but should one need to follow this pattern in personal life too…

Single people don’t ask their married friends, relatives or acquaintances to get a divorce and be single again… right?? Then why is it the other way around…

Let me ask you something…

If a woman of 25 years of age or any age for that matter of fact, wants to live a single life of her choice.. is it not allowable? If she wants to live alone and doesn’t want to ‘depend’ on anybody but herself.. doesn’t she have the right to do so?? Just because she refuses to give in to the social, familial pressure and don't want to 'settle' for other people or may be she just doesn't feel like getting married... or she wants to be single for some other reason or for no reason at all.... should she be considered as a threat and looked down upon?? If so... SCREW EVERYBODY...

(And why does 'getting married' is also referred to as 'settling down'?? I never understood that.. Can you shed some light on this term?? )

Is the only way for a woman to be single is because,

-she couldn’t get married at a certain age,

- she couldn‘t get a matching horoscope (Hindu mythology)

- she/her family couldn‘t find somebody 'good' enough for her

- some personal reasons ( you know.. the 'rape victim', love 'failure', physical/mental problems etc.)...
- she got divorced/separated

- her husband died

Well… if this is what you have been thinking about a woman being single…then ..think again.. because there are women around you who are single by choice… that’s right… they are single.. because they like being single… their single life matters to them, as the married life for the married women…

If you haven’t met anyone like that so far.. then MEET ME… I know..its too early to label me like this... but hey..I can..and I am...

As one of my best friends told me... may be I will never know the hidden bliss attached to the married life... that's because I chose not to know it....

And another thing...Why can't people accept others as they are?? Are we that shallow and narrow minded?? If one decides to chose a (not so) different path without bothering or interfering in your life, why can't you just let them be??

And when does being SINGLE began to define a person as "Sad, depressed, lonely, frustrated and not having a life of your own"...

News Flash People: That's not LIFE..that's HOLLYWOOD talking....

I hate all those English movies which shows women as these desperate creatures who are looking for their 'soulmates' and gets disappointed when they see their friends' getting married... and in the end.. they rush to the airport to stop some guy they fell in love with... and even stops the plane... (OH!! MY GAWD !!!) I mean...come on.... not all women are like that...well.. I am not..

I can't understand why (some of) my friends' can't accept me as I am... If you are my friend.. and you are finding it difficult to accept the fact that I am single and want to be like that for the rest of my life... please don't try to argue with me or change my mind (because it's not gonna work anyways)... instead delete me off from your friends' list... I don't want people like you around me more than you do .. so just do us both a favour.. and cut me off from your 'perfect married or want to be married, don't want to be associated with people like her (that's me) life'...I am not gonna miss you anyways..... Thank you very much....

Also, just because, I am not married, committed or in a relationship with anyone (don't want to be ever) or a lesbian ... doesn't mean that I am a sad, desperate , lonely (in a bad way), frustrated cuckoo head who is jealous of all those 'happy' couples out there...

My relationship status doesn't make me less intelligent, competent, compassionate, creative, stronger, funnier, spontaneous and all those other qualities that I have.. (or I believe to possess)....

I don' t think you should judge anyone on that (or judge anyone for anything at all)....

Once again… there are different ways to live your life.. it is you who have to choose from them…

Just remember… the choice you made may be good or bad (for you) .. but that doesn’t give you the right to look down on other people because they had the courage to choose a different option from the multiple choice…

Who are we to say the right or wrong way to lead a life?? We can only prove it by leading a successful life.. whether married or single or something else….

Let me also add…

SINGLE LIFE ROCKS !!!!

Cheers....

Having Second Thoughts !!!

2009-08-30T12:00:00.005+05:30

Choosing a life partner has always been tricky for men.... it‘s like going out to eat....

You go to a restaurant.... you ask for the menu... and it‘s very difficult for most of the guys to decide what they want to eat.... they want something different from the previous time they went out to eat... (not that it was bad...hell no !! they know the taste... so they just want to try something new.. hey.. who doesn‘t? ).... so there they are with the menu... now the question is to order something new, something cheap, yet tasty and filling.... now, they go through each and every item.... then finally they decide on something very cheap, seems to be attractive and agreeable....... finally, the dish arrives... it is not possible to send it back... because you are the one who ordered it....

Well, they start eating.... during that process they look around... one glance at the neighbour ‘ s table... they find something more attractive, more cheap, more tasty, more filling and nonetheless more agreeable (may be even a little bit younger)... having second thoughts???

The only thing that the guy doesn‘t know is, his neighbour is also thinking the same thing.....

On the other hand.. I have happened to know some guys who doesn‘t even need a menu.. they know what they want... and how they want it.... no second thoughts.. no regrets... just stick to the decision...good or bad...

Isn ‘ t this the case with most of the marriages??? Correct me if I am wrong....

Women in Malayalam Movies

2009-08-29T14:09:00.013+05:30

I have been hearing about the role of women in Malayalam cinema for sometime and I decided to write on what I think about it... (even though nobody cares..)...

Where shall I begin...Ok ...here goes....

It is a fact that media has a great part in influencing the way people think, behave and feel…. After years of movie watching experience I honestly feel that it has helped in de-grading the position of women in our society through the characters portrayed in them…

Even once in a while.. (in a decade or so...) there comes a movie where the female is the protagonist… (it's like throwing a bone at them).. even then they are shown as this weak, desperate , pathetic creatures who just act strong on the outside.. but is the exact opposite on the inside….

Does the portrayal of female characters in our movies have actually influenced our society to think that women are like this in real life too???

Here’s what I think…

Female characters have always been an inevitable part in our movies...face it.. we can’t have a movie without them…. they are always someone related to the male protagonist (99.9% of the time, the male is the protagonist)...the hero‘s mother, sister, love interest, friend of the love interest, colleague, neighbour, the wife, the seductress, the mistress, the daughter, whose responsibility lies on the strong, muscular shoulders of the hero... he is their saviour, warrior, their HERO….

Lately, or for more than lately .... the role of women in our movies are being deteriorated.... they are always the side kick... a side track...not necessarily involved in the main part of the story.... even the movie is made for family audience (which 'most' malayalam movies are).... the women‘s role is not always as important as the men in the family.... they are there to support the men... not to run the show….

The following points are some of my personal thoughts on the role of female characters (a.k.a heroines) in Malayalam cinema… this is based on the movies I used to watch when I was growing up…may be things have changed now… or have they??

1) REEL LIFE

It is always the guys who fall in ‘love’ first, and they chase the woman they ‘love’ wherever they go, tortures them, disturbs them, walks behind them singing… and guess what… after a song or two…. the girl will start loving him… if she doesn’t then he will threaten to commit suicide (or simply ignore her.. that always seems to work)… by drinking poison (which is always ready to consume)… or jump from the top of some building… and the girl’s conscience suddenly starts to work… a second before he consumes the poison or jumps… she will profess her love for him… (if not ..there is no movie to be watched) there.. the beginning of a love story…

In a love story.. you can always see the female is helpless... solely depending on the male to do everything... especially to save her from the bad guy... in most cases her own parents who stands in her way to be with her lover and live a life filled with eternal bliss.... she has to be saved from her own house (because she was in house arrest), or from the marriage that was going to take place without her consent… and she depends solely on the man to do all this for her… after so many chases and fights… the lovers get married and live happily ever after… and what about the parents?? Oh.. they will forgive and forget after a baby comes into the picture… they always do….

REAL LIFE

Can someone actually fall in love with someone just because they chase you, disturb you, jump from a hidden bush singing or threaten you to commit suicide?? Do women really depend on guys to come up with a plan and execute it inorder to be together for the ‘rest of their lives’ ? Do parents always forget and forgive their daughters for doing what she did, when a baby comes into the picture?? And why do the parents always select the wrong guy for their daughter, when the man she ‘loves’ is perfect in every which way?? And if he is perfect, as he is shown, then why do parents refuse to accept him?? In a real life love story, is there a villain?? If so, who or what is it??

2) REEL LIFE

I don‘t know if you have noticed.. but..when a girl is being raped in a movie (that is, if she is the heroine)... even if it is in her own house...or at a cottage on top of the hill.... the hero will always appear on the exact right moment (may be seconds before the rape occurs)..by kicking down a door...or jumping through a glass window.... defeating more than 10 bad guys, gives her his own shirt or jacket to wear (because her dress is all torned up), helps her to get home safely...after that..she doesn‘t ..even for a moment think about the horrible experience she has been through (the attempt to be raped and all)... but never fails to fall in love with the guy who saved her from happening it... (she will still have the shirt or jacket he has loaned to her).... again.. the start of the love story….

On the other hand, if it wasn’t the heroine who undergoes this sort of a thing… the hero still saves the girl…no matter who she is… then she will consider him as the elder brother she never had… but always wanted… she would even help him to get the girl he wants… by talking him up to her..

The heroine never gets raped.. if she does..then.. she is not the heroine anymore… she becomes this thing who is just physically living and mentally dead… even if the hero agrees to marry her..( because he loved her, not her body)… she will always refuse.. because he deserves to have a nice life with a ‘nice’ girl… which she isn’t anymore… again..the hero is considered to be this so-called ‘perfect’ man..who was ready to marry a rape victim… What happens to the girl/ former heroine who gets raped…. She will either commit suicide, dedicates her life to those women who had been through what she has been through or join some sort of an ashram…. (which all sounds really ‘good’)…

What happens to the hero who loved this woman?? Someone younger, prettier, richer, loving and caring virgin will always be there for them to spend the rest of their life with… hey… after all… the movie wasn’t about the girl who got raped.. its all about the guy who was still ready to marry her and continues to live even after being in such a horrible mental state…

REAL LIFE

When a girl gets raped, teased or harassed (lets not pretend its not happening… we all know it is happening somewhere in this world, even as you read this)… does a guy or somebody (like a GODSEND) magically appears there on the exact right time and saves her from what is happening… (lets wish so!!!)… if not… does a woman after years of watching all these movies…actually believes even for a spilt second…that somebody is actually going to rescue her or do they fight back fiercely… no compromise whatsoever… Does being raped by some moron/s actually takes away a woman’s right to live?? Why is it after being raped (we all know its not her fault)… society sees the rape victim only as that… and not as an individual anymore.. Does a rape victim has to abscond themselves from the society, family and friends and disappear to some place where nobody knows them, or commit suicide … does she actually have to forget the life she had or wanted to have… and live with this label for ever…’RAPE VICTIM’… here is a little secret.. even if the woman after going through all that mental and physical trauma wants to lead a normal life like before… people around her…(a.k.a the society)…wouldn’t let her… how could they possibly let a rape victim pretend nothing has happened to her and live normal like them !!! its just not right !!!! Right???

3) REEL LIFE

In a Malayalam movie, it doesn ‘t matter if the female is well read, successful and has her own feministic viewpoints about both sexes... there will always be a man to teach her otherwise... all he has to do is to make her surrender using a little physical strength.... and then ignore her for a period of time.. there...after that…. she can't live without him anymore.... in how many movies we have actually heard this dialogue ... " അവളെ അങ്ങനെ വിട്ടാ പറ്റില്ല ... ഒരു പാഠം പഠിപ്പിക്കണം .... പെന്പില്ലെര്‍ക്ക് ഇത്ര അഹങ്കാരം പാടില്ലല്ലോ..."... during the process of this so-called ‘ പാഠം പഠിപ്പിക്കല്‍'... a man can use the following tactics... either in public or in private... kiss her (on the mouth), slap her (real hard), or try to rape her (in private, ofcourse) and withdraw at a point when she can ‘ t put up a fight anymore , just to let her know that... "ഞാന്‍ വിചാരിച്ചാല്‍ നിന്നെ ഇപ്പോള്‍ നശിപ്പിക്കാം, പക്ഷെ ഞാന്‍ അത് ചെയ്യുന്നില്ല ".... and then...just ignore her (on purpose)... that ‘incident’ changes everything about her.. the way she think, talk, act, what she wants from life… eventually she will come in search of him..why?? because she has fallen in love with him....point blank....

REAL LIFE

Does a woman actually changes her 'self' after being kissed, slapped or attempted to be physically molested by some random guy just because he doesn’t like the way she is?? If a man wants a woman to notice him all he has to do is to get physical with her?? Did any guys actually tried this trick and won anything??

If you are a woman, would you fall in love with a guy and go in search for him just because he has had the ‘courage’ to insult you in public or in private??

I mean…really…what sort of a message does these movies give out… “if you don’t agree with the way some girl is or if you want them to notice you or want to make someone fall in love with you.. all a guy have to do is, use some muscle power, that will definitely teach her and if you are lucky.. she is all yours"... just curious…what lesson would that be??

Do women really wait around for a guy to come into their life, use a little muscle , so that they can change themselves and dedicate their whole self to him… may be there is… who the hell am I to say..no…

4) REEL LIFE

Years ago... make that more than 12 years ago.. I saw this malayalam movie... where a woman is getting ready for her wedding… she is all alone in her room… then a guy comes in and rapes her… actually this guy was paid to do so by some other woman who was jealous of this girl… so if the guy rapes her… minutes before her marriage.. her marriage wouldn’t take place …her family will get insulted… and thus… her life will be ruined forever….

So as planned, this guy rapes her…. Her marriage didn’t take place.. because she won’t marry the other guy… as she is not ‘pure’ anymore… but something interesting did happen… she goes to live with this other guy… u know.. the one who raped her… lives in a slum… the guy had to agree to it eventually… (you have to see the movie to understand why)… helps him turn his life around… he marries her.. they have a baby ..(conceived as the result of the rape)…. They live happily until she is killed in a bomb blast…

REAL LIFE

What sort of a woman would actually go live with the guy who raped her (even if it was her first time having physical contact)?? And what do someone mean by not being ‘pure anymore’?? Why is it so assumed that if a woman doesn’t get married or if her marriage ceremony gets hindered or cancelled due to some reason…that is, for any reason at all… that it is her fault and her entire life is ruined?? Is getting married so inevitably important in a woman’s life, that if it didn’t occur she has to actually live a life full of darkness?? Are we that narrow minded?? If someone really wants to ruin your life ..all they have to do is … either physically molest you or ruin your marriage or married life or even both, because apparently these two can be done at one instant… would that ‘teach you a lesson’???

