തിരുവനന്തപുരം നഗരത്തിലെ ഒരു upper middle class കുടുംബം ... അച്ഛന്‍ ഗള്‍ഫില്‍ ജോലി ചെയ്യുന്നു... അമ്മ house wife... മകന്‍ കേരളത്തിന്നു പുറത്തു എവിടെയോ പഠിക്കുന്നു... മകള്‍ പ്ലസ്‌ 1 ഇന്നു പഠിക്കുന്നു ...
ഈ കഥയില്‍ അമ്മയും മകളും ആണ് താരം ... മകളെ നമുക്കു തത്കാലം 'മിനി' എന്ന് വിളിക്കാം ...
മിനി നഗരത്തിലെ ഒരു പ്രശസ്ത സ്കൂള്‍ ആണ് പഠിക്കുന്നത് ... ക്ലാസ്സില്‍ ഫസ്റ്റ് ഒന്നും അല്ലെങ്ങില്ലും മിനി പഠിക്കാന്‍ അത്ര മോശക്കാരി ഒന്നും അല്ല...
മിനിയുടെ അമ്മ ഒരു ധാരാല്ലിയാണ് ... എത്ര പൈസ കിട്ടിയാല്ലും അത് എല്ലാം വളരെ പെട്ടെന്ന് തന്നെ തീരും... പക്ഷെ മിനി ഈ കാര്യത്തില്‍ ഒന്നും ഇടപെടാറില്ല .... അല്ല... ഇടപെടാന്‍ അമ്മ സമ്മതിക്കാര്രും ഇല്ല... മിനിയുടെ ചേട്ടന്‍ വല്ലപ്പോഴും വീട്ടില്‍ വരുമ്പോള്‍ അങ്ങനെ സംസാരിക്കാറ് കൂടിയില്ല... എപ്പോഴും മുറി അടിച്ചിട്ട് ഇരുപ്പാണ് ...
അമ്മക്ക് ഒരുപാടു friends ഉള്ളതായി മിനിക്ക് അറിയാം... അതില്‍ ആനുങല്ലും പെനുങ്ങല്ലും പെടും.. ഒരു സാധാരണ വീട്ടമ്മയെ പോലെ അല്ല മിനിയുടെ അമ്മയുടെ ജീവിതം... ആവശ്യത്തില്‍ കൂടുതല്‍ പണം ... മൊബൈല് ... കാര്‍ ... അങ്ങനെ ഒരുപാടു സൌകര്യത്തില്‍ ആണ് മിനിയുടെ അമ്മയുടെ ജീവിതം... ഉള്ളത് പറയണമല്ലോ .. മിനിയുടെ കാര്യത്തില്‍ അമ്മ ഒരിക്കല്ലും ഒരു കുറവും വരുത്തിയിരുന്നില്ല ....
അങ്ങനെ ഒരു ദിവസം മിനി അറിയുകയാണ് അമ്മക്ക് ഒരുപാടു കടങ്ങള്‍ ഉണ്ടെന്നു.. അച്ഛന്‍ അയക്കുന്ന പണം ധൂര്‍ത്ത് അടിക്കുന്നതിനെടയില്‍ അമ്മ വീടിന്റെ ആധാരം വരെ പണയം വെച്ചു എന്ന് ... എനിട്ട്‌ ആ കാശ് കൊണ്ടു അമ്മ എന്ത് ചെയ്യുത് എന്ന് മിനിക്ക് അറിയില്ല... അമ്മ ഒട്ടു പറയാന്‍ കൂട്ടാക്കിയും ഇല്ല... മൂന്ന് മാസം കൂടി കഴിഞ്ഞാല്‍ അച്ഛന്‍ ഗള്‍ഫില്‍ നിന്നു അവധിക്കു നാട്ടില്‍ വരും ... അതിന്നു മുമ്പ്‌ കടങ്ങള്‍ വീട്ടിയിലെന്കില്‍ ആകെ പ്രശ്നമാകും ... ഇതൊക്കെ അമ്മ ആരോടോ ഫോണില്‍ സംസാരിച്ചപ്പോള്‍ മിനി കേട്ടതാണ് ...
അങ്ങനെ ഒരു ദിവസം മിനി സ്കൂള്‍ വിട്ടു വന്നു... അന്ന് tuition ഉണ്ടായിരുന്നില്ല ... അത് കൊണ്ടു മിനി നേരത്തെ വീട്ടില്‍ എത്തി ... അമ്മ അടുക്കളയില്‍ ഉണ്ടായിരുന്നു ... മിനിയും അമ്മയുടെ കൂടെ അടുക്കളയില്‍ കൂടി ... അന്നത്തെ പത്രത്തില്‍ എന്തോ interesting ആയ വാര്ത്ത ഉണ്ടെന്നും ... മിനി അത് വായിക്കണം എന്നും അമ്മ പറഞ്ഞു... അമ്മയുടെ കന്നട മുറിയില്‍ ഇരിക്കുകയന്നെന്നും , ഒന്നു പോയി എടുത്തോണ്ട് വരാന്‍ മിനിയോട്‌ പറഞ്ഞു... മിനി അമ്മയുടെ മുറിയില്‍ കേറി കണ്ണടക്കു വേണ്ടി നോക്കിയപ്പോള്‍ മുറിയില്‍ ആരോ ഒരാള്‍ ഇരിക്കുന്നത് കണ്ടു ... പെട്ടെന്ന് മുറി പുറത്തു നിന്നു ആരോ പൂട്ടുകയും ചെയ്യുത് ... അത് സ്വന്തം അമ്മതന്നെ ആണെന്ന് തിരിച്ചറിയാന്‍ മിനിക്ക് കുറച്ചു second ഉക്കള്‍ വേണ്ടി വന്നു...
പിന്നീട് എന്ത് നടന്നു എന്ന് ഞാന്‍ പറയേണ്ടല്ലോ...
കുറച്ചു സമയം കഴിഞ്ഞു ആ മനുഷ്യന്‍ മുറിയില്‍ നിന്നും ഇറങ്ങി ... അമ്മയുടെ കൈയില്‍ ഒരു കെട്ട് നോട്ടു വെച്ചു കൊടുത്തു ....
മിനിയുടെ അമ്മ അവളുടെ അടുത്ത് ചെന്നിട്ടു പറഞ്ഞു , " അച്ഛനോടോ മറ്റു ആരോടെങ്ങില്ലുമോ ഇതു പറഞ്ഞാലുണ്ടല്ലോ ... നിന്നെയും കൊന്നു ഞാനും ചാവും "...
ആ പെണ്‍കുട്ടിയുടെ ജീവിതം ഇനി എന്തായി തീരും ?? ആ കുട്ടി ഇനി ഈ ജീവിതത്തില്‍ ആരെ വിശ്വസിക്കും ?? rape ചെയ്യ പെട്ട് എന്നതിന്നെക്കാള്‍ ഉപരി അവളുടെ മനസ്സില്‍ അവളുടെ അമ്മ ചെയയ്ത വിശ്വാസ വഞ്ചന ആയിരിക്കും കൂടുതല്‍ വേദനിപ്പിച്ചത് എന്ന് എടുത്തു പറയണ്ടല്ലോ ...
ഒരു പെണ്‍കുട്ടിയുടെ ജീവിതത്തില്‍ ഏറ്റവും വല്യ പങ്കു വഹിക്കുന്നത് അവളുടെ അമ്മ ആണ് ... ആ അമ്മ തന്നെ ഇങ്ങനെ ചെയ്യതാല്‍ എന്താ ചെയ്യുകയാ...
എല്ലാ അമ്മമ്മാരും ഇങ്ങനെ അല്ല കേട്ടോ... സ്വന്തം മക്കളുടെ ജീവനും മാനവും രക്ഷിക്കാന്‍ സ്വയം ബലി ആടാവുന്ന അമ്മമ്മാരും ഉണ്ട് ...
ഇനി മിനി ഒരു sex worker ആയി മാറിയാല്‍ അതില്‍ അതിശയിക്കാന്‍ ഒന്നുമില്ല.. വഴിയില്‍ എവിടെയെങ്ങില്ലും വെച്ചു 'വശപിശകായി ' ഒരു പെന്നിന്നെ കണ്ടാല്‍ ഓര്ക്കുക .. ആരുടെയോ വിശ്വാസ വഞ്ചനയുടെ ബാക്കി പത്രം ആണ് അവര് എന്ന് ... അല്ലാതെ 'പോക്ക് കേസ് ' എന്ന് പറഞ്ഞു അവരെ എഴുതി തളരുത് ... അവര്ക്കും പറയാന്‍ കാണും ഇതു പോലെ ഒരു കഥ...
നമ്മുക്ക് ഇതു വെറും കഥ... പക്ഷെ ഇതു ഒരാളുടെ ജീവിതത്തില്‍ നടന്ന സംഭവം ആണ്...
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
സ്വര്‍ണവും മലയാളീ പെണ്ണുങ്ങളും
From a forwarded email....
സ്വര്‍ണത്തിന്റെ വില റോക്കറ്റ് പോലെ കുതിച്ചു കയറുകയാണ് ദിനം പ്രതി. പാവപെട്ട രക്ഷിതാക്കള്‍ മകളുടെ സന്തോഷത്തിനു വേണ്ടി കിടപ്പാടം പണയം വെച്ചും വട്ടി പലിശ എടുത്തും കല്യാണം നടത്തി അവസാനം ഒരു മുഴം കയറിലോ കീടനാശിനിയിലോ ജീവിതം അവസ്സാനിപ്പിക്കുന്നു . ഉള്ള കിടപ്പാടം വട്ടിപലിശക്കാര്‍ കൊണ്ടുപോകുകയും ചെയ്യും. സ്വര്‍ണത്തിന്റെ വില താമസിയാതെ 14,000 കടക്കുവെന്നാണ് റിപ്പോര്‍ട്ടുകള്‍. സ്വര്‍ണ്ണം വാങ്ങുന്നതുകൊണ്ട് ആരാണ്, എന്താണ് നേടുന്നത് ?? ഒരു പെണ്‍കുട്ടിയുടെ കല്യാണത്തിന് 50 പവന്റെ സ്വര്‍ണ്ണം എടുക്കുമ്പോള്‍ ആറു ലക്ഷം രൂപ ആകുന്നു , കല്യാണം കഴിഞ്ഞു പത്തു ദിവസ്സമോ ഒരു മാസ്സം കഴിഞ്ഞോ വാങ്ങിയ കടയില്‍ കൊടുക്കുമ്പോള്‍ അവര് തരുന്നത് അഞ്ചു ലക്ഷത്തി അമ്പതിനായിരം രൂപ മാത്രമാണ് . അതായത് കടക്കാരന് കിട്ടിയത് 50, 000 രൂപ. ഈ ആറു ലക്ഷം രൂപ സ്വര്‍ണ്ണം വാങ്ങുന്നതിന് പകരം ബാങ്കില്‍ നിക്ഷേപിച്ചിരുന്നു എങ്കില്‍ കുറഞ്ഞത് ആറായിരം രൂപ പലിശ കിട്ടിയേനെ. അതായതു 56,000 രൂപ ലാഭം. സ്വര്‍ണകടകള്‍ തടിച്ചു കൊഴുക്കുന്നു. ഒരു കട തുടങ്ങുന്നവന്‍ ഒരു വര്‍ഷത്തിനുള്ളില്‍ ഒന്‍പതു കടകള്‍ തുടങ്ങുന്നു. കേരളത്തിലെ പെണ്‍കുട്ടികള്‍ക്ക് ഒരു മിഥ്യ ധാരണയുണ്ട് അവര് സ്വര്‍ണ്ണം ഇടുമ്പോള്‍ കൂടുതല്‍ സുന്ദരി ആകുവെന്നു. അത് വെറും തോന്നല്‍ മാത്രമാന്.
കല്യാണം കഴിക്കാന്‍ പോകുന്ന ചെറുപ്പക്കാര്‍ പറയുക, സ്വര്‍ണത്തിന് പകരം ആ പണം ബാങ്കില്‍ ഇട്ടാല്‍ മതിയെന്ന്. മാസ്സം ചെല്ലുതോറും അത് കൂടി കൂടി വരും, കള്ളന്മാരെയും പേടിക്കണ്ട.
സമുദായ നേതാന്ക്കന്മാര്‍ എന്തിനും ഏതിനും ജാതി പറയും. അത് അവരുടെ നിലനില്‍പ്പിന്റെ പ്രശ്നമാണ് . പക്ഷെ പാവപെട്ടവെന്റെ കാര്യത്തില്‍ മുഖം തിരിക്കും. അവര്‍ക്ക് ഈ കാര്യത്തില്‍ ചെയ്യാന്‍ ഒരു പാട് കാര്യങ്ങള്‍ ഉണ്ട്. പക്ഷെ ചെയ്യില്ല. തന്റെ സമുദായത്തിലെ കല്യാണത്തിന് സ്ത്രീധനവായി അഞ്ചു പവനില്‍ കൂടുതല്‍ കൊടുക്കരുത്‌ എന്ന് സര്കുലര്‍ ഇറക്കാന്‍ ഇവര്‍ക്ക് കഴിയും.
ഇതിനെ കുറിച്ച് വെള്ളാപ്പള്ളി:
"കേരളത്തിലും കര്‍ണാടകത്തിലും ആയി എനിക്ക് എട്ടു സ്വര്‍ണ്ണ കടകള്‍ ഉണ്ട്. കല്യാണത്തിന് അഞ്ചു പവനില്‍ കൂടുതല്‍ കൊടുക്കരുത്‌ എന്ന് ഞാന്‍ പറഞ്ഞാല്‍ എങ്ങനെ കച്ചവടം നടുക്കും?. മൈക്രോ ഫിനാന്‍സ് വഴി ഞാന്‍ ഈഴവ സമുദായത്തിലെ പാവപെട്ടവര്‍ക്ക് പണം കുറഞ്ഞ നിരക്കില്‍ കൊടുക്കുന്നുണ്ടല്ലോ. അത് വാങ്ങി അവര് സ്വര്‍ണ്ണം വാങ്ങെട്ടെ. അല്ലാതെ ഈ പാവപെട്ട എന്റെ എട്ടു സ്വര്‍ണ്ണ കട എന്തിനാ അനിയാ പുട്ടിക്കുന്നത്".
നാരായണ പണിക്കര്‍:
"NSS ന്റെ ബോര്‍ഡ്‌ മെമ്പര്‍ മാര്‍ പലരും സ്വര്‍ണ്ണ കട നടത്തുന്നവര്‍ ആണ്. എന്നെ എതിരില്ലാതെ തിരെഞ്ഞുടുക്കന്നതും അവര് ആണ്. അപ്പോള്‍ ഞാന്‍ അഞ്ചു പവനില്‍ കൂടുതല്‍ സ്ത്രീധനം കൊടുക്കരുത്‌ എന്ന് എങ്ങനെയാണ് സര്കുലര്‍ ഇറക്കുന്നത്‌. സ്ത്രീധനം കൊടുക്കാന്‍ നിവര്തിയില്ലാത്ത വീടിലെ പെണ്‍കുട്ടികളോട് ആരുടെ കൂടെ എങ്കിലും ഒളിച്ചോടാന്‍ പറ. അപ്പോള്‍ തീര്നില്ലേ കാര്യം. അല്ലാതെ സ്വര്‍ണ്ണ കടക്കാരന്റെ കഞ്ഞിയില്‍ മണ്ണ് വാരി ഇടാന്‍ ഞാന്‍ ഇല്ല".
സ്ത്രീധനം കൊടുക്കുന്നത് ഹറാമ് എന്നല്ലേ മുസ്ലിയാരെ പരിശുദ്ധ ഖുറാനില്‍ പറഞ്ഞിരിക്കുന്നത്. അതുകൊണ്ട് നിങ്ങള്ക്ക് ഒരു തീരുമാനം എടുത്തുകൂടെ? . അതുപോലെ പുരുഷന്‍ കല്യാണ സമയത്ത് സ്ത്രീ ക്ക് കൊടുക്കന്നം എന്ന് അല്ലെ പരിശുദ്ധ ഖുറാനില്‍ പറഞ്ഞിട്ടുള്ളത്. സ്ത്രീക്ക് കൊടുത്തില്ലെങ്കിലും വേണ്ടില്ല നിക്കാഹ് സമയത്ത് അഞ്ചു പവനില്‍ കൂടുതല്‍ ആകരുത് എന്ന് പറഞ്ഞുകൂടെ?
മുസ്ലിയാര്‍:
"ഖുറാനില്‍ അങ്ങനെ ഒരുപാട് നല്ല കാര്യങ്ങള്‍ മാനവ രാശിയുടെ നല്ലതിന് വേണ്ടി പറഞ്ഞിട്ടുണ്ട്. അതുകൊണ്ട് ഞങ്ങള്‍ മഹല്ല് കമ്മറ്റിയുടെ തീരുമാനം കുറഞ്ഞത് നാല് കെട്ടാം എന്നുള്ളത് മാത്രം കര്‍ശനവായി നടപ്പാക്കിയാല്‍ മതിയെന്നാണ്. ബാക്കിയുള്ള കാര്യത്തില്‍ ഞമ്മള്‍ എന്തിനാ മോനെ തലയിടുന്നത്. സ്വര്‍ണ്ണ കട നടത്തി പത്തു പൈസ ഉണ്ടാക്കുന്നവെന്റെ കഞ്ഞിയില്‍ എന്തിനാ വെറുതെ മണ്ണ് വാരി ഇടുന്നത്‌. ഓന്‍ ജീവിച്ചു പൊക്കോട്ടെ. പണിക്കരു ചേട്ടന്‍ പറഞ്ഞ മാതിരി പാവപെട്ട പെണ്‍കുട്ടികള്‍ ആരുടെയെങ്കിലും കൂടെ ഒളിച്ചോടി പോട്ടെ. ഈ കാര്യത്തില്‍ മാത്രം ഞങ്ങള്‍ സമുദായ നേതാക്കന്‍ മാര്‍ ഒറ്റ കെട്ട. മോന്‍ പോകാന്‍ നോക്ക്. ഹിമാറ്".
അച്ചോ, ഈ കല്യാണ സമയത്ത് ഈ സ്വര്‍ണ്ണം വാരി കോരി ഇടുന്നത്‌ ഒന്ന് നിര്തലാകി കൂടെ?. അഞ്ചു പവനില്‍ കൂടുതല്‍ ഇടാന്‍ പാടില്ല എന്ന് ഒരു ഇടയ ലേഖനം ഇറക്കി പാവപെട്ട വീട്ടുകാരെ ഒന്ന് രക്ഷിചൂടെ??
അച്ഛന്‍:
"കേരളത്തില്‍ ഏറ്റവും കൂടുതല്‍ സ്വര്‍ണ്ണ കടയുള്ളത് നമ്മുടെ സമുദായത്തിന് ആണ്. അവര് നല്ലയൊരു amount പള്ളിക്ക് തരുകയും ചെയ്യുന്നുണ്ട്. ഇടക്കിടെ ഓരോ പ്രാര്‍ത്ഥനയും നടത്തുന്നുണ്ട്. ആ അവരുടെ കട ഞാന്‍ അടപ്പിക്കണം അല്ലെ ?? പിശാചേ , ദൂരെ പോ. നിന്നെ ഇനി ഈ പള്ളി പരിസ്സരത് കണ്ടാല്‍ തട്ടാന്‍ ഞാന്‍ ഇടയലേഖനം ഇറക്കും. പാവപെട്ട വീട്ടിലെ സ്ത്രീധനം കൊടുക്കാന്‍ കഴിയാത്ത പെണ്‍കുട്ടികള്‍ക്ക് വേണ്ടിയാ, മറ്റൊരു സമുദായത്തിലും ഇല്ലാത്ത ഈ കന്യാസ്ത്രീ മഠം എന്ന ഒന്ന് കോടികള്‍ മുടക്കി പണിഞ്ഞു ഇട്ടിരിക്കുന്നത്. അതുകൊണ്ട് കന്യാസ്ത്രീ മഠത്തില്‍ ചേരാന്‍ പറ. അവര്‍ക്ക് ഒരു ഉപഹാരവും ആകും മടത്തിലെ അച്ഛനമാര്‍ക്കു ഒരു പലഹാരവും ആകും. കര്‍ത്താവെ, കോട്ടൂര്‍ അച്ഛനോട് പൊറുതാല്ലും ഈ വന്നവനോട്‌ പൊറുക്കല്ലേ ".
