Change is inevitable

I am a big buff for sitcoms.. I started to watch American sitcoms in my late teen years and still continues to do so... The thing with sitcoms are, you never wonder about its ending.. you just enjoy each episode minute by minute, week by week, month by month, season by season... frankly..you don't want it to end.. you sort of live it up... you become one of the characters in the series... either the protagonist..or someone close to them.. and in your head... you are giving out all these facial reactions to someone else's weirdosities (I don't know whether such a word exists..but it sounds just right now)... and hear the audience going crazy over something you have said or did... you are happy and well paid in your head...

But when the series ends... I feel this big emptiness... I miss the show, the characters and everything related to them... and I began to wonder what happened to those people in real life.. where are they now and what are they doing?? May be that's because.. you don't see the actor.. you see the character... you are concerned about them... You don't care if Jennifer Aniston broke up with Brad Pitt for cheating on her with Angelina Jolie... even if you were, you will pass it... but when Rachael broke up with Ross, for cheating on her with the girl at the xerox place with the belly button ring... you were concerned... you wanted her to forgive him and get back together..even though it was his fault...

Recently, I happened to catch the season finale episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond, FRIENDS and Frasier... When I realised that it is the last episode that I am going to watch of that particular show, I was overwhelmed. Thinking they are leaving me and would only come back as re-runs and that made me feel, well.. kind of sad..

Anyways.. there I was watching the season finale episode, not knowing how it is going to end...

The one thing I have noticed in the endings of the sitcoms is the change the characters overcome. Change in their life, career, relationships, appearance and in many other areas.

I found the ending of Everybody loves Raymond a bit different from this.. nothing is changed there... the meddling parents are still across the street paying helpful visits every five minutes, the giant in secured brother is visiting as always, the wife is upset and angry for reasons which a man will never understand, the kids are angels and Raymond is being an idiot as usual... I mean.. nothing changed.. they are going to live like that for the rest of their lives..then why couldn't they have continued the series...

The ending of FRIENDS on the other hand... showed some class... at least some class to me...the six main characters... 5 of them got married.. 2 pairs married each other and had kids... one of them out of the 5 married an outside guy.. that itself shows change... now they are not the urban singles who hangs out in their uptight high maintenance chef friends' beautiful apartment with a balcony.. they had their own life and things to take care of.. they left the apartment and bought a new house as they now had kids.. which was a wise decision. And what about the 6th one.. what is he doing?? nothing happened to him.. he is not married or in a serious relationship.. his career was not taking him anywhere... all his friends were leaving him... the show ended with an uncertainty on this character...

I was a bit worried about thinking about him... I mean.. what is going to happen to him without his FRIENDS.. Well.. I didn't have to worry that much.. they started a spin off series with him in the title role and without his buddies...but for that, he had to move.. move from The Big Apple to Hollywood..new place, new people and new life..

Same was the case with Frasier... Frasier moved from Boston to Seattle in search of a new life... thus the show 'Frasier' begins... After 11 years of being a successful radio therapist..having ups and downs in his romantic life... meeting so many people... having constant differences with his family in a funny way..his brother getting married for the 3rd time and becoming a father, his father getting married for the 2nd time and his bestfriend getting promoted as the station manager...Frasier is offered a job at San Francisco with more pay and benefits.. but he hesitates at first.. as Seattle is his hometown.. the place where he grew up and where his family is... but when sitting at home alone on a rainy day looking out from the balcony door... he changes his mind and decides to take this big risk...so he flies to San Francisco to take up the new job... On the final episode, Frasier talks about how a man should take risks in their life... Taking a risk means you are willing to change...

When I saw that final episode of Frasier, I started to think about my own life... My life is a somewhat perfect example of how I accept change..All my life, I was living the same way... same town,same house, same address, same phone number, same food,same plate, same cup, same brands, same type of dresses, same friends, same neighbours, same hairstyle, same genre of movies, same TV shows, same places for shopping, same library..and to top it all.. same parents and same brother..-just kidding- and what was wrong with it?? I will tell you what was wrong?? NOTHING...absolutely NOTHING... my life was just fine.. I was surrounded with good people..good food and living in the middle of luxury... I may have to disagree with the hairstyle and dresses..I was never happy with either one of them..but apart from that.. I was in heaven...well..not exactly..but something close to that...

At some point in that due course I started to miss out something...I didn't know quite what it was.. but I was certain..there is something..or in fact.. so many things..I seemed to be holding on to something which never belonged to me in the first place... I didn't want to end up living in my past... I wanted a change.. a change from everything I was so far..I wanted a new chapter in my life... I wanted to start a new series in my life.. I realised if I stay where I was right then..nothing new is going to happen to me.. I will be the victim of a mega serial instead of a reality show.. so I decided to take a risk.. a risk that most of the women of my age will hesitate to take.. I decided to travel from safety to uncertainty.. which seemed impossible for a girl like me... who was always been taken care of, lived in the lap of luxury... for whom any problem can be solved with a phone call... who had a TV, a phone, a computer, a room, and a toilet for herself...