Just curious…if this woman in the movie…gets raped minutes after her wedding…what would she had done?? Would she live with her husband or the guy who raped her or with both, or by herself or would she have committed suicide ?? Guess… no one will ever know….

5) REEL LIFE

Remember in that movie ചിത്രം , Renjini has been hurt in love and lost all trust in men… she even said “ I HATE MEN”, and then Mohanlal comes into her life… they tease each other, quarrel with each other… giving us so many scenes over the years to laugh about… then suddenly… out of a moment’s thought.. inorder to protect their cover up as husband and wife… he ties something on her neck… and that’s it… she become this changed woman… she even hits her head into a huge bell repeatedly and lose consciousness and lots of blood, as her way for asking forgiveness for all the cruelties she has done to him… at the end of the movie… she even decides to stay as his wife and take care of his child when he goes off to get executed…

There is a similar scene like this in the movie THOMMANNUM MAKKALLUM… instead of Mohanlal its Mammootty who ties the knot without even a moment’s notice (doesn’t seem like women need one though)… but after that… the girl do find herself impossible to get him out of her head and most importantly her heart and wants to live with him as his wife…

REAL LIFE

What is with these women and wedlocks in our movies? Would women actually stop everything they were doing and follow the guy who ties something onto their neck area?? If some random guy jumps out of no where and ties something on to some girl/woman, would they let it stay there for the rest of their life??

“It doesn’t matter, who you are and what you do… just tie some wire around my neck…and I will be your female orderly for as long as I breathe”…

Is this logical?? Does in real life women actually behave like this?? It is one thing getting married because of parental pressure… but isn’t it totally unacceptable to let men take advantage of women like this… even if its in a movie… Does women actually fall in love or consider someone important in their life just because that particular person tied something around her neck?? Are women that weak?? ahem.. don't think so......

6) REEL LIFE

Over these years, I have watched immense number of movies… (my mother used to tell me, "നീ സ്കൂളില്‍ ഒന്നും പോക്കണ്ടാടി …ഇങ്ങനെ ടീവീടെ മൂട്ടില്‍ ഇരുന്നോ ...വെറുതെ കാശ് കളയാനായിട്ട് "... she was teasing me…ofcourse). And when I became a certain age, I started to realise one very common thing in our movies.

The heroine is always a virgin. (I meant in the movie). That’s right? The heroine is this untouched protected thing just waiting for the hero to come along..

I don’t know if you have noticed in some of the movies like Sarvakalasaala, Chandrolsavam… the heroine or the hero’s love interest did get married.. but they still remained a virgin… their husband either died or got paralysed the very day of their wedding… so how can she not be a virgin??

The hero can be a play boy… juggling from women to women, single at 40, travelling the world, if not atleast around India… but the heroine has to be between 19-21, homely, possibly studying in college and a virgin… and she should only succumb herself to the hero…

REAL LIFE

I wonder.. why is it so important for a woman to be a virgin when the man can loiter around … How did this happen??

Why does men get away these things and yet have their head held high, whereas a woman has to be a virgin until she gets married no matter what?? പെനുങ്ങള്‍ക്ക് ചെളി കഴുകി കളയാന്‍ എന്താ ഇത്ര പാടു ??

Does the men of this era actually expect their prospective wife / lover / girl friend to be a virgin?? If so, GET REAL !!!!

Is this because of this attitude that heroines who get married don’t come back to the field as their image of a ‘pure’ girl has now been destroyed and they can only do roles of the unimportant wife or the fat mother?? I don't know if you have noticed.. but it's always the heroines who quit the field after marriage...or as the media put it.. retire... not the supporting female actors... actors such as K.P.A.C. Lalitha, Kalpana, Bindu Panicker... they didn't quit after marriage... they have proved that married life is not an hindrance for a career in the film field... then why is it different for heroines??

Is virginity that important?? If it is, then why is the street still a one way?? ( I mean, why is the rule different for men??)…

The strangest thing is that we do watch foreign movies ( and by foreign I meant.. English ofcourse)… and we do enjoy them.. The above said factor is never an issue with the movies they produce there ..

ഓ ... പറഞ്ഞതു പോലെ ഇതു അമേരിക്ക അല്ലല്ലോ .... അല്ലെ ??

For once, I would like to see a (Malayalam) movie where the female protagonist is not a virgin, not married, committed, raped ..and she should not be a sex worker either… For a man to be with a woman, he doesn’t have to be married to her or committed, and neither should he be a gigolo… right??

If you are thinking about our ‘culture’ and ‘tradition’.. and all those other ‘moral values’ that your parents and society injected in you… don’t you think, that ship has been sailed long ago !!!

7) REEL LIFE

The heroine always have to fall under the age range of 18-21.. because after that ..I guess life just ends..

It doesn’t matter what age the hero is … he can still be single and happy…

But the heroine has to be below 22.. other wise she is not fit to play the single, happy, cheerful ‘pure’ next door gal…

If the heroine is a 25 year old or a 30 yr old woman..then she has to be a woman who is looking to get married, but can’t do so, because of so many reasons (horoscope, love ‘failure’, not being able to find a suitable man, family problems).. or who is desperate and frustrated because she is not married and the people around her is so much concerned about her future life.. because as it seems a woman can’t have a life unless she is married…

If she is married… then it is all about her family life… as if she is not supposed to have a life outside her family…

We do get some movies with the female as the protagonist… it is like throwing a bone at them.. women seems to get satisfied with anything thrown at them…

Even then, they are shown as strong and fierce outside but just as weak inside…

They work, they carry all the burden of their family and themselves on the shoulders… still they are someone who is waiting for a man to share their burden or if possible , take out the entire load and set them free…

In the movie കന്മദം … (or in any movie)… Manju Variyar is shown as this strong energetic woman who looks after her family and everybody is scared of her.. but there is a Mohanlal (there is always a Mohanlal)… to kiss her and make her exhibit her weaker side…

So in every ‘chick flick’ movie… the woman is yearning for a male companionship.. even when she is fighting the world … she has to submit herself to the man… any man….

REAL LIFE

Can you believe that our above 40 year old heroes suggest for new comers to play opposite to them instead of the ones they paired up in the early time of their careers.. because all those women has gotten married and have kids and look so different… They want somebody young and good looking…

(I would love to see Mammooty pairing up with Seema again… they were the hit pair of the 80’s..remember??)

Does in real life all women belong to the age range of under 22.. if they are older than that.. which obviously they are…does that mean they are pathetic and desperate and frustrated and they will continue to be living like that.. regardless of their relationship status…

Is the only way to be happy is to get married??? I know from personal experience that it is not…
Does women really yearn for a male companionship?? Are they ready to do anything to be the love interest of some guy they don’t even know??

We do clap vigourously at the theatre when the hero beats up 50 well built men, shot by 7 or 8 bullets and still walk away with all pride- in slow motion..

We do watch movies like ‘Charlies Angles’ and enjoy it (well I do)..

Then why don’t we have female actors here who fights and break the bad people’s body parts… If the men can fight 50 , won’t the women be able to fight atleast 5 of them…

Why can’t we accept a single independent woman as she is.. why is that woman always being associated with a man… why is it if a woman is not chained to a man, society types her as an outcaste… Why is it shown that a woman’s life is the wait for a man, or else there is no life to live at all??

Can’t women survive on their own…. Is the ultimate aim of a woman’s birth is to be a man’s woman??

“No matter how strong, intelligent, independent and fierce she is.. she can’t go on like this… there has to be someone to whom she is answerable to…” Please… gimme a break…

Men can get away with murder.. women can’t even be on their own !!!

P.S. You don’t really believe that the heroes in our movies or any movies can beat up all these men and can stand on their own two feet ..do you?

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Well…this is what I think about our movies… it’s high time that we stopped all these non-senses… and create something real, so that people can relate to the new and changing world and see what is really happening instead of living in some fantasy world where the man can do anything and nothing happens to him and the woman has to depend on man and can’t even decide on her own life… It’s so barbaric…

If cinema is a medium where we can project the unthinkable, can’t we atleast try to show the real life instead of living in the 6th century B.C.

All I am saying is time has changed.. new things are happening everywhere… but we still cling on to the old age thoughts, which may be good in a way.. but shouldn’t we also consider thinking outside the box… and may be possibly thinking about the present and the future….

It is a sad thing that highly talented actors like Shobhana, Revathi , and such like are not being able to be associated with Malayalam cinema like before, as they have crossed a certain age and they are not getting any good scripts to satisfy their talent… The heroes who started with them are still on the roll, dancing with the 20 year olds…

Don’t you think Malayalam cinema deserves a renaissance era??

You might be thinking now… isn’t this the case with Indian cinema in total… or may be with World Cinema…

I am only concerned with Malayalam cinema.. if we are not interested in mending our own house… what right do we have to criticise our neighbours??

Follow me !!!

2009-08-21T15:38:00.002+05:30

Women are obsessed with the idea of neatness... where ever they go they have this urge to keep it clean... they can ‘t just imagine the idea of a dirty dish lying there in the sink... or a finished coffee mug on their living room teepoi... They even clean up the house they visit...But men are just the opposite... they don ‘t mind having a little mess around... a lot , for that matter of fact.... They just leave things where ever they want to leave it... inappropriately... of course.... They can rule the world... but can ‘t take care of their own dirty clothes, cups, plates or shoes.... Why??? You may ask.... Because....

a) That ‘ s how our mother trained us to be....
Women always complain about men not helping them or sharing their household works... what really happens is that mothers train their sons to be lazy scumbags.. the prince who will eventually turn out to be the king of some castle.. when wives brag about their husband ‘ s childish irresponsible behaviour, what they don ‘t realise is that they are also bringing up a male child exactly like that.... "My mother always took care of everything in our house.. I never saw my father even lifting a paper, washing his own clothes or cleaning his plate... why can ‘t you be more like her?".... The truth is men want someone exactly like their mother as their wife..who takes care of them, cleans up after them, treat them like they are the most precious thing in the world and everything and everyone is inferior to them... only difference is with their wives they can have sex and have kids... and make wife jokes to their buddies....

What they don ‘ t understand is that, women also want someone like their father... who treats them like princess... who will be there for them no matter what, who makes them feel special....

So before even thinking of wanting a nice girl who can be a good wife to you and a great asset to your family... just check if you can be atleast an above average husband and is able to understand the fact that your ‘s is not the only family on the planet.....

b) Women get sick at the sight of this carelessly lying around filthy things that which doesn ‘t even belong to them... It is in their DNA... they can ‘t stand it... a messy woman is considered to be a man trapped in a woman ‘s body.... it is supposed to come naturally to them....

c) Superwoman - Women always feel ... if something has to be done in the right, perfect way, they have to do it by themselves.. they have a way and a place for everything.. which according to them, no one will ever understand...

So where ever the men go within the circumference of their own house... the policy is FOLLOW ME!!! or else you will be the one who suffers....
Thats why most of the women do not allow men in the kitchen... Because the more time they spend in there, the more messy it is supposed to get...and ofcourse they are doing it on purpose... so that you won ‘ t ask them for any help or sharing the so called household chores from now on... who is to blamed?

The mothers who discriminates their own kids on the basis of gender...and raises their sons to be kings and the daughters to be the peasant.... the women who has a way for anything and everything.... and does not get satisfied with anything.... or the men.... who just take advantage of the situation.. and just act totally innocent and ignorant.....

So mothers... please don ‘ t allow your sons to grow up like this... it is not going to have a pretty ending....

5 mistakes women make

2009-08-15T11:22:00.002+05:30

A friend of mine sent me this article which was written by a man and told me to spread the word..Some of the language is a bitstrongbut it ‘ s been a long time I read something so powerful.Enjoy the read everyone.

5 Mistakes Women Make - By Ekene Agabu

"Before I begin or rather let you into what I have written, I must confess that I had completed this article months ago but was a bit apprehensive in publishing it. I didn’t want to come across as being judgmental and if after reading this you feel judged or put down as a woman, please excuse my unskilled delivery, for that is not my intent. And if you feel that I have crossed the line as man sharing these with you, do not hesitate to express your disdain for my impetus.

Having said that, I feel qualified to write this as a man because I stand as an unbiased observer and also one who has had the opportunity to take advantage of these mistakes. But I must confess, we as men have been @$$#*%*$ . Where we should have given, we took; where we should have loved, we lusted and where we should have preserved, we devoured. As a Man, I must call myself to higher standards. Before I touch you, I must respect you like my mother, protect you like my sister and look out for your best interest like my baby – after all, that’s what I call you when I want you! We’ve failed to realize that the significance of our masculinity does not lie in how many girls we can dis-virgin but rather the honor we can bestow upon one. We fail to understand that the purpose of our strength and dominance is to defend and protect not to attack and destroy.

But the first mistake was not yours.You were born into a world that didn’t even give you the chance - the chance to be who you really are without any pressure or expectation. From day one you were unconsciously groomed from childhood to be an acceptable accessory to a man’s life. You were constantly made conscious of a false milestone that suggested your value was based upon a man finding you worthy to be his, instead of being made aware of who you are by virtue of your own unique existence. Your worth as a woman was reduced to two things; being a wife and your ability to bear a child– and in some cultures, you had to bear the right type of child. And if per chance you failed in one of these areas, you were nobody, no one – you are nothing.

Unfortunately, along the way, you may have made some mistakes in trying to fulfill this false notion of who you are supposed to be.Bad relationship after bad relationship continually emphasized the lie thatyou are nothing without a man.Not only do you sit there as one with mental wounds from childhood, but also with hurts and wounds that are self inflicted asyou sincerely tried to fulfillthe so called destiny of the woman – being someone’s woman.

As I share this with you, I do not come as one who claims to understand your plight, but rather I stand as one who has heard you. From my mother to my aunts to my cousins and my friends, I have heard you and will continue to listen whenever you speak.

That being said, I do not believe one is responsible for the things that are done or said to them, but I do know that one is responsible for allowing those things continue happening to them. It’s in this light that I share with you the five common mistakes women make in relationships.

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1) Your Personal Standards! Don‘t livewithout them!