സുഹൃതക്കളെ, ഈ സമുദായ നേതാക്കന്മാര്‍ എന്ന, ജനങ്ങളെ ഊറ്റികുടിച്ചു വളരുന്ന ഇവരില്‍ നിന്നും നമ്മള്‍ നല്ലത് ഒന്നും നോക്കണ്ട. നിങ്ങള്‍ ചെയ്യണ്ടത്, കോളേജില്‍ ആണെങ്കില്‍ ഒരു ഒരു സ്വര്‍ണ രഹിത ക്യാമ്പസ്‌ ഉണ്ടാക്കാന്‍ ശ്രമിക്കുക. വളര്‍ന്നു വരുന്ന തലമുറയെങ്കിലും സ്വര്‍ണ്ണ ഉപയോഗത്തില്‍ നിന്നും ഒഴിഞ്ഞു നില്‍ക്കട്ടെ.
(അല്ല ... നിങ്ങളുടെ ഒക്കെ കല്യാണത്തിന്നു തന്നെ എത്ര പവന്റെ സ്വര്‍ണമാണ് വാങ്ങിയത് എന്ന് വല്ല ഓര്‍മയും ഉണ്ടോ ???) ....
സ്വര്‍ണത്തിന്റെ വില റോക്കറ്റ് പോലെ കുതിച്ചു കയറുകയാണ് ദിനം പ്രതി. പാവപെട്ട രക്ഷിതാക്കള്‍ മകളുടെ സന്തോഷത്തിനു വേണ്ടി കിടപ്പാടം പണയം വെച്ചും വട്ടി പലിശ എടുത്തും കല്യാണം നടത്തി അവസാനം ഒരു മുഴം കയറിലോ കീടനാശിനിയിലോ ജീവിതം അവസ്സാനിപ്പിക്കുന്നു . ഉള്ള കിടപ്പാടം വട്ടിപലിശക്കാര്‍ കൊണ്ടുപോകുകയും ചെയ്യും. സ്വര്‍ണത്തിന്റെ വില താമസിയാതെ 14,000 കടക്കുവെന്നാണ് റിപ്പോര്‍ട്ടുകള്‍. സ്വര്‍ണ്ണം വാങ്ങുന്നതുകൊണ്ട് ആരാണ്, എന്താണ് നേടുന്നത് ?? ഒരു പെണ്‍കുട്ടിയുടെ കല്യാണത്തിന് 50 പവന്റെ സ്വര്‍ണ്ണം എടുക്കുമ്പോള്‍ ആറു ലക്ഷം രൂപ ആകുന്നു , കല്യാണം കഴിഞ്ഞു പത്തു ദിവസ്സമോ ഒരു മാസ്സം കഴിഞ്ഞോ വാങ്ങിയ കടയില്‍ കൊടുക്കുമ്പോള്‍ അവര് തരുന്നത് അഞ്ചു ലക്ഷത്തി അമ്പതിനായിരം രൂപ മാത്രമാണ് . അതായത് കടക്കാരന് കിട്ടിയത് 50, 000 രൂപ. ഈ ആറു ലക്ഷം രൂപ സ്വര്‍ണ്ണം വാങ്ങുന്നതിന് പകരം ബാങ്കില്‍ നിക്ഷേപിച്ചിരുന്നു എങ്കില്‍ കുറഞ്ഞത് ആറായിരം രൂപ പലിശ കിട്ടിയേനെ. അതായതു 56,000 രൂപ ലാഭം. സ്വര്‍ണകടകള്‍ തടിച്ചു കൊഴുക്കുന്നു. ഒരു കട തുടങ്ങുന്നവന്‍ ഒരു വര്‍ഷത്തിനുള്ളില്‍ ഒന്‍പതു കടകള്‍ തുടങ്ങുന്നു. കേരളത്തിലെ പെണ്‍കുട്ടികള്‍ക്ക് ഒരു മിഥ്യ ധാരണയുണ്ട് അവര് സ്വര്‍ണ്ണം ഇടുമ്പോള്‍ കൂടുതല്‍ സുന്ദരി ആകുവെന്നു. അത് വെറും തോന്നല്‍ മാത്രമാന്.
കല്യാണം കഴിക്കാന്‍ പോകുന്ന ചെറുപ്പക്കാര്‍ പറയുക, സ്വര്‍ണത്തിന് പകരം ആ പണം ബാങ്കില്‍ ഇട്ടാല്‍ മതിയെന്ന്. മാസ്സം ചെല്ലുതോറും അത് കൂടി കൂടി വരും, കള്ളന്മാരെയും പേടിക്കണ്ട.
സമുദായ നേതാന്ക്കന്മാര്‍ എന്തിനും ഏതിനും ജാതി പറയും. അത് അവരുടെ നിലനില്‍പ്പിന്റെ പ്രശ്നമാണ് . പക്ഷെ പാവപെട്ടവെന്റെ കാര്യത്തില്‍ മുഖം തിരിക്കും. അവര്‍ക്ക് ഈ കാര്യത്തില്‍ ചെയ്യാന്‍ ഒരു പാട് കാര്യങ്ങള്‍ ഉണ്ട്. പക്ഷെ ചെയ്യില്ല. തന്റെ സമുദായത്തിലെ കല്യാണത്തിന് സ്ത്രീധനവായി അഞ്ചു പവനില്‍ കൂടുതല്‍ കൊടുക്കരുത്‌ എന്ന് സര്കുലര്‍ ഇറക്കാന്‍ ഇവര്‍ക്ക് കഴിയും.
ഇതിനെ കുറിച്ച് വെള്ളാപ്പള്ളി:
"കേരളത്തിലും കര്‍ണാടകത്തിലും ആയി എനിക്ക് എട്ടു സ്വര്‍ണ്ണ കടകള്‍ ഉണ്ട്. കല്യാണത്തിന് അഞ്ചു പവനില്‍ കൂടുതല്‍ കൊടുക്കരുത്‌ എന്ന് ഞാന്‍ പറഞ്ഞാല്‍ എങ്ങനെ കച്ചവടം നടുക്കും?. മൈക്രോ ഫിനാന്‍സ് വഴി ഞാന്‍ ഈഴവ സമുദായത്തിലെ പാവപെട്ടവര്‍ക്ക് പണം കുറഞ്ഞ നിരക്കില്‍ കൊടുക്കുന്നുണ്ടല്ലോ. അത് വാങ്ങി അവര് സ്വര്‍ണ്ണം വാങ്ങെട്ടെ. അല്ലാതെ ഈ പാവപെട്ട എന്റെ എട്ടു സ്വര്‍ണ്ണ കട എന്തിനാ അനിയാ പുട്ടിക്കുന്നത്".
നാരായണ പണിക്കര്‍:
"NSS ന്റെ ബോര്‍ഡ്‌ മെമ്പര്‍ മാര്‍ പലരും സ്വര്‍ണ്ണ കട നടത്തുന്നവര്‍ ആണ്. എന്നെ എതിരില്ലാതെ തിരെഞ്ഞുടുക്കന്നതും അവര് ആണ്. അപ്പോള്‍ ഞാന്‍ അഞ്ചു പവനില്‍ കൂടുതല്‍ സ്ത്രീധനം കൊടുക്കരുത്‌ എന്ന് എങ്ങനെയാണ് സര്കുലര്‍ ഇറക്കുന്നത്‌. സ്ത്രീധനം കൊടുക്കാന്‍ നിവര്തിയില്ലാത്ത വീടിലെ പെണ്‍കുട്ടികളോട് ആരുടെ കൂടെ എങ്കിലും ഒളിച്ചോടാന്‍ പറ. അപ്പോള്‍ തീര്നില്ലേ കാര്യം. അല്ലാതെ സ്വര്‍ണ്ണ കടക്കാരന്റെ കഞ്ഞിയില്‍ മണ്ണ് വാരി ഇടാന്‍ ഞാന്‍ ഇല്ല".
സ്ത്രീധനം കൊടുക്കുന്നത് ഹറാമ് എന്നല്ലേ മുസ്ലിയാരെ പരിശുദ്ധ ഖുറാനില്‍ പറഞ്ഞിരിക്കുന്നത്. അതുകൊണ്ട് നിങ്ങള്ക്ക് ഒരു തീരുമാനം എടുത്തുകൂടെ? . അതുപോലെ പുരുഷന്‍ കല്യാണ സമയത്ത് സ്ത്രീ ക്ക് കൊടുക്കന്നം എന്ന് അല്ലെ പരിശുദ്ധ ഖുറാനില്‍ പറഞ്ഞിട്ടുള്ളത്. സ്ത്രീക്ക് കൊടുത്തില്ലെങ്കിലും വേണ്ടില്ല നിക്കാഹ് സമയത്ത് അഞ്ചു പവനില്‍ കൂടുതല്‍ ആകരുത് എന്ന് പറഞ്ഞുകൂടെ?
മുസ്ലിയാര്‍:
"ഖുറാനില്‍ അങ്ങനെ ഒരുപാട് നല്ല കാര്യങ്ങള്‍ മാനവ രാശിയുടെ നല്ലതിന് വേണ്ടി പറഞ്ഞിട്ടുണ്ട്. അതുകൊണ്ട് ഞങ്ങള്‍ മഹല്ല് കമ്മറ്റിയുടെ തീരുമാനം കുറഞ്ഞത് നാല് കെട്ടാം എന്നുള്ളത് മാത്രം കര്‍ശനവായി നടപ്പാക്കിയാല്‍ മതിയെന്നാണ്. ബാക്കിയുള്ള കാര്യത്തില്‍ ഞമ്മള്‍ എന്തിനാ മോനെ തലയിടുന്നത്. സ്വര്‍ണ്ണ കട നടത്തി പത്തു പൈസ ഉണ്ടാക്കുന്നവെന്റെ കഞ്ഞിയില്‍ എന്തിനാ വെറുതെ മണ്ണ് വാരി ഇടുന്നത്‌. ഓന്‍ ജീവിച്ചു പൊക്കോട്ടെ. പണിക്കരു ചേട്ടന്‍ പറഞ്ഞ മാതിരി പാവപെട്ട പെണ്‍കുട്ടികള്‍ ആരുടെയെങ്കിലും കൂടെ ഒളിച്ചോടി പോട്ടെ. ഈ കാര്യത്തില്‍ മാത്രം ഞങ്ങള്‍ സമുദായ നേതാക്കന്‍ മാര്‍ ഒറ്റ കെട്ട. മോന്‍ പോകാന്‍ നോക്ക്. ഹിമാറ്".
അച്ചോ, ഈ കല്യാണ സമയത്ത് ഈ സ്വര്‍ണ്ണം വാരി കോരി ഇടുന്നത്‌ ഒന്ന് നിര്തലാകി കൂടെ?. അഞ്ചു പവനില്‍ കൂടുതല്‍ ഇടാന്‍ പാടില്ല എന്ന് ഒരു ഇടയ ലേഖനം ഇറക്കി പാവപെട്ട വീട്ടുകാരെ ഒന്ന് രക്ഷിചൂടെ??
അച്ഛന്‍:
"കേരളത്തില്‍ ഏറ്റവും കൂടുതല്‍ സ്വര്‍ണ്ണ കടയുള്ളത് നമ്മുടെ സമുദായത്തിന് ആണ്. അവര് നല്ലയൊരു amount പള്ളിക്ക് തരുകയും ചെയ്യുന്നുണ്ട്. ഇടക്കിടെ ഓരോ പ്രാര്‍ത്ഥനയും നടത്തുന്നുണ്ട്. ആ അവരുടെ കട ഞാന്‍ അടപ്പിക്കണം അല്ലെ ?? പിശാചേ , ദൂരെ പോ. നിന്നെ ഇനി ഈ പള്ളി പരിസ്സരത് കണ്ടാല്‍ തട്ടാന്‍ ഞാന്‍ ഇടയലേഖനം ഇറക്കും. പാവപെട്ട വീട്ടിലെ സ്ത്രീധനം കൊടുക്കാന്‍ കഴിയാത്ത പെണ്‍കുട്ടികള്‍ക്ക് വേണ്ടിയാ, മറ്റൊരു സമുദായത്തിലും ഇല്ലാത്ത ഈ കന്യാസ്ത്രീ മഠം എന്ന ഒന്ന് കോടികള്‍ മുടക്കി പണിഞ്ഞു ഇട്ടിരിക്കുന്നത്. അതുകൊണ്ട് കന്യാസ്ത്രീ മഠത്തില്‍ ചേരാന്‍ പറ. അവര്‍ക്ക് ഒരു ഉപഹാരവും ആകും മടത്തിലെ അച്ഛനമാര്‍ക്കു ഒരു പലഹാരവും ആകും. കര്‍ത്താവെ, കോട്ടൂര്‍ അച്ഛനോട് പൊറുതാല്ലും ഈ വന്നവനോട്‌ പൊറുക്കല്ലേ ".
സുഹൃതക്കളെ, ഈ സമുദായ നേതാക്കന്മാര്‍ എന്ന, ജനങ്ങളെ ഊറ്റികുടിച്ചു വളരുന്ന ഇവരില്‍ നിന്നും നമ്മള്‍ നല്ലത് ഒന്നും നോക്കണ്ട. നിങ്ങള്‍ ചെയ്യണ്ടത്, കോളേജില്‍ ആണെങ്കില്‍ ഒരു ഒരു സ്വര്‍ണ രഹിത ക്യാമ്പസ്‌ ഉണ്ടാക്കാന്‍ ശ്രമിക്കുക. വളര്‍ന്നു വരുന്ന തലമുറയെങ്കിലും സ്വര്‍ണ്ണ ഉപയോഗത്തില്‍ നിന്നും ഒഴിഞ്ഞു നില്‍ക്കട്ടെ.
(അല്ല ... നിങ്ങളുടെ ഒക്കെ കല്യാണത്തിന്നു തന്നെ എത്ര പവന്റെ സ്വര്‍ണമാണ് വാങ്ങിയത് എന്ന് വല്ല ഓര്‍മയും ഉണ്ടോ ???) ....
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Retirement after marriage
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പിന്നെ... വേറെ ഒരു കൂട്ടരുണ്ട്.. അവര് തലമുറകളായി കലാ പാരമ്പര്യം ഉള്ളവരാണ് .... അവര്‍ക്ക് ഈ തൊഴില്‍ അല്ലാതെ വേറെ ഒന്നും അറിയില്ല... ഫാമിലി ബിസിനസ്സ് എന്നൊക്കെ പറയില്ലേ... അത് പോലെ... ഉദാഹരണം: സുകുമാരി... ശ്രീവിദ്യ ...
അങ്ങനെ സിനിമ വന്നപ്പോ നാടകത്തിന്റെ ചുക്കാന്‍ പിടച്ചവര്‍ തന്നെ അതും ഏറ്റെടുത്ത്... എന്നിട്ട് നേരത്തെ നാടകത്തില്‍ ഉണ്ടായിര്രുന്ന നടികളെയും അതില്‍ ഉള്‍പെടുത്തി...
അത് കഴിഞ്ഞും ഇതു പോലെ കുടുംബം നോക്കാനായി പല പെന്ന്പില്ലെര്രും സിനിമയില്‍ വന്നു... വെള്ളിവെളിച്ചം കണ്ടവര്‍ അതില്‍ വളരെ ചുരുക്കം ആണ്... കുറച്ചു സമയം കൊണ്ടു ഒരുപാടു കാശ് ഉണ്ടാക്കാന്‍ പറ്റിയ ഒരു സ്ഥലമാണല്ലോ... പുറമെ നിന്നു നോക്കുമ്പോ വലിയ അധ്വാനം ഉള്ള ജോലിയായി തോന്നതുമില്ല .... അത് തന്നെ ഒരുപാടു പേരെ ആകര്‍ഷിച്ചു കാണണം... പ്രേതെഗിച്ചു മാതപിതാകളെ... ലേഖയുടെ മരണം ഒരു ഫ്ലാഷ് ബാക്ക് എന്ന സിനിമ ഒര്ര്‍ക്കുന്നില്ലേ ...
(ഒന്നാലോചിച്ചു നോക്ക്... സിനിമയില്‍ അഭിനയിക്കന്നായി മാത്രം കേരളത്തിന്റെ ഏതോ ഒരു മൂലയ്ക്ക് നിന്നും തീവണ്ടി കേറി മദിരാശിയില്‍ എത്തി ജീവിതം നഷ്ടപെട്ട എത്ര പേര്‍ ഉണ്ടാവും... അവരൊക്കെ ഇപ്പൊ എവിടെ എന്ത് ചെയ്യുകയാവും... )
അവര്‍കൊക്കെ സിനിമ അവരുടെ അന്നം ആയിര്രുന്നു... അത് കൊണ്ടു തന്നെ പെട്ടന്ന് വിട്ടിട്ടു പോകുക എന്ന ചിന്ത മിക്കവരുടെയും മനസ്സില്‍ ഉണ്ടായിര്രിന്നിര്രിക്കില്ല... ഷീലയുടെ ഒരു ഇന്റര്‍വ്യൂ യില്‍ കേട്ടത്... അവര് സിനിമയില്‍ വന്നത് കൊണ്ടാണ് അവരുടെ ഇളയ സഹോദരകളുടെ പഠിപ്പും വിവാഹവും ഒക്കെ നടന്നനെതെന്നു... ഇതു പോലെ തന്നെ ആയിര്രുന്നു ജയഭരതിയുടെയും സീമയുടെയും ഒക്കെ കാര്യം... അത് കൊണ്ടാണ് കല്യാണം കഴിഞ്ഞിട്ടും കുട്ടികള്‍ ആയിട്ടും അവരൊക്കെ സിനിമയില്‍ തന്നെ തുടര്നത് .....അത് കൊണ്ടു തന്നെ ആണ് അവര്‍ക്ക് പല compromise ഉം ചെയ്യേണ്ടി വന്നതും...
മുഴു ഗര്‍ഭിണി ആയിര്രുന്നപോള്‍ പോലും സീമ അഭിനയിചിര്രുന്നു...
പിന്നെ പിന്നെ... നായികമാര്‍ വന്നത്... ഏതെങ്കിലും ഒരു function ന്ന് പോകുമോ, അല്ലെങ്ങില്‍ പരിച്ചയകാര്‍ ആരെങ്ങില്ലും പറഞ്ഞറിഞ്ഞു .... അങ്ങനെ ആണ് സിനിമ രംഗത്തുള്ളവര്‍ നായിക്കമാര്രെ കണ്ടെതുനത് ... എല്ലാവരും ഒരു വിധം നല്ല ധനസ്ഥിതി ഉള്ളവര്‍ ആയിര്രിക്കും... പണ്ടത്തെ പോലെ ഇപ്പൊഒരു വീട്ടില്‍ ഏഴും എട്ടും പിള്ളേര്‍ ഒന്നും ഇല്ലല്ലോ... ഒരു അനിയന്നോ അനിയത്തിയോ കാണും... അവരുടെ കാര്യം നോക്കേണ്ട ബാധ്യത ഒന്നും ഇവര്‍ക്കില്ല... അപ്പൊ ...എവിടേക്കോ പോകുന്ന വഴി ഒന്നു കേറിയിട്ട് പോകുനത് പോലെ ആണ് ഇപ്പോഴത്തെ സിനിമ അഭിനയം... മിക്കവാറും പഠിച്ചു കൊണ്ടു ഇര്രിക്കുന്നവര്‍ ആയിര്രിക്കും... അല്ലെങ്ങില്‍ തന്നെ 50 വയസ്സായ നായകന് 18 വയസ്സായ നായികയെ ആന്നല്ലോ പഥ്യം.... പഠിച്ചു കൊണ്ടു ഇര്രികുന്ന കൊച്ചിനെ കൊണ്ടു വന്നു നാലോ അഞ്ചോ വര്ഷം അഭിനയിപ്പിക്കും... അപ്പോഴേക്കും അതിന്നു 'കല്യാണ പ്രായമാവും'... പിന്നെ... നമ്മുടെ നാട്ടുക്കാര്‍ അല്ലെ... കുത്തി കുത്തി ചോദിച്ചു കൊണ്ടിര്രിക്കും... അങ്ങനെ വിതെശത്ത് ജോലി ഉള്ള ഏതെങ്കിലും ഡോക്ടറോ എന്ചിനീരോ വന്നു കെട്ടി കൊണ്ടു പോകും... അല്ലെങ്ങില്‍ കൂടെ അഭിനയിച്ച ഒരുത്തന്റെ കെട്ടും.... പിന്നെ... പൊടി പോലും ഇല്ല കണ്ടു പിടിക്കാന്‍... അങ്ങനെ പഠിത്തവും പോയി.. സിനിമയും പോയി... ഇനി ഈ ബന്ധം എങ്ങാനും fail ആയാലോ... പിന്നെ കൊച്ചിന്റെ കാര്യം ഗോപി...