But when I decided to take this risk... the reaction of the people around me surprised me a little bit.. I thought they will be concerned and will try to make me change my mind... but I was wrong.. you know what they said.. they said.."we knew this would happen one day". There weren't surprised or worried about me.. on the other hand..they had confidence and faith in me... and for some reason they are sure that I am going to be more than OK with my new life... ha...amazing...

If I hadn't made this particular change in my life... try to find out what I really want out of it.. I guess..I would have been at my same old house watching the same old re-runs, chatting with my same old friends (which I still do, by the way).. I would have missed out an entire chapter of my life... I think it is like that saying..."Where it appears to be the end of something...it is actually the beginning of something else"...

And now.. I couldn't stop worrying..thinking that..My life is actually getting started....in my way...Oh boy!!!

Introspection

I got this pact from someone's blog. I think it is a good way to know yourself...I thought why not i have my hand on it..in fact.. I do have a lot of things not known to my 'self'..so here goes...

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1. What is your full name?
Rekha Sreekumar

2. When is your birthday?
May 29th, 1981

3. What is your sex?
Female

4. Do you have siblings?
Yes.

5. Who do you live with?
My 'self'..

6. Are you single?
Of course..yes


7. Do you have pets?
Yes..but he is with my family...

8. What is your hometown?
Thiruvananthapuram, Kerala, India

9. Where do you live now?
Brighton, England

What is your favourite...

10.Colour?
Black

11. Day?
Holiday

12. Month?
The hottest

13. Season?
Summer

14. Animal?
Dog

15. Flower?
Nothing in particular

16. TV Show?
Sitcoms

17. Movie?
A lot.. I am a big movie buff...

18. Commercial on TV? T
he really creative ones and also those ones which has the power to touch my heart and make me think...

19. Song?
Soft ones

20. Food?
I'm a foodie...

21. Disney Character?
Nobody in particular

22. Cartoon Character?
Jerry in Tom and Jerry

23. Non-alcoholic drink?
Water

24. Alcoholic drink?
Not an alcoholic.

25. Kind of dessert?
chocolate and butter scotch icecream milkshake...

26. Restaurant?
Nothing in particular..

27. Store?
Not a shopper...

Part 3 - If you could.

28. Go anywhere in the world where would you go?
everywhere in the world

29. Talk to anybody dead or alive who would you choose?
My mother

30. Do anything you wanted to what would you do?
I will rule thw world.. (atleast India)...

31. Change one thing about the world what would you change?
I believe nature has its course..let it be...

32. Have one superpower, what would it be?
Be God's Assistant...

33. Change one thing about your past what would u change?
Nothing... I m who I am now, because of my past...

Part 4 -

What is your least favourite.

34.Colour?
Yellow

35. Day?
The days which I have to get out of my house... which is everyday...

36. Month?
Exam months

37. Season?
Winter/Monsoon

38. Animal?
Cockroach, spiders, lizards..the whole reptile species...

39. Flower?
Any flower that stinks...

40. TV Show?
Mega serials

41. Movie?
offensive to women and the ones boasts up men unreasonably...

42. Commercial on TV?
The ones with poor ideas and illogical products...

43. Song?
that doesnt have the ability to make me dream...

44. Food?
anything not well cooked...

45. Disney Character?
nothing specific

46. Cartoon Character?
nothing specific

47. Non-alcoholic drink?
cranberry juice

48. Alcoholic drink? not an alcoholic.

49. dessert??
Cheese cake...

50. Restaurant?
nothing in specific.

51. Store?
the ones which intimidates the customers...

Part 5 - If you\'re a girl fill this part in (guys skip to part 6).

52. What do you look for in a guy? I am not looking for it...

53. Long or short hair?

54. Book smart or jock smart?

55. Tall or short?

56. Big or little muscles?

57. Sweet/sensitive or Sweet/tough?

WHO CARES !!!!

Part 6 - If you\'re a guy fill this part in (girls skip to part 7)
58. Tall or short?
59. Beauty or brains?
60. What do you look for in a girl?
61. Long or short hair?
62. Curly or straight?
63. Sweet or butch?

Part 7 - The first thing that comes to your mind when you hear....

64. Farm - house
65. Zoo -keeper
66. Red – bull
67. Bug – mania
68. Punk – jerk
69. Ralph - lauren
70. Glue -stone
71. Mouse -town
72. Fire -fox
73. Life – long
74. Phone – card !!

where do u see ur selves 10 yrs from now???