By not setting your standard, you’ve just set the standard. The standards I speak of are not standards for the relationship; I speak of your personal standards irrespective of the relationship. What is your life’s moral compass? This could get a bit confusing, so let me explain. Often times, at a certain point in life, people turn to religion or society for some sort of moral guidance or law. It’s an acknowledgment of some sort that they have made numerous personal mistakes and are in probable search for a turn around. So you might be a young lady who practices a certain religion and professes that she will be a virgin until she gets married thereby claiming this new belief to be her standard. This is a religious/social belief that she has now adopted and not a personal standard.Your personal standards are born and realized from within you and become your principles rather than a law. A principle is born out of understanding; an understanding of who you are and why you are here on this earth. If you are roaming the earth like a lost sheep in search of a man to give you relevance, you will always find yourself jumping from relationship to relationship with each one leaving you even more confused than you were in the beginning. But when you understand that you are not here by chance and your presence on this earth has significant relevance, the aura about you changes and the people and things you accept into your life will only be a reflection of your internal essence or your personal standard. A man can cause you to go against a belief because it was never yours in the first place, but he can never sway you away from your principle because you are one with your principle.A lady who lives from her principles takes personal responsibility for her own actions and responses.She takes charge and never leaves her fate to the opinions or actions of men. She doesn’t get married with any man that her parents select for her becauseshe doesn’t need a man– she would want a man but she fully well understands that her worth is solely appraised on who she is and not who she’s with. She would not change her principle to have or keep a man. She doesn’t need to sleep with a man to have or keep him.She understands that whatever she can’t get by way of her principles will never be her own. That you are sleeping with a guy does not mean he’s yours. If you had to sleep with him to keep him, he was never yours in the first place. In the absence of your personal standards, you end up trying many things and many people, but you never experience the love that is already within you. Allow that love within to write your standards and begin to live from them. That love will never lead you astray, never ever!

2) Why are you making excuses for him…..again?

I have come to observe that ladies often see the man as the prize. So once it looks like they have him – especially if he appears to be a good one – they want to do everything in their power to keep him. I understand that, but I don’t accept that and neither should you.You are the Prize. We should fight over you and want to do things to get and keep you. We should want to make sure you are ok. A man who loves and respects a woman will never want her in doubt when it comes her knowing of his feelings towards her. When we are crazy about a woman, we are no longer the reserved and non emotional creatures you think we are. We become a mess - drooling internally when we think of you. We would never want you to feel you are on shaky ground concerning your status with us. We will publicly profess and show you to the whole world. We will put up a picture with you in it as the our profile pic, tag you in all photos you appear in and most importantly make sure that our status box shows that we are in a relationship with you. Yup, that’s what we do when we love you - we say it out LOUD! And when we are out and about with you, our professions are usually crystal clear: ‘Meet my girlfriend, Sandra’ or ‘Meet my fiance, Sandra.’ Not, ‘Meet Sandra’ who is Sandra??? When we love you, we want the world to know that we love you. But I get amazed when ladies see the writing on the wall and continually make excuses to justify a man’s blatant abuse towards them. What do I mean? Take for instance the introductions highlighted above; He introduces you as just ‘Sandra’: you know you don’t like it, but you make an excuse within yourself and say, ‘he’s a private kinda guy, he doesn’t like to publicly show stuff.’ Really? Ok, let me ask, “Are you enrolled in midnight gymnastics with him?” In other words has he bent your body in ways you didn’t think possible? Well, there is only one thing worse than a guy sleeping with a woman in secret; and that is, a woman allowing that to happen. Before you allow a man do to you privately what can affect you publicly, he must first of all acknowledge you publicly as the woman he respects and loves. If he can’t do that, you need to tell me why you are still sticking around. How can you allow a man to knock you up when you are just ‘Sandra’ to him?You know you deserve better, so stop the excuses.Instead of making excuses for him, take charge – not of him or the relationship, but of yourself.Never remain in an environment where your integrity is compromised.Remember, you are the prize and we should work hard to get and keep you. And after all our hard work,you still have a right to say NO.

3) Why are you looking for ‘something’ in a bag of ‘nothings?’

A few years ago, a friend who was engaged was getting ready for her wedding which was just a couple of months away at the time. She called me occasionally during the preparation process, but on this one phone call, things were pretty bad. She was mad, upset, disappointed and unhappy that she was marrying this guy. So I asked her why she was still going on with the wedding if she felt the marriage wouldn’t work out. She said to me that she did not want the last four years of her life spent with him to go to waste and besides the families are involved now and everybody was counting on her to go through with it. Hmmm! When she said this, I looked at my phone because I couldn’t look at her (she was in a different city) and in that instant – if I had a private jet – I would have flown to her city to give her a knock on her head - not a hard one, just a gentle knock - to help tilt her brain back to the center of her skull, because obviously it seemed out of balance with what she had just said to me. Let’s think about this, You are willing to screw up the next 50 years of your life, create babies in a hostile environment with a man you despise thereby screwing up the next generation, raising kids that would need therapy for the rest of their lives based on the abuse they will experience in that home, all because you don’t want the last four years of your life - 1,2,3,4 - to mean nothing and your family was counting on you to get married.. (I’m having a headache just rehashing the story). So you are trying to create a love marriage from a four year crappy relationship. Needless to say, this lady was a young beautiful 28yr old lawyer. With good life habits she could easily live another healthy 50 years. And here you are, willing to mortgage a future on four years with this jerk? She was desperately trying to make something out of nothing.If you’ve been in a long term relationship does not mean you should continually stay in it. Unfortunately for some ladies, it takes a while to see the light and muster up courage to get out of a bad situation. But when you see the light; RUN, GO, your life deserves it. If you don’t make that change, you’ll never know what’s out there? And when I say out there, I don’t mean what’s out there in another relationship; I mean what’s out there in you that you are yet to discover. Some of you ladies are afraid – afraid that you might not be married by a certain time. You begin the calculations, ‘Ok, I’m 23 now, if I break this up, how long will it take to find another guy and get married? Oooh! It may take another 4 years and I’ll be 27. No! I can’t be single at 25.” You are killing yourself with this kind of dialogue. Like she later said to me, she always saw herself married by 29. Needless to say, she was divorced by 29. They got married alright, but their divorce was made final before a possible 1st wedding anniversary.Sometimes we allow fear to dictate what we should do.We will never get from fear what love has to give. Love is bold, confident and fearless. Why are you scared? What are you scared of? Why are you letting fear keep you in a relationship that you know you don’t want? Why do you want to marry a guy or stay married to someone who has made you feel like trash? Why are you choosing to be with someone who is not crazy about you? Ok,so you are more concerned about looking good and successful on the outside at the expense of how you truly feel on the inside. You are too special for that.Let people think what they think, you know what you know and that’s all that should matter.Sometimes, we don’t believe; we don’t believe in ourselves, so we settle and then try to make something out of nothing.You can’t change another human being, it’s impossible. You haven’t even changed some things about yourself; how then do you think it possible to change another?

4) You’ve gotta think before you have his baby!

Often times when I’m in conversation with one of my numerous lady friends, something always cracks me up. I know they been having sex for years in and out of relationships and that fact is not hidden between us. But on some occasions, when I ask them if they have been pregnant before, their voice takes on a new tone of ‘How dare you?’ And then there is a resounding NO, like, ‘how could I get pregnant?’ Wait a minute! Am I missing something here? If you are having sex – sexual intercourse - you are potentially making a baby. You are filling in an application. As soon as he ejaculates into you, the application is submitted and the outcome of that process is no longer left to you or him but to the Department of Conception. And if they approve it, you become pregnant whether you want it or not. Sex is not just about the pleasure derived, neither is it an antidote for loneliness. Sex is Responsibility; meaning you will have to respond to the outcome of that sexual encounter and sometimes it could be a lifetime of responses especially when a child is conceived. And when that child is born, you will forever have a symbol representing your union with your ex. Once a child is conceived, there is no moving on from that relationship. It begins the strongest bond known between a man and a woman. That man holds a special place in your heart regardless of how you feel about him today. You may have an abortion in trying to cut any future ties to this man, but may I have you know that the power of conception outweighs the power of birth. For something to be born, it has to be conceived. We are all on this earth first because of conception then birth.Without conception they will be no birth but without birth there can be conception. A strong bond is created when you allow a man’s sperm to start life within you. It is a major privilege to give to someone and not everyone should have that kind of access to you. If a man is horny and wants to be relieved, tell him to use his hand. You are no object and certainly no substitute for a man’s hand. So if you don’t want to have his baby, don’t make his baby.

(This was thestrong languageI was talking about)...

5) I know there’s Pressure, but why are you under it?

I have come to observe that whether she’s 21 or 30, she always feels she’s running out of time. One thing you must understand is thatpressure is not real. You are realand when you give attention to or come under the dominance of something that is impotent, you give it potency – you give it power. That is why this thing we call ‘pressure’ has the effect it has. You give it the effect. You are the effect. Sometimes we are driven by those voices of ignorance that may have come from people we love, so we try hard to get into a relationship and make it work. “Oh! This one has to work ‘ coz I’m almost 25.” Screw him and screw 25.You are more valuable to yourself and to the world than the timeline of your eggs or your age.Your world will not come to an end if you are not married by 25 or even 35; in fact, it may just be beginning!

A few years ago, a lady friend of mine, who was 27 at the time called me up to talk about her ‘man ‘ troubles. During our conversation, I remembered that she had always been in a relationship since she was 18. She confessed to me that she didn’t want to be alone; actually she didn’t know how to be alone. You see, you do yourself a huge injustice when you spend your formative years interrupted. Relationship interrupts. It stops your creative and intellectual development and gives strength to your emotional cravings which should still be asleep. Your formative years are years you spend forming your personality and your identity in readiness for your service to the world. Unfortunately, ladies give that time and space to some guy – a guy who may not even be in your life past your 23rd birthday.
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Have we as men failed you? Oh yes we have! As fathers some of us weren’t present in your young life. As uncles, instead of being fond of you, we fondled you. As friends we were more focused on the benefits instead of the sacrifice. We used you when we should have added value. We took advantage instead of giving the advantage. We failed you quite all right, but you don’t have to do to yourself what we did to you –You don’t have to fail yourself. You can’t afford to fail yourself.You are the door to humanity. Life has to go through you to enter this earth. Even God needed a woman to come back into the world.

There’s no need to dumb yourself down or compromise your true integrity.We need the true you. We can’t exist without you and we will adjust to whatever standard you set for us – so why not make it high, why not make it YOU?"..
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Hope you enjoyed reading this piece.. I sure did...

Wife Jokes

2009-08-14T20:56:00.001+05:30

To Married Women Everywhere....

This is what your significant other (s) is thinking, talking and feeling behind your backs....
(Wife Jokes copied and pasted from a website.....)

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1) My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.

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2) My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

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3) A good wife always forgives her husband when she ‘ s wrong.

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4) After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."

The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn ‘ t notice."

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5) When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
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6) I haven ‘ t spoken to my wife in 18 years - I don ‘ t like to interrupt her.
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7) A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it since the thief was spending much less than his wife did.
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8) Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, You wish you had ordered that.

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9) Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

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10) A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
The father replied, "I don ‘ t know son, I ‘ m still paying."

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11) Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn ‘ t know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.

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12) Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late".

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13) A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same : "You can have mine."
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14) A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said," Dad! I ‘ ve found a woman just like mother"
His father replied, "So what do you want? sympathy?"
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15) If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

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16) I married Miss Right. I just didn ‘ t know her first name was Always.
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17) It ‘ s not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.

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18) Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
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Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.
They ‘ ve experienced pain and bought jewellery.

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How do most men define marriage?
An expensive way to get your laundry done free (if you know what I mean).

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First guy (proudly): "My wife ‘ s an angel!"
Second guy: "You ‘ re lucky, mine ‘ s still alive.
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The most effective way to remember your wife ‘ s birthday is to forget it once.
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Before marriage WIFE is a
Wonderful Instrument For Enjoyment
After marriage WIFE becomes
Worries Invited For Ever
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Have fun......

Watch TV shows online for free

2009-03-09T19:24:00.011+05:30

When I moved to UK for my higher studies, I was living in this shared house with my other student friends. We didn't have a TV and we couldn't afford to buy one and to pay for the license. Days passed, without a TV, without my fav shows and characters.. for a TV addict like me, this was something unimaginable. I was totally losing it.

I couldn't concentrate on my studies or my social life.. because of my addiction to TV... Then, I started searching the internet for the solution to my 'big' problem... I know.. I sound shallow... not having a TV to watch is not the end of the world...there are people with much bigger problems in the world..

But for me.. a person who was so obsessed with the sitcoms and dramadies ..this was an actual problem.. after a lot of search...getting registered into so many sites (because only registered users can watch anything)... most of the sites ask you to pay a certain amount to be with your favs... (f I had the money for that.. I would have bought the damn TV and paid for the license)..

So after a loooong search.. I found some sites which is really helpful and convenient..now I watch my favourite TV shows whenever I want and guess what.. it is totally free and you don't even have to register to anything...

Now I am living in another shared house.. eventhough we have a TV now... I don't watch it... because... now I don't watch TV on their schedule... I watch it whenever I want to watch it online..

Then I thought... perhaps there are others who are in the same (or remotely the same) position that I am in.. who wants to watch TV online for free..because of so many reasons... so I thought why don't I just help them out.. and make them happy..like the way I am right now...

Here are some of the websites where you can watch your fav TV shows.

http://www.surfthechannel.com/

http://www.veoh.com/

http://www.video.yahoo.com/

http://www.youku.com/

http://www.sina.com.cn/

http://www.tudou.com/

take care and have fun..

Back to the Future

2008-12-17T03:10:00.004+05:30

I am in the middle of reading Niffenegger's The Time Traveler's Wife..borrowed from a dear friend of mine.. so far the book hasn't put me into sleep..so I am guessing it is going to have a nice ending...the book is about a guy who has a genetic disorder which causes him to unvoluntarily travel through time..

I have always been fascinated by time travelling..probably the reason why I saw Back to the Future Triology a thousand times.. being obessessed with the TV series, Heroes... and reading this international best seller now...

I used to (still) get these visions of my 'self' travelling through time..I just wanted to share this with somebody..so here goes..

Vision No: 1
Time - (Begiinning of the year 2007)..

I was working at a college in Kerala at that time.. so hooked up (still am) on Heroes and the Japanese time traveller Hiro Nakamora... after getting down from the bus, I had to walk for almost 10 mins through a field in order to get to the college.. as I am always early..nobody else will be there on these roads.. so there I was walking with my bag and umbrella..as usual talking to myself..suddenly I find myself somewhere else..wearing the same clothes.. I couldn't make out the place or the time..it seemed like a corridor..but is it?? not sure..so I stand there bewildered..looking around..having no idea what to do.. suddenly I see somebody coming towards me.. I couldn't make out who it was at first..then the image got closer..