നേരെ ചൊവേ എന്ന പരിപാടി അവതരിപ്പിക്കുന്ന ചേട്ടന്റെ സ്ഥിരം ചോദ്യമാണ്... manju warrior എന്ത് കൊണ്ടു സിനിമ വിട്ടു പോയി... ഏത് നടി ഷോയില്‍ പങ്കെടുക്കാന്‍ വന്നാലും ഇതു തന്നെ ചോദ്യം... ഹേ ... മനുഷ്യാ... ഈ manju warrior എന്ന് പറയുന്ന പെന്ന്കുട്ടിയെ ആര്രും നിര്‍ബന്ധിച്ചും, ഭീഷിനിപെടുതിയും കല്യാണം കഴിച്ചതോ കഴിപ്പിച്ചതോ അല്ല... അത് സ്വന്ത ഇഷ്ട പ്രകാരം ഇറങ്ങി പോയതാണ്... ഈ സംഭവം നടന്നിട്ട് ഇപ്പൊ 10 വര്ഷം കഴിഞ്ഞില്ലേ ... ഇനി എന്കില്ലും അതിനെ വെറുതെ വിട്...
അടുത്ത് അറിഞ്ഞ ഒരു കാര്യം... (ഇതു നടക്കാന്‍ തുടങിയിട്ട് കുറെ നാളായി ... ഞാന്‍ അറിഞ്ഞത് കുറച്ചു നാള്‍ മുന്ബാന്നനെ ഉള്ളു)... ഒരു സിനിമയുടെ കഥ ഉണ്ടാവുമ്പോള്‍ തിരകഥ എഴുതുന്നു ആള്‍ ആദ്യം ഒരു നടനെയോ നിര്മാതാവിനെയോ സമീപിക്കും... എന്നിട്ട് ആ discussion ഇല്‍ വെച്ചിടാന്നു ആര് സംവിധാനം ചെയ്യണം, ആര് സംഗീത സംവിധാനം ചെയ്യണം, വില്ലന്‍ ആര് , നായികാ ആര്, എന്നൊക്കെ തീരുമാനിക്കുന്നത് .... കാരണം... നമ്മുടെ എല്ലാ സിനിമയും നായക പ്രാധാന്യം ഉള്ള സിനിമകള്‍ ആണ്.. അപ്പൊ നായകന് പര്രയുകയാന്നു .... "നമുക്കു പുതിയ ഒരു കുട്ടിയെ കൊണ്ടു ഈ കഥാപാത്രം ചെയ്യിക്കാം".. എന്ന് ... മറ്റുള്ളവര്‍ക്ക് അത് സമ്മതിക്കുകയെ തരമുള്ളൂ... കാരണം ആ നായകന്റെ date ആണ് മുഖ്യം... നായികാ ആരായാല്‍ എന്താ.. നായിക്കക്ക് അല്ലെങ്ങില്ലും വലിയ റോളൊന്നും ഇല്ലല്ലോ... 3 song ഉം 20 scenes ഉം .. അതിന്നു അല്ലെങ്ങില്ലും new face തന്നെയാ നല്ലതെന്ന്....
നേരെ ചോവെയില്‍ തന്നെ വിക്രം പറഞ്ഞതു കേട്ടില്ലേ... ഒരു നായികയുടെ ഫിലിം കരീയര്‍ കൂടി പോയ 5 വര്ഷം... പക്ഷെ നായകന്റെത് 20-25 years ആണ്....
ഒരിടക്ക് കാവ്യാ മാധവന്‍ എവിടെ ചെന്നാല്ലും ആളുകള്‍ ചോദിക്കും ആയിര്രുന്നു പോലും "കല്യാണം ഒന്നും ആയില്ലേ??" എന്ന് ... ഇപ്പൊ എല്ലാവര്ക്കും തൃപ്തി ആയല്ലോ... (പറഞ്ഞതു പോലെ അത് എന്തോ ആയി... പിന്നെ അതിനേ കുറിച്ചു ഒന്നും കേട്ടില്ലല്ലോ... compromise ആയോ ??)
ദിവ്യ ഉണ്ണിയെ ഓര്‍മയില്ലേ... പുള്ളിക്കാരി കല്യാണം കഴിഞ്ഞു കുറച്ചു നാള്‍ കഴിയുനതിന്നു മുന്പേ ഒരു സീരിയലില്‍ അഭിനയിക്കാന്‍ വേണ്ടി വന്നു... എന്റെ വീട്ടില്‍ ഉള്ളവര്‍ തന്നെ പറഞ്ഞതു എന്താന്നെന്നു അറിയണോ ?? "ഇതിനൊക്കെ കല്യാണം കഴിഞ്ഞാലും വീട്ടില്‍ എന്ങാന്നും ഇര്രുന്നാ പോരെ?? പിന്നെയും എന്തിനാ ഇങ്ങനെ ഇറങ്ങി നടക്കുന്നത് എന്ന് ??".. ചിലപ്പോ ഇതൊന്നും കേള്‍ക്കാന്‍ തല്പരിയം ഇല്ലാത്തതു കൊണ്ടയിര്രിക്കും manju warrior എല്ലാം മതിയാക്കി പോയത്... അല്ലെങ്ങില്‍ തന്നെ അവര് ഇനി തിരിച്ചു വന്നു എന്നിര്രിക്കട്ടെ... ഏത് തരം റോള്‍ ആയിര്രിക്കും അവര്ക്കു കൊടുക്കുക... മോഹന്‍ലാലിന്‍റെ ചേട്ടത്തി ആയിട്ടോ... അല്ല... നമ്മുടെ നാട്ടുക്കാര്‍ അല്ലെ... അവര് അതും സമ്മതിച്ചു കൊടുക്കും...
കല്യാണം കഴിച്ചതിനു ശേഷം സിനിമയില്‍ സജീവമായി തുടരുന്ന ജ്യോതിര്‍മയിയെ എനിക്കിഷ്ടമാണ്... കാരണം... ആര് എന്തൊക്കെ പറഞ്ഞിട്ടും അവര് ഇപ്പോഴും ഈ ഫീല്‍ഡില്‍ തന്നെ ഉണ്ട്... അവരുടെ ഒരു ഇന്റര്‍വ്യൂ ഇന്റെ ഹെഡ് ലൈന്‍ ഇങ്ങനേ ആയിര്രുന്നു... "കല്യാണം കഴിക്കുന്നത്‌ കുറ്റം ആണോ ??"... കാരണം... കല്യാണം കഴിച്ചതിനു ശേഷം സിനിമയില്‍ തുടരുന്നത് എന്തിന്നാന്നെന്നു അവരോട് പലരും ചോധിക്കര്ര്‍ ഉണ്ടത്രേ.. വിവാഹം കഴിച്ചത് കൊണ്ടു ഇനി കക്ഷി അഭിനയിക്കില്ല എന്ന് കരുതി പല അവസരങ്ങളും നഷ്ടമായിട്ടുണ്ട് പോലും...
എന്ത് കാരണം കൊണ്ടാനെങില്ലും കല്യാണം കഴിക്കാതെ കലയെ ജീവിതമാക്കിയ ശോഭനയെ ഞാന്‍ ആരാധിക്കുന്നു...
ഇതൊക്കെ എത്ര പേര്ക്ക് കഴിയും...
അപ്പൊ കല്യാണം കഴിച്ചിട്ടും സിനിമയില്‍ തുന്ടരുന്ന ഒരു ജ്യോതിര്‍മയി നമുക്കുണ്ട്... കല്യാണം കഴിക്കാതെ സിനിമയില്‍ ഉള്ള ശോഭനയും ഉണ്ട്... എന്നിട്ടും അവര് ഒരു വര്ഷം എത്ര മലയാളം സിനിമയില്‍ അഭിനയിക്കാരുണ്ട്... അവരുടെ പ്രായതിന്നു പറ്റുന്ന എത്ര കഥകള്‍ ഉണ്ട് ഇവിടെ...
അപ്പൊ ഇതൊന്നും അല്ല കാര്യം... സിനിമയ്ക്കു അകത്തു തന്നെ നടക്കുന്ന പൊളിറ്റിക്സ് ആണ് ഇതിനെല്ലാം കാരണം.... നായകന്മാര്‍ക്കും എന്നും ചെര്രുപ്പമായി ഇരിക്കണം... അതിന്നു ചെറുപ്പക്കാരികളായ നായികമാര്‍ വേണം...
പിന്നെ... വേറെ ഒരു കാര്യം എന്നിക്ക് തോന്നുന്നത്... കുറച്ചു നാള്‍ കഴിയുമ്പോ മടുപ്പ് തോന്നുന്ന ഒരു ഫീല്‍ഡ് ആവാം സിനിമ എന്നാന്നു... പുറമെ കാണുന്നത് പോലെ അത്രയ്ക്ക് സുന്ദരമല്ല അതിനകം... ഷൂട്ടിംഗ് കണ്ടിട്ടുന്ടെഗില്‍ അത് മനസിലാവും.. പിന്നെ... ഈ make up, touch up, start, action, camera, യാത്രകള്‍, എന്നും ഷൂട്ടിംഗ്, ഡാന്‍സ് റിഹേഴ്സല്‍, ഫോട്ടോ ഷൂട്ട്‌ , ഇന്റര്‍വ്യൂ കൊടുക്കല്‍, കൂടെ വര്‍ക്കിംഗ്‌ ചെയ്യുന്ന ചില വശലന്മാരിള്ളില്‍ നിന്നുമുള്ള രക്ഷപെടല്ലുകള്‍, ഫാന്‍സിന്റെ ശല്യം, പിന്നെ അതും പോരാഞ്ഞ് അപവാധങ്ങല്ലും കേള്കണം.... അപ്പൊ ഒരു നായിക്കക്ക് സ്വാഭാവികമായും തോന്നാം... "എനിക്ക് ഇതിന്റെ വല്ല ആവശ്യവും ഉണ്ടോ... ഇങ്ങനേ കഥാപാത്രമായി ജീവിക്കണോ... എനിക്കും ഒരു യഥാര്‍ഥ ജീവിതം വേണ്ടേ "... എന്ന്... അങ്ങനെ മടുത്തിട്ട് സ്ഥലം വിടുന്നവര്രും ഉണ്ടാവാം...
ഇവിടെ നായികമാര്‍ക്കല്ല ... നല്ല കഥയ്ക്കും നായകന്മാര്‍ക്കും ആണ് ദാരിദ്ര്യം ... മലയാള സിനിമ ഇപ്പോഴും നാല്പതു കഴിഞ്ഞ നായകന്മാരുടെ കൈയില്‍ അല്ലെ... ഇരുപത്തഞ്ചു കഴിഞ്ഞ നായികമാരെ കേരളീയര്ര്‍ക്ക് പുച്ച്ചമാനാല്ലോ .......
നായകന്മാര്‍ക്ക് സിനിമ അവരുടെ തൊഴില്‍ ആണ്... നായികമാര്‍ക്ക് അത് ഒരു നേരം പോക്കും... അല്ലെങ്ങില്‍ അങ്ങനെ ആക്കിയെടുക്കും നമ്മുടെ ജനം... എന്താ ഞാന്‍ പറഞ്ഞതു ശേരിയല്ലേ....
നമ്മുടെ സിനിമ നടികള്‍... സോറി...നായികാ നടികള്‍ വിവാഹത്തിന്നു ശേഷം സിനിമയില്‍ നിന്നു വിട്ടു നില്‍ക്കുന്നു എന്നും .... ഇതിനു എന്താന്ന് കാരണം എന്നും, വിവാഹത്തിന്നു ശേഷം തുടരാന്‍ കഴിയാത്ത വിധം മോശമായ ഒരു മേഘ്ഖലയാണോ സിനിമ എന്നും കുര്രച്ചു നാള്‍ മുമ്പ്‌ manoramaonline.com ഇല്‍ വായിക്കാന്‍ ഇടയായി...
സിനിമയുടെ ഉള്ളില്‍ എനിക്ക് പരിചയം ഒന്നുമില്ല .... സിനിമ കണ്ടും അതിന്നെ കുര്രിച്ചു മാസികകളില്‍ വായിച്ചും ഉള്ള അറിവേ എനിക്കുള്ളൂ... അതിന്റെ വെളിച്ചത്തില്‍ എനിക്ക് തോന്നിയ ചില കാര്യങള്‍ ഇവിടെ എഴുതുന്നു... ആദ്യമേ പറയട്ടെ.. ഇതു എനിക്ക് തോന്നുന്നതാന്നു... സത്യമാവാം അല്ലാതെയിര്രിക്കാം..
പണ്ടൊക്കെ ... (ഒരുപാടു പണ്ടോന്നുംമല്ല)... നാടകം ആയിര്രുന്നു കലരന്ഗത്ത് ഉയര്ര്‍ന്ന ഒരു പങ്കു വഹിച്ചിരുന്നത്... അതില്ലേക്ക് അഭിനയിക്കനയിട്ടു വന്നാന്നു നമ്മുടെ പല പ്രസസ്ഥ നടികളും പിന്നെ സിനിമയിലേക്ക് വന്നത്... അന്നൊക്കെ വളരെ കുറുച്ച് കുടുംബങല്ലേ നല്ല രീതിയില്‍ ജീവിചിര്രുന്നുല്ല്... അപ്പൊ... നാടകത്തില്‍ പോയാല്‍ നല്ല കാശ് കിട്ടും എന്നുള്ളത് കൊണ്ടു കൂട്ടത്തില്‍ കൊള്ളാവുന്ന കൊച്ചിനെ, അല്ലെങ്ങില്‍ പഠിക്കാന്‍ മണ്ടിയായവളെ , അതും അല്ലെങ്ങില്‍ അല്‍പ സ്വല്പം ഡാന്‍സും പാട്ടും അറിയാവുന്നവളെ നാടകത്തില്‍ വിടും... ഈ കൊച്ചു പോയി നാടകത്തില്‍ കളിച്ചു കിട്ടുന്ന കാശ് കൊണ്ടാണ് അതിന്റെ താഴെ ഉള്ള സഹോദരങ്ങളുടെ കാര്യം കൂടി നോക്കുന്നത്... ഉദാഹരണം: കെ പിഎ സി ലളിത ....
പിന്നെ... വേറെ ഒരു കൂട്ടരുണ്ട്.. അവര് തലമുറകളായി കലാ പാരമ്പര്യം ഉള്ളവരാണ് .... അവര്‍ക്ക് ഈ തൊഴില്‍ അല്ലാതെ വേറെ ഒന്നും അറിയില്ല... ഫാമിലി ബിസിനസ്സ് എന്നൊക്കെ പറയില്ലേ... അത് പോലെ... ഉദാഹരണം: സുകുമാരി... ശ്രീവിദ്യ ...
അങ്ങനെ സിനിമ വന്നപ്പോ നാടകത്തിന്റെ ചുക്കാന്‍ പിടച്ചവര്‍ തന്നെ അതും ഏറ്റെടുത്ത്... എന്നിട്ട് നേരത്തെ നാടകത്തില്‍ ഉണ്ടായിര്രുന്ന നടികളെയും അതില്‍ ഉള്‍പെടുത്തി...
അത് കഴിഞ്ഞും ഇതു പോലെ കുടുംബം നോക്കാനായി പല പെന്ന്പില്ലെര്രും സിനിമയില്‍ വന്നു... വെള്ളിവെളിച്ചം കണ്ടവര്‍ അതില്‍ വളരെ ചുരുക്കം ആണ്... കുറച്ചു സമയം കൊണ്ടു ഒരുപാടു കാശ് ഉണ്ടാക്കാന്‍ പറ്റിയ ഒരു സ്ഥലമാണല്ലോ... പുറമെ നിന്നു നോക്കുമ്പോ വലിയ അധ്വാനം ഉള്ള ജോലിയായി തോന്നതുമില്ല .... അത് തന്നെ ഒരുപാടു പേരെ ആകര്‍ഷിച്ചു കാണണം... പ്രേതെഗിച്ചു മാതപിതാകളെ... ലേഖയുടെ മരണം ഒരു ഫ്ലാഷ് ബാക്ക് എന്ന സിനിമ ഒര്ര്‍ക്കുന്നില്ലേ ...
(ഒന്നാലോചിച്ചു നോക്ക്... സിനിമയില്‍ അഭിനയിക്കന്നായി മാത്രം കേരളത്തിന്റെ ഏതോ ഒരു മൂലയ്ക്ക് നിന്നും തീവണ്ടി കേറി മദിരാശിയില്‍ എത്തി ജീവിതം നഷ്ടപെട്ട എത്ര പേര്‍ ഉണ്ടാവും... അവരൊക്കെ ഇപ്പൊ എവിടെ എന്ത് ചെയ്യുകയാവും... )
അവര്‍കൊക്കെ സിനിമ അവരുടെ അന്നം ആയിര്രുന്നു... അത് കൊണ്ടു തന്നെ പെട്ടന്ന് വിട്ടിട്ടു പോകുക എന്ന ചിന്ത മിക്കവരുടെയും മനസ്സില്‍ ഉണ്ടായിര്രിന്നിര്രിക്കില്ല... ഷീലയുടെ ഒരു ഇന്റര്‍വ്യൂ യില്‍ കേട്ടത്... അവര് സിനിമയില്‍ വന്നത് കൊണ്ടാണ് അവരുടെ ഇളയ സഹോദരകളുടെ പഠിപ്പും വിവാഹവും ഒക്കെ നടന്നനെതെന്നു... ഇതു പോലെ തന്നെ ആയിര്രുന്നു ജയഭരതിയുടെയും സീമയുടെയും ഒക്കെ കാര്യം... അത് കൊണ്ടാണ് കല്യാണം കഴിഞ്ഞിട്ടും കുട്ടികള്‍ ആയിട്ടും അവരൊക്കെ സിനിമയില്‍ തന്നെ തുടര്നത് .....അത് കൊണ്ടു തന്നെ ആണ് അവര്‍ക്ക് പല compromise ഉം ചെയ്യേണ്ടി വന്നതും...
മുഴു ഗര്‍ഭിണി ആയിര്രുന്നപോള്‍ പോലും സീമ അഭിനയിചിര്രുന്നു...
പിന്നെ പിന്നെ... നായികമാര്‍ വന്നത്... ഏതെങ്കിലും ഒരു function ന്ന് പോകുമോ, അല്ലെങ്ങില്‍ പരിച്ചയകാര്‍ ആരെങ്ങില്ലും പറഞ്ഞറിഞ്ഞു .... അങ്ങനെ ആണ് സിനിമ രംഗത്തുള്ളവര്‍ നായിക്കമാര്രെ കണ്ടെതുനത് ... എല്ലാവരും ഒരു വിധം നല്ല ധനസ്ഥിതി ഉള്ളവര്‍ ആയിര്രിക്കും... പണ്ടത്തെ പോലെ ഇപ്പൊഒരു വീട്ടില്‍ ഏഴും എട്ടും പിള്ളേര്‍ ഒന്നും ഇല്ലല്ലോ... ഒരു അനിയന്നോ അനിയത്തിയോ കാണും... അവരുടെ കാര്യം നോക്കേണ്ട ബാധ്യത ഒന്നും ഇവര്‍ക്കില്ല... അപ്പൊ ...എവിടേക്കോ പോകുന്ന വഴി ഒന്നു കേറിയിട്ട് പോകുനത് പോലെ ആണ് ഇപ്പോഴത്തെ സിനിമ അഭിനയം... മിക്കവാറും പഠിച്ചു കൊണ്ടു ഇര്രിക്കുന്നവര്‍ ആയിര്രിക്കും... അല്ലെങ്ങില്‍ തന്നെ 50 വയസ്സായ നായകന് 18 വയസ്സായ നായികയെ ആന്നല്ലോ പഥ്യം.... പഠിച്ചു കൊണ്ടു ഇര്രികുന്ന കൊച്ചിനെ കൊണ്ടു വന്നു നാലോ അഞ്ചോ വര്ഷം അഭിനയിപ്പിക്കും... അപ്പോഴേക്കും അതിന്നു 'കല്യാണ പ്രായമാവും'... പിന്നെ... നമ്മുടെ നാട്ടുക്കാര്‍ അല്ലെ... കുത്തി കുത്തി ചോദിച്ചു കൊണ്ടിര്രിക്കും... അങ്ങനെ വിതെശത്ത് ജോലി ഉള്ള ഏതെങ്കിലും ഡോക്ടറോ എന്ചിനീരോ വന്നു കെട്ടി കൊണ്ടു പോകും... അല്ലെങ്ങില്‍ കൂടെ അഭിനയിച്ച ഒരുത്തന്റെ കെട്ടും.... പിന്നെ... പൊടി പോലും ഇല്ല കണ്ടു പിടിക്കാന്‍... അങ്ങനെ പഠിത്തവും പോയി.. സിനിമയും പോയി... ഇനി ഈ ബന്ധം എങ്ങാനും fail ആയാലോ... പിന്നെ കൊച്ചിന്റെ കാര്യം ഗോപി...