75. With a job?
of course yes...

76. Married?
hell...no....

77. With kids?
nope...

78. In a different town from the one you're in now?
yep...

79. With a pet?
may be...
80. With a lot, or a little money?
enough to lead a decent living...

81. In your own house?
ummm...i think so...

82. Happy?
nope... ecstatic...

83. Still friends with the friends you have now?
depends on them...

Part 9 - What is your favourite memory of...

84. Elementary school?
I was innocent..wasnt complexed as I am right now..

85. Highschool?
No worries except for exams and grades...

86. College?
Falling in love...one of the best thing that has ever happened to me...

87. University?
Finding my spot...

88. Prom?
Not applicable..

89. New Years?
nothing coming to mind at present...

90. St. Patricks day?
Not applicable

91. Christmas?
nothing

92. Halloween?
Not applicable

93. Summer?
holidays...

Part 10 - Would you rather be..

94. Hot or cold?
hot

95. Tired or wired?
Wired...

96. Hungry or full?
Half Full

97. Tall or small?
Tall!

98. A lion or a tiger?
tiger

99. Canadian or American? neither...

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Did you have fun reading about me..I certainly did.... Go ahead..try it.. it will really squeeze your brain and makes you wonder about the answers you come up with..

Gym tale

Before coming here, I was never a gym member. We had gyms at my hometown, but nothing seemed to be suitable to me, mainly because the time slots they had didnt seem to fit into mine. I always wanted to be an active gym person, whose lifestyle involved a gym and the energy followed by it.

When I was studying for M.Ed, I was a hostalite and our hostal had a gym. As I was the only one who used it, I was Queen of the Castle.I knew all the equipments,bcoz there werent that much. I used it almost everyday, as there was no fees or any other liabilities attached to it. I was free to use it whenever I wanted. It seemed to be like a place built for me.

After completing my course, I came home and working out seemed to be an unattainable dream. When my brother came home for the holidays, I asked him to buy me a couple of gym equipments and he did as per my request. But as the 'honeymoon' was over, my relationship with the equipments was set aside and I moved on with my life. I used them, only when my father reminded me about the dusty machines lying around in the master bedroom.

After coming to England for higher studies, I joined our on-campus gym which is on top of a hill called the 'Boiler Hill'. On the day I took the membership they signed me up for an induction to get familarised with the facilities and the equipments used there. I attended the induction with two other girls. This guy who works there took us and showed us the deep interior areas of the gym and explained us about the working of each machine. We nodded our heads positively, whenever he asked us, 'Are you alright?' or 'Are we okay?', in the typical English way - which is understandable as he is an English guy.

I began to visit the gym twice or thrice a week. For the first few days, I felt like a new fish in the deep blue ocean. I woke up really early, did some warming up and amateur yoga, dress up in the gym suits which I brought from home, walked to the gym which is kind of a work out in itself. Now I know, why they named the hill 'Boiler Hill'.

After reaching the gym, I go to the 1st floor, where the treadmills, cycles and the other cardio vascular equipments are kept. Then I hop on to one of the elliptical cycles, which is my favourite workout. I enjoy it more than the other workouts, which is also fun by the way.

I look around and I see all these people, confident and well versed with the switches and buttons in the machine. They change it to low, medium and high as the time passes. I also see people who listens to music from their i-pod while working out, guys watching news or sports highlights on the small TV screen on their machine, girls watching something not news or sports, somebody is reading a magazine - I still wonder how that works out- I even see people trying to solve the crossword puzzles while doing their work out, I dont know, is it because their brain functions well when the blood is circulating, or is it because after the work out there will be one less thing to do or is it both?

I am interested in those people who do not do any of the above, but lost in their own world. They are doing their thing, they are alone, not communicating with anyone around them, but their mind is indulged in something beyond the control of technology.

If you know anybody who is a 'regular gymmer', you must have noticed the kind of energy and zest they have in everything they do. They are alive, I mean really alive. Every bone, every muscle in their body is working or as in my case 'aching'.

Well... now it has been some months, since I have become a gym member, and I am not ashamed, but infact, I am proud to say that I have become a 'regular gymmer'.

Now, I see all these new people coming into the gym, struggling with the buttons and switches, looking around them seeing all these people involved in their work and probably wondering, when will I become one of them...

Nice one

One of my friends forwaded this story to me... For a moment, I thought it is the usual junk...but anyways..I decided to read it... and after reading it, my heart kind of stopped for a moment or two.. I dont know why... may be for once I was face to face with the truth of life...just read it.. and think about it... it is never too late...

"Once upon a time, there was an island where all the feelings lived: Happiness, Sadness, and all of the others including Love.

One day it was announced to the feelings that the island would sink, so all repaired their boats and left. Love was the only one who stayed. Love wanted to persevere until the last possible moment. When the island was almost sinking, Love decided to ask for help.

