During my lifetime ( I know I still have a long way to go … but it sounds better to start a sentence like this)… I have come across with lots of people who are good at just assuming things.. even without clarifying it with anyone.. especially with the person who is concerned with the subject.. For example:- When I was in my 10th std people were talking about which group I have to take in order to tackle the entrance exams.. These people just assumed that I want to write entrance exams and they didn’t even have the courtesy to ask me what I want to do with my life. So for those people who assumed that I would go for 1st or 2nd group (maths and science subjects), were clearly disappointed (like it had something to do with them) when I took 3rd group (history and economics)… All through my pre degree course people have asked.. “So which group are you in?? 1st or 2nd ??”.. Like there is no way someone would go below that..
When I joined for my degree course.. majority of my classmates were from science groups … so for sometime some people assumed that I was one of those who went for a science group .. wrote the entrance, didn’t get through and joined English litt as a last resort.. see again.. assumptions.. After my MA.. everyone assumed that I would either get married or go for B.Ed… because it is the obvious choice for a woman of my position to do.. I didn’t do the first one.. but I did the second one a year later… only because it felt right for me..
Assumptions concerning one’s academic and professional life are nothing compared to those of one’s personal life.. for example:- it is a general assumption that women who has reached a certain age must be married or looking to get married.. not being interested is not even an option… When I first joined at my current workplace, a male colleague asked me, “ So what is your husband?”, assuming that I am a woman of certain age and I must be married.. He didn’t even have the courtesy to ask me whether I was married or not.. Similarly, when I first came here, I was accompanied by my father and my cousin.. After a few days I was talking to this peon lady who works here and she asked me.. “So who were those people who came with you on the first day?”.. I said, “ That was my father and my cousin”. “Cousin!!”.. She exclaimed, “I thought that was your husband”… again.. assumptions…
It is also assumed that women are interested in visiting religious places. I was talking to yet another colleague of mine, when she asked me, “ Would you like to accompany me to the temple this Friday?”.. I said..” I don’t go to temples or any other religious places”. The next question from her side was, “ Are you an atheist?” .. So let me get this straight… if you are not stupid enough to believe that God resides in these buildings which humans call temple, church or mosque, you are an atheist.. I told her.. “ I believe in God, but I am not religious… I don’t believe in going to the temple to see God or talk to him.. FYI .. God and religion are two different things”.. She looked at me as though I am from some other planet.. From that look, I could understand how hard she and people like her were brainwashed by her elders into making this generation believe that if you don’t go to temple you will go straight away to hell after your death and there is not going to be a rest stop in between.
Similarly it is also assumed that women of all ages are interested in jewellery (especially gold), sarees, having long hair, getting married and having kids.. what others don’t realise or hesitate to accept is that there are exceptional cases.. who are not at all interested in any of the above.. but.. it is assumed that if the majority is in a particular way then it is only natural that everyone is like that...
I have a friend who was married for seven years without having a baby… people started asking them questions and gave them phone numbers of eminent doctors whom they should consult regarding this ‘problem’.. but after a while she had a baby and she told me..” I wasn’t ready to have a baby .. that is why it took us sometime … why do people always assume that if you don’t have a baby within a certain period of time after your marriage, there is something medically wrong with you.. I mean, that is not the only thing you want out of a marriage.. Right?”.. I didn’t say ‘yes’ or ‘no’, as I haven’t got a clue as to why people get married in the first place..
When a woman fights against male domination, it is assumed that she is a feminist.. if she is not interested in womanly things… her testosterone level must be higher than usual (a.a.a she is not a real woman).. if she wants to stay single, it is because of a love failure, didn’t get any good marriage proposals yet, is afraid that it will end tragically, feels insecure because she is coming from a broken family, oh and please don’t forget to assume that she might be batting for the other side..
I know it is hard not to assume things.. especially when it is human nature… may be it is something that cannot be controlled… but one sure can help themselves from asking ridiculous foolish questions based on those assumptions… you may not be able to control your mind, but you can certainly control your mouth…
So have people made any assumptions about you so far.. or have you made any assumptions about others… care to share…