നേരെ ചൊവേ എന്ന പരിപാടി അവതരിപ്പിക്കുന്ന ചേട്ടന്റെ സ്ഥിരം ചോദ്യമാണ്... manju warrior എന്ത് കൊണ്ടു സിനിമ വിട്ടു പോയി... ഏത് നടി ഷോയില്‍ പങ്കെടുക്കാന്‍ വന്നാലും ഇതു തന്നെ ചോദ്യം... ഹേ ... മനുഷ്യാ... ഈ manju warrior എന്ന് പറയുന്ന പെന്ന്കുട്ടിയെ ആര്രും നിര്‍ബന്ധിച്ചും, ഭീഷിനിപെടുതിയും കല്യാണം കഴിച്ചതോ കഴിപ്പിച്ചതോ അല്ല... അത് സ്വന്ത ഇഷ്ട പ്രകാരം ഇറങ്ങി പോയതാണ്... ഈ സംഭവം നടന്നിട്ട് ഇപ്പൊ 10 വര്ഷം കഴിഞ്ഞില്ലേ ... ഇനി എന്കില്ലും അതിനെ വെറുതെ വിട്...
അടുത്ത് അറിഞ്ഞ ഒരു കാര്യം... (ഇതു നടക്കാന്‍ തുടങിയിട്ട് കുറെ നാളായി ... ഞാന്‍ അറിഞ്ഞത് കുറച്ചു നാള്‍ മുന്ബാന്നനെ ഉള്ളു)... ഒരു സിനിമയുടെ കഥ ഉണ്ടാവുമ്പോള്‍ തിരകഥ എഴുതുന്നു ആള്‍ ആദ്യം ഒരു നടനെയോ നിര്മാതാവിനെയോ സമീപിക്കും... എന്നിട്ട് ആ discussion ഇല്‍ വെച്ചിടാന്നു ആര് സംവിധാനം ചെയ്യണം, ആര് സംഗീത സംവിധാനം ചെയ്യണം, വില്ലന്‍ ആര് , നായികാ ആര്, എന്നൊക്കെ തീരുമാനിക്കുന്നത് .... കാരണം... നമ്മുടെ എല്ലാ സിനിമയും നായക പ്രാധാന്യം ഉള്ള സിനിമകള്‍ ആണ്.. അപ്പൊ നായകന് പര്രയുകയാന്നു .... "നമുക്കു പുതിയ ഒരു കുട്ടിയെ കൊണ്ടു ഈ കഥാപാത്രം ചെയ്യിക്കാം".. എന്ന് ... മറ്റുള്ളവര്‍ക്ക് അത് സമ്മതിക്കുകയെ തരമുള്ളൂ... കാരണം ആ നായകന്റെ date ആണ് മുഖ്യം... നായികാ ആരായാല്‍ എന്താ.. നായിക്കക്ക് അല്ലെങ്ങില്ലും വലിയ റോളൊന്നും ഇല്ലല്ലോ... 3 song ഉം 20 scenes ഉം .. അതിന്നു അല്ലെങ്ങില്ലും new face തന്നെയാ നല്ലതെന്ന്....
നേരെ ചോവെയില്‍ തന്നെ വിക്രം പറഞ്ഞതു കേട്ടില്ലേ... ഒരു നായികയുടെ ഫിലിം കരീയര്‍ കൂടി പോയ 5 വര്ഷം... പക്ഷെ നായകന്റെത് 20-25 years ആണ്....
ഒരിടക്ക് കാവ്യാ മാധവന്‍ എവിടെ ചെന്നാല്ലും ആളുകള്‍ ചോദിക്കും ആയിര്രുന്നു പോലും "കല്യാണം ഒന്നും ആയില്ലേ??" എന്ന് ... ഇപ്പൊ എല്ലാവര്ക്കും തൃപ്തി ആയല്ലോ... (പറഞ്ഞതു പോലെ അത് എന്തോ ആയി... പിന്നെ അതിനേ കുറിച്ചു ഒന്നും കേട്ടില്ലല്ലോ... compromise ആയോ ??)
ദിവ്യ ഉണ്ണിയെ ഓര്‍മയില്ലേ... പുള്ളിക്കാരി കല്യാണം കഴിഞ്ഞു കുറച്ചു നാള്‍ കഴിയുനതിന്നു മുന്പേ ഒരു സീരിയലില്‍ അഭിനയിക്കാന്‍ വേണ്ടി വന്നു... എന്റെ വീട്ടില്‍ ഉള്ളവര്‍ തന്നെ പറഞ്ഞതു എന്താന്നെന്നു അറിയണോ ?? "ഇതിനൊക്കെ കല്യാണം കഴിഞ്ഞാലും വീട്ടില്‍ എന്ങാന്നും ഇര്രുന്നാ പോരെ?? പിന്നെയും എന്തിനാ ഇങ്ങനെ ഇറങ്ങി നടക്കുന്നത് എന്ന് ??".. ചിലപ്പോ ഇതൊന്നും കേള്‍ക്കാന്‍ തല്പരിയം ഇല്ലാത്തതു കൊണ്ടയിര്രിക്കും manju warrior എല്ലാം മതിയാക്കി പോയത്... അല്ലെങ്ങില്‍ തന്നെ അവര് ഇനി തിരിച്ചു വന്നു എന്നിര്രിക്കട്ടെ... ഏത് തരം റോള്‍ ആയിര്രിക്കും അവര്ക്കു കൊടുക്കുക... മോഹന്‍ലാലിന്‍റെ ചേട്ടത്തി ആയിട്ടോ... അല്ല... നമ്മുടെ നാട്ടുക്കാര്‍ അല്ലെ... അവര് അതും സമ്മതിച്ചു കൊടുക്കും...
കല്യാണം കഴിച്ചതിനു ശേഷം സിനിമയില്‍ സജീവമായി തുടരുന്ന ജ്യോതിര്‍മയിയെ എനിക്കിഷ്ടമാണ്... കാരണം... ആര് എന്തൊക്കെ പറഞ്ഞിട്ടും അവര് ഇപ്പോഴും ഈ ഫീല്‍ഡില്‍ തന്നെ ഉണ്ട്... അവരുടെ ഒരു ഇന്റര്‍വ്യൂ ഇന്റെ ഹെഡ് ലൈന്‍ ഇങ്ങനേ ആയിര്രുന്നു... "കല്യാണം കഴിക്കുന്നത്‌ കുറ്റം ആണോ ??"... കാരണം... കല്യാണം കഴിച്ചതിനു ശേഷം സിനിമയില്‍ തുടരുന്നത് എന്തിന്നാന്നെന്നു അവരോട് പലരും ചോധിക്കര്ര്‍ ഉണ്ടത്രേ.. വിവാഹം കഴിച്ചത് കൊണ്ടു ഇനി കക്ഷി അഭിനയിക്കില്ല എന്ന് കരുതി പല അവസരങ്ങളും നഷ്ടമായിട്ടുണ്ട് പോലും...
എന്ത് കാരണം കൊണ്ടാനെങില്ലും കല്യാണം കഴിക്കാതെ കലയെ ജീവിതമാക്കിയ ശോഭനയെ ഞാന്‍ ആരാധിക്കുന്നു...
ഇതൊക്കെ എത്ര പേര്ക്ക് കഴിയും...
അപ്പൊ കല്യാണം കഴിച്ചിട്ടും സിനിമയില്‍ തുന്ടരുന്ന ഒരു ജ്യോതിര്‍മയി നമുക്കുണ്ട്... കല്യാണം കഴിക്കാതെ സിനിമയില്‍ ഉള്ള ശോഭനയും ഉണ്ട്... എന്നിട്ടും അവര് ഒരു വര്ഷം എത്ര മലയാളം സിനിമയില്‍ അഭിനയിക്കാരുണ്ട്... അവരുടെ പ്രായതിന്നു പറ്റുന്ന എത്ര കഥകള്‍ ഉണ്ട് ഇവിടെ...
അപ്പൊ ഇതൊന്നും അല്ല കാര്യം... സിനിമയ്ക്കു അകത്തു തന്നെ നടക്കുന്ന പൊളിറ്റിക്സ് ആണ് ഇതിനെല്ലാം കാരണം.... നായകന്മാര്‍ക്കും എന്നും ചെര്രുപ്പമായി ഇരിക്കണം... അതിന്നു ചെറുപ്പക്കാരികളായ നായികമാര്‍ വേണം...
പിന്നെ... വേറെ ഒരു കാര്യം എന്നിക്ക് തോന്നുന്നത്... കുറച്ചു നാള്‍ കഴിയുമ്പോ മടുപ്പ് തോന്നുന്ന ഒരു ഫീല്‍ഡ് ആവാം സിനിമ എന്നാന്നു... പുറമെ കാണുന്നത് പോലെ അത്രയ്ക്ക് സുന്ദരമല്ല അതിനകം... ഷൂട്ടിംഗ് കണ്ടിട്ടുന്ടെഗില്‍ അത് മനസിലാവും.. പിന്നെ... ഈ make up, touch up, start, action, camera, യാത്രകള്‍, എന്നും ഷൂട്ടിംഗ്, ഡാന്‍സ് റിഹേഴ്സല്‍, ഫോട്ടോ ഷൂട്ട്‌ , ഇന്റര്‍വ്യൂ കൊടുക്കല്‍, കൂടെ വര്‍ക്കിംഗ്‌ ചെയ്യുന്ന ചില വശലന്മാരിള്ളില്‍ നിന്നുമുള്ള രക്ഷപെടല്ലുകള്‍, ഫാന്‍സിന്റെ ശല്യം, പിന്നെ അതും പോരാഞ്ഞ് അപവാധങ്ങല്ലും കേള്കണം.... അപ്പൊ ഒരു നായിക്കക്ക് സ്വാഭാവികമായും തോന്നാം... "എനിക്ക് ഇതിന്റെ വല്ല ആവശ്യവും ഉണ്ടോ... ഇങ്ങനേ കഥാപാത്രമായി ജീവിക്കണോ... എനിക്കും ഒരു യഥാര്‍ഥ ജീവിതം വേണ്ടേ "... എന്ന്... അങ്ങനെ മടുത്തിട്ട് സ്ഥലം വിടുന്നവര്രും ഉണ്ടാവാം...
ഇവിടെ നായികമാര്‍ക്കല്ല ... നല്ല കഥയ്ക്കും നായകന്മാര്‍ക്കും ആണ് ദാരിദ്ര്യം ... മലയാള സിനിമ ഇപ്പോഴും നാല്പതു കഴിഞ്ഞ നായകന്മാരുടെ കൈയില്‍ അല്ലെ... ഇരുപത്തഞ്ചു കഴിഞ്ഞ നായികമാരെ കേരളീയര്ര്‍ക്ക് പുച്ച്ചമാനാല്ലോ .......
നായകന്മാര്‍ക്ക് സിനിമ അവരുടെ തൊഴില്‍ ആണ്... നായികമാര്‍ക്ക് അത് ഒരു നേരം പോക്കും... അല്ലെങ്ങില്‍ അങ്ങനെ ആക്കിയെടുക്കും നമ്മുടെ ജനം... എന്താ ഞാന്‍ പറഞ്ഞതു ശേരിയല്ലേ....
Thursday, September 10, 2009
ഒറ്റയ്ക്കുള്ള ജീവിതം
കുറച്ചു വര്‍ഷങ്ങള്‍ക്ക് മുബാന്നു... മനോരമയുടെ സണ്‍‌ഡേ സപ്ലിമെന്റില്‍ ഒരു ആര്‍ട്ടിക്കിള്‍ കണ്ടു... സുഹൃത്തിന്റെ ഫ്ലാറ്റില്‍ വാടകയ്ക്ക് തനിച്ചു താമസിക്കുന്ന ഒരു ഗവേഷണ വിദ്യാര്ധിനി എഴുതിയതായിരുന്നു അത്.... അവര് തനിച്ചു താമസിക്കുന്നത് കൊണ്ടു ആ building ഇല്ലേ സെക്യൂരിറ്റി അടക്കം എല്ലാവരും അവരെ ഒറ്റപെടുതുകയും, അനാവശ്യം പറയുകയും, അപവാദം പരത്തുകയും ചെയ്യുന്നു എന്നായിരുന്നു അത്... അവരുടെ അവിടുത്തെ ജീവിതം ബുദ്ധിമുട്ടില്‍ ആക്കാന്‍ അവിടെ അടുത്തുള്ള ഫ്ലാറ്റില്‍ ഉള്ളവര്‍ ശ്രെമിക്കുകയും ചെയ്യുന്നു എന്ന് എഴുതി കണ്ടു...അവരുടെ അച്ഛന്നു പോലും അവരെ വന്നു കാണാന്‍ പറ്റാത്ത അവസ്ഥയായി... പക്ഷെ അവര് വീണ്ടും ധൈര്യപൂര്‍വ്വം അവിടെ താമസം തുടരുന്നു എന്നും എഴുതി കാണിച്ചു .... (ഇപ്പൊ അവര് എവിടെയുണ്ടാന്നോ എങ്ങനെ കഴിയുന്നു വെന്നോ അറിഞ്ഞൂടാ......)
"എന്തിനാ ഇങ്ങനെ ഒറ്റയ്ക്ക് താമസിക്കുന്നത്?? ഒന്നുകില്‍ കൂട്ടിന്നു ആരെയെങ്ങില്ലും നിര്‍ത്തണം ?? അല്ലെങ്ങില്‍ ഒരു വീടെടുത്ത് കുറച്ചു പെണ്‍കുട്ടികളുമായി വാടക ഷെയര്‍ ചെയ്യ്തു താമസിക്കണം?? അല്ലാതെ ഇതു പോലെ അല്ല കല്യാണം കഴിക്കാത്ത ഒരു പെണ്ണ് താമസിക്കേണ്ടത് ?? " ഇതായിരുന്നത്രേ അവരുടെ വാദം.....
ഇത്രയ്ക്കു അധഃപഥിച്ച ഒരു നാടാന്നോ കേരളം?? ഒരു സ്ത്രീക്ക് തനിച്ചു താമസിക്കണം എന്നുന്ടെങ്ങില്‍ അതിന് മറ്റുള്ളവര്‍ക്ക് എന്താ ചേതം?? ഒറ്റക്ക് ജീവിക്കാന്‍ ആഗ്രഹിക്കുന്ന സ്ത്രീകള്‍ക്ക് ജീവിക്കാന്‍ പറ്റാത്ത തരംതാഴ്ന്ന നാടാന്നോ നമ്മുടെ GOD'S OWN COUNTRY ??
വിവാഹം കഴിച്ചിട്ടില്ലാത്ത അഥവാ കഴിക്കാന്‍ ആഗ്രഹമില്ലാത്ത, അല്ലെങ്ങില്‍ ഭര്ത്താവ് മരിച്ച, ഉപേക്ഷിച്ചു പോയ, ജീവിതത്തില്‍ ഒറ്റപെട്ടു പോയ, ഇനി ഇതൊന്നും അല്ല, ഒറ്റയ്ക്ക് ജീവിക്കണം എന്ന് ആഗ്രഹിക്കുന്ന (എന്നെ പോലെയുള്ള) സ്ത്രീകള്‍ക്ക് പറ്റിയ നാടല്ല കേരളം എന്നുണ്ടോ??
അശ്ലീലം കലര്ന്ന ഫോണ്‍ വിളികളും, ചൂളം അടിയും, കൂടെ ജോലി ചെയ്യുന്നവരുടെ ദ്വയാര്‍ത്ഥ സംസാരങ്ങളും, അയ്യലതുകാരുടെ അവഗണനയും പരിഹാസവും ... ഇതിന്റെ ഒക്കെ അവശ്യം ഉണ്ടോ... ഒരാള്‍ അയാളുടെ ഇഷ്ടത്തിന് ആരെയും ദ്രോഹിക്കാതെ ജീവിക്കാന്‍ ആഗ്രഹിച്ചാല്‍ അയാളോട് ഈ രീതിയില്‍ ആണോ പെരുമാറേണ്ടത്..
നേരത്തെ ആര്‍ട്ടിക്കിള്‍ എഴുതി എന്ന് പര്രയപെടുന്ന സ്ത്രീ എഴുതിയത് ... ആ ഫ്ലാറ്റില്‍ ഉണ്ടായിരുന്ന മറ്റു സ്ത്രീകളുടെ പെരുമാറ്റം ആണ് തീരെ സഹിക്കാന്‍ പറ്റാത്തത് എന്നാണ് .. സ്ത്രീകള്‍ തന്നെയാണ് സ്ത്രീകളുടെ ശത്രു എന്ന് പറയുന്നതു വെറുതെ അല്ല...
"എന്തിനാ ഇങ്ങനെ ഒറ്റയ്ക്ക് താമസിക്കുന്നത്?? ഒന്നുകില്‍ കൂട്ടിന്നു ആരെയെങ്ങില്ലും നിര്‍ത്തണം ?? അല്ലെങ്ങില്‍ ഒരു വീടെടുത്ത് കുറച്ചു പെണ്‍കുട്ടികളുമായി വാടക ഷെയര്‍ ചെയ്യ്തു താമസിക്കണം?? അല്ലാതെ ഇതു പോലെ അല്ല കല്യാണം കഴിക്കാത്ത ഒരു പെണ്ണ് താമസിക്കേണ്ടത് ?? " ഇതായിരുന്നത്രേ അവരുടെ വാദം.....
ഇത്രയ്ക്കു അധഃപഥിച്ച ഒരു നാടാന്നോ കേരളം?? ഒരു സ്ത്രീക്ക് തനിച്ചു താമസിക്കണം എന്നുന്ടെങ്ങില്‍ അതിന് മറ്റുള്ളവര്‍ക്ക് എന്താ ചേതം?? ഒറ്റക്ക് ജീവിക്കാന്‍ ആഗ്രഹിക്കുന്ന സ്ത്രീകള്‍ക്ക് ജീവിക്കാന്‍ പറ്റാത്ത തരംതാഴ്ന്ന നാടാന്നോ നമ്മുടെ GOD'S OWN COUNTRY ??
വിവാഹം കഴിച്ചിട്ടില്ലാത്ത അഥവാ കഴിക്കാന്‍ ആഗ്രഹമില്ലാത്ത, അല്ലെങ്ങില്‍ ഭര്ത്താവ് മരിച്ച, ഉപേക്ഷിച്ചു പോയ, ജീവിതത്തില്‍ ഒറ്റപെട്ടു പോയ, ഇനി ഇതൊന്നും അല്ല, ഒറ്റയ്ക്ക് ജീവിക്കണം എന്ന് ആഗ്രഹിക്കുന്ന (എന്നെ പോലെയുള്ള) സ്ത്രീകള്‍ക്ക് പറ്റിയ നാടല്ല കേരളം എന്നുണ്ടോ??
അശ്ലീലം കലര്ന്ന ഫോണ്‍ വിളികളും, ചൂളം അടിയും, കൂടെ ജോലി ചെയ്യുന്നവരുടെ ദ്വയാര്‍ത്ഥ സംസാരങ്ങളും, അയ്യലതുകാരുടെ അവഗണനയും പരിഹാസവും ... ഇതിന്റെ ഒക്കെ അവശ്യം ഉണ്ടോ... ഒരാള്‍ അയാളുടെ ഇഷ്ടത്തിന് ആരെയും ദ്രോഹിക്കാതെ ജീവിക്കാന്‍ ആഗ്രഹിച്ചാല്‍ അയാളോട് ഈ രീതിയില്‍ ആണോ പെരുമാറേണ്ടത്..
നേരത്തെ ആര്‍ട്ടിക്കിള്‍ എഴുതി എന്ന് പര്രയപെടുന്ന സ്ത്രീ എഴുതിയത് ... ആ ഫ്ലാറ്റില്‍ ഉണ്ടായിരുന്ന മറ്റു സ്ത്രീകളുടെ പെരുമാറ്റം ആണ് തീരെ സഹിക്കാന്‍ പറ്റാത്തത് എന്നാണ് .. സ്ത്രീകള്‍ തന്നെയാണ് സ്ത്രീകളുടെ ശത്രു എന്ന് പറയുന്നതു വെറുതെ അല്ല...
ഇനി തന്ന്റെ ഭര്‍ത്താവോ മകനോ ആ സ്ത്രീയുടെ കൂടെ പോയാല്ലോ എന്ന ഭയമാവാം .... അല്ലെങ്ങില്‍ തന്റെ മകള്‍ അവരെ കണ്ടു പഠിച്ചു 'എനിക്കും ഒറ്റയ്ക്ക് ജീവിക്കണം' എന്ന് പറഞ്ഞു വീട്ടില്‍ നിന്നു പോയാല്ലോ എന്ന പേടിയാവാം... അതോ തനിക്ക് ജീവിതത്തില്‍ ഒരിക്കലും പറ്റാത്തത് മറ്റൊരു പെണ്ണ് ചെയ്യ്തു വിജൈപ്പിക്കുന്നത് കാണുന്പോള്‍ ഉള്ള നീരസമോ...