Richness was passing by Love in a grand boat. Love said, "Richness, can you take me with you?" Richness answered, "No I can't. There is a lot of gold and silver in my boat. There is no place for you here."

Love decided to ask Vanity, who was also passing by in a beautiful vessel, "Vanity, please help me!" "I can't help you, Love. You are all wet and might damage my boat," Vanity answered.

Sadness was close by so Love asked for help, "Sadness let me go with you." "Oh...Love, I am so sad that I need to be by myself!" Happiness passed by Love too, but she was so happy that she did not even hear when Love called her!

Suddenly, there was a voice, "Come Love, I will take you." It was an elder. Love felt so blessed and overjoyed that he even forgot to ask the elder her name.

When they arrived at dry land, the elder went her own way. Love realizing how much he owed the elder, asked Knowledge, another elder, "Who helped me?"

"It was Time", Knowledge answered.

"Time?" asked Love. "But why did Time help me?"

Knowledge smiled with deep wisdom and answered, "Because only Time is capable of understanding how great Love is." "


Didnt I tell you???

My Pets Part 1

I consider myself to be an animal lover... I believe that everybody who knows me, knows my special affinity towards animals.. Infact, I would like to say that I belong to the category, which is called 'Would never hurt a fly on purpose', which is entirely wrong...I do kill mosquitoes...have killed cockroaches, spiders and even some lizards and will continue to do the same... my favourite dishes include mutton liver and chicken...

Then again.. I love animals... their unconditional love, gratitude, innocence and beautiful faces...

Today, I would like to talk about the animals who were/are in my life... Altogether,I have had 9 pets in my life... 6 dogs and 3 cats... I know... its freaky..

My family belongs to that category, which is incomplete without a pet...we always had pets... by pets .. I mean dogs... we always had dogs in our life... well... I did for sure...

Rocky: Well.. he was my first pet.. I dont remember much about him..not even his face.. except for the fact that he was a German shepherd.. or was he?? I dont even know what happened to him...did he die?? ran away?? sold?? no idea.. I was too young then.. probably 5 years old... I am afraid I cant spare any details about him.. but still when I think about the dogs in my life in a chronological order, for no apparent reason his is the first name that comes up on to my mind... Uh..thats strange..I guess...

Micky : I have a vague memory of him.. he was very naughty and small.. I dont know which breed he belonged to.. but we all ran away when he approached us... he used to bite everyone mercilessly... he died young.. I still remember seeing his dead body.. I didnt really like that dog..we had him right after Rocky... at that age.. I was not an animal lover.. like every kid I used to tease them... hurt them.. or avoided them... well... mickey died... nothing more to be said..

Lassie : She was the only female dog I had... We moved to Trivandrum to a new home... and my father introduced us to Lassie.. she was a german shepherd.. all grown up.. I wasnt really fond of her either... I dont remember petting or playing with her... what I do know is that we gave her up to somebody we knew.. I remember her leaving our house, with this person who is close to our family.. I dont know why we gave her up... frankly.. I didnt care...

Tomy : Now, there is a dog I remember.. Tomy can be considered to be my first dog.. all the rest were our family dogs.. Tomy was mine... I still remember the day he came home.. I was probably 7-8 yrs old... and he was very little.. he came in a carton.. we bought him from a family friend of ours.. who is famous for the no. of dogs they had.. it was sort of a ranch.. only it wasnt..

We bought Tomy from them... he was named by his first owner.. u know... the guy who sold him to us... I wasnt very fond of Tomy in the beginning.. he was very naughty when he was a puppy.. and I was dead scared of him... I remember my brother using him to scare the hell out of me... I even remember screaming at the top of my lungs when he came near me.. all our neighbours had a good laugh about it...

Tomy and I ...we grew up together.. it was my father who vanished my fears I had about Tomy... He didnt do anything in particular... just allowed us to be together for somewhile and showed me the soft side of Tomy... from then on.. I began to love him and vice versa.. may be he was really fond of me from the very beginning.. only..I didnt have a clue...

Tomy loved to run away from home..whenever he saw the gate opened, he went out...and everybody ran after him with his chain... when they brought him back home from the elope episode.. he was beaten up with a red or yellow wire- I really cant remember the exact colour..but I am pretty sure it was either one of them- for some reason he was really scared of that particular wire.. it was sort of a conditional thing.. then I will start crying begging not to beat him... this made him like me even more.. so whenever my parents try to beat me or scold me for something completely my fault.. Tomy used to bark at them.. we all loved it...so when guests came in, my mother used to show them this dog trick.. she pretend to beat me or scold me infront of Tomy and he starts barking.. that was a good show...