IT WAS ME !!

I had short hair..(like I have right now).. I was a little fatter..but good fat.. I was wearing a suit.. kind of a business woman..I liked that look.. immediately I realised I AM IN THE FUTURE..my future.. I spared the introduction to my future 'self'.. and asked,

"What year is it?"

"Itz 2012"...(she had this English accent, which is like, she has been living in an English speaking country for sometime now)..

"5 years.. 5 years in the future..so how are you?"..

"I am great..How are you doing?"..

"OK..lets make it short.. what happened?"..

"What do you mean?"..

"Something bad must have happened.so you wanted to change it..isn't that why you called me here?"..

"I didn't call anybody.. you came by your own"..

"Oh..Ok.. by the way.. you look good"..

"Thanks"..

"Why did you cut your hair short?"..

"coz..I like it this way"..

"Oh..that's new..so.. where are you?? what are you doing now"?

"I am sorry..I can't tell you anything"..

"Oh come on.. tell me something so that I can work on it"..

"No..Sorry"..

"Wait a minute.. you are not... you are not 'married'.. are you?? please tell me .. you are not married"..

" I told you.. I can't tell you anything"..

Oh..nooooooo... you are married.. how could you do that to me !!! "... I started whining and she ( I mean 'me') didn't say anything until I stopped.. when I stopped, she looked at me and asked..

"Are you done?".. she seemed so calm, peaceful, confident and successful..which was so unlike me.. there was something comforting about her.. I felt safe.. I felt like a girl being stubborn with her mother for not buying her favourite toy.. I didn't know what to say..

"Listen... I didn't tell you that I was married"..

"So.. you're not married"..

"I didn't say that either"..

"So you are neither 'single' nor 'married'.. oh my god!! divorced..thats even worse.. if you are widowed..then I would say.."wow"..if that's the case..you got rid of the guy..and its not your fault.. plus you get all the sympathy"...

"Wilya just shut up for one minute?".. (there was that English accent again)..

"Where are you?? I mean which country?"..

"I can't tellya"..

"Ok.. you don't want to say anything..fine.. I will just guess that you are married"..

"Why are so obessessed with this whole idea of 'marriage'...itz not an entirely bad thing"..

"Ok..don't try to brain wash me"...

"I am not trying to do anything... listen..even if I am married..which I am not saying I am..or I am not.. don't you think that it would have happened bcoz it was the right time to happen"..

"Yeah..right"..

"Listen..things happen..whether you do something or don't do anything..but remember whatever happens it will only happen when you are absolutely ready for it.. even if it is cutting your hair short"..

For sometime, we didn't talk to each other..then she broke the silence...

"I think itz time forya to go back to your time?".. ( I wasn't sure how though..) but I said..

"OK"..

I turned around ( I didn't know how that's gonna help).. and turned back to her.. she was kindly waiting for me to leave..I asked her..

"Hey..are you....are you happy?"...

She smiled.. I know that smile.. its the one I usually give out when I am all by myself.. when nobody is watching me.. the sincere one.. and she replied..

"More than you could ever imagine"..

Thats all I wanted to hear.. before I knew I was back to my time and on my way to college again..wondering whether it all actually happened or was it a blackout or just a fantasy ride..

And guess what.. after 8 months..I was actually on my way to an English speaking country with my hair cut short..

May be I was just seeing the way I wanted to see my'self' in the future...

Dreams..Dreams..So Amazing!!!

2008-08-17T02:07:00.005+05:30

I think I am changing... my attitude, my character, my outlook, my demands, my needs and everything else is changing... maybe because I have finally reached a stage where I realise that I can't have the things I want... it is easy to say what you want..but earning it is an entirely different thing...

I have always wondered... what would have happened to me if I had taken a different path.. a different choice... a different turn.. what would my life will be now??

I am really tired these days.. it is not only tiredness.. I am bored, frustrated, disappointed, disgusted, irritated, annoyed and all those other bad things that one could think of.

I am sleeping a lot... which I am not supposed to.. because of the kind of work I have to do.. but I love to sleep, because of these amazing dreams I have..I have always been awed by my dreams... they have these amazing continuity and structure...its like watching a movie or something...

The best part is... all my story ideas happen in my dreams.. not only that .... all the wonderful ideas I had so far happened in my dreams... the dreams that I see when I sleep in the afternoon...I call it my 'idea nap'... after the afternoon nap.. I will have atleast three story threads at hand...

But my night sleeps.. the real ones a human being has to take.. are so alive and exciting... it always reminds me of my past... my ornamental teenage years.. which I need to forget ...but the ones which I never want to....

Yesterday... (I really cant call it yesterday..as I went to sleep today at 3am).. I saw Him in my sleep... as always.. standing where He usually stands.. He was going inside His house... He looked old.. there were traces of greyness in his hair... and he also had a thick moustache.. of which He seemed so proud of... I thought He will shut the door like He always does.. He has this amazing way of breaking my heart.. of which He is an expert... to my surprise.. He didnt.. He came out and he looked at me and he smiled at me.. eventhough I was sleeping at that time..I could feel my heart beat.. He came a little further and waved his hand towards me... finally, after all these years He acknowledged my presence, my existence...my being infront of him... I smiled back at him with gratitude.. I was asking for forgiveness through my eyes... for leaving Him, for leaving us, everything we had... to chase my dreams...I was selfish.. I was prudent... I was afraid of losing... but what I never realised was I already lost the best thing that has ever happened to me...He never said a word.. He maintained his silence throughout the years.. now I realise.. the reason why he always shut the door whenever he saw me.. was because he knew what was going to happen between us.. he knew the whole time.. he just wanted me to realise it by myself...

Everyone has moved on..including Him...what about me?? I was the one who left..without even giving an explanation..but it seems like.. I stayed behind.. with my memories and my dreams... which I believe will stay with me for as long as I live...because the only way I can see Him ever again.. is in my memories which are so vague and foggy...and in my amazing dreams...

Burn Fat Burn !!!!

2008-07-06T20:27:00.002+05:30

I was considered to be a puny child.. in my early teen years I was an extremely thin girl who invited everybody's attention... Often, people used to ask my mother about my eating habits and she had to answer them politely..and get angry with me later for no reason at all...

I enjoyed being slim.. because I looked good in the mirror..those buldging bones on my lower neck.... fleshless hands and especially and more importantly those flat abs..ah..those were the days!!!

When I hit the age 18.. my body started changing..from nowhere I became 52 kgs from 39 kgs.. which was really good for my height.. and I acquired a certain structure for my body which was widely appreciated and admired...

Well... that was only for a short time..after that I started to takeup an eating disorder and everything went out of control...within 2 years of time I have gained 14 kgs and didnt even notice it...it was when I started to suffer severe pain in my right knee and we consulted a doctor and she told me to reduce weight...

It was not so easy to reduce weight when you live with your parents.. as they never allow you to diet...because "you look fine to me... and you don't eat what ever you are supposed to eat..and if you start diet.. I am telling you ..you will disappear and we will have to search for you"... good joke..

That was the time when I moved to Tamil nadu for my masters'.. and stayed at the hostel.. one of my degree classmate was there with me and she was shocked to see me as I caused her to suffocate because of my overweight...

Somehow I made a decision to lose some weight and become my old self... but it was not easy.. as I was in mid 20s and it is not that easy to lose weight at that age...but anyhow..I was determined...

Our hostel had a gym..free of cost and I was the only one who used it constantly.. our hostel food was so terrible that I was actually happy to go on a diet...

After 3 months of diet and exercise... I lost 9 kilos.... I became jealous of myself.. but I didn't stop there.. I worked even harder and lost 3 more kilos... now I was back where I started... 6 yrs ago...

But as I was progressing in my weightloss venture, I became more greedy and tried even harder... by that time I was back home after my studies...surrounded with good food and encouragement to eat more and more.. but I controlled myself and managed to lose 2 more kilos thus acquiring a very balanced BMI for my height...

When I came to UK.. I was 48 kgs.. I was so happy and proud of myself that I let myself slide away from diet and exercise..so after 8 months of no dieting and on and off exercise routines I have gained 8 kilos... which is outrageous..now I am at the border line of being overweight as before...

So I have started my diet and exercises on a full swing..only thing is I am not losing weight as fast as I did 3 yrs ago... it is very hard now.. I have to work twice as hard as before.. may be because of the increase in age and the character of my daily routines are the main cause..

I have to lose 6 kilos and 20 inches all through my body in total... I am not sure how long its going to take ...but I will reach there eventually...

Whenever I go to the gym or do my ab exercises inside my room, I always get tired or bored pretty fast.. so I just say to myself... Burn..fat..burn.. as a motivational slogan in order to pull myself up and work even harder...

Outperforming 'X' a.k.a The 'X' Factor

2008-06-24T17:45:00.004+05:30

Based on a true story

If there seemed to be any resemblance to the characters or the incidents mentioned, it is purely on purpose.

Do you have someone in your life, whom you regret to have known or befriended? Whom you can't get out of your mind, no matter how much you try?

The worst thing is whatever you do, you do it to show them and make them regret what they have done to you, but it doesn't affect them at all, and it kind of back fires at you and there is nothing you can do about it.

I have someone like that in my life. Lets call this person 'X', shall we? I will also be referring 'X' as 'It', as an effort taken inorder to not to reveal 'Its' true gender.

I met X in my early teen years. Even though, we had heard about each other as someone's daughter or son, we never really interacted with each other. We belonged to different social circles and we didn't have any common friends at that moment.

As fate had already got its blueprint, X and I met and became acquaintances and slowly we became good friends. One thing about X is that, you can either hate or love X, but you just can't ignore X.

X is very nice, sweet, understanding and all those other things that you expect from a friend. Without your knowledege, you will start believing in whatever X tells you, because X is a good narrator and a story teller.

Well... this is what 'X' pretends to be.. in reality X is cunning, crude, pretentious, hyprocritic, manipulative,a liar and whatever other negative traits you can come up with.. X can define it to you by Its doings and sayings...

I had the misfortune to be associated with X for sometime in my life...and I regret that from the bottom of my heart.. Eventhough X and I haven't met each other in person for over 10 years now..we are still 'good' friends and we still keep in touch through emails and forwaded messages..It even calls me once in a blue moon...

I began to realise what X really is.. when It stabbed me on the back, when I least expected it.. or didn't expect it at all.. that was the time when I came to know..the true face of X.. the one I saw... was all an act... and I could never imagine it in my wildest dreams..I actually trusted X and told It my inner most secrets.. and It used all those things against me.. and even publicised it...

When I confronted X, well.. I never got a chance for that..and I don't want too..because I know no good can come out of it..

When I told our common friends, what X is really like.. they didn't believe me.. infact, they told me that I am jealous of X, because of Its positivity in everything.. I was absolutely shocked...

I lost some of my friends when I stopped my friendship with X.. those were friendship with association...

Now, X has become this obsession with me..whatever I do, I do it to show X that I am leading a better life than It... when I did my education.. when I went to work.. when I lost my excess weight.. when I passed some prestigious exams.. when I got admission to some of the universities in England...when I came to England for my higher studies.. and the kind of life that I lead right now...its all something I want X to know.. whenever I go somewhere I take my camera with me.. so that I can take some pictures of the beautiful places I see and put it in orkut..so that X can see it and get jealous.. but..nooooo...X doesn't even care.. what I do, where I go... doesn't make an impact on X..

Eventhough we are in completely different sectors of the career industry, X has made it clear to me that whatever I do for a living is everyone's cup of tea..and doesn't need any effort or training to do it.. and what It does for the daily bread is only possible for people of high intelligence...whatever chance It gets to shatter my self-confidence, It never avoids those oppurtunities...

Its really sad when I think about it.. one of my best friendship has taken this ugly turn and can't be mended anymore... but X has taught me alot about life and myself..

X has taught me not to trust anybody and keep a distance from everybody.. whatever you see doesn't have to be whatever you get.. and most importantly, I am not the loser that I think I am...

Eventhough, X has hurt me so bad... It has become this motivational force that I use to achieve my goals...everything that I do is to outperform X.. the X factor is pretty strong in my life..whenever I want to lose some fat (like right now).. or I want to try out something completely new and I am scared to death to do so.. I just think about how I want to appear before X.. and that's all I need to do.. everything else will fall into place..

Even now.. I am thinking... on a bizzare occassion.. X reads my blog, calls me up and asks me , "Is this about me?".. and once and for all.. I would like to say,

" Not everything in this world is about you"...

Ain't it amazing!!!

2008-06-23T02:16:00.003+05:30

Two days ago I decided to take my blogging seriously, a medium to use inorder to express my creative outlet... I sat down and began to write about the things that I want to write in my blog.. including my story ideas...

Until now.. I have come up with 27 different things to write in my blog space... I think its really cool!!!

To have alot of stuffs to say about yourself.. the people around you... your take on things.. the things you have seen, heard, said and imagined...

After writing about one thing.. I will cut it out of the list and replace it with another one... its going to be a never ending process...

So here I am.. taking this media seriously and with a list of things to speak out...

World Wide Web.. here I come !!! with the mightiest weapons ever... a keyboard and an unstoppable brain....

JLM (Part 2)

2008-06-22T01:27:00.006+05:30

So where were we?? Ah..yes..2 Sierra's... Let's call the receptionist Sierra.. Sierra A......and the other one Sierra B..

Sierra A... so disappointed in herself and in the world... strongly starts to believe the existence of the cult and begins to hate herself.. stops talking to her family.. stops going out of the house except to the office... becomes some sort of an anti-social...

Sierra B..on the otherhand.. starts to believe in herself and the people around her.. shows considerable amount of potential in the job.. improves herself through attending some workshops.. plans to rent an apartment at the upper west side of Manhattan..a place she wanted so badly, for quite some years now...

December 31st... 2006..

Both Sierra's go to the office new year's party.. both of them have only one thing in their mind.. 'Kevin'...

Eventhough Sierra B was in the 25th floor all this time... she didn't really get a chance to meet Kevin..as he was away for business purposes on several occassions...

Sierra B sees Kevin and walks towards him preparing herself to say 'hai' in her mind... she reaches his left side and without wasting much time, she says 'hai'...