എന്റെ ചില സുഹൃത്തുകളോട് ഞാന്‍ ഈ കാരിയം ചര്ച്ച ചെയ്തപോല്‍ കിട്ടിയ ചില points ഇതാണ് ...
" നമ്മുടെ നാട്ടില്‍ ഒരു ഗള്ഫ് കാരന്റെ ഭാര്യ അവരുടെ കുട്ടിക്കല്ലുമായി ഒരു വീട്ടില്‍ താമസിക്കുയാന്നെകില്‍ പോലും അയ്യലതുള്ളവര്‍ക്ക് ഉറക്കം കാണില്ല... ആരൊക്കെയാ അവിടെ വരുന്നേ... ഈ സ്ത്രീ എന്ഗോടോക്കെയാ പോകുന്നെ... അങ്ങനെ തുടങി എല്ലാം അവര്ക്കു അറിയണം... പിന്നെ ഞരമ്പ്‌ രോഗികളുടെ ഫോണ്‍ വിളികളും സഹിക്കണം... കാരണം.. ഭര്ത്താവ് കൂടെയില്ലാത്ത സ്ത്രീയല്ലേ.... ഏത് !!! ഇനി ഇതിനെ ചൊല്ലി ഗള്ഫ് കാരന്റെ ഭാര്യ എന്തെങ്ങില്ലും പറഞ്ഞാല്ലോ.... പിന്നെ അവര് മോശകാരിയായി... പരപുരുഷ ബന്ധം ഉള്ളവളായി... ഗാന്ധിനഗര്‍ 2nd സ്ട്രീടില്ലേ സീമയുടെ കാരിയം പോലെ"...
"ഒറ്റയ്ക്ക് താമസിക്കുന്ന സ്ത്രീകള്‍ എല്ലാം മറ്റേ പണിക്കു താമസ്സിക്കുന്നവര്‍ ennannu പൊതുവെ ഉള്ള ധാരണ ... അത് kondanu സദാചാര മോഹികളായ നാട്ടുകാര്‍ ആ പെന്നിന്നെ ഇടവും വലവും തിരിയാന്‍ sammathikkathe ... എന്ന് vecha ഇവരാരും ഇങ്ങനെയൊന്നും ചിന്തക്കാതെ പച്ചവെള്ളം ചവച്ചിറക്കി കഴിയുകയല്ലേ... ഇവിടെ sex racket ഉം പെണ്‍ വാന്നിഭാവും ഒന്നും ഇല്ലല്ലോ... ഇനി ഈ പെണ്ണആയിട്ടു തുടങി വെചാല്ലോ ".....
"ഒരു വീട്ടില്‍ ഒരു സ്ത്രീ ഒറ്റയ്ക്ക് താമസിക്കുന്നു യെന്നിര്രിക്കട്ടെ ... ഏതെങ്കിലും ഒരു സാമൂഹ്യ വിരുദ്ധന്‍ ഏതെങ്കിലും ഒരു രാത്രി ആ വീടിന്റെ മതില്‍ എടുത്തു ചാടും... പിടിക്കപെട്ടു എന്ന് വെച്ചോ... അയ്യലതുള്ളവര്‍ ഓടി കൂടുമ്പോ അവന്‍ പറയും... ഈ പെണ്ണ് വിളിച്ചിട്ടാ അവന്‍ വന്നതെന്ന്... തീര്‍ന്നേ കാരിയം... പിന്നെ.. ആ പെണ്ണ് ജീവിച്ചിര്രുന്നിട്ട് കാരിയം ഉണ്ടോ... ജീവിക്കാന്‍ അവിടെ ഉള്ളവര്‍ സമ്മതിക്കുംമോ... ചിലപ്പോ ഈ കാരിയം പത്രത്തില്‍ വര്രെ വരും... ഇനി പോലീസ് വന്നു എന്ന് വെച്ചോ... അവര് എന്ത് പറയും.... " കല്യാണം കഴിക്കാതെ ജീവിച്ചാ ഇങ്ങനെ പലതും സംഭവിക്കും... ഇതോന്നും മോള്‍ക്ക്‌ ആരും പറഞ്ഞു തന്നില്ലേ.." എന്ന്... ഇനി ഈ ചാടിയവനെ ആരും പിടിച്ചില്ല എന്ന് വെയിക്ക്... അവന്റെ കാരിയം കുശാല്‍.... ആ പെനിന്നു ഒന്നും ചെയ്യാന്‍ പറ്റില്ല.... കാരണം ശാരീരിക ബലം എപ്പോഴും ആനിനാന്നെ കൂടുതല്‍...."
"നമ്മുടെ നാട്ടില്‍ എപ്പോഴും സ്ത്രീകളെ പുരുഷന്മാരുമായി associate ചെയ്തെ കാണാറുള്ളു... അവളുടെ ജീവിതത്തില്‍ ഏതെങ്കിലും റോളില്‍ ഒരു പുരുഷന്‍ വേണം... അച്ഛന്റെ കൂടെ കുറച്ചു നാള്‍.. അത് കഴിഞ്ഞു പിന്നെ ഭര്‍ത്താവിന്റെ കൂടെ.... പിന്നെ മകനോ മകളോ സവ്കരിയപൂര്വം അങ്ങോട്ടും ഇങ്ങോട്ടും shuffle ചെയ്യ്തു കളിക്കും... പിന്നെ.. ഡിം .... ഒരു പുരുഷന്‍ ജീവിതത്തില്‍ ഇല്ലാത്ത സ്ത്രീ .. സ്ത്രീ അല്ല... അവള്‍ അപമാനമാണ് ... അങ്ങനെ ഒരന്നെതിന്നെ എങ്ങനെ വെചോണ്ടിര്രിക്കും ... അപ്പൊ എങ്ങനെ യെങ്ങില്ലും കല്യാണം കഴിക്കണം... അല്ലെങ്ങില്‍ ഏതെങ്കിലും ഹോസ്റ്ലെഇല്‍ താമസിക്കണം...അല്ലങ്ങില്‍ നാടു വിടണം.. അതും അല്ലെങ്ങില്‍ suicide ചെയ്യണം... ഇതല്ലാതെ മറ്റൊരു option നെ കുറിച്ചു ചിന്തിക്കുക്കയെ വേണ്ട, കാരണം അങ്ങനെ ഒരു option നമ്മുടെ നാട്ടുക്കാര്‍ സമ്മതിച്ചു തരില്ല "...
ഒറ്റക്കാണെന്നു പറഞ്ഞാല്‍ ആരും വീട് വാടകയ്ക്ക് കൊടുക്കയും ഇല്ല.... എന്ത് ചെയ്യാന്‍...
എന്റെ അമ്മ മരിച്ച സമയത്തു എന്റെ അച്ഛന്‍ എന്നോട് ചോദിച്ചു ... " എനിക്ക് പെട്ടന്ന് എന്തെങ്ങില്ലും സംഭവിച്ച നിനക്ക് ഒറ്റയ്ക്ക് ജീവിക്കാന്‍ പറ്റുമോ??" എന്ന് ...
ജീവിതത്തില്‍ അന്ന് വരെ ഒറ്റയ്ക്ക് കഴിഞ്ഞിട്ടില്ലാത്ത എനിക്ക് ഒരു eye opener ആയിര്രുന്നു ആ ചോദ്യം... ശെരിയാണ് ..... അച്ഛന്‍ എപ്പോഴും കൂടെയുണ്ടാവില്ല... കല്യാണം കഴിക്കുനതിനെ കുറിച്ചു അപ്പോള്‍ പോലും എനിക്ക് ചിന്തിക്കാന്‍ ആവുമായിരുന്നില്ല... എനിക്കാനെകില്‍ ഒറ്റയ്ക്ക് ജീവിക്കുകയും വേണം... അതും മരണം വരെ... നമ്മുടെ സമൂഹം എന്ന് പറയുന്ന വില്ലന്‍ എന്നെ പോലെ ഒരു പെണ്ണ് ഒരു വലിയ വീട്ടില്‍ ഒറ്റയ്ക്ക് താമസിക്കുന്ന കാരിയം സമ്മതിച്ചു തരില്ല... അയല്കര്‍ക്ക് ആര്ക്കും അല്ലെങ്ങില്ലേ എന്നെ കണ്ടു കൂടാ... കാരണം... സാധാരണ പെന്പില്ലേറെ പോലെ അന്നിങ്ങു ഒരുങല്ലില്ലും, വിവാഹം കഴിക്കുന്നതില്ലും, കുട്ടികളെ ഉണ്ടാക്കുന്ന കാര്യതില്ലും, പിന്നെ മറ്റുള്ളവര്രെ ത്രിപ്തിപെടുതുന്ന രീതിയില്‍ സംസാരിക്കാനും, ജീവിക്കാനും എനിക്ക് തല്പരിയം ഇല്ല എന്നത് തന്നെ കാര്യം... അവര് എന്നെ പണ്ടേ എഴുതി തളിയതാണ് .... അപ്പൊ പിന്നെ എന്ത് ചെയ്യും... അങ്ങനെ ആണ് നാടു വിടാന്‍ തീരുമാനിച്ചത്... എന്തോ ഈശ്വരന്റെ അനുഗ്രഹം കൊണ്ടു അത് സാധിച്ചു... ഇപ്പൊ മനസമാധാനത്തോടെ ആരുടെയും ശല്യം ഇല്ലാതെ, ആരെയും ശല്യം ചെയ്യാതെ കഴിയുന്നു...
ഒന്നാല്ലോചിച്ചു നോക്ക്... സ്വന്തം ഇഷ്ട പ്രകാരം ജീവിക്കാന്‍ വേണ്ടി സ്വന്തം വീടും നാടും ഒക്കെ ഉപേക്ഷിച്ചു പോകേണ്ടി വരുനത്‌... ഇങ്ങനെ എല്ലാ പെണ്ണുങ്ങള്‍ക്കും പറ്റുമോ... എല്ലാവര്ക്കും അതിനുള്ള സാഹചര്യം ഉണ്ടോ.... അല്ലെങ്ങില്‍ തന്നെ ഒറ്റയ്ക്ക് ജീവിക്കനമെങ്ങില്‍ നാടു വിടണം എന അവസ്ഥ നല്ലതാണോ...
കഷ്ടം തന്നെ... സംസ്കാരത്തെ കുറിച്ചു വാനോളം സംസാരിക്കുന്ന നാടാണ്... ഒറ്റയ്ക്ക് ജീവിയ്ക്കുന്ന ഒരു പെനിന്നെ അംഗീകരിക്കാന്‍ പോലും വയ്യ ....
എന്റെ അഭിപ്രായത്തില്‍ സ്ത്രീകള്‍ക്ക് ഒറ്റയ്ക്ക് ജീവിക്കാന്‍ മാത്രമല്ല... വിവാഹം കഴിക്കാതെ ജീവിക്കാനും, വിവാഹം കഴിക്കാതെ അമ്മയാവാനും, സ്വന്തമായി ഒരു കുട്ടിയെ ദത്തെടുത്തു വളര്ര്താനും ഉള്ള അവകാശം വേണം... അതിന്നു നിയമത്തിന്റെ സഹായം വേണം .... അനാഥാലയത്തിലെ തിരക്ക് അത്രയും കുറയും....
ശെരിക്കും.... നമ്മുടെ നാടു ഒരുപാടു മാര്രെണ്ടിയിരിക്കുന്നു.... ഇനി എന്നാണാവോ !!!
Sunday, September 06, 2009
MAN, not even a dot !!!
This is something my Professor told our class when I was in college... so whenever I feel like I am on top of the world or I am invincible or something like that.. I just put myself in this position... it really helps.. ok .. here goes...
(forgive me .. incase you knew this before)....
so visualize it when you are reading this post..ok..
I assume that right now.. you must be sitting down.. in a room somewhere... right !!! ....
Ok...now......
Compare yourself to that room.....
Compare that room to the buliding in which the room is ...(home, office, lab, cafe')....
Compare that buliding to the locality in which it is situated....
Compare that locality to your district/city.....
Compare your district/city to your state/county....
Compare your state/county to your country....
Compare your country to the continent (for ex:- if it is India, then Asia)...
Compare that continent to the world/earth...
Compare earth to the galaxy it belongs..
Compare that galaxy to its fellow galaxies...
Compare all the galaxies to the entire Universe...
Now... can you see you from there?? you are not even a dot...
So... stop thinking ... "I AM THE UNIVERSE".....
(forgive me .. incase you knew this before)....
so visualize it when you are reading this post..ok..
I assume that right now.. you must be sitting down.. in a room somewhere... right !!! ....
Ok...now......
Compare yourself to that room.....
Compare that room to the buliding in which the room is ...(home, office, lab, cafe')....
Compare that buliding to the locality in which it is situated....
Compare that locality to your district/city.....
Compare your district/city to your state/county....
Compare your state/county to your country....
Compare your country to the continent (for ex:- if it is India, then Asia)...
Compare that continent to the world/earth...
Compare earth to the galaxy it belongs..
Compare that galaxy to its fellow galaxies...
Compare all the galaxies to the entire Universe...
Now... can you see you from there?? you are not even a dot...
So... stop thinking ... "I AM THE UNIVERSE".....
Thursday, September 03, 2009
'True' Malayalee Woman
Often people have asked me, whether I was born and brought up in Kerala, (a southern state in India) or somewhere else, because according to them, I am different from all the other girls whom they ever met or heard about. That I do not exhibit feminine qualities and they even wonder whether I am a 'true' malayalee woman or not.. Some of them have even accused me of being born in the wrong gender..
So I started to think what are the qualities of a 'true' malayalee woman... Why am I considered as an outcaste and more over a disgrace to the womanhood?? One of my guy friends once told me that.. (like.. almost 10 years ago) "a 'true' malayalee woman is someone that you are not or refuse to be ... so whatever qualities/ characteristics that you think doesn't belong to you or care not to possess or have the opinion that they are bad and find difficult to accept... that is something that a 'true' malayalee woman should have or atleast want / try to have"....
So I started thinking... what are these 'qualities' or traits, that a 'true' malayalee woman should have or is supposed to have and maintain all through her life... that if for some or no reason she is not interested in these things which malayalees call 'qualities' , questions shall arise on her being a woman ...
So I made a list of things that I am not interested in, 'qualities' /characteristics that I do not have or don't want to have, things that I never do, or say or accept and lots more.. Apparently these are the eligibility criteria for being a 'true' malayalee woman.. so if you are a malayalee woman.. just check if you possess these 'qualities' ... if not, you will also be considered as someone who is only a woman because of her physical and biological attributes, but not otherwise...
so here goes.... ahem.. you might want to take notes...
A 'true' malayalee woman (TMW) is someone who(se) [(is) (always)],
- has long, thick, black lustrous hair or is dying to have it.. (she secretly envies those with long hair and asks them what do they do, inorder to maintain it and accuses them [secretly, of course] for not telling her the truth...because they don't want her to have hair like theirs...)
- wears make-up/ interested in cosmetics or atleast she applies some sort of powder to her face..
- loves loves loves..wait... let me rephrase that... obsessed with gold... yeah..that's right.. she is absolutely crazy about gold... she knows almost all the famous jewellery stores in the city/state... she wears gold all the time.. even whe she goes to sleep... she simply can't live without it.. she doesn't mind spending too much money for it... and if you are planning to give her some gift..let it be something in gold..... she can't imagine a life without it... her greatest achievement in life depends on the fact that how much gold ornaments she has... (this goes for other types of jewellery, but malayalee women are so crazy about gold... I have no idea why)...
- loves to wear saree and yearns someone to compliment her on that.. she votes to wear them all the time, if not, atleast for making it a compulsory dress code at work place and educational institutions... she has a wide knowledge on different types of sarees and their importance and if someone, is feeling uncomfortable in it... she just doesn't understand it... she also has a wardrobe full of them.. and continues to buy them even though she has a cupboard full of never worn sarees....
- very conscious the way she looks, or how should she look infront of others... one of the (other) important thing in her life is to look beautiful and fair ( malayalees have this thing for fair complexioned girls, they have more demand in the marriage market rather than a not so fair/dark complexioned girls)... so she tries her best to look good and get complimented in whichever way possible...she takes a lot of time to get ready... and justifies it by saying she is a woman....
-loves to pluck flowers and buys it from the market... she believes that if she wears them on her hair, she will be as beautiful as a flower.. TMW even has superstitions based on a particular type of flower that they wear in their 'long lustrous' hair and how long will it take the flower to wear out or burn out... so that what kind of a mother-in-law they will have !!!!
- visits religious places such as temple or church once in a week or atleast once in a month... is involved in fasting and festivals... looks forward to go to temple every once in a while... because according to her, "the temple is where the GOD lives, so unless you go to the temple, how can you see GOD".... and most importantly, all the senior TMW comes to the temple on this particular time of the week.. if they don't see her there, she is bound to be expelled from the 'true' malayalee women sorority....not to mention the way she dresses when she goes to temple...
- cares about what other people think about her... that's right.. her whole life/ character/ likes, dislikes/ interests, hobbies/ profession/way of thinking/dressing and everything else is based on how would other people think about it...
- quits singing, dancing, working out or any other good things that she used to do, if her man doesn't want her to... or she prefers to do so after getting engaged or married... because she only learned music, dancing or stayed slim to impress a man... (once I overheard two 'true' married malayalee women talking, the conversation went something like this,
TMMW 1:- " I used to be slim before I got married.. now I have gained so much weight, my old friends don't even recognise me anymore... they are surprised to see me like this.. and it has only been a year since I got married, may be I should do something about my overweight"...
TMMW2:- "What is the use now?? You got married..didn't you ?? what is the point in working out after you get married??"..
TMMW1:- "You're right... that's what I thought too".... ) !!!!! (trust me.. I am not making this up ....these women were not even 25 years old...)
- not interested in having a career..not serious about it... she only took those degrees ...because men like educated women... so when planning to get married she will have more demand in the 'marriage market' than others, because of her education... she may have a job... but that's just for her to pass the time when her man is not around... her job is never a part of her identity...she is not the main provider of the house... she is there to spent the money...... not to earn it for the family... money wise... she is the taker... for everything else... she is the giver... or that is what she claims to be...
-uses crying as her most deadliest weapons.. nobody has ever survived it...
-tries to take credit for other people's (especially ordinary women's) ideas and hardwork.. and she wins everytime in doing it.....
- never , and I mean never reacts or responds when a man tries to take advantage of her... that is, in a bus or in public places, or at work place, or anywhere... if a man tries to molest her, tease her, harass her, or tell dirty double meaning jokes to her... she will not react or show discomfort as she is a TMW and a TMW is expected to either ignore or tolerate anything and everything and is supposed to suffer in silence... if she chooses to react or respond or show discomfort even in the most slightest way... all the other TMW will disown her and will consider her as an outcaste... because she is the one who can't take a joke as a joke and also thinks herself as something special that if somebody touches her, she will melt right away, "ഒന്നു തൊട്ടാല്‍ അങ്ങ് ഉരുകി പോകുവോ !!!!".... she will become a disgrace to womanhood...that is, if she chose to react.. so inorder to protect her 'true' malayalee woman status... she will not respond to these kind of atrocities...
-concepts such as individuality, independence, freedom, feminism, equality, liberation and revolution are alien to her...
- anti feminist, pro sexist, pro dowry system
- lives in fear.. fear on what other people will think about her...fear is what dictates her life...
- so concerned about being socially accepted... will do anything for that...
-very good brainwasher....
-wants/expects special treatment from men / society / government, because she is a woman....
- very shallow and narrow minded... for her what is on the surface is what really matters...
- very religious / community conscious... has a very special affinity towards her own community and considers all the other religion / community is below her own religion / community.
-prefers to identify and address people on the basis of their caste / community... if you know a TMW she would have definitely asked you , which community of caste do you belong in? and if you are of the same community like her.. you guys will share a special friendship.
-conservative in her thoughts, words and deeds.