One of the things that I liked about Tomy was that he knew how to give a shake hand.. I dont remember how he picked it up..but whenever we held our hands to him for a shake hand he always gave us one.. if he was standing on his skinny four legs, he used to sitdown before he made this royal gesture... it was cute.. I really liked it.. and none of my other pets did it...

He was with us for almost 10 yrs.. Tomy was really scared of lightining and thunder.. oh boy.. really scared that he never leave the house no matter what we did.. He was a handsome dog..

He even had a girlfriend.. there was this female dog who came to visit him and like every caring, loving family we used to scare her away.. but nothing stopped them from being together.. she still continued to visit him for sometime.. then she vanished.. maybe to the wilderness of the forbidden forest...

Tomy went missing one whole day.. we didnt know where he was.. by evening..we were trying to cope with the fact that we lost him forever... but then.. somebody found him and brought him back to us..

We had to give him up.. he was getting too old..10 yrs to be precise and he was showing all sorts of old age symptoms... by the time..we had another dog and Tomy seemed to be unwanted and unloved... and he knew that..

so we gave him up.. I still remember..it was a Sunday..this guy came over to take him away in an autorickshaw.. Tomy never had been in an autorickshaw before..so we had our doubts about that..but to our surprise..he didnt seem to have a problem about that... after 10 yrs with us.. he left us for no fault of his own...

I dont know what happened to him after that.. I wanted to know his whereabouts.. where is he?? who is he with ?? is he being loved?? things like that.. but my mother discouraged me... and I couldn't do anything about it..

I know he must be dead by now.. if he is alive... he must be 18 yrs of age..and I dont think German shepherds live upto that age...

Now, all I can think about is...we didnt even had the chance to say a proper 'Goodbye'...if that makes any sense..

to be continued....

Part 2

Ah.. where was I?? Oh yes... Still Single!!... well... it created controversies beyond imagination... it dealt with our society's hyprocritical, prejudicist culture which they didn't take well.. but they were afraid to put up any protests or boycoutting the theatre as only few of them felt that way... and the others clearly agreed with whatever I wanted to say through the help of my movie...by the way, I also played the role of the protagonist...
(Well.. I would like to share the story of Still Single,but the real me is planning to write it myself someday.. I don't want anyone to steal my idea)...

After my first directorial debut... ( I dont know if this is the right usage..as debut already indicates it is the first).. everybody thought that from now on I would only concentrate in my acting career... but they were wrong.. I continued my acting jobs...but now.. I am also a writer,model, actor, producer and director..

I am famous for my dignity and integrity... media loves me... audience are fanatic about me.. everybody wants a piece of me - I meant that in a good way- but I keep myself mysterious and unreachable...

There was a time when the media wanted some dirt on me.. so they went to my school/ college friends and asked them about my past life.. only they couldn't get anything as my life was/is a clean slate..

Then out of no where.. somebody started a rumour about me.. the usual thing.. me having an affair with one of my collegues... we only acted together in 3-4 movies.. and we didnt even have a combination scene in one of them.. but in all the others we were paired as lovers and our on-screen chemistry was to die for...and the P.R.executives of those films didnt make it easy for us.. they actually used these rumours for the publicity campaign...and it worked... but then..it all went into ashes.. when the fellow actor declared his marriage with a gal... that would teach them...

The people in the film fraternity have this belief that if I am in their film it is bound to run for a 100 days.. no matter what... I am considered to be a lucky charm..everybody wants to impress me..which is not that easy..

Before accepting a film, I always ask for the final draft of the script.. the one where you dont have to change anything... 90% of the directors wont have it.. they approach you with a one liner... they just give a line of the story and makes you sign the contract...not with me.. I need to know everything.. the story, my character, the importance of my character in the story... after reading the script, I make an appointment with the director for discussion... if I have any questions-which I always do- I ask him then and there... if I disgree with something on the script, I tell him then and there...then I decide whether or not to sign the contract... I am not particular about my salary.. once I sign the contract I put all my efforts in making my character memorable...

People in the film fraternity consider this habit of mine odd ,but working.. some of the actors have chosen to do it my way... I dont know whether they are successful in it or not...

I dont have much friends in the field... but I am cordial with everybody... everybody likes/loves me... if you watch a certain talk show where they use a game called 'rapid fire'... you can see my name coming up lots of times with lots of people..

Now after, working more than 5 languages in India.... written, directed and produced some movies, acted and directed certain unforgettable ad films, receiving 100s of awards including national, state, filmfare and all the other junks... I am moving to Hollywood...

I have been offered a film by none other than Hollywood's greatest, in his next film based on a timeline happening in 1955... where I will be playing the role of a grade school teacher in the 50s who falls in love with an AIDS patient which is obviously played by Hollywood heart throb LD...