Sierra B: 'Hai'

Kevin : 'Hai'

Sierra B gives out her hand for a shake: 'Sierra Anderson, business executive'..

Kevin: 'Kevin Bradley.. Vice President'.. (they shake hands)...

Sierra B (in her mind):'I know who you are!'..

Kevin: 'Hey.. weren't you one of the receptionist?'

Sierra B: (Oh..so you did notice me!!)... Yes..yes I was..but not any more...

At this time.. Sierra A comes to the scene.. she sees Kevin..walks towards him with a trembling body and heart..stands to his right side..turned to the other side..

Sierra A to herself: Just say 'hai'.. its not so hard.. its just a word 'hai'.. just say it .. will you?? Come on.. (practices different ways to say 'hai')

hai.. Hai.. HAI... oh my God!! Oh my God !!...

By this time.. Kevin and Sierra B were talking to each other.. they were really hitting it off...

Kevin: 'Hey.. are you interested in seeing my art collection in my office room?'

Sierra B: 'Sure.. I would love too...' ( I just want to be with you)...

Kevin: 'Ok then..come with me...'

They leave the party...

When Sierra A turns back, ready to say 'hai' she sees Kevin leaving the room with 'another' woman whose face she couldn't see...

Kevin and Sierra B goes to his office room and sees his art collection.. Sierra B is actually amazed by the kind of person Kevin is...

It was almost midnight... Sierra A leaves the party..as she is not interested in staying any more...She goes home, opens a bottle of vodka and starts drinking..

Kevin and Sierra B goes to the roof top.. and at the stroke of midnight.. they kiss each other...(as this is something westerners normally do.. they kiss each other at the stroke of midnight on New years')..

....to be continued

Just Like Me (Part 1)

2008-06-18T13:59:00.006+05:30

This is the name of a movie script that I have in mind.. I know.. the very idea of me trying out something like this.. is outrageous.. but.. it is something that my brain does.. I can't just shut it off...

This is an English film.. starring Me..(that is my 'desire to be an actress' talking)....This is about a girl having two lives at the same time.... It is about how one event can change your entire life...

So as I go through the plot I would like you to picturise the scenes.. It wouldn't be that hard.. I apologise in advance for all the cliche's and imperfectness...as you know.. it is just me.. so here goes...

JUST LIKE ME

Year: 2006
Place: Manhattan, New York

Sierra Anderson is a 26 year old Receptionist working at a big investment company in Manhattan for over three years. She lives alone at a crappy apartment in Manhattan. Sierra is not at all happy with her current life. As she knows, that, she can do more in the company she works for besides attending calls and receiving mails. She is also qualified for a higher position.

Sierra's parents live at Brooklyn. They own a restaurant there and is not at all satisfied with Sierra or her career choice. According to them, she is a disgrace to her siblings. (Sierra has one elder brother, and an elder sister -lawyer and architect- they are just for namesake, they don't have much role in the movie)..

Sierra has a best friend 'Sam'antha.. They have been friends with each other for more than 10 years. Sam is a florist..

Now comes the big problem.. Sierra believes that everybody hates her and they are all members of some kind of a cult that is named 'Let's hate Sierra'.. She thinks that everyone out there is to get her.. and wants to destroy her self confidence by ignoring her or by paying her false compliments.. for ex:- if she sees somebody she knows on the road and they are talking over the phone at that time, she would say that, that person is pretending to talk over the phone, so that they can avoid her.. If someone pays her a compliment, she thinks they mean the exact opposite thing.. she believes that everybody is laughing behind her back.. Until now, she can't find a reason for why people hate her so much..as she is a nice, friendly girl..because of this attitude she doesn't have that many friends... she also blames everyone, especially God when something bad happens to her.. she believes that this is all the result of the cult..she is also the proud owner of an alarm clock that doesn't work..

Sierra works on the 22nd floor of the company, and all the big shots of the firm have their offices at the 25th floor.. Sierra has a huge crush on a guy named (well.. lets call him) 'Kevin' for three years now and she has never talked to him.. ( I have Rahul khanna in my mind for this role.. pretty cool...ha) Kevin works at the 25th floor.. as she doesn't have the nerve to go over and talk to him, she began to convince herself that Kevin is a womaniser and a casanova type, so there is no point in talking to him, as he wouldn't be interested in talking to a receptionist..

In her mind, she knows that she is deeply in love with Kevin and her heart beats thrice as fast,whenever he comes down to the 22nd floor, and gives her a courtesy smile on his way to meet someone..

One moonlit night, she writes a heartfelt letter to Kevin, telling him how much she loves and adores him.. and how she can't even imagine him being with someone else..but she never gives this letter to him.. (don't forget this letter)..

One day, when she reaches her office ( her office time is 9 to 5.. except for Mondays.. it is 11 to 6 on Mondays. so she has a tendency to sleep in on Mondays)...one of the supervisor called Sierra to her office and told her that there is a new position opening up at the firm.. and she would like Sierra to have the job, as she has been around for some time and also she is qualified for the same..She is asked to meet the CEO on November 5th, Monday.. as that is the only day he is going to be around and that too only for 15 mins..So she is asked to meet him informally at 10 am... eventhough the job is already been set to be given to her, she has to meet him before he leaves for a 3 month business tour.. if she fails to do so, the position will be passed on to someone else before he leaves..

Sierra becomes ecstatic... as she knew after getting this job her entire life will change.. she can move to a nice place...she can afford the things she always wanted to have..she waits anxiously for November 5th.. she preps herself for the meeting..(I don't know why I chose Nov 5th.. may be its the influence of the Back to the Future, Triology..)..

Before you know..it was Sunday, November 4th.. Sierra was really happy thinking what the future beholds..she drank a little too much that day out of happiness.. she set her alarm clock to half past 7.. and went to sleep...

She woke up the next morning and found out that it is already quarter past 9... and her damn alarm let her down once again...she immediately put on the dress she had already ironed and kept ready for the day... it tears up really bad.. so she had to get another dress from her messy closet and puts it on... she runs with all her papers and gets into a taxi..the route the taxi driver takes was already jammed because of an accident.. she was stuck in traffic jam for sometime..by the time she reached the office it was already 10 o'clock... she heads to the elevator and sees an 'OUT OF ORDER' sign on it.. so she uses the stairs instead to reach the 25nd floor...it was already 20 past 10... and the CEO was leaving in his helicopter from the roof.. his assistant told her that he already appointed someone for the post just before he left...a disppointed, frustated Sierra goes back to 22nd floor to her desk and saw someone coming out of the elevator... she asks the person about the OUT OF THE ORDER sign and turns out somebody was playing a prank on them by putting up the 'OUT OF THE ORDER' sign.. (Cut there.. now we are going back to an alternate day)...

November 5th...

Sierra wakes up... she notices the dress she is about to wear is a litte torn on the side.. so she puts on another one.. she gets into a different taxi.. the driver chooses a different route than the previous one.. she reaches the building 5 minutes to 10... she runs to the elevator..sees the 'out of the order' sign... at the same moment.. the service elevator on the corner opens up... she gets in and reaches the 25th floor... just in time for the interview... she has an informal chat with the CEO... he gets really pleased with her...gives her the job and asks the supervisor who recommended her to take her to her designated office room and start an expense account by Sierra's name... both Sierra and the supervisor comes out of the CEO's office.. and goes towards the long corridor.. Sierra looks at the clock on the wall and it is 20 past 10... at the exact same moment the 'other' Sierra comes in and talks to the assistant and finds out that she lost the job...

Now we have 2 Sierras'... one with the high position working at the 25th floor and the other one, the receptionist working at the 22nd floor... both working at the same building at the same time...

From here on.. the alternate life of Sierra Anderson begins..

I hope you liked it so far..

It is time for a break now...

INTERVAL

There is no reason for passion

2008-06-17T17:58:00.005+05:30

I am in the middle of watching the first part of Indiana Jones for the first time..kind of like one aspect of the character.. his passion for archaeology and expedition...he risks his life for his passion..

I think every living man/woman should have a passion in their life... something they would dedicate their lives for..something they don't mind giving their life for..

Do I have one of those?? Am I passionate about something? I know I like a lot of stuffs.. but am I passionate about those things?? I don't know... I am pretty serious about being a writer sometime in my life.. (I hope it is not too late)... I am really interested in travelling the world...I also have this crazy idea of becoming an actress.. I guess we can cut that off the list... umm.. so writing, travelling, acting.. lets see .. what else... I am interested in playing sports..like badminton, tennis, squash and the like... but it can't be considered as passion..it is something that I am interested in.. thats all...

I am creative in a way..so to speak... I really like my profession.. teaching... I have proved myself to be good at it.. in all possible way...

I think I still have to find out what am I really passionate about?? I guess everything I do I should do it with passion.. just to get a kick of it...

What is in a title??? I would say everything!!!

2008-06-11T00:33:00.004+05:30

The idea of having a catchy title has always intrigued me.. I am a sucker for titles.. whenever I think about writing something I don't think about what I am going to write... I think about what title should I give for whatever I am going to write.. Once I decide the title, then I draw the graph of the subject for my writing..

Even now.. I thought about the title first and then these words.. I guess its a journalism trick I picked up from reading all those gossip columns in tabaloids..

The title can actually make somebody interested in the topic.. actually it is the title which sparks the enthusiasm of the reader.. if you read an headline which says, "Politician visited Barbados with his wife".. the first impression of the reader would be "So.. big deal!!!".. but if the title is "Politician taking a vacation at Barbados with a woman".. you really want to read it .. eventhough you have no interest in politics or politicians...

That is the magic of Titles..it will turn on your curiosity and will definitely kill the cat...

My day out

2008-06-08T01:06:00.006+05:30

I hate shopping for clothes.. the looking, the crowd.. the fitting room.. the holding .. the queues, the paying..its such a drag.. but I do like the idea of having lots of clothes... clothes to wear at home... night dresses..sports outfits..fitness clothes.. casual dresses.. summer clothes..different varieties of clothes..filling up the entire wardrobe...

Shopping for clothes have always been a problem for me..I never know what I want.. I am never satisfied with what I see.. and I always regret what I bought after coming home...

But I was desperate.. all my clothes were out dated and I started to hate them.. all my jeans lost my attention...so I decided to go shopping anyway as I was in a pretty bad shape...

I didnt want to go alone.. so I asked couple of my friends to accompany me.. but unfortunately they were busy with their own things... so I went alone to the city...it has been a while since I went to the city.. so I was pretty excited as I always love going to the city..its energetic, it has got this amazing flow and you just want to go with it without hesitating..

On my way, I saw a nude cycle rally from my bus... naked men and women were riding bicycles and cheering something loudly... I couldnt make out what they were saying... people were standing on the street and taking pictures.. the only thing that I thought then was that.. is such a thing possible from where I come from.. nope.. not even in someone's wildest dreams...

So there I was.. out off the bus.. in the city... and all I had in my mind was to buy a couple of jeans and head back home.. yeah..right...like that is what really happened..

So I was walking on the street.. I saw GAP.. I mean the store.. GAP store... I have always heard on the american sitcoms I watch.. the characters talk about GAP and their shopping experiences there.. so I had this idea that the clothes they wear on the show must be coming from stores like GAP.. so I crossed the road and went in... It was a small store.. not something I had in mind..

I went in and scrolled through the TOP section..nothing seemed to entice me..this has always been a problem .. I have never found a TOP that satisfies me.. not even close...either they are too long or too short..or low necked or low back.. or there must be wrong with everything...by any chance if I like a TOP then it must be really expensive..so I moved on to other sections..watching people trying out their outfits .. discussing the matching and unmatching pairs..

Then I spotted the Jeans section.. without wasting my time I went in searching for the pair of jeans which will make me happy... I dont know much about jeans or any form of clothing for that matter..but I was determined to get skinny jeans instead of wide bottoms... so I was looking and I found jeans with a 32 inch waist.. I have always considered myself to be a waist person.. mainly because it runs in our family and sadly because it is the truth...

I took this 32 inch jeans and a 30 inch jeans..hoping that it will fit me... went to the fitting room.. put on the 30 inch one first..on one side yearnin it to be my exact size and on the other scared whether I will rip it off... to my surprise it was loose for me... I was a little bewildered at that time... I thought may be its a mistake... so I ignored what happened... and I tried on the 32 inch one.. again.. it was loose for me... it was obvious... so I went out and took a 29 inch jeans... went in and tried it on... again ... it was loose... I was ecstactic... no..really!!!

Then I took a 28 inch jeans and went in ... that was a perfect fit..within all angles... so I bought it ....actually I bought 3 of them...

I paid for it.. again I went in to the TOP section.. hoping I will find something now.. but I didnt..so I got out of GAP..

Next I went into NEW LOOK.. I think its a new store... it was pretty impressive and expensive at the same time... couldnt find anything so I moved on...

Next I went to PRIMARK...its claimed to be the cheapest cloth shopping centre in Brighton.. so I went in..looked around... there were lots of stuffs which I liked and cheap too...but one look at the cash counter I changed my mind about buying something... it may take me 5-10 minutes to select something, try it on and decide what I want.. but it will take me the whole day to get paid for it..so I got out..

Then I wandered through the city .. it was lunch time.. I wanted to try out the KFC restaurant at the city... I actually work part time in one of the KFC branches..I just wanted to check what is the difference between the two.. may be this one has something that we dont have.. I went in..looked at the menu..its exactly the same..so I got out.. went into McDonald's and had a chicken sandwich and banana milkshake...

Then I went to the other side of the street.. casually checked through the stores.. actually bought a couple of TOPS... and some workout clothes..went to the bus stop.. saw that my bus wont come for another 20 mins..

So I started walking to the other side.. the side from where I came from.. went into a bookstore.. saw so many tempting books.. the ones that you want soo badly..but can't because you know..once you buy them it will lose your attention.. it will become something that fills up your space.. so I got out from there too...

Next.. I went into MARK & SPENCER... a pretty famous store around the world.. it wasnt that crowded... I went in..looked around.. found somethings I liked.. paid for it...got out... I checked and there was just 1 min for my bus to come.. so I waited... holding my bags...

Within no time.. I reached home.. unpacked my stuffs and tried it on..for some bizzare reason..I liked what I bought... organised my cupboards...

Took a bubble bath... saw some TV... read a magazine and went to sleep...