- wouldn't support her colleague/ or a stranger woman in time of need... for ex:- its a known fact that in Kerala that women are teased by men on the public transportations and in public places... everybody expects women to go along with it and not to react to it.. because it is a man's right to treat women as an object.. so he is simply doing his duty... if you are a woman, and if you are travelling in one of the (transport) buses in Kerala, and you are being teased by a man, and you react to it.. all the other (TM) women will start staring at you.. as in "what is her problem?... I am sitting/standing right here.. and he is not doing anything to me... how come he does something to her... I am more fleshy than she is.... she is lying.. definitely lying... LIAR"... or even if they know you are not lying... they prefer not to support you.. because as they are a TMW and a TMW will never react and always lives in fear...and don't want to be associated with ordinary type of women.. because ordinary type of women can't be considered as women... Same thing at the work place... if a male colleague attempts to be sexually funny to a female colleague and she reacts to it.. all her female colleagues will start treating her like, " ഓ... അവളൊരു ശീലാവതി ..."... basically.. they are just afraid to put up a visible fight... did I mention, fear dictates a TMW's life....
- recognises herself only as a woman, not as a human being, a person or an individual... and hates or feels threatened by individualistic ordinary women....(like me...)
- her body is more important than her brain, mind or soul... she is always conscious of her body and so afraid of it.. for a TMW the most important thing in her life is her virginity... if that is lost, then everything is lost... people can take advantage of her by taking her semi nude pics with/ without her knowledge- which has now become a favourite pass time in Kerala - and then blackmail her using those pics... it always works..
-not interested in intellectual conversations...frankly, because she won't be able to put anything on the plate...
-lacks self-knowledge... but always tries to figure out about others' personality....
- prude or atleast pretend to be...
-considers society as her personal GOD... so whatever her society wants her to do it... she will do it...
- can't keep a secret... just can't keep a secret...if she knows a secret, then it is not a secret anymore... and you can guarantee on that...
- loves to shop.. mostly on other people's money... she can't go into a shop and come out without buying anything from there....she will spend hours or a whole day shopping... she loves it...enjoys it... its her favourite past time...
- can talk hours and hours on sarees and jewellery.. that is her favourite conversation topic...
- enjoys watching mega serials... she wouldn't miss it for the world... sympathesizes/ empathesizes with the characters... and discuss it with family/ friends/ colleagues...
- loves children.. wants to have them...dreams on raising a child just like her...never misses to visit a friend /relative who just had a baby.... she also wants to hear them say to her, "ഇപ്പോഴേ എടുത്തു പഠിച്ചോ ... അല്ലെങ്ങില്‍ സമയം ആവുമ്പോള്‍ വിഷമിക്കും"........because having a child is one way to get socially accepted... and apparently, it is every TW's dream !!!
- believes that the greatest milestone in a woman's life is getting married and having children... everything else doesn't matter at all...
- her ultimate goal in life is to be desirable for men... they should find her attractive (to get married or want to have sex with)...or else she is worthless... a TMW's greatest fear is not being able to get married and living a single life.... and people saying about her, "അവളൊരു കെട്ടാ മങ്കയാ ..."... being raped or catching cancer are not even in the top 10.... did I mention... getting married is the important thing in a 'true' malayalee woman's life... otherwise she is a waste and there is no point in her being alive...
- yearns for love, admiration, attention, compliment, appreciation, approval, care, understanding and support from men...(any man)... because that is the ultimate aim of her being born in this world...she wants her whole life revolving on some guy... any guy...
- never argues.. whatever others say she will agree to it... unless if she is talking to ordinary women and not to other 'true' mallu women or to men....
- never questions authority... authority loves her...because she is a kiss ass...
- pries, gives out suggestions, makes comments, states an opinion on others personal matters... not because she cares about them... but because she wants to be taken importantly and seriously.... as in "other people should care what I think about them"...
-likes depending on others.. because that is how GOD (by that, she means, society) intended it to be... women should be a dependent.. especially on men... then who is she to be a self-reliant person.. she even advises the independent ordinary women to cut the act and start depending on some man.... otherwise you will never be a TMW..... and will end up all alone...
- doesn't have a mind of her own... she depends on others for decision making... most of her life's important decisions were made by others... she has left thinking and decision making to others...
- wants everybody to like her and say good things about her both infront of her and behind her back.. can't imagine the thought of somebody not liking or worst.. hating her.... if she finds out somebody doesn't like her.. she will find a way to make them like her... because she cares too much about what other people think about her.... did I mention her life depends on it....
-doesn't have the courage to stand up for herself... and envies those woman who can....
-doesn't like change... is an ardent fan of tradition and follows it by the book... and if there is a book on traditions... she will be the author... that's how much she is into tradition....
- loves to gossip and spread rumors about the people she knows in real life and is an expert in backstabbing and pretending it was an accident...
- green with jealousy... she doesn't like women beautiful than her, fairer than her, whose hair is longer than hers, who has more jewellery than she does, who has nice dresses (sarees) than hers, who is been complimented or appreciated infront of her, most importantly, if men tend to give attention and compliment to some other woman instead of her and infront of her... she will just die with jealousy....
-never fails to notice what other women are wearing... never mind the occasion... if she likes it....she will ask you where did you buy it from.. even if both of you are attending someone's funeral....
- extremely coy... and insults those who are not....
-doesn't believe in the freedom of speech and expression... according to her.. "women shouldn't be allowed any freedom.. if they need something they should ask men... don't even think of changing the traditional sex roles.. this is how GOD (ak.a. society) wanted it to be"... besides.. men know everything there is to know about anything... right!!!
- a follower never a leader... because following is easy.. leading is not ...
-talks down on people smarter than her... for ex:- if you are a woman working with a 'true' malayalee woman.. and you are skilled and talented in your job.. she will accuse you of sucking up to the boss or taking advantage of your looks (i.e., if you are better looking than she is, then its not her talking, her jealousy is), and that is how you are getting a better evaluation than hers, not because you are good in what you do... and she says this in the most polite, friendly and you not being able to answer back way...
- never talks about her love/sex life... before marriage she wouldn't have either.. if she does.. then she better marry the guy.. or else.. she is not a TMW...
- ready to lose her 'self' to some random guy... all he has to do is to call on her mobile on a daily basis and tell her how beautiful she is and how different she is from all the other women he has ever met...gives her miscalls now and then... send her cute love messages... and tell her that he would like to marry her and can't think a life without her... well...that's it...everything is settled then.. she is all set to get married.. even if she hasn't met the guy.. or doesn't know anything about him...
- judges others.. has a prejudist opinion on everything and everyone... how could she not have one?? after all... she is a 'true' malayalee women....
- believes that household chores are women's thing to do... do not involve 'poor' men to do this.. its a woman's job.. it has been since the beginning... and it will be like this till the end of time... she even finds delight in washing her husband's dirty underwear with her own bare hands and brags about it to her friends... she wouldn't even allow her husband to dry his own hair.. she will do it for him.. for she is a TMW... she hates those women who makes their husbands to share the household work... how rude and insensitive of them !!!
- goes to every single wedding/party she is invited to.. eventhough it is from someone she hardly knows... (yes..keralites invites their bus-stop mates and the distant relatives of some friend they had when they were in the 5th grade for their wedding !!! because otherwise those people might think something really bad about them !!!!) ... she uses this chance to show off her new jewellery set, expensive saree, how good she looks and to boast her personal achievements...(like her husband got promoted..or something like that)....
- supports men... because she needs man's approval.. that is the most important goal in her life... "being approved by a man".. she is ready to change head to toe for him... if she finds it appealing to men.. she will disown all her clothes.. and starts wearing saree even at home, because men like to see women in saree... she will grow her hair long (if she can)... because that's how men like it... if the man she is interested in, doesn't like women growing nails on their hands.. she will cut them right off...if he.. well... you got the point... for her.. its always about how men would like to see her... she will kill for a glance from them...
- blushes and plays with her hair, everytime when she realises that some guy has been noticing her for a while... and she will start dreaming about having a life with him and what school would their kids go to... this guy might be someone chained to a sex racket... but that doesn't matter... if he loves her and if she loves him... she can change him and make him a better man.. a much better man.. for as she is a 'true' malayalee woman....
- believes anything and everything (her) man tells her...if he tells her, her best friend is interested in him in a not so good way... she will believe him... if he tells her, that he hasn't been with any other woman but her... she will believe him.. if he tells her, that she is the most beautiful woman in the whole world and he loves her (this goes for any man).... she will believe him... because she chose to believe him... if he tells her not to be associated with ordinary women, because they will corrupt her with illogical and unreasonable thoughts.. (like individuality, feminism etc) she will believe and obey him....on the contrary.. if an ordinary woman comes up to her and tells her that her husband or prospective husband has made a pass at her or is not a nice guy... she will refuse to believe her....(even if ..she has known this woman for a longtime)... for she is a TMW... and a TMW always (chose to) believe men.... ("how dare of you ordinary woman...accusing my man on something that cheap... he will never..ever.. look at another woman when I am alive !!! you whore !! you are just jealous" !!!) .. she will start rumours about this particular woman and tries to isolate her from their usual crowd... and makes everybody hate the ordinary woman... because she (the ordinary woman) is after the TMW's man....
- after marriage, she stops her friendship with her guy friends... because... her husband doesn't like her to talk to other men... if she feels her husband feels uncomfortable ... she is even ready to stop talking to her own father....
- gives importance to her in-laws than her own parents and siblings...
- doesn't like to compliment other women... and if by chance.. if she does compliment them on something... it is just to show others, that she is capable of doing so... and she is someone who is free from one of the seven deadily sins... ENVY !!!!
- gets easily embarassed... because she cares toooo much on what other people will think about her...
- doesn't have any compassion towards her fellow beings... like.... homeless people, beggars, orphans, sex workers, homosexuals, less fortunates/poor people, sick people, senior citizens/ old people, ordinary women etc.
- very naive, gullible and vulnerable...
- believes in formality, not a fan of genuinity....
-hates to be proved wrong...
-believes that women are the weaker sex and wants it to remain like that forever... because that is how GOD (a.k.a society) wants it to be....
- her identity lies on the fact that whether she is married, and whom she is married to.... otherwise .. she is considered as an oridnary woman...not a 'true' woman... for ‘'true' woman is someone who wants to get married, since she was 8 years old.....
-doesn't have a clue on what is going on in the world... because... what does that have to do with her..anyways !!! പൊട്ടകിണറ്റിൽ കിടക്കുന്ന തവള ....
- never fails to fall for flattery... if you want a TMW to do something for you and wants her to fall for you.. all you have to do is praise her unnecessary... it always works... she is a sucker for flattery...
- believes that she can get away with things with either by crying or flattering....
- passive aggressive
-boasts on people, things, accomplishments and events related to her... (പൊങ്ങച്ചം പറച്ചില്‍)
- an emotional fool... mixes emotions with everything and anything... that's her secret ingredient...
- attempts to justify herself to others.. because .... you know... she cares about what other people think about her... and she wants others to think and say good things about her...
- concerned about caste/community.. has special affinity towards her own caste/community.. thinks, speaks and acts as if all the other caste/community is lower than hers... has a tendency to ask for others caste/community and makes fun of them behind their back...
--------------------------------------------------------------
Well... these are the things that came to my mind now...
These are the 'qualities' which a malayalee woman should have or atleast want to have... or else she is not a 'true' malayalee woman... she is just an ordinary woman.. which according to the malayalee society is very bad... they don't accept an ordinary woman...they are only considered as a woman because of their physical and biological attributes.... the malayalee society just can't understand why ordinary women don't want to be a 'true' malayalee woman by acquiring the above mentioned 'qualities'... they will force the ordinary woman to become a 'true' malayalee woman by advising, compelling, insulting and ignoring... one of these tactics has to work... and guess what.. sometimes it does work.. otherwise you have to leave .....
So if you are a malayalee woman... check if you possess these qualities.. if not... then you are in BIG trouble...
You have to fit into their frame... if you even think of getting out of the frame.. because you didn't belong there.. then you don't belong anywhere... you have to get out... it's like either live their way or don't live at all....
So what do you say, malayalee women... are you a 'true' malayalee woman or just an ordinary woman like me????
So I started to think what are the qualities of a 'true' malayalee woman... Why am I considered as an outcaste and more over a disgrace to the womanhood?? One of my guy friends once told me that.. (like.. almost 10 years ago) "a 'true' malayalee woman is someone that you are not or refuse to be ... so whatever qualities/ characteristics that you think doesn't belong to you or care not to possess or have the opinion that they are bad and find difficult to accept... that is something that a 'true' malayalee woman should have or atleast want / try to have"....
So I started thinking... what are these 'qualities' or traits, that a 'true' malayalee woman should have or is supposed to have and maintain all through her life... that if for some or no reason she is not interested in these things which malayalees call 'qualities' , questions shall arise on her being a woman ...
So I made a list of things that I am not interested in, 'qualities' /characteristics that I do not have or don't want to have, things that I never do, or say or accept and lots more.. Apparently these are the eligibility criteria for being a 'true' malayalee woman.. so if you are a malayalee woman.. just check if you possess these 'qualities' ... if not, you will also be considered as someone who is only a woman because of her physical and biological attributes, but not otherwise...
so here goes.... ahem.. you might want to take notes...
A 'true' malayalee woman (TMW) is someone who(se) [(is) (always)],
- has long, thick, black lustrous hair or is dying to have it.. (she secretly envies those with long hair and asks them what do they do, inorder to maintain it and accuses them [secretly, of course] for not telling her the truth...because they don't want her to have hair like theirs...)
- wears make-up/ interested in cosmetics or atleast she applies some sort of powder to her face..
- loves loves loves..wait... let me rephrase that... obsessed with gold... yeah..that's right.. she is absolutely crazy about gold... she knows almost all the famous jewellery stores in the city/state... she wears gold all the time.. even whe she goes to sleep... she simply can't live without it.. she doesn't mind spending too much money for it... and if you are planning to give her some gift..let it be something in gold..... she can't imagine a life without it... her greatest achievement in life depends on the fact that how much gold ornaments she has... (this goes for other types of jewellery, but malayalee women are so crazy about gold... I have no idea why)...
- loves to wear saree and yearns someone to compliment her on that.. she votes to wear them all the time, if not, atleast for making it a compulsory dress code at work place and educational institutions... she has a wide knowledge on different types of sarees and their importance and if someone, is feeling uncomfortable in it... she just doesn't understand it... she also has a wardrobe full of them.. and continues to buy them even though she has a cupboard full of never worn sarees....
- very conscious the way she looks, or how should she look infront of others... one of the (other) important thing in her life is to look beautiful and fair ( malayalees have this thing for fair complexioned girls, they have more demand in the marriage market rather than a not so fair/dark complexioned girls)... so she tries her best to look good and get complimented in whichever way possible...she takes a lot of time to get ready... and justifies it by saying she is a woman....
-loves to pluck flowers and buys it from the market... she believes that if she wears them on her hair, she will be as beautiful as a flower.. TMW even has superstitions based on a particular type of flower that they wear in their 'long lustrous' hair and how long will it take the flower to wear out or burn out... so that what kind of a mother-in-law they will have !!!!
- visits religious places such as temple or church once in a week or atleast once in a month... is involved in fasting and festivals... looks forward to go to temple every once in a while... because according to her, "the temple is where the GOD lives, so unless you go to the temple, how can you see GOD".... and most importantly, all the senior TMW comes to the temple on this particular time of the week.. if they don't see her there, she is bound to be expelled from the 'true' malayalee women sorority....not to mention the way she dresses when she goes to temple...
- cares about what other people think about her... that's right.. her whole life/ character/ likes, dislikes/ interests, hobbies/ profession/way of thinking/dressing and everything else is based on how would other people think about it...
- quits singing, dancing, working out or any other good things that she used to do, if her man doesn't want her to... or she prefers to do so after getting engaged or married... because she only learned music, dancing or stayed slim to impress a man... (once I overheard two 'true' married malayalee women talking, the conversation went something like this,
TMMW 1:- " I used to be slim before I got married.. now I have gained so much weight, my old friends don't even recognise me anymore... they are surprised to see me like this.. and it has only been a year since I got married, may be I should do something about my overweight"...
TMMW2:- "What is the use now?? You got married..didn't you ?? what is the point in working out after you get married??"..
TMMW1:- "You're right... that's what I thought too".... ) !!!!! (trust me.. I am not making this up ....these women were not even 25 years old...)
- not interested in having a career..not serious about it... she only took those degrees ...because men like educated women... so when planning to get married she will have more demand in the 'marriage market' than others, because of her education... she may have a job... but that's just for her to pass the time when her man is not around... her job is never a part of her identity...she is not the main provider of the house... she is there to spent the money...... not to earn it for the family... money wise... she is the taker... for everything else... she is the giver... or that is what she claims to be...
-uses crying as her most deadliest weapons.. nobody has ever survived it...
-tries to take credit for other people's (especially ordinary women's) ideas and hardwork.. and she wins everytime in doing it.....
- never , and I mean never reacts or responds when a man tries to take advantage of her... that is, in a bus or in public places, or at work place, or anywhere... if a man tries to molest her, tease her, harass her, or tell dirty double meaning jokes to her... she will not react or show discomfort as she is a TMW and a TMW is expected to either ignore or tolerate anything and everything and is supposed to suffer in silence... if she chooses to react or respond or show discomfort even in the most slightest way... all the other TMW will disown her and will consider her as an outcaste... because she is the one who can't take a joke as a joke and also thinks herself as something special that if somebody touches her, she will melt right away, "ഒന്നു തൊട്ടാല്‍ അങ്ങ് ഉരുകി പോകുവോ !!!!".... she will become a disgrace to womanhood...that is, if she chose to react.. so inorder to protect her 'true' malayalee woman status... she will not respond to these kind of atrocities...
-concepts such as individuality, independence, freedom, feminism, equality, liberation and revolution are alien to her...
- anti feminist, pro sexist, pro dowry system
- lives in fear.. fear on what other people will think about her...fear is what dictates her life...
- so concerned about being socially accepted... will do anything for that...
-very good brainwasher....
-wants/expects special treatment from men / society / government, because she is a woman....
- very shallow and narrow minded... for her what is on the surface is what really matters...
- very religious / community conscious... has a very special affinity towards her own community and considers all the other religion / community is below her own religion / community.
-prefers to identify and address people on the basis of their caste / community... if you know a TMW she would have definitely asked you , which community of caste do you belong in? and if you are of the same community like her.. you guys will share a special friendship.
-conservative in her thoughts, words and deeds.
- wouldn't support her colleague/ or a stranger woman in time of need... for ex:- its a known fact that in Kerala that women are teased by men on the public transportations and in public places... everybody expects women to go along with it and not to react to it.. because it is a man's right to treat women as an object.. so he is simply doing his duty... if you are a woman, and if you are travelling in one of the (transport) buses in Kerala, and you are being teased by a man, and you react to it.. all the other (TM) women will start staring at you.. as in "what is her problem?... I am sitting/standing right here.. and he is not doing anything to me... how come he does something to her... I am more fleshy than she is.... she is lying.. definitely lying... LIAR"... or even if they know you are not lying... they prefer not to support you.. because as they are a TMW and a TMW will never react and always lives in fear...and don't want to be associated with ordinary type of women.. because ordinary type of women can't be considered as women... Same thing at the work place... if a male colleague attempts to be sexually funny to a female colleague and she reacts to it.. all her female colleagues will start treating her like, " ഓ... അവളൊരു ശീലാവതി ..."... basically.. they are just afraid to put up a visible fight... did I mention, fear dictates a TMW's life....
- recognises herself only as a woman, not as a human being, a person or an individual... and hates or feels threatened by individualistic ordinary women....(like me...)
- her body is more important than her brain, mind or soul... she is always conscious of her body and so afraid of it.. for a TMW the most important thing in her life is her virginity... if that is lost, then everything is lost... people can take advantage of her by taking her semi nude pics with/ without her knowledge- which has now become a favourite pass time in Kerala - and then blackmail her using those pics... it always works..
-not interested in intellectual conversations...frankly, because she won't be able to put anything on the plate...
-lacks self-knowledge... but always tries to figure out about others' personality....
- prude or atleast pretend to be...
-considers society as her personal GOD... so whatever her society wants her to do it... she will do it...
- can't keep a secret... just can't keep a secret...if she knows a secret, then it is not a secret anymore... and you can guarantee on that...
- loves to shop.. mostly on other people's money... she can't go into a shop and come out without buying anything from there....she will spend hours or a whole day shopping... she loves it...enjoys it... its her favourite past time...
- can talk hours and hours on sarees and jewellery.. that is her favourite conversation topic...
- enjoys watching mega serials... she wouldn't miss it for the world... sympathesizes/ empathesizes with the characters... and discuss it with family/ friends/ colleagues...
- loves children.. wants to have them...dreams on raising a child just like her...never misses to visit a friend /relative who just had a baby.... she also wants to hear them say to her, "ഇപ്പോഴേ എടുത്തു പഠിച്ചോ ... അല്ലെങ്ങില്‍ സമയം ആവുമ്പോള്‍ വിഷമിക്കും"........because having a child is one way to get socially accepted... and apparently, it is every TW's dream !!!