I will be going to LA sometime middle of this year after completing certain committments here in India...

I have also signed a contract with the Discovery Travel and Living Channel to do a series on India... discussions are going on that...

And the answer to the question of where do I see myself in 10 yrs?? well... I guess having an extraordinarily fulfilling life... both personal and professional... I know it is a cliche'..but..hey... face it.. it is what we all want...right??

I think what they say is true... Sky is definitely not the limit...

If I was all this for real.. you know ..whatever I told you now.. would the 'other me' want to have an alternate life of a geeky indoorish girl, who is not being able to lose hold of her past and keep wondering what the future have in stock for her and actually forgetting to live her present...

Uh.. guess I will never know...

Alternate Life Part 1

I believe that at some point in our life we all want to become a writer. A writer who is well known for the uniqueness in their work. Who has world wide readers waiting impatiently for their favourite author to publish his/her next work, because they know that its going to be better and different than anything that they have ever read.

Lately, I was wondering, if I had an alternate life, an alternate present, what would I want to be. What kind of a life I want to live.

Well...frankly speaking, I didn't have to wonder. The answer was right in front of me.... There are some things in your life, that you don't discuss with others. Some of your secret desires that you don't even say to yourself.

One of my all time secret desire, was to become an actress. Well, there.. I said it... out loud.. for the first time in my life...

But not the kind of actresses that we have right now... who sacrificed their education for an uncertain career in cinema. Or not the types, who had their family to back them up.. or not even the ones..who are labelled as 'model turned actors'...

I am a different kind of actress... I came into the film industry - as it has become a business now- when I was 22 years old.. I finished my education... I didn't have anyone working in the field... overall..I even hated posing infront of the camera to take pictures, even it was with my family... and I never wanted to become an actress..it wasn't even in my wildest of dreams...

But, as you can imagine... somebody spotted me... a debutant director who had a fresh new script and who was desperately in need of a new face... oh..and by the way..its a bollywood movie...he was very frustrated with all the work he had to do to set up everything for his first movie... every pieces of the puzzle was intact, except for the central, most important one...a newcomer to play the main role of his dream project... he set out for auditions in various parts of the country..he did everything he could... but he wasn't successful.. so he took a break..came down to kerala...to ease his mind...

And right there... he saw the girl who is destined to play the character , he was moulding for years... yep..that was me.. now.. don't get into any ideas that he got me just like that.. he had to work for months to make me say 'OK, I will give it a try'...mainly because... I just finished my Post Graduation and didn't have a clue on what to do next.. so I thought of taking a break from my normal life and went on to experience the world of lights, camera and action...

I bid adieu to my family and friends...who thought I was crazy and insane... to take off like that, to act in a movie... I flew to our film capital... Mumbai.. stayed with my family friends... went through some usual craps that all actors have to go through when they start off... honestly.. I never thought it would work out.. I thought at some point they will realise that they made a mistake and will send me back home... but it was the other way around...

I succeeded in every tests... everything they set out for me..even the impossible ones... media still consider my turning in to an actress is the greatest gift that the world of cinema has ever got...
Well... long story short.. I never had to look back from there on.. I became a well known actress who everybody loves for her uniqueness and versatality..
After my first movie - which rocked the entire nation, recieved so many awards, including best debutant (female) thats me...and considered to be a trend setter of all times-I began to start acting in other Indian languages including my own mother tongue...

I won several awards including National Awards and others given out for the amazing talent that I have exhibited...

Movies began to collect the box office just because of my appearance in it... All directors love me and all actors want to romance me on screen.. not to mention off screen...

All actresses want to be like me and wishes to know the secret of my success... which with all my humbleness I bow in front of God... I owe all my suceess to the Almighty.....

When I turned 25, I directed a movie for which I had written the script... The Movie was entitled 'Still Single', it not only rocked the nation, but went international and I won several awards for that....not to mention the controversies I had to face because of that film.. it dealt with a bold subject.. which I will tell u later...

Part time job

Its been 3 months and 11 days since I came to Brighton, England... Since the day I got here, I have been obsessing about getting a part time job, because that's the only way I can make my ends meet without bugging my beloved father anymore... I was trying everything and everywhere.. or so I thought...

Because of the job hunt.. I was not being able to concentrate on my studies as I was supposed to... I was surrounded with people who thought having a part time job is an unnecessary and unappealing strata to their student life...

I always thought it must be a piece of cake for someone like me... who believes that I can do any kind of job... this is the only area where my inferiority complex does not bug me...but I was not successful...

When I started seeing people getting a job, having money with them and live an active life, I became jealous and confronted myself with my over running complexes... but I didn't get an answer...

I was even forgetting the fact that, I am in my dream land and I should go out, make friends and enjoy life like I always wanted to.. but I didn't ... I was sitting at my room, not talking to anybody..finding excuses for staying in and telling it to myself, as I didn't have anyone to talk to...