It wasnt a hectic day.. but its something that I should do more often... get out there..feel new things.. see new people.... instead of locking myself in and complaining about what I dont have...what I should do is to get out there and appreciate what I have in my hand... before its too late...

...and then she touched me!!!

2008-06-03T00:34:00.006+05:30

I finally did it.. or ..had it... I was waiting for this my entire life.. I can't actually believe that it has happened..after all these years..
I have only seen it on TV and heard about it and dreamt about it in my sleep... for several nights the thought of it has put me into sleep... and the best thing is that I can have it whenever I want to.. the only problem is whether it will be available when I want it...

Before today, I just had it once.. it was not that satisfying... the room was so narrow and smelly.. the bed was made of hard wood and there was nothing on it... the worst part was I was dissatisfied the whole time...

But today...I had it the way I wanted it to be... I wasn't planning for it.. but I really wanted to try it out.. I heard our campus is offering this kind of services..I wanted to get one on my b'day, but couldnt..as it was all booked up and no one was available... so today after going to the gym I just stopped by and asked for a free time slot... luckily, for me there was something available..they asked me to come back after 2 hrs..

I came back home.. thinking about what is going to happen to me today after all this waiting and yearning..

The time has arrived..I reached the spot where I was supposed to reach... the person was waiting for me.. we went into this large room with a soothing smell and lightened candles all over the place.. we sat and talked for a while... then ....it happened..slowly and comfortingly...

In case you are wondering what am I talking about.. its about a wonderful massage I got today... the lady who massaged me..I think she is a physiotherapist... as she was aware of all the muscle parts of the body..like who goes where? whose job is to do that? that kind of stuff...was very kind, understanding and patient with me.. she said the same thing about me too..

So we went into this room which puts you into ease, we talked for a little bit.. about if I had any massages before, what area of my body should she really concentrate on...stuffs like that.. then she asked me to undress myself and lay on the massage table... obviously, she went out, letting me to do so...

There I was, on the massage table waiting for her to come... She came in..set the music, took some massage cream... and then she touched me!! all my muscles woke up at once... and I could feel it.. she worked on the areas that troubled me...it felt like thousands of hands were on my back at the same time...

Eventhough it was really painful I felt really good...all my troubling nerves were scared and ran away in terror...

It was a 1 hour massage... after our session was over she showed me a couple of exercises that I can do in case of any back pain... She asked me to come over again as she has only released the muscles now... she would like to work on the problem areas more deeply...

I tell you for 22pounds it was worth it..

If you haven't had a massage in your lives and you would like to have one, I would suggest that you should go for it.. I m telling you from my own life story...

Birthday Resolutions

2008-05-26T01:37:00.002+05:30

I am going to celebrate my 27th b'day within less than 5 days from now... I really don't believe it..me... 27... I sure don't look like a 27 yr old woman.. don't feel like it.. its just a number.. chronologically speaking .. I might be 27..

I really don't care how old I look.. bcoz frankly I haven't looked into the mirror for a long time... and mentally... I am still this pathetic little girl who is not being able to let go off the memories of her mid teen years...

27 yrs.. lets see... 10 yrs ago.. all I wanted was a MA degree... meet someone special.. fall in love.. get married with my parents blessings..move to England...bcoz my husband is working there... have twins.. a boy and a girl... lead a quiet life as a housewife...

Now... I have 2 Post graduate degrees... on my way to the third one... a single, unattached woman... trying really hard to be like that for the rest of my life....

What happened??? in these 10 years.. I would like to say.. lots of things... my personal life, my academic life... everything took this unexpected turn and I am living this life I never planned to have.. and I am happy...infact... more than happy..I am content in my current life...

Upto now whatever my life was.. it turned out to be good for me... I had a few hardships in my personal life... but in the end, it all turned out to be fine...

Now, what am I going to do with the rest of my life?? Well... I have made this bunch of birthday resolutions... things that I want to do before I die... I would like to share some of them with you...

Physical

1) Try out different hairstyles and hair colours
2) Maintain a slim figure.. I mean extremely slim figure.. like I am sick or something...
3) Exercise regularly
4) Play sports like badminton, football, basketball etc
5) Involve in adventure sports

Inshort, do a lot of physical exertion...I know it sounds silly and stupid like me.. but hey.. I am a simple girl who like to do simple things...

Now time to do serious things...

1) Travel the world
2) Become a famous writer
3) Do different kinds of jobs
4) Buy a dream house, car and a dog
5) Keep in touch with all my friends
6) Make new friends around the world
7)Learn a new language every year
8) Live my life the way I want to live... no rules .. no regulations...
9) Try not to forget the people who had made an impact on me...
10)Discover and improvise the skills I have

I know these are cliches'..but..these are only the few.... I have made a huge list of things that I need to do with my life...

I can only hope that I will out perform myself inorder to do all those things...

What have I learned from my past life?? well...

Like every normal human being.. we make plans for our lives... how to live .. what to study ..where to go... where not to go..things like that.. sometimes.. things wont go like the way we planned... we get disappointed..frustrated... think that it is the end of the world... if we are someone who believes in God.. we scold Him for not making things happen in our way...

But what we dont know is that .. God has already set a life for us... which is far better than what we have planned... and only time can prove it... thats why He doesnt reply atonce, when we ask Him "why?"...

I have learnt to be patient...to trust and to believe... I hope the same things for you....

Until we meet again..Believe..that things have its own way of working out... no matter what we do or dont do...

Change is inevitable

2008-04-08T14:39:00.004+05:30

I am a big buff for sitcoms.. I started to watch American sitcoms in my late teen years and still continues to do so... The thing with sitcoms are, you never wonder about its ending.. you just enjoy each episode minute by minute, week by week, month by month, season by season... frankly..you don't want it to end.. you sort of live it up... you become one of the characters in the series... either the protagonist..or someone close to them.. and in your head... you are giving out all these facial reactions to someone else's weirdosities (I don't know whether such a word exists..but it sounds just right now)... and hear the audience going crazy over something you have said or did... you are happy and well paid in your head...

But when the series ends... I feel this big emptiness... I miss the show, the characters and everything related to them... and I began to wonder what happened to those people in real life.. where are they now and what are they doing?? May be that's because.. you don't see the actor.. you see the character... you are concerned about them... You don't care if Jennifer Aniston broke up with Brad Pitt for cheating on her with Angelina Jolie... even if you were, you will pass it... but when Rachael broke up with Ross, for cheating on her with the girl at the xerox place with the belly button ring... you were concerned... you wanted her to forgive him and get back together..even though it was his fault...

Recently, I happened to catch the season finale episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond, FRIENDS and Frasier... When I realised that it is the last episode that I am going to watch of that particular show, I was overwhelmed. Thinking they are leaving me and would only come back as re-runs and that made me feel, well.. kind of sad..

Anyways.. there I was watching the season finale episode, not knowing how it is going to end...

The one thing I have noticed in the endings of the sitcoms is the change the characters overcome. Change in their life, career, relationships, appearance and in many other areas.

I found the ending of Everybody loves Raymond a bit different from this.. nothing is changed there... the meddling parents are still across the street paying helpful visits every five minutes, the giant in secured brother is visiting as always, the wife is upset and angry for reasons which a man will never understand, the kids are angels and Raymond is being an idiot as usual... I mean.. nothing changed.. they are going to live like that for the rest of their lives..then why couldn't they have continued the series...

The ending of FRIENDS on the other hand... showed some class... at least some class to me...the six main characters... 5 of them got married.. 2 pairs married each other and had kids... one of them out of the 5 married an outside guy.. that itself shows change... now they are not the urban singles who hangs out in their uptight high maintenance chef friends' beautiful apartment with a balcony.. they had their own life and things to take care of.. they left the apartment and bought a new house as they now had kids.. which was a wise decision. And what about the 6th one.. what is he doing?? nothing happened to him.. he is not married or in a serious relationship.. his career was not taking him anywhere... all his friends were leaving him... the show ended with an uncertainty on this character...

I was a bit worried about thinking about him... I mean.. what is going to happen to him without his FRIENDS.. Well.. I didn't have to worry that much.. they started a spin off series with him in the title role and without his buddies...but for that, he had to move.. move from The Big Apple to Hollywood..new place, new people and new life..

Same was the case with Frasier... Frasier moved from Boston to Seattle in search of a new life... thus the show 'Frasier' begins... After 11 years of being a successful radio therapist..having ups and downs in his romantic life... meeting so many people... having constant differences with his family in a funny way..his brother getting married for the 3rd time and becoming a father, his father getting married for the 2nd time and his bestfriend getting promoted as the station manager...Frasier is offered a job at San Francisco with more pay and benefits.. but he hesitates at first.. as Seattle is his hometown.. the place where he grew up and where his family is... but when sitting at home alone on a rainy day looking out from the balcony door... he changes his mind and decides to take this big risk...so he flies to San Francisco to take up the new job... On the final episode, Frasier talks about how a man should take risks in their life... Taking a risk means you are willing to change...

When I saw that final episode of Frasier, I started to think about my own life... My life is a somewhat perfect example of how I accept change..All my life, I was living the same way... same town,same house, same address, same phone number, same food,same plate, same cup, same brands, same type of dresses, same friends, same neighbours, same hairstyle, same genre of movies, same TV shows, same places for shopping, same library..and to top it all.. same parents and same brother..-just kidding- and what was wrong with it?? I will tell you what was wrong?? NOTHING...absolutely NOTHING... my life was just fine.. I was surrounded with good people..good food and living in the middle of luxury... I may have to disagree with the hairstyle and dresses..I was never happy with either one of them..but apart from that.. I was in heaven...well..not exactly..but something close to that...

At some point in that due course I started to miss out something...I didn't know quite what it was.. but I was certain..there is something..or in fact.. so many things..I seemed to be holding on to something which never belonged to me in the first place... I didn't want to end up living in my past... I wanted a change.. a change from everything I was so far..I wanted a new chapter in my life... I wanted to start a new series in my life.. I realised if I stay where I was right then..nothing new is going to happen to me.. I will be the victim of a mega serial instead of a reality show.. so I decided to take a risk.. a risk that most of the women of my age will hesitate to take.. I decided to travel from safety to uncertainty.. which seemed impossible for a girl like me... who was always been taken care of, lived in the lap of luxury... for whom any problem can be solved with a phone call... who had a TV, a phone, a computer, a room, and a toilet for herself...

But when I decided to take this risk... the reaction of the people around me surprised me a little bit.. I thought they will be concerned and will try to make me change my mind... but I was wrong.. you know what they said.. they said.."we knew this would happen one day". There weren't surprised or worried about me.. on the other hand..they had confidence and faith in me... and for some reason they are sure that I am going to be more than OK with my new life... ha...amazing...

If I hadn't made this particular change in my life... try to find out what I really want out of it.. I guess..I would have been at my same old house watching the same old re-runs, chatting with my same old friends (which I still do, by the way).. I would have missed out an entire chapter of my life... I think it is like that saying..."Where it appears to be the end of something...it is actually the beginning of something else"...

And now.. I couldn't stop worrying..thinking that..My life is actually getting started....in my way...Oh boy!!!

Introspection

2008-03-19T16:29:00.005+05:30

I got this pact from someone's blog. I think it is a good way to know yourself...I thought why not i have my hand on it..in fact.. I do have a lot of things not known to my 'self'..so here goes...

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1. What is your full name?
Rekha Sreekumar

2. When is your birthday?
May 29th, 1981

3. What is your sex?
Female

4. Do you have siblings?
Yes.

5. Who do you live with?
My 'self'..

6. Are you single?
Of course..yes

7. Do you have pets?
Yes..but he is with my family...

8. What is your hometown?
Thiruvananthapuram, Kerala, India

9. Where do you live now?
Brighton, England

What is your favourite...

10.Colour?
Black

11. Day?
Holiday

12. Month?
The hottest

13. Season?
Summer

14. Animal?
Dog

15. Flower?
Nothing in particular

16. TV Show?
Sitcoms

17. Movie?
A lot.. I am a big movie buff...

18. Commercial on TV? T
he really creative ones and also those ones which has the power to touch my heart and make me think...

19. Song?
Soft ones

20. Food?
I'm a foodie...

21. Disney Character?
Nobody in particular

22. Cartoon Character?
Jerry in Tom and Jerry

23. Non-alcoholic drink?
Water

24. Alcoholic drink?
Not an alcoholic.

25. Kind of dessert?
chocolate and butter scotch icecream milkshake...

26. Restaurant?
Nothing in particular..

27. Store?
Not a shopper...

Part 3 - If you could.

28. Go anywhere in the world where would you go?
everywhere in the world

29. Talk to anybody dead or alive who would you choose?
My mother

30. Do anything you wanted to what would you do?
I will rule thw world.. (atleast India)...

31. Change one thing about the world what would you change?
I believe nature has its course..let it be...

32. Have one superpower, what would it be?
Be God's Assistant...

33. Change one thing about your past what would u change?
Nothing... I m who I am now, because of my past...

Part 4 -

What is your least favourite.

34.Colour?
Yellow

35. Day?
The days which I have to get out of my house... which is everyday...

36. Month?
Exam months

37. Season?
Winter/Monsoon

38. Animal?
Cockroach, spiders, lizards..the whole reptile species...

39. Flower?
Any flower that stinks...

40. TV Show?
Mega serials

41. Movie?
offensive to women and the ones boasts up men unreasonably...

42. Commercial on TV?
The ones with poor ideas and illogical products...

43. Song?
that doesnt have the ability to make me dream...

44. Food?
anything not well cooked...

45. Disney Character?
nothing specific

46. Cartoon Character?
nothing specific

47. Non-alcoholic drink?
cranberry juice

48. Alcoholic drink? not an alcoholic.

49. dessert??
Cheese cake...

50. Restaurant?
nothing in specific.

51. Store?
the ones which intimidates the customers...

Part 5 - If you\'re a girl fill this part in (guys skip to part 6).

52. What do you look for in a guy? I am not looking for it...

53. Long or short hair?

54. Book smart or jock smart?

55. Tall or short?

56. Big or little muscles?

57. Sweet/sensitive or Sweet/tough?

WHO CARES !!!!

Part 6 - If you\'re a guy fill this part in (girls skip to part 7)
58. Tall or short?
59. Beauty or brains?
60. What do you look for in a girl?
61. Long or short hair?
62. Curly or straight?
63. Sweet or butch?