- believes that the greatest milestone in a woman's life is getting married and having children... everything else doesn't matter at all...
- her ultimate goal in life is to be desirable for men... they should find her attractive (to get married or want to have sex with)...or else she is worthless... a TMW's greatest fear is not being able to get married and living a single life.... and people saying about her, "അവളൊരു കെട്ടാ മങ്കയാ ..."... being raped or catching cancer are not even in the top 10.... did I mention... getting married is the important thing in a 'true' malayalee woman's life... otherwise she is a waste and there is no point in her being alive...
- yearns for love, admiration, attention, compliment, appreciation, approval, care, understanding and support from men...(any man)... because that is the ultimate aim of her being born in this world...she wants her whole life revolving on some guy... any guy...
- never argues.. whatever others say she will agree to it... unless if she is talking to ordinary women and not to other 'true' mallu women or to men....
- never questions authority... authority loves her...because she is a kiss ass...
- pries, gives out suggestions, makes comments, states an opinion on others personal matters... not because she cares about them... but because she wants to be taken importantly and seriously.... as in "other people should care what I think about them"...
-likes depending on others.. because that is how GOD (by that, she means, society) intended it to be... women should be a dependent.. especially on men... then who is she to be a self-reliant person.. she even advises the independent ordinary women to cut the act and start depending on some man.... otherwise you will never be a TMW..... and will end up all alone...
- doesn't have a mind of her own... she depends on others for decision making... most of her life's important decisions were made by others... she has left thinking and decision making to others...
- wants everybody to like her and say good things about her both infront of her and behind her back.. can't imagine the thought of somebody not liking or worst.. hating her.... if she finds out somebody doesn't like her.. she will find a way to make them like her... because she cares too much about what other people think about her.... did I mention her life depends on it....
-doesn't have the courage to stand up for herself... and envies those woman who can....
-doesn't like change... is an ardent fan of tradition and follows it by the book... and if there is a book on traditions... she will be the author... that's how much she is into tradition....
- loves to gossip and spread rumors about the people she knows in real life and is an expert in backstabbing and pretending it was an accident...
- green with jealousy... she doesn't like women beautiful than her, fairer than her, whose hair is longer than hers, who has more jewellery than she does, who has nice dresses (sarees) than hers, who is been complimented or appreciated infront of her, most importantly, if men tend to give attention and compliment to some other woman instead of her and infront of her... she will just die with jealousy....
-never fails to notice what other women are wearing... never mind the occasion... if she likes it....she will ask you where did you buy it from.. even if both of you are attending someone's funeral....
- extremely coy... and insults those who are not....
-doesn't believe in the freedom of speech and expression... according to her.. "women shouldn't be allowed any freedom.. if they need something they should ask men... don't even think of changing the traditional sex roles.. this is how GOD (ak.a. society) wanted it to be"... besides.. men know everything there is to know about anything... right!!!
- a follower never a leader... because following is easy.. leading is not ...
-talks down on people smarter than her... for ex:- if you are a woman working with a 'true' malayalee woman.. and you are skilled and talented in your job.. she will accuse you of sucking up to the boss or taking advantage of your looks (i.e., if you are better looking than she is, then its not her talking, her jealousy is), and that is how you are getting a better evaluation than hers, not because you are good in what you do... and she says this in the most polite, friendly and you not being able to answer back way...
- never talks about her love/sex life... before marriage she wouldn't have either.. if she does.. then she better marry the guy.. or else.. she is not a TMW...
- ready to lose her 'self' to some random guy... all he has to do is to call on her mobile on a daily basis and tell her how beautiful she is and how different she is from all the other women he has ever met...gives her miscalls now and then... send her cute love messages... and tell her that he would like to marry her and can't think a life without her... well...that's it...everything is settled then.. she is all set to get married.. even if she hasn't met the guy.. or doesn't know anything about him...
- judges others.. has a prejudist opinion on everything and everyone... how could she not have one?? after all... she is a 'true' malayalee women....
- believes that household chores are women's thing to do... do not involve 'poor' men to do this.. its a woman's job.. it has been since the beginning... and it will be like this till the end of time... she even finds delight in washing her husband's dirty underwear with her own bare hands and brags about it to her friends... she wouldn't even allow her husband to dry his own hair.. she will do it for him.. for she is a TMW... she hates those women who makes their husbands to share the household work... how rude and insensitive of them !!!
- goes to every single wedding/party she is invited to.. eventhough it is from someone she hardly knows... (yes..keralites invites their bus-stop mates and the distant relatives of some friend they had when they were in the 5th grade for their wedding !!! because otherwise those people might think something really bad about them !!!!) ... she uses this chance to show off her new jewellery set, expensive saree, how good she looks and to boast her personal achievements...(like her husband got promoted..or something like that)....
- supports men... because she needs man's approval.. that is the most important goal in her life... "being approved by a man".. she is ready to change head to toe for him... if she finds it appealing to men.. she will disown all her clothes.. and starts wearing saree even at home, because men like to see women in saree... she will grow her hair long (if she can)... because that's how men like it... if the man she is interested in, doesn't like women growing nails on their hands.. she will cut them right off...if he.. well... you got the point... for her.. its always about how men would like to see her... she will kill for a glance from them...
- blushes and plays with her hair, everytime when she realises that some guy has been noticing her for a while... and she will start dreaming about having a life with him and what school would their kids go to... this guy might be someone chained to a sex racket... but that doesn't matter... if he loves her and if she loves him... she can change him and make him a better man.. a much better man.. for as she is a 'true' malayalee woman....
- believes anything and everything (her) man tells her...if he tells her, her best friend is interested in him in a not so good way... she will believe him... if he tells her, that he hasn't been with any other woman but her... she will believe him.. if he tells her, that she is the most beautiful woman in the whole world and he loves her (this goes for any man).... she will believe him... because she chose to believe him... if he tells her not to be associated with ordinary women, because they will corrupt her with illogical and unreasonable thoughts.. (like individuality, feminism etc) she will believe and obey him....on the contrary.. if an ordinary woman comes up to her and tells her that her husband or prospective husband has made a pass at her or is not a nice guy... she will refuse to believe her....(even if ..she has known this woman for a longtime)... for she is a TMW... and a TMW always (chose to) believe men.... ("how dare of you ordinary woman...accusing my man on something that cheap... he will never..ever.. look at another woman when I am alive !!! you whore !! you are just jealous" !!!) .. she will start rumours about this particular woman and tries to isolate her from their usual crowd... and makes everybody hate the ordinary woman... because she (the ordinary woman) is after the TMW's man....
- after marriage, she stops her friendship with her guy friends... because... her husband doesn't like her to talk to other men... if she feels her husband feels uncomfortable ... she is even ready to stop talking to her own father....
- gives importance to her in-laws than her own parents and siblings...
- doesn't like to compliment other women... and if by chance.. if she does compliment them on something... it is just to show others, that she is capable of doing so... and she is someone who is free from one of the seven deadily sins... ENVY !!!!
- gets easily embarassed... because she cares toooo much on what other people will think about her...
- doesn't have any compassion towards her fellow beings... like.... homeless people, beggars, orphans, sex workers, homosexuals, less fortunates/poor people, sick people, senior citizens/ old people, ordinary women etc.
- very naive, gullible and vulnerable...
- believes in formality, not a fan of genuinity....
-hates to be proved wrong...
-believes that women are the weaker sex and wants it to remain like that forever... because that is how GOD (a.k.a society) wants it to be....
- her identity lies on the fact that whether she is married, and whom she is married to.... otherwise .. she is considered as an oridnary woman...not a 'true' woman... for ‘'true' woman is someone who wants to get married, since she was 8 years old.....
-doesn't have a clue on what is going on in the world... because... what does that have to do with her..anyways !!! പൊട്ടകിണറ്റിൽ കിടക്കുന്ന തവള ....
- never fails to fall for flattery... if you want a TMW to do something for you and wants her to fall for you.. all you have to do is praise her unnecessary... it always works... she is a sucker for flattery...
- believes that she can get away with things with either by crying or flattering....
- passive aggressive
-boasts on people, things, accomplishments and events related to her... (പൊങ്ങച്ചം പറച്ചില്‍)
- an emotional fool... mixes emotions with everything and anything... that's her secret ingredient...
- attempts to justify herself to others.. because .... you know... she cares about what other people think about her... and she wants others to think and say good things about her...
- concerned about caste/community.. has special affinity towards her own caste/community.. thinks, speaks and acts as if all the other caste/community is lower than hers... has a tendency to ask for others caste/community and makes fun of them behind their back...
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Well... these are the things that came to my mind now...
These are the 'qualities' which a malayalee woman should have or atleast want to have... or else she is not a 'true' malayalee woman... she is just an ordinary woman.. which according to the malayalee society is very bad... they don't accept an ordinary woman...they are only considered as a woman because of their physical and biological attributes.... the malayalee society just can't understand why ordinary women don't want to be a 'true' malayalee woman by acquiring the above mentioned 'qualities'... they will force the ordinary woman to become a 'true' malayalee woman by advising, compelling, insulting and ignoring... one of these tactics has to work... and guess what.. sometimes it does work.. otherwise you have to leave .....
So if you are a malayalee woman... check if you possess these qualities.. if not... then you are in BIG trouble...
You have to fit into their frame... if you even think of getting out of the frame.. because you didn't belong there.. then you don't belong anywhere... you have to get out... it's like either live their way or don't live at all....
So what do you say, malayalee women... are you a 'true' malayalee woman or just an ordinary woman like me????
Tuesday, September 01, 2009
What if Married People were treated like Singles??
Are you Single?? Are you being constantly irritated by your family, friends, relatives, neighbours, co-workers and society in general about "you not getting married"... Here are some conversational slips you can use ....
Owners of the singles advocate blog,Onely, came up with this list of the types of statements couples would be forced to endure:
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"Don‘t worry, you‘ll get a divorce someday."
"Oh, you‘re married? I‘m so sorry!"
"You‘re so great - how come you‘re still married?"
"It‘s OK to be married for a while but eventually you need to grow up and become single."
"You‘re so lucky to be married and not have as much responsibility."
"But don‘t you feel bad not having a life, seeing as you‘re married?"
"When are you going to get a divorce?"
"It‘s so sad having to come home to a house with someone in it all the time."
"Well, I would‘ve invited you to our book group, except you‘re married and I thought you wouldn‘t want to be around all those happily single people."
"What‘s a beautiful woman like you doing married?"
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Hurts much !!!
Owners of the singles advocate blog,Onely, came up with this list of the types of statements couples would be forced to endure:
---------------------------------------------------
"Don‘t worry, you‘ll get a divorce someday."
"Oh, you‘re married? I‘m so sorry!"
"You‘re so great - how come you‘re still married?"
"It‘s OK to be married for a while but eventually you need to grow up and become single."
"You‘re so lucky to be married and not have as much responsibility."
"But don‘t you feel bad not having a life, seeing as you‘re married?"
"When are you going to get a divorce?"
"It‘s so sad having to come home to a house with someone in it all the time."
"Well, I would‘ve invited you to our book group, except you‘re married and I thought you wouldn‘t want to be around all those happily single people."
"What‘s a beautiful woman like you doing married?"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hurts much !!!
Monday, August 31, 2009
Don't you wanna have a life?? ഒരു ജീവിതം വേണ്ടേ???
My father has been asking me this question for some years now... directly, indirectly and in which ever way possible and I always get irritated by this question.... and I ask him back.. “What!! Am I not having a life right now?” and he answers with emotions that I may never undergo… “Is this the way to live”??
Maybe.. this is not the way to live…but this is definitely a way to live… people can live like this…correction.. people do live like this in various parts of the world….
Yes people… my father was asking me about getting married… like it is the only way to live… and because he is my father I always choose the words very carefully when I answer this question…
(I don't know why I get angry/ irritated when I hear questions, opinions and suggestions about getting married from a very young age.. it has always annoyed me...it still does... ummmm... interesting.....)
I have never understood the co-relation between marriage and life… people may be getting married for reasons I may never want to know… but it is one way to lead your life… not the only way to live… just one way… it is a multiple choice… its like telling a heterosexual person that the only way to enjoy sexual intercourse is to become a homosexual… well…something like that…you know what I mean…
(I am doing a 'research' on why do women get married?? so far.. I am getting rather similar kind of responses regarding this matter… I will write about it in a month or so…)
My married friends always ask me about being lonely and the darkness that surrounds you because of loneliness… because you know… I am single… I always tell them.. "I never feel loneliness when I am alone… I enjoy being alone.. it is when I am with other people ..that I crave for loneliness”… Besides.. aren’t we all lonely/alone in one way or the other…which I yearn when I am with people.... even if they are my immediate family or close friends…
Afterall...LONELINESS is not a bad thing... people shouldn ‘t be afraid of it..At a certain point everybody will end up alone.. doesn’t matter if you are married or single… Single people always know they are alone…. So they don’t expect anything from anyone… Married people don’t always or never die together… one of them has to go first.. or in these modern times…leave first.. possibly with another suitor… the kids will fly off their nest too when they are able to do so..(what if you never have kids..no matter what you do about it??) then who is left?? YOU… just YOU…right… so ultimately everyone will end up alone… lucky for me… I enjoy being alone…I prefer to be alone... (unless it is a professional thing).. I can’t even compare that feeling to anything else…its really a perfect feeling (for me)… Solitude…Loneliness… whatever you call it… I LOVE IT… and I am not gonna give that up for anything or anyone...
I have always observed that married people are so co-dependent.. that is ..they depend on each other for almost everything in life…(may be that's why they get married.. to have somebody to depend on..are they??) ..
I know everybody has to depend on somebody for certain things in life, for ex:- the vehicles we use for our daily transportation are not our creation…things like that… but should one need to follow this pattern in personal life too…
Single people don’t ask their married friends, relatives or acquaintances to get a divorce and be single again… right?? Then why is it the other way around…
Let me ask you something…
If a woman of 25 years of age or any age for that matter of fact, wants to live a single life of her choice.. is it not allowable? If she wants to live alone and doesn’t want to ‘depend’ on anybody but herself.. doesn’t she have the right to do so?? Just because she refuses to give in to the social, familial pressure and don't want to 'settle' for other people or may be she just doesn't feel like getting married... or she wants to be single for some other reason or for no reason at all.... should she be considered as a threat and looked down upon?? If so... SCREW EVERYBODY...
(And why does 'getting married' is also referred to as 'settling down'?? I never understood that.. Can you shed some light on this term?? )
Is the only way for a woman to be single is because,
-she couldn’t get married at a certain age,
- she couldn‘t get a matching horoscope (Hindu mythology)
- she/her family couldn‘t find somebody 'good' enough for her
- some personal reasons ( you know.. the 'rape victim', love 'failure', physical/mental problems etc.)...
- she got divorced/separated
- her husband died
Well… if this is what you have been thinking about a woman being single…then ..think again.. because there are women around you who are single by choice… that’s right… they are single.. because they like being single… their single life matters to them, as the married life for the married women…
If you haven’t met anyone like that so far.. then MEET ME… I know..its too early to label me like this... but hey..I can..and I am...
As one of my best friends told me... may be I will never know the hidden bliss attached to the married life... that's because I chose not to know it....
And another thing...Why can't people accept others as they are?? Are we that shallow and narrow minded?? If one decides to chose a (not so) different path without bothering or interfering in your life, why can't you just let them be??
And when does being SINGLE began to define a person as "Sad, depressed, lonely, frustrated and not having a life of your own"...
News Flash People: That's not LIFE..that's HOLLYWOOD talking....
I hate all those English movies which shows women as these desperate creatures who are looking for their 'soulmates' and gets disappointed when they see their friends' getting married... and in the end.. they rush to the airport to stop some guy they fell in love with... and even stops the plane... (OH!! MY GAWD !!!) I mean...come on.... not all women are like that...well.. I am not..
I can't understand why (some of) my friends' can't accept me as I am... If you are my friend.. and you are finding it difficult to accept the fact that I am single and want to be like that for the rest of my life... please don't try to argue with me or change my mind (because it's not gonna work anyways)... instead delete me off from your friends' list... I don't want people like you around me more than you do .. so just do us both a favour.. and cut me off from your 'perfect married or want to be married, don't want to be associated with people like her (that's me) life'...I am not gonna miss you anyways..... Thank you very much....
Also, just because, I am not married, committed or in a relationship with anyone (don't want to be ever) or a lesbian ... doesn't mean that I am a sad, desperate , lonely (in a bad way), frustrated cuckoo head who is jealous of all those 'happy' couples out there...
My relationship status doesn't make me less intelligent, competent, compassionate, creative, stronger, funnier, spontaneous and all those other qualities that I have.. (or I believe to possess)....
I don' t think you should judge anyone on that (or judge anyone for anything at all)....
Once again… there are different ways to live your life.. it is you who have to choose from them…
Just remember… the choice you made may be good or bad (for you) .. but that doesn’t give you the right to look down on other people because they had the courage to choose a different option from the multiple choice…
Who are we to say the right or wrong way to lead a life?? We can only prove it by leading a successful life.. whether married or single or something else….
Let me also add…
SINGLE LIFE ROCKS !!!!
Cheers....
Maybe.. this is not the way to live…but this is definitely a way to live… people can live like this…correction.. people do live like this in various parts of the world….
Yes people… my father was asking me about getting married… like it is the only way to live… and because he is my father I always choose the words very carefully when I answer this question…
(I don't know why I get angry/ irritated when I hear questions, opinions and suggestions about getting married from a very young age.. it has always annoyed me...it still does... ummmm... interesting.....)
I have never understood the co-relation between marriage and life… people may be getting married for reasons I may never want to know… but it is one way to lead your life… not the only way to live… just one way… it is a multiple choice… its like telling a heterosexual person that the only way to enjoy sexual intercourse is to become a homosexual… well…something like that…you know what I mean…
(I am doing a 'research' on why do women get married?? so far.. I am getting rather similar kind of responses regarding this matter… I will write about it in a month or so…)
My married friends always ask me about being lonely and the darkness that surrounds you because of loneliness… because you know… I am single… I always tell them.. "I never feel loneliness when I am alone… I enjoy being alone.. it is when I am with other people ..that I crave for loneliness”… Besides.. aren’t we all lonely/alone in one way or the other…which I yearn when I am with people.... even if they are my immediate family or close friends…
Afterall...LONELINESS is not a bad thing... people shouldn ‘t be afraid of it..At a certain point everybody will end up alone.. doesn’t matter if you are married or single… Single people always know they are alone…. So they don’t expect anything from anyone… Married people don’t always or never die together… one of them has to go first.. or in these modern times…leave first.. possibly with another suitor… the kids will fly off their nest too when they are able to do so..(what if you never have kids..no matter what you do about it??) then who is left?? YOU… just YOU…right… so ultimately everyone will end up alone… lucky for me… I enjoy being alone…I prefer to be alone... (unless it is a professional thing).. I can’t even compare that feeling to anything else…its really a perfect feeling (for me)… Solitude…Loneliness… whatever you call it… I LOVE IT… and I am not gonna give that up for anything or anyone...
I have always observed that married people are so co-dependent.. that is ..they depend on each other for almost everything in life…(may be that's why they get married.. to have somebody to depend on..are they??) ..
I know everybody has to depend on somebody for certain things in life, for ex:- the vehicles we use for our daily transportation are not our creation…things like that… but should one need to follow this pattern in personal life too…
Single people don’t ask their married friends, relatives or acquaintances to get a divorce and be single again… right?? Then why is it the other way around…
Let me ask you something…
If a woman of 25 years of age or any age for that matter of fact, wants to live a single life of her choice.. is it not allowable? If she wants to live alone and doesn’t want to ‘depend’ on anybody but herself.. doesn’t she have the right to do so?? Just because she refuses to give in to the social, familial pressure and don't want to 'settle' for other people or may be she just doesn't feel like getting married... or she wants to be single for some other reason or for no reason at all.... should she be considered as a threat and looked down upon?? If so... SCREW EVERYBODY...
(And why does 'getting married' is also referred to as 'settling down'?? I never understood that.. Can you shed some light on this term?? )
Is the only way for a woman to be single is because,
-she couldn’t get married at a certain age,
- she couldn‘t get a matching horoscope (Hindu mythology)
- she/her family couldn‘t find somebody 'good' enough for her
- some personal reasons ( you know.. the 'rape victim', love 'failure', physical/mental problems etc.)...
- she got divorced/separated
- her husband died
Well… if this is what you have been thinking about a woman being single…then ..think again.. because there are women around you who are single by choice… that’s right… they are single.. because they like being single… their single life matters to them, as the married life for the married women…
If you haven’t met anyone like that so far.. then MEET ME… I know..its too early to label me like this... but hey..I can..and I am...