You must be thinking why such a simple matter should become such a big problem... See... thats where you are wrong... it wasn't a simple matter for me...!!! for me..having a part time meant alot... as it would get me some money of my own..which I could use for so many things..such as shopping, hanging out at the city's cool places, sight seeing, taking part in some of the sporting events and so on....

Even though, one of my flatmate did ask me to accompany her with her friends to a gorgeous thing happening at a place called Eastbourne.. I couldn't go because.. I didnt wanted to spend the money I had with me.... I couldn't enjoy any of the city's cool things because of that...

I couldn't go out of town on my holidays... I was holding back myself and staying in my room, thinking.. the less I went out ..the less money I will be spending...

When I see my classmates go on tours and shopping fiestas and have this "talk" on the cool things they did and the parties they attend everyday.. I sit there, thinking about some excuses to come up with, for not knowing the cool places they were talking about...

Now, by God's grace, I got a job... I just joined today... I dont know whether I will like it, or they will like me... how long will I last.. but one thing is for sure... I will definitely make an effort to change the things they were...and try to live an active and fulfilling life..as I am aware that I am never going to get back these 3 months and 11 days...but I surely dont want to miss the rest of the 9 months that I am gonna be here ....

New Year Resolutions

Well... another year went by...just like that... I have to admit ...2007 was a fulfiling year for me... I had lots of things in my mind to do for the past year.. and I can confidently say that I did ninety percentage of the things on my list... (just as you know.. I do keep a things to do list)...Let's see what all things happened to me in the last year...

I lost weight..well..i gained it right back... that's not the point.... losing weight is one of the things that is never been rubbed off my list.. I manage to lose 5 kgs in 3 months and gain it right back within no time....amazing..uh...

I was working as a College lecturer.. I proved myself and everybody around me a success in the said profession... All my students passed out with flying colours and they adore me like anything...

I secured the National Eligibility Test, which is considered to be one of the most important Test in India, for lectureship and research.

For the first time, in my entire life I bought my father dinner for my birthday.. We went out to a restaurant that he picked ( which was unusual.. as I am the one who usually picks up the restaurant and he is the one who pays for the junk food I inhale)...and ordered his favourite foods and we had a great time...

When Onam came, I bought him a Set mundu, an off white shirt with a neriyathu...thats the traditional male dress in kerala....he was so happy and he couldn't put it down until it was time for our lunch...

One of my biggest dreams came true in 2007... coming to England.... yep... it was my dream ever since I can remember my face in the mirror... I don't know why I had a dream like that in the first place...

When I was young, I thought of getting married to someone who is working here.. so that I can come here and fulfil my dream... but when I got my senses back.. I have decided to chase it in my own means...
So I looked for jobs...but it wasn't easy as I thought...and my profession didn't make it any easier either.. so I had to come here as a student....

The most thrilling part of this is that , I got admissions from more than 6 universities from England and 1 university from New Zealand.... I am very proud of myself... as I never thought that I will be admitted in any of the UK universities....that's my inferiority complex talking...

Now, as 2007 passed by... I am sitting here ..at my on- campus shared house single room with my laptop taking a bunch of resolutions to start with and also wondering where I will be next year this time....

Tradition v/s Convenience

One of the things, that I never understood with the Mallus' is that their obsession with the Traditional dress Saree. What is, all this fuss about?? A women who does not know how to wear a saree or who do not wear saree in the 'proper' way or is not interested in wearing the said attire, is not considered to be a woman at all!!


Besides, has anyone ever thought about the trouble one goes through after wearing a saree. It is the most uncomfortable dress of all. It makes you feel self conscious everytime someone looks at you (which obviously is not under your control). It is also very difficult for someone to travel, especially in public transportation (by that I mean Kerala transport buses).The climate should be exactly moderate..that is .. not too hot...not raining at all... otherwise.. you are in hell of a trouble..

The people who support the concept of saree does not wear it properly or, if I might say, 'decently'... the middle part of their body would be still showing... and their excuse is "ഓ ... ഇതൊക്കെ ഇപ്പൊ ആരാ നോക്കുന്നെ !!! (translation : who is bothered about this anyways !!!) ...

I would admit that even an ugly duckling like me, looks good in it... but what is more important?? looking 'good' (most of the time for others) or feeling comfy and confident...