Part 7 - The first thing that comes to your mind when you hear....

64. Farm - house
65. Zoo -keeper
66. Red – bull
67. Bug – mania
68. Punk – jerk
69. Ralph - lauren
70. Glue -stone
71. Mouse -town
72. Fire -fox
73. Life – long
74. Phone – card !!

where do u see ur selves 10 yrs from now???

75. With a job?
of course yes...

76. Married?
hell...no....

77. With kids?
nope...

78. In a different town from the one you're in now?
yep...

79. With a pet?
may be...
80. With a lot, or a little money?
enough to lead a decent living...

81. In your own house?
ummm...i think so...

82. Happy?
nope... ecstatic...

83. Still friends with the friends you have now?
depends on them...

Part 9 - What is your favourite memory of...

84. Elementary school?
I was innocent..wasnt complexed as I am right now..

85. Highschool?
No worries except for exams and grades...

86. College?
Falling in love...one of the best thing that has ever happened to me...

87. University?
Finding my spot...

88. Prom?
Not applicable..

89. New Years?
nothing coming to mind at present...

90. St. Patricks day?
Not applicable

91. Christmas?
nothing

92. Halloween?
Not applicable

93. Summer?
holidays...

Part 10 - Would you rather be..

94. Hot or cold?
hot

95. Tired or wired?
Wired...

96. Hungry or full?
Half Full

97. Tall or small?
Tall!

98. A lion or a tiger?
tiger

99. Canadian or American? neither...

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Did you have fun reading about me..I certainly did.... Go ahead..try it.. it will really squeeze your brain and makes you wonder about the answers you come up with..

Gym tale

2008-03-17T02:37:00.005+05:30

Before coming here, I was never a gym member. We had gyms at my hometown, but nothing seemed to be suitable to me, mainly because the time slots they had didnt seem to fit into mine. I always wanted to be an active gym person, whose lifestyle involved a gym and the energy followed by it.

When I was studying for M.Ed, I was a hostalite and our hostal had a gym. As I was the only one who used it, I was Queen of the Castle.I knew all the equipments,bcoz there werent that much. I used it almost everyday, as there was no fees or any other liabilities attached to it. I was free to use it whenever I wanted. It seemed to be like a place built for me.

After completing my course, I came home and working out seemed to be an unattainable dream. When my brother came home for the holidays, I asked him to buy me a couple of gym equipments and he did as per my request. But as the 'honeymoon' was over, my relationship with the equipments was set aside and I moved on with my life. I used them, only when my father reminded me about the dusty machines lying around in the master bedroom.

After coming to England for higher studies, I joined our on-campus gym which is on top of a hill called the 'Boiler Hill'. On the day I took the membership they signed me up for an induction to get familarised with the facilities and the equipments used there. I attended the induction with two other girls. This guy who works there took us and showed us the deep interior areas of the gym and explained us about the working of each machine. We nodded our heads positively, whenever he asked us, 'Are you alright?' or 'Are we okay?', in the typical English way - which is understandable as he is an English guy.

I began to visit the gym twice or thrice a week. For the first few days, I felt like a new fish in the deep blue ocean. I woke up really early, did some warming up and amateur yoga, dress up in the gym suits which I brought from home, walked to the gym which is kind of a work out in itself. Now I know, why they named the hill 'Boiler Hill'.

After reaching the gym, I go to the 1st floor, where the treadmills, cycles and the other cardio vascular equipments are kept. Then I hop on to one of the elliptical cycles, which is my favourite workout. I enjoy it more than the other workouts, which is also fun by the way.

I look around and I see all these people, confident and well versed with the switches and buttons in the machine. They change it to low, medium and high as the time passes. I also see people who listens to music from their i-pod while working out, guys watching news or sports highlights on the small TV screen on their machine, girls watching something not news or sports, somebody is reading a magazine - I still wonder how that works out- I even see people trying to solve the crossword puzzles while doing their work out, I dont know, is it because their brain functions well when the blood is circulating, or is it because after the work out there will be one less thing to do or is it both?

I am interested in those people who do not do any of the above, but lost in their own world. They are doing their thing, they are alone, not communicating with anyone around them, but their mind is indulged in something beyond the control of technology.

If you know anybody who is a 'regular gymmer', you must have noticed the kind of energy and zest they have in everything they do. They are alive, I mean really alive. Every bone, every muscle in their body is working or as in my case 'aching'.

Well... now it has been some months, since I have become a gym member, and I am not ashamed, but infact, I am proud to say that I have become a 'regular gymmer'.

Now, I see all these new people coming into the gym, struggling with the buttons and switches, looking around them seeing all these people involved in their work and probably wondering, when will I become one of them...

Nice one

2008-03-11T15:50:00.004+05:30

One of my friends forwaded this story to me... For a moment, I thought it is the usual junk...but anyways..I decided to read it... and after reading it, my heart kind of stopped for a moment or two.. I dont know why... may be for once I was face to face with the truth of life...just read it.. and think about it... it is never too late...

"Once upon a time, there was an island where all the feelings lived: Happiness, Sadness, and all of the others including Love.

One day it was announced to the feelings that the island would sink, so all repaired their boats and left. Love was the only one who stayed. Love wanted to persevere until the last possible moment. When the island was almost sinking, Love decided to ask for help.

Richness was passing by Love in a grand boat. Love said, "Richness, can you take me with you?" Richness answered, "No I can't. There is a lot of gold and silver in my boat. There is no place for you here."

Love decided to ask Vanity, who was also passing by in a beautiful vessel, "Vanity, please help me!" "I can't help you, Love. You are all wet and might damage my boat," Vanity answered.

Sadness was close by so Love asked for help, "Sadness let me go with you." "Oh...Love, I am so sad that I need to be by myself!" Happiness passed by Love too, but she was so happy that she did not even hear when Love called her!

Suddenly, there was a voice, "Come Love, I will take you." It was an elder. Love felt so blessed and overjoyed that he even forgot to ask the elder her name.

When they arrived at dry land, the elder went her own way. Love realizing how much he owed the elder, asked Knowledge, another elder, "Who helped me?"

"It was Time", Knowledge answered.

"Time?" asked Love. "But why did Time help me?"

Knowledge smiled with deep wisdom and answered, "Because only Time is capable of understanding how great Love is." "

Didnt I tell you???

My Pets Part 1

2008-03-02T14:48:00.001+05:30

I consider myself to be an animal lover... I believe that everybody who knows me, knows my special affinity towards animals.. Infact, I would like to say that I belong to the category, which is called 'Would never hurt a fly on purpose', which is entirely wrong...I do kill mosquitoes...have killed cockroaches, spiders and even some lizards and will continue to do the same... my favourite dishes include mutton liver and chicken...

Then again.. I love animals... their unconditional love, gratitude, innocence and beautiful faces...

Today, I would like to talk about the animals who were/are in my life... Altogether,I have had 9 pets in my life... 6 dogs and 3 cats... I know... its freaky..

My family belongs to that category, which is incomplete without a pet...we always had pets... by pets .. I mean dogs... we always had dogs in our life... well... I did for sure...

Rocky: Well.. he was my first pet.. I dont remember much about him..not even his face.. except for the fact that he was a German shepherd.. or was he?? I dont even know what happened to him...did he die?? ran away?? sold?? no idea.. I was too young then.. probably 5 years old... I am afraid I cant spare any details about him.. but still when I think about the dogs in my life in a chronological order, for no apparent reason his is the first name that comes up on to my mind... Uh..thats strange..I guess...

Micky : I have a vague memory of him.. he was very naughty and small.. I dont know which breed he belonged to.. but we all ran away when he approached us... he used to bite everyone mercilessly... he died young.. I still remember seeing his dead body.. I didnt really like that dog..we had him right after Rocky... at that age.. I was not an animal lover.. like every kid I used to tease them... hurt them.. or avoided them... well... mickey died... nothing more to be said..

Lassie : She was the only female dog I had... We moved to Trivandrum to a new home... and my father introduced us to Lassie.. she was a german shepherd.. all grown up.. I wasnt really fond of her either... I dont remember petting or playing with her... what I do know is that we gave her up to somebody we knew.. I remember her leaving our house, with this person who is close to our family.. I dont know why we gave her up... frankly.. I didnt care...

Tomy : Now, there is a dog I remember.. Tomy can be considered to be my first dog.. all the rest were our family dogs.. Tomy was mine... I still remember the day he came home.. I was probably 7-8 yrs old... and he was very little.. he came in a carton.. we bought him from a family friend of ours.. who is famous for the no. of dogs they had.. it was sort of a ranch.. only it wasnt..

We bought Tomy from them... he was named by his first owner.. u know... the guy who sold him to us... I wasnt very fond of Tomy in the beginning.. he was very naughty when he was a puppy.. and I was dead scared of him... I remember my brother using him to scare the hell out of me... I even remember screaming at the top of my lungs when he came near me.. all our neighbours had a good laugh about it...

Tomy and I ...we grew up together.. it was my father who vanished my fears I had about Tomy... He didnt do anything in particular... just allowed us to be together for somewhile and showed me the soft side of Tomy... from then on.. I began to love him and vice versa.. may be he was really fond of me from the very beginning.. only..I didnt have a clue...

Tomy loved to run away from home..whenever he saw the gate opened, he went out...and everybody ran after him with his chain... when they brought him back home from the elope episode.. he was beaten up with a red or yellow wire- I really cant remember the exact colour..but I am pretty sure it was either one of them- for some reason he was really scared of that particular wire.. it was sort of a conditional thing.. then I will start crying begging not to beat him... this made him like me even more.. so whenever my parents try to beat me or scold me for something completely my fault.. Tomy used to bark at them.. we all loved it...so when guests came in, my mother used to show them this dog trick.. she pretend to beat me or scold me infront of Tomy and he starts barking.. that was a good show...

One of the things that I liked about Tomy was that he knew how to give a shake hand.. I dont remember how he picked it up..but whenever we held our hands to him for a shake hand he always gave us one.. if he was standing on his skinny four legs, he used to sitdown before he made this royal gesture... it was cute.. I really liked it.. and none of my other pets did it...

He was with us for almost 10 yrs.. Tomy was really scared of lightining and thunder.. oh boy.. really scared that he never leave the house no matter what we did.. He was a handsome dog..

He even had a girlfriend.. there was this female dog who came to visit him and like every caring, loving family we used to scare her away.. but nothing stopped them from being together.. she still continued to visit him for sometime.. then she vanished.. maybe to the wilderness of the forbidden forest...

Tomy went missing one whole day.. we didnt know where he was.. by evening..we were trying to cope with the fact that we lost him forever... but then.. somebody found him and brought him back to us..

We had to give him up.. he was getting too old..10 yrs to be precise and he was showing all sorts of old age symptoms... by the time..we had another dog and Tomy seemed to be unwanted and unloved... and he knew that..

so we gave him up.. I still remember..it was a Sunday..this guy came over to take him away in an autorickshaw.. Tomy never had been in an autorickshaw before..so we had our doubts about that..but to our surprise..he didnt seem to have a problem about that... after 10 yrs with us.. he left us for no fault of his own...

I dont know what happened to him after that.. I wanted to know his whereabouts.. where is he?? who is he with ?? is he being loved?? things like that.. but my mother discouraged me... and I couldn't do anything about it..

I know he must be dead by now.. if he is alive... he must be 18 yrs of age..and I dont think German shepherds live upto that age...

Now, all I can think about is...we didnt even had the chance to say a proper 'Goodbye'...if that makes any sense..

to be continued....

Part 2

2008-03-02T00:25:00.007+05:30

Ah.. where was I?? Oh yes... Still Single!!... well... it created controversies beyond imagination... it dealt with our society's hyprocritical, prejudicist culture which they didn't take well.. but they were afraid to put up any protests or boycoutting the theatre as only few of them felt that way... and the others clearly agreed with whatever I wanted to say through the help of my movie...by the way, I also played the role of the protagonist...
(Well.. I would like to share the story of Still Single,but the real me is planning to write it myself someday.. I don't want anyone to steal my idea)...

After my first directorial debut... ( I dont know if this is the right usage..as debut already indicates it is the first).. everybody thought that from now on I would only concentrate in my acting career... but they were wrong.. I continued my acting jobs...but now.. I am also a writer,model, actor, producer and director..

I am famous for my dignity and integrity... media loves me... audience are fanatic about me.. everybody wants a piece of me - I meant that in a good way- but I keep myself mysterious and unreachable...

There was a time when the media wanted some dirt on me.. so they went to my school/ college friends and asked them about my past life.. only they couldn't get anything as my life was/is a clean slate..

Then out of no where.. somebody started a rumour about me.. the usual thing.. me having an affair with one of my collegues... we only acted together in 3-4 movies.. and we didnt even have a combination scene in one of them.. but in all the others we were paired as lovers and our on-screen chemistry was to die for...and the P.R.executives of those films didnt make it easy for us.. they actually used these rumours for the publicity campaign...and it worked... but then..it all went into ashes.. when the fellow actor declared his marriage with a gal... that would teach them...

The people in the film fraternity have this belief that if I am in their film it is bound to run for a 100 days.. no matter what... I am considered to be a lucky charm..everybody wants to impress me..which is not that easy..

Before accepting a film, I always ask for the final draft of the script.. the one where you dont have to change anything... 90% of the directors wont have it.. they approach you with a one liner... they just give a line of the story and makes you sign the contract...not with me.. I need to know everything.. the story, my character, the importance of my character in the story... after reading the script, I make an appointment with the director for discussion... if I have any questions-which I always do- I ask him then and there... if I disgree with something on the script, I tell him then and there...then I decide whether or not to sign the contract... I am not particular about my salary.. once I sign the contract I put all my efforts in making my character memorable...

People in the film fraternity consider this habit of mine odd ,but working.. some of the actors have chosen to do it my way... I dont know whether they are successful in it or not...

I dont have much friends in the field... but I am cordial with everybody... everybody likes/loves me... if you watch a certain talk show where they use a game called 'rapid fire'... you can see my name coming up lots of times with lots of people..

Now after, working more than 5 languages in India.... written, directed and produced some movies, acted and directed certain unforgettable ad films, receiving 100s of awards including national, state, filmfare and all the other junks... I am moving to Hollywood...