I once heard an elder woman (35 +) say... " അല്ലെങ്ങില്ലും ആന്നുങ്ങള്‍ക്ക് പെണ്ണുങ്ങള്‍ സാരീ ഉടുക്കുന്നതാ ഇഷ്ടം.. സാരീ ഉടുക്കുമ്പോ പെന്ന്പില്ലര്രെ കാണാന്‍ നല്ല രസമാ... നമ്മുടെ ശരീരഖടന നല്ലതു പോല്ലേ അറിയാന്‍ പറ്റും... എന്റ്റെ അഭിപ്രായത്തില്‍ എല്ലാ പെന്നുങ്ങല്ലും എപ്പോഴും സാരീ ഉടുത്തോണ്ട് നടക്കണം... എന്നാല്ലേ അന്നുങ്ങള്‍ക്ക് അവരോട് താല്പരിയം തോന്നു... "
(translation: "Men like women wearing saree..women looks good in saree and helps in showing off their physical structure..in my opinion... women should wear saree all the time..only then men be interested in them"....)

OHHHHH MY GAWD!!!!! Why don't you just shoot me !!!

I guess...it has all come down to "HOW MEN LIKE TO SEE WOMEN".... what world are we living in...

When I was in college..some of the girls in my class.. decided to wear saree on a particular day.. like everything else.. I stayed out of it... so the day came...as decided these girls (who were/ are very beautiful both inside and outside) came to the college wearing saree... I saw one of my guy classmates going wild and preferring to stick with the ones who wore saree.... instead of his usual crowd.. he even told them..."Please don't make me lose my control"... (!!!!)....which I guess the girls took as a compliment from the part of the wanna be attainable goal in their lives (the man)... he even came over and asked me... "Why didn't you wear a saree?? You would look good in it??" At that time.. I was friends with him.. so I just said.. " I don't like wearing it".. and I moved along....

I have observed, men change the way they are around you or with you when you are wearing a saree...preferably for the first time... they become more 'friendly' and 'helpful' and want to be on the premises of your presence....they make sure wherever they stand they can see you... and also makes sure that you see them looking at you... ummm.... may be ...suddenly it seems like you are the one that seeks all the attention from them (because that is the most important thing in a woman's life... being noticed by a man... right !!!)....

The interesting thing is that, the people who are associated with the Teaching Profession (like say..me) are the real victims. The argument is that, if only a woman wears saree she is considered to be a teacher.

Its not how well you are with the students,or how competent you are with your subject, or how talented and creative you are in making your class interesting, but are you wearing a saree or not or do you know how to wear a saree 'properly' or atleast are you interested in wearing it (if not ..sorry... we can't consider you as a teacher, most importantly as a woman ..next !!!).

Does the students really worry about what their teachers' are wearing!!! Shouldn't the rule be "dress decently and appropriately without having to compromise your individuality"...

As a person, who belongs to the teaching profession, I was bound to wear saree for sometime in my life... I always thought my life hangs in the needle of a bunch of safety pins. ( I used to pin more than 5 of them.. otherwise... jeez.. I can't even think about it...I guess there is a reason why they are called 'safety' pins)

My colleagues never understood my hesistation and despise towards this dress... they all liked / loved it, preferred to wear it and felt so full of it... but as always.. they were lovely, kind and helpful whenever I was having trouble with it-both outwardly and inwardly...


I remember this one time.. when I was a teenager.. I asked my mother to help me wear a saree... just to see how would I look in it..(forgive me... for I was bearly 15).. so after wearing it.. I didn't feel anything special ..but my neighbour lady/aunty saw me and said...
" ഇപ്പൊ കണ്ടാ ഒരു കല്യാന്നപെന്നിന്നെ പോല്ലേ ഉണ്ട്" ... (translation: "You look like a bride now"...) nice thing to say to a 14 year old.. and then she turned to my mother and completed the statement.. "സൂക്ഷിച്ചോ .. ആരെങ്ങില്ലും വന്നു ഇവളെ തട്ടിക്കൊണ്ടു പോയി കല്യാണം കഴിക്കും "...(translation: "be careful.. someone will kidnap her and marry her") -another nice thing to say to the mother of a 14 year old- (again..it all comes to the men and how they want women to be !!!)

I guess it is okay to shove something onto your life in the name of 'culture' and 'tradition' and expect you to get used to it as time goes by... no matter how much you disagree, hesistate or feel uncomfortable...

The most frequent advice that I heard from my parents, " അവളെ
കണ്ടോ ... അവള്‍ക്ക് ഒരു കുഴപ്പവും ഇല്ലല്ലോ... നിനക്കു മാത്രം എന്താ ഇത്ര പ്രതെഗത " (translation: "look at her.. she doesn't have any problem with it.. why do you think yourself as someone special??") This 'her' they are referring to could be anybody..even a character from some 70's movie....

So, the question I would like to ask is,

what is important??

Wearing a saree (looking good in it for the spectators and as in my case ..and only in my case... feeling miserable) or how good you are (in your personal and professional life)??

The attitude or the attire??
more or less...

Tradition or Convenience???

You tell me...