I have been offered a film by none other than Hollywood's greatest, in his next film based on a timeline happening in 1955... where I will be playing the role of a grade school teacher in the 50s who falls in love with an AIDS patient which is obviously played by Hollywood heart throb LD...

I will be going to LA sometime middle of this year after completing certain committments here in India...

I have also signed a contract with the Discovery Travel and Living Channel to do a series on India... discussions are going on that...

And the answer to the question of where do I see myself in 10 yrs?? well... I guess having an extraordinarily fulfilling life... both personal and professional... I know it is a cliche'..but..hey... face it.. it is what we all want...right??

I think what they say is true... Sky is definitely not the limit...

If I was all this for real.. you know ..whatever I told you now.. would the 'other me' want to have an alternate life of a geeky indoorish girl, who is not being able to lose hold of her past and keep wondering what the future have in stock for her and actually forgetting to live her present...

Uh.. guess I will never know...

Alternate Life Part 1

2008-03-01T14:51:00.001+05:30

I believe that at some point in our life we all want to become a writer. A writer who is well known for the uniqueness in their work. Who has world wide readers waiting impatiently for their favourite author to publish his/her next work, because they know that its going to be better and different than anything that they have ever read.

Lately, I was wondering, if I had an alternate life, an alternate present, what would I want to be. What kind of a life I want to live.

Well...frankly speaking, I didn't have to wonder. The answer was right in front of me.... There are some things in your life, that you don't discuss with others. Some of your secret desires that you don't even say to yourself.

One of my all time secret desire, was to become an actress. Well, there.. I said it... out loud.. for the first time in my life...

But not the kind of actresses that we have right now... who sacrificed their education for an uncertain career in cinema. Or not the types, who had their family to back them up.. or not even the ones..who are labelled as 'model turned actors'...

I am a different kind of actress... I came into the film industry - as it has become a business now- when I was 22 years old.. I finished my education... I didn't have anyone working in the field... overall..I even hated posing infront of the camera to take pictures, even it was with my family... and I never wanted to become an actress..it wasn't even in my wildest of dreams...

But, as you can imagine... somebody spotted me... a debutant director who had a fresh new script and who was desperately in need of a new face... oh..and by the way..its a bollywood movie...he was very frustrated with all the work he had to do to set up everything for his first movie... every pieces of the puzzle was intact, except for the central, most important one...a newcomer to play the main role of his dream project... he set out for auditions in various parts of the country..he did everything he could... but he wasn't successful.. so he took a break..came down to kerala...to ease his mind...

And right there... he saw the girl who is destined to play the character , he was moulding for years... yep..that was me.. now.. don't get into any ideas that he got me just like that.. he had to work for months to make me say 'OK, I will give it a try'...mainly because... I just finished my Post Graduation and didn't have a clue on what to do next.. so I thought of taking a break from my normal life and went on to experience the world of lights, camera and action...

I bid adieu to my family and friends...who thought I was crazy and insane... to take off like that, to act in a movie... I flew to our film capital... Mumbai.. stayed with my family friends... went through some usual craps that all actors have to go through when they start off... honestly.. I never thought it would work out.. I thought at some point they will realise that they made a mistake and will send me back home... but it was the other way around...

I succeeded in every tests... everything they set out for me..even the impossible ones... media still consider my turning in to an actress is the greatest gift that the world of cinema has ever got...
Well... long story short.. I never had to look back from there on.. I became a well known actress who everybody loves for her uniqueness and versatality..
After my first movie - which rocked the entire nation, recieved so many awards, including best debutant (female) thats me...and considered to be a trend setter of all times-I began to start acting in other Indian languages including my own mother tongue...

I won several awards including National Awards and others given out for the amazing talent that I have exhibited...

Movies began to collect the box office just because of my appearance in it... All directors love me and all actors want to romance me on screen.. not to mention off screen...

All actresses want to be like me and wishes to know the secret of my success... which with all my humbleness I bow in front of God... I owe all my suceess to the Almighty.....

When I turned 25, I directed a movie for which I had written the script... The Movie was entitled 'Still Single', it not only rocked the nation, but went international and I won several awards for that....not to mention the controversies I had to face because of that film.. it dealt with a bold subject.. which I will tell u later...

Part time job

2008-01-03T03:50:00.002+05:30

Its been 3 months and 11 days since I came to Brighton, England... Since the day I got here, I have been obsessing about getting a part time job, because that's the only way I can make my ends meet without bugging my beloved father anymore... I was trying everything and everywhere.. or so I thought...

Because of the job hunt.. I was not being able to concentrate on my studies as I was supposed to... I was surrounded with people who thought having a part time job is an unnecessary and unappealing strata to their student life...

I always thought it must be a piece of cake for someone like me... who believes that I can do any kind of job... this is the only area where my inferiority complex does not bug me...but I was not successful...

When I started seeing people getting a job, having money with them and live an active life, I became jealous and confronted myself with my over running complexes... but I didn't get an answer...

I was even forgetting the fact that, I am in my dream land and I should go out, make friends and enjoy life like I always wanted to.. but I didn't ... I was sitting at my room, not talking to anybody..finding excuses for staying in and telling it to myself, as I didn't have anyone to talk to...

You must be thinking why such a simple matter should become such a big problem... See... thats where you are wrong... it wasn't a simple matter for me...!!! for me..having a part time meant alot... as it would get me some money of my own..which I could use for so many things..such as shopping, hanging out at the city's cool places, sight seeing, taking part in some of the sporting events and so on....

Even though, one of my flatmate did ask me to accompany her with her friends to a gorgeous thing happening at a place called Eastbourne.. I couldn't go because.. I didnt wanted to spend the money I had with me.... I couldn't enjoy any of the city's cool things because of that...

I couldn't go out of town on my holidays... I was holding back myself and staying in my room, thinking.. the less I went out ..the less money I will be spending...

When I see my classmates go on tours and shopping fiestas and have this "talk" on the cool things they did and the parties they attend everyday.. I sit there, thinking about some excuses to come up with, for not knowing the cool places they were talking about...

Now, by God's grace, I got a job... I just joined today... I dont know whether I will like it, or they will like me... how long will I last.. but one thing is for sure... I will definitely make an effort to change the things they were...and try to live an active and fulfilling life..as I am aware that I am never going to get back these 3 months and 11 days...but I surely dont want to miss the rest of the 9 months that I am gonna be here ....

New Year Resolutions

2008-01-01T17:47:00.002+05:30

Well... another year went by...just like that... I have to admit ...2007 was a fulfiling year for me... I had lots of things in my mind to do for the past year.. and I can confidently say that I did ninety percentage of the things on my list... (just as you know.. I do keep a things to do list)...Let's see what all things happened to me in the last year...

I lost weight..well..i gained it right back... that's not the point.... losing weight is one of the things that is never been rubbed off my list.. I manage to lose 5 kgs in 3 months and gain it right back within no time....amazing..uh...

I was working as a College lecturer.. I proved myself and everybody around me a success in the said profession... All my students passed out with flying colours and they adore me like anything...

I secured the National Eligibility Test, which is considered to be one of the most important Test in India, for lectureship and research.

For the first time, in my entire life I bought my father dinner for my birthday.. We went out to a restaurant that he picked ( which was unusual.. as I am the one who usually picks up the restaurant and he is the one who pays for the junk food I inhale)...and ordered his favourite foods and we had a great time...

When Onam came, I bought him a Set mundu, an off white shirt with a neriyathu...thats the traditional male dress in kerala....he was so happy and he couldn't put it down until it was time for our lunch...

One of my biggest dreams came true in 2007... coming to England.... yep... it was my dream ever since I can remember my face in the mirror... I don't know why I had a dream like that in the first place...

When I was young, I thought of getting married to someone who is working here.. so that I can come here and fulfil my dream... but when I got my senses back.. I have decided to chase it in my own means...
So I looked for jobs...but it wasn't easy as I thought...and my profession didn't make it any easier either.. so I had to come here as a student....

The most thrilling part of this is that , I got admissions from more than 6 universities from England and 1 university from New Zealand.... I am very proud of myself... as I never thought that I will be admitted in any of the UK universities....that's my inferiority complex talking...

Now, as 2007 passed by... I am sitting here ..at my on- campus shared house single room with my laptop taking a bunch of resolutions to start with and also wondering where I will be next year this time....

Tradition v/s Convenience

2006-11-11T07:57:00.010+05:30

One of the things, that I never understood with the Mallus' is that their obsession with the Traditional dress Saree. What is, all this fuss about?? A women who does not know how to wear a saree or who do not wear saree in the 'proper' way or is not interested in wearing the said attire, is not considered to be a woman at all!!

Besides, has anyone ever thought about the trouble one goes through after wearing a saree. It is the most uncomfortable dress of all. It makes you feel self conscious everytime someone looks at you (which obviously is not under your control). It is also very difficult for someone to travel, especially in public transportation (by that I mean Kerala transport buses).The climate should be exactly moderate..that is .. not too hot...not raining at all... otherwise.. you are in hell of a trouble..

The people who support the concept of saree does not wear it properly or, if I might say, 'decently'... the middle part of their body would be still showing... and their excuse is "ഓ ... ഇതൊക്കെ ഇപ്പൊ ആരാ നോക്കുന്നെ !!! (translation : who is bothered about this anyways !!!) ...

I would admit that even an ugly duckling like me, looks good in it... but what is more important?? looking 'good' (most of the time for others) or feeling comfy and confident...

I once heard an elder woman (35 +) say... " അല്ലെങ്ങില്ലും ആന്നുങ്ങള്‍ക്ക് പെണ്ണുങ്ങള്‍ സാരീ ഉടുക്കുന്നതാ ഇഷ്ടം.. സാരീ ഉടുക്കുമ്പോ പെന്ന്പില്ലര്രെ കാണാന്‍ നല്ല രസമാ... നമ്മുടെ ശരീരഖടന നല്ലതു പോല്ലേ അറിയാന്‍ പറ്റും... എന്റ്റെ അഭിപ്രായത്തില്‍ എല്ലാ പെന്നുങ്ങല്ലും എപ്പോഴും സാരീ ഉടുത്തോണ്ട് നടക്കണം... എന്നാല്ലേ അന്നുങ്ങള്‍ക്ക് അവരോട് താല്പരിയം തോന്നു... "
(translation: "Men like women wearing saree..women looks good in saree and helps in showing off their physical structure..in my opinion... women should wear saree all the time..only then men be interested in them"....)

OHHHHH MY GAWD!!!!! Why don't you just shoot me !!!

I guess...it has all come down to "HOW MEN LIKE TO SEE WOMEN".... what world are we living in...

When I was in college..some of the girls in my class.. decided to wear saree on a particular day.. like everything else.. I stayed out of it... so the day came...as decided these girls (who were/ are very beautiful both inside and outside) came to the college wearing saree... I saw one of my guy classmates going wild and preferring to stick with the ones who wore saree.... instead of his usual crowd.. he even told them..."Please don't make me lose my control"... (!!!!)....which I guess the girls took as a compliment from the part of the wanna be attainable goal in their lives (the man)... he even came over and asked me... "Why didn't you wear a saree?? You would look good in it??" At that time.. I was friends with him.. so I just said.. " I don't like wearing it".. and I moved along....

I have observed, men change the way they are around you or with you when you are wearing a saree...preferably for the first time... they become more 'friendly' and 'helpful' and want to be on the premises of your presence....they make sure wherever they stand they can see you... and also makes sure that you see them looking at you... ummm.... may be ...suddenly it seems like you are the one that seeks all the attention from them (because that is the most important thing in a woman's life... being noticed by a man... right !!!)....

The interesting thing is that, the people who are associated with the Teaching Profession (like say..me) are the real victims. The argument is that, if only a woman wears saree she is considered to be a teacher.

Its not how well you are with the students,or how competent you are with your subject, or how talented and creative you are in making your class interesting, but are you wearing a saree or not or do you know how to wear a saree 'properly' or atleast are you interested in wearing it (if not ..sorry... we can't consider you as a teacher, most importantly as a woman ..next !!!).

Does the students really worry about what their teachers' are wearing!!! Shouldn't the rule be "dress decently and appropriately without having to compromise your individuality"...

As a person, who belongs to the teaching profession, I was bound to wear saree for sometime in my life... I always thought my life hangs in the needle of a bunch of safety pins. ( I used to pin more than 5 of them.. otherwise... jeez.. I can't even think about it...I guess there is a reason why they are called 'safety' pins)

My colleagues never understood my hesistation and despise towards this dress... they all liked / loved it, preferred to wear it and felt so full of it... but as always.. they were lovely, kind and helpful whenever I was having trouble with it-both outwardly and inwardly...

I remember this one time.. when I was a teenager.. I asked my mother to help me wear a saree... just to see how would I look in it..(forgive me... for I was bearly 15).. so after wearing it.. I didn't feel anything special ..but my neighbour lady/aunty saw me and said...
" ഇപ്പൊ കണ്ടാ ഒരു കല്യാന്നപെന്നിന്നെ പോല്ലേ ഉണ്ട്" ... (translation: "You look like a bride now"...) nice thing to say to a 14 year old.. and then she turned to my mother and completed the statement.. "സൂക്ഷിച്ചോ .. ആരെങ്ങില്ലും വന്നു ഇവളെ തട്ടിക്കൊണ്ടു പോയി കല്യാണം കഴിക്കും "...(translation: "be careful.. someone will kidnap her and marry her") -another nice thing to say to the mother of a 14 year old- (again..it all comes to the men and how they want women to be !!!)

I guess it is okay to shove something onto your life in the name of 'culture' and 'tradition' and expect you to get used to it as time goes by... no matter how much you disagree, hesistate or feel uncomfortable...

The most frequent advice that I heard from my parents, " അവളെ
കണ്ടോ ... അവള്‍ക്ക് ഒരു കുഴപ്പവും ഇല്ലല്ലോ... നിനക്കു മാത്രം എന്താ ഇത്ര പ്രതെഗത " (translation: "look at her.. she doesn't have any problem with it.. why do you think yourself as someone special??") This 'her' they are referring to could be anybody..even a character from some 70's movie....

So, the question I would like to ask is,

what is important??

Wearing a saree (looking good in it for the spectators and as in my case ..and only in my case... feeling miserable) or how good you are (in your personal and professional life)??

The attitude or the attire??
more or less...

Tradition or Convenience???

You tell me...