As one of my best friends told me... may be I will never know the hidden bliss attached to the married life... that's because I chose not to know it....
And another thing...Why can't people accept others as they are?? Are we that shallow and narrow minded?? If one decides to chose a (not so) different path without bothering or interfering in your life, why can't you just let them be??
And when does being SINGLE began to define a person as "Sad, depressed, lonely, frustrated and not having a life of your own"...
News Flash People: That's not LIFE..that's HOLLYWOOD talking....
I hate all those English movies which shows women as these desperate creatures who are looking for their 'soulmates' and gets disappointed when they see their friends' getting married... and in the end.. they rush to the airport to stop some guy they fell in love with... and even stops the plane... (OH!! MY GAWD !!!) I mean...come on.... not all women are like that...well.. I am not..
I can't understand why (some of) my friends' can't accept me as I am... If you are my friend.. and you are finding it difficult to accept the fact that I am single and want to be like that for the rest of my life... please don't try to argue with me or change my mind (because it's not gonna work anyways)... instead delete me off from your friends' list... I don't want people like you around me more than you do .. so just do us both a favour.. and cut me off from your 'perfect married or want to be married, don't want to be associated with people like her (that's me) life'...I am not gonna miss you anyways..... Thank you very much....
Also, just because, I am not married, committed or in a relationship with anyone (don't want to be ever) or a lesbian ... doesn't mean that I am a sad, desperate , lonely (in a bad way), frustrated cuckoo head who is jealous of all those 'happy' couples out there...
My relationship status doesn't make me less intelligent, competent, compassionate, creative, stronger, funnier, spontaneous and all those other qualities that I have.. (or I believe to possess)....
I don' t think you should judge anyone on that (or judge anyone for anything at all)....
Once again… there are different ways to live your life.. it is you who have to choose from them…
Just remember… the choice you made may be good or bad (for you) .. but that doesn’t give you the right to look down on other people because they had the courage to choose a different option from the multiple choice…
Who are we to say the right or wrong way to lead a life?? We can only prove it by leading a successful life.. whether married or single or something else….
Let me also add…
SINGLE LIFE ROCKS !!!!
Cheers....
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Having Second Thoughts !!!
Choosing a life partner has always been tricky for men.... it‘s like going out to eat....
You go to a restaurant.... you ask for the menu... and it‘s very difficult for most of the guys to decide what they want to eat.... they want something different from the previous time they went out to eat... (not that it was bad...hell no !! they know the taste... so they just want to try something new.. hey.. who doesn‘t? ).... so there they are with the menu... now the question is to order something new, something cheap, yet tasty and filling.... now, they go through each and every item.... then finally they decide on something very cheap, seems to be attractive and agreeable....... finally, the dish arrives... it is not possible to send it back... because you are the one who ordered it....
Well, they start eating.... during that process they look around... one glance at the neighbour ‘ s table... they find something more attractive, more cheap, more tasty, more filling and nonetheless more agreeable (may be even a little bit younger)... having second thoughts???
The only thing that the guy doesn‘t know is, his neighbour is also thinking the same thing.....
On the other hand.. I have happened to know some guys who doesn‘t even need a menu.. they know what they want... and how they want it.... no second thoughts.. no regrets... just stick to the decision...good or bad...
Isn ‘ t this the case with most of the marriages??? Correct me if I am wrong....
You go to a restaurant.... you ask for the menu... and it‘s very difficult for most of the guys to decide what they want to eat.... they want something different from the previous time they went out to eat... (not that it was bad...hell no !! they know the taste... so they just want to try something new.. hey.. who doesn‘t? ).... so there they are with the menu... now the question is to order something new, something cheap, yet tasty and filling.... now, they go through each and every item.... then finally they decide on something very cheap, seems to be attractive and agreeable....... finally, the dish arrives... it is not possible to send it back... because you are the one who ordered it....
Well, they start eating.... during that process they look around... one glance at the neighbour ‘ s table... they find something more attractive, more cheap, more tasty, more filling and nonetheless more agreeable (may be even a little bit younger)... having second thoughts???
The only thing that the guy doesn‘t know is, his neighbour is also thinking the same thing.....
On the other hand.. I have happened to know some guys who doesn‘t even need a menu.. they know what they want... and how they want it.... no second thoughts.. no regrets... just stick to the decision...good or bad...
Isn ‘ t this the case with most of the marriages??? Correct me if I am wrong....
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Women in Malayalam Movies
I have been hearing about the role of women in Malayalam cinema for sometime and I decided to write on what I think about it... (even though nobody cares..)...
Where shall I begin...Ok ...here goes....
It is a fact that media has a great part in influencing the way people think, behave and feel…. After years of movie watching experience I honestly feel that it has helped in de-grading the position of women in our society through the characters portrayed in them…
Even once in a while.. (in a decade or so...) there comes a movie where the female is the protagonist… (it's like throwing a bone at them).. even then they are shown as this weak, desperate , pathetic creatures who just act strong on the outside.. but is the exact opposite on the inside….
Does the portrayal of female characters in our movies have actually influenced our society to think that women are like this in real life too???
Here’s what I think…
Female characters have always been an inevitable part in our movies...face it.. we can’t have a movie without them…. they are always someone related to the male protagonist (99.9% of the time, the male is the protagonist)...the hero‘s mother, sister, love interest, friend of the love interest, colleague, neighbour, the wife, the seductress, the mistress, the daughter, whose responsibility lies on the strong, muscular shoulders of the hero... he is their saviour, warrior, their HERO….
Lately, or for more than lately .... the role of women in our movies are being deteriorated.... they are always the side kick... a side track...not necessarily involved in the main part of the story.... even the movie is made for family audience (which 'most' malayalam movies are).... the women‘s role is not always as important as the men in the family.... they are there to support the men... not to run the show….
The following points are some of my personal thoughts on the role of female characters (a.k.a heroines) in Malayalam cinema… this is based on the movies I used to watch when I was growing up…may be things have changed now… or have they??
1) REEL LIFE
It is always the guys who fall in ‘love’ first, and they chase the woman they ‘love’ wherever they go, tortures them, disturbs them, walks behind them singing… and guess what… after a song or two…. the girl will start loving him… if she doesn’t then he will threaten to commit suicide (or simply ignore her.. that always seems to work)… by drinking poison (which is always ready to consume)… or jump from the top of some building… and the girl’s conscience suddenly starts to work… a second before he consumes the poison or jumps… she will profess her love for him… (if not ..there is no movie to be watched) there.. the beginning of a love story…
In a love story.. you can always see the female is helpless... solely depending on the male to do everything... especially to save her from the bad guy... in most cases her own parents who stands in her way to be with her lover and live a life filled with eternal bliss.... she has to be saved from her own house (because she was in house arrest), or from the marriage that was going to take place without her consent… and she depends solely on the man to do all this for her… after so many chases and fights… the lovers get married and live happily ever after… and what about the parents?? Oh.. they will forgive and forget after a baby comes into the picture… they always do….
REAL LIFE
Can someone actually fall in love with someone just because they chase you, disturb you, jump from a hidden bush singing or threaten you to commit suicide?? Do women really depend on guys to come up with a plan and execute it inorder to be together for the ‘rest of their lives’ ? Do parents always forget and forgive their daughters for doing what she did, when a baby comes into the picture?? And why do the parents always select the wrong guy for their daughter, when the man she ‘loves’ is perfect in every which way?? And if he is perfect, as he is shown, then why do parents refuse to accept him?? In a real life love story, is there a villain?? If so, who or what is it??
2) REEL LIFE
I don‘t know if you have noticed.. but..when a girl is being raped in a movie (that is, if she is the heroine)... even if it is in her own house...or at a cottage on top of the hill.... the hero will always appear on the exact right moment (may be seconds before the rape occurs)..by kicking down a door...or jumping through a glass window.... defeating more than 10 bad guys, gives her his own shirt or jacket to wear (because her dress is all torned up), helps her to get home safely...after that..she doesn‘t ..even for a moment think about the horrible experience she has been through (the attempt to be raped and all)... but never fails to fall in love with the guy who saved her from happening it... (she will still have the shirt or jacket he has loaned to her).... again.. the start of the love story….
On the other hand, if it wasn’t the heroine who undergoes this sort of a thing… the hero still saves the girl…no matter who she is… then she will consider him as the elder brother she never had… but always wanted… she would even help him to get the girl he wants… by talking him up to her..
The heroine never gets raped.. if she does..then.. she is not the heroine anymore… she becomes this thing who is just physically living and mentally dead… even if the hero agrees to marry her..( because he loved her, not her body)… she will always refuse.. because he deserves to have a nice life with a ‘nice’ girl… which she isn’t anymore… again..the hero is considered to be this so-called ‘perfect’ man..who was ready to marry a rape victim… What happens to the girl/ former heroine who gets raped…. She will either commit suicide, dedicates her life to those women who had been through what she has been through or join some sort of an ashram…. (which all sounds really ‘good’)…
What happens to the hero who loved this woman?? Someone younger, prettier, richer, loving and caring virgin will always be there for them to spend the rest of their life with… hey… after all… the movie wasn’t about the girl who got raped.. its all about the guy who was still ready to marry her and continues to live even after being in such a horrible mental state…
REAL LIFE
When a girl gets raped, teased or harassed (lets not pretend its not happening… we all know it is happening somewhere in this world, even as you read this)… does a guy or somebody (like a GODSEND) magically appears there on the exact right time and saves her from what is happening… (lets wish so!!!)… if not… does a woman after years of watching all these movies…actually believes even for a spilt second…that somebody is actually going to rescue her or do they fight back fiercely… no compromise whatsoever… Does being raped by some moron/s actually takes away a woman’s right to live?? Why is it after being raped (we all know its not her fault)… society sees the rape victim only as that… and not as an individual anymore.. Does a rape victim has to abscond themselves from the society, family and friends and disappear to some place where nobody knows them, or commit suicide … does she actually have to forget the life she had or wanted to have… and live with this label for ever…’RAPE VICTIM’… here is a little secret.. even if the woman after going through all that mental and physical trauma wants to lead a normal life like before… people around her…(a.k.a the society)…wouldn’t let her… how could they possibly let a rape victim pretend nothing has happened to her and live normal like them !!! its just not right !!!! Right???
3) REEL LIFE
In a Malayalam movie, it doesn ‘t matter if the female is well read, successful and has her own feministic viewpoints about both sexes... there will always be a man to teach her otherwise... all he has to do is to make her surrender using a little physical strength.... and then ignore her for a period of time.. there...after that…. she can't live without him anymore.... in how many movies we have actually heard this dialogue ... " അവളെ അങ്ങനെ വിട്ടാ പറ്റില്ല ... ഒരു പാഠം പഠിപ്പിക്കണം .... പെന്പില്ലെര്‍ക്ക് ഇത്ര അഹങ്കാരം പാടില്ലല്ലോ..."... during the process of this so-called ‘ പാഠം പഠിപ്പിക്കല്‍'... a man can use the following tactics... either in public or in private... kiss her (on the mouth), slap her (real hard), or try to rape her (in private, ofcourse) and withdraw at a point when she can ‘ t put up a fight anymore , just to let her know that... "ഞാന്‍ വിചാരിച്ചാല്‍ നിന്നെ ഇപ്പോള്‍ നശിപ്പിക്കാം, പക്ഷെ ഞാന്‍ അത് ചെയ്യുന്നില്ല ".... and then...just ignore her (on purpose)... that ‘incident’ changes everything about her.. the way she think, talk, act, what she wants from life… eventually she will come in search of him..why?? because she has fallen in love with him....point blank....
REAL LIFE
Does a woman actually changes her 'self' after being kissed, slapped or attempted to be physically molested by some random guy just because he doesn’t like the way she is?? If a man wants a woman to notice him all he has to do is to get physical with her?? Did any guys actually tried this trick and won anything??
If you are a woman, would you fall in love with a guy and go in search for him just because he has had the ‘courage’ to insult you in public or in private??
I mean…really…what sort of a message does these movies give out… “if you don’t agree with the way some girl is or if you want them to notice you or want to make someone fall in love with you.. all a guy have to do is, use some muscle power, that will definitely teach her and if you are lucky.. she is all yours"... just curious…what lesson would that be??
Do women really wait around for a guy to come into their life, use a little muscle , so that they can change themselves and dedicate their whole self to him… may be there is… who the hell am I to say..no…
4) REEL LIFE
Years ago... make that more than 12 years ago.. I saw this malayalam movie... where a woman is getting ready for her wedding… she is all alone in her room… then a guy comes in and rapes her… actually this guy was paid to do so by some other woman who was jealous of this girl… so if the guy rapes her… minutes before her marriage.. her marriage wouldn’t take place …her family will get insulted… and thus… her life will be ruined forever….
So as planned, this guy rapes her…. Her marriage didn’t take place.. because she won’t marry the other guy… as she is not ‘pure’ anymore… but something interesting did happen… she goes to live with this other guy… u know.. the one who raped her… lives in a slum… the guy had to agree to it eventually… (you have to see the movie to understand why)… helps him turn his life around… he marries her.. they have a baby ..(conceived as the result of the rape)…. They live happily until she is killed in a bomb blast…
REAL LIFE
What sort of a woman would actually go live with the guy who raped her (even if it was her first time having physical contact)?? And what do someone mean by not being ‘pure anymore’?? Why is it so assumed that if a woman doesn’t get married or if her marriage ceremony gets hindered or cancelled due to some reason…that is, for any reason at all… that it is her fault and her entire life is ruined?? Is getting married so inevitably important in a woman’s life, that if it didn’t occur she has to actually live a life full of darkness?? Are we that narrow minded?? If someone really wants to ruin your life ..all they have to do is … either physically molest you or ruin your marriage or married life or even both, because apparently these two can be done at one instant… would that ‘teach you a lesson’???
Just curious…if this woman in the movie…gets raped minutes after her wedding…what would she had done?? Would she live with her husband or the guy who raped her or with both, or by herself or would she have committed suicide ?? Guess… no one will ever know….
5) REEL LIFE
Remember in that movie ചിത്രം , Renjini has been hurt in love and lost all trust in men… she even said “ I HATE MEN”, and then Mohanlal comes into her life… they tease each other, quarrel with each other… giving us so many scenes over the years to laugh about… then suddenly… out of a moment’s thought.. inorder to protect their cover up as husband and wife… he ties something on her neck… and that’s it… she become this changed woman… she even hits her head into a huge bell repeatedly and lose consciousness and lots of blood, as her way for asking forgiveness for all the cruelties she has done to him… at the end of the movie… she even decides to stay as his wife and take care of his child when he goes off to get executed…
There is a similar scene like this in the movie THOMMANNUM MAKKALLUM… instead of Mohanlal its Mammootty who ties the knot without even a moment’s notice (doesn’t seem like women need one though)… but after that… the girl do find herself impossible to get him out of her head and most importantly her heart and wants to live with him as his wife…
REAL LIFE
What is with these women and wedlocks in our movies? Would women actually stop everything they were doing and follow the guy who ties something onto their neck area?? If some random guy jumps out of no where and ties something on to some girl/woman, would they let it stay there for the rest of their life??
“It doesn’t matter, who you are and what you do… just tie some wire around my neck…and I will be your female orderly for as long as I breathe”…
Is this logical?? Does in real life women actually behave like this?? It is one thing getting married because of parental pressure… but isn’t it totally unacceptable to let men take advantage of women like this… even if its in a movie… Does women actually fall in love or consider someone important in their life just because that particular person tied something around her neck?? Are women that weak?? ahem.. don't think so......
6) REEL LIFE
Over these years, I have watched immense number of movies… (my mother used to tell me, "നീ സ്കൂളില്‍ ഒന്നും പോക്കണ്ടാടി …ഇങ്ങനെ ടീവീടെ മൂട്ടില്‍ ഇരുന്നോ ...വെറുതെ കാശ് കളയാനായിട്ട് "... she was teasing me…ofcourse). And when I became a certain age, I started to realise one very common thing in our movies.
The heroine is always a virgin. (I meant in the movie). That’s right? The heroine is this untouched protected thing just waiting for the hero to come along..
I don’t know if you have noticed in some of the movies like Sarvakalasaala, Chandrolsavam… the heroine or the hero’s love interest did get married.. but they still remained a virgin… their husband either died or got paralysed the very day of their wedding… so how can she not be a virgin??
The hero can be a play boy… juggling from women to women, single at 40, travelling the world, if not atleast around India… but the heroine has to be between 19-21, homely, possibly studying in college and a virgin… and she should only succumb herself to the hero…
REAL LIFE
I wonder.. why is it so important for a woman to be a virgin when the man can loiter around … How did this happen??
Why does men get away these things and yet have their head held high, whereas a woman has to be a virgin until she gets married no matter what?? പെനുങ്ങള്‍ക്ക് ചെളി കഴുകി കളയാന്‍ എന്താ ഇത്ര പാടു ??
Does the men of this era actually expect their prospective wife / lover / girl friend to be a virgin?? If so, GET REAL !!!!
Is this because of this attitude that heroines who get married don’t come back to the field as their image of a ‘pure’ girl has now been destroyed and they can only do roles of the unimportant wife or the fat mother?? I don't know if you have noticed.. but it's always the heroines who quit the field after marriage...or as the media put it.. retire... not the supporting female actors... actors such as K.P.A.C. Lalitha, Kalpana, Bindu Panicker... they didn't quit after marriage... they have proved that married life is not an hindrance for a career in the film field... then why is it different for heroines??
Is virginity that important?? If it is, then why is the street still a one way?? ( I mean, why is the rule different for men??)…
The strangest thing is that we do watch foreign movies ( and by foreign I meant.. English ofcourse)… and we do enjoy them.. The above said factor is never an issue with the movies they produce there ..
ഓ ... പറഞ്ഞതു പോലെ ഇതു അമേരിക്ക അല്ലല്ലോ .... അല്ലെ ??
For once, I would like to see a (Malayalam) movie where the female protagonist is not a virgin, not married, committed, raped ..and she should not be a sex worker either… For a man to be with a woman, he doesn’t have to be married to her or committed, and neither should he be a gigolo… right??
If you are thinking about our ‘culture’ and ‘tradition’.. and all those other ‘moral values’ that your parents and society injected in you… don’t you think, that ship has been sailed long ago !!!
7) REEL LIFE
The heroine always have to fall under the age range of 18-21.. because after that ..I guess life just ends..
It doesn’t matter what age the hero is … he can still be single and happy…
But the heroine has to be below 22.. other wise she is not fit to play the single, happy, cheerful ‘pure’ next door gal…
If the heroine is a 25 year old or a 30 yr old woman..then she has to be a woman who is looking to get married, but can’t do so, because of so many reasons (horoscope, love ‘failure’, not being able to find a suitable man, family problems).. or who is desperate and frustrated because she is not married and the people around her is so much concerned about her future life.. because as it seems a woman can’t have a life unless she is married…
If she is married… then it is all about her family life… as if she is not supposed to have a life outside her family…
We do get some movies with the female as the protagonist… it is like throwing a bone at them.. women seems to get satisfied with anything thrown at them…
Even then, they are shown as strong and fierce outside but just as weak inside…
They work, they carry all the burden of their family and themselves on the shoulders… still they are someone who is waiting for a man to share their burden or if possible , take out the entire load and set them free…
In the movie കന്മദം … (or in any movie)… Manju Variyar is shown as this strong energetic woman who looks after her family and everybody is scared of her.. but there is a Mohanlal (there is always a Mohanlal)… to kiss her and make her exhibit her weaker side…
So in every ‘chick flick’ movie… the woman is yearning for a male companionship.. even when she is fighting the world … she has to submit herself to the man… any man….
REAL LIFE
Can you believe that our above 40 year old heroes suggest for new comers to play opposite to them instead of the ones they paired up in the early time of their careers.. because all those women has gotten married and have kids and look so different… They want somebody young and good looking…
(I would love to see Mammooty pairing up with Seema again… they were the hit pair of the 80’s..remember??)
Does in real life all women belong to the age range of under 22.. if they are older than that.. which obviously they are…does that mean they are pathetic and desperate and frustrated and they will continue to be living like that.. regardless of their relationship status…
Is the only way to be happy is to get married??? I know from personal experience that it is not…
Does women really yearn for a male companionship?? Are they ready to do anything to be the love interest of some guy they don’t even know??
We do clap vigourously at the theatre when the hero beats up 50 well built men, shot by 7 or 8 bullets and still walk away with all pride- in slow motion..
We do watch movies like ‘Charlies Angles’ and enjoy it (well I do)..
Then why don’t we have female actors here who fights and break the bad people’s body parts… If the men can fight 50 , won’t the women be able to fight atleast 5 of them…
Why can’t we accept a single independent woman as she is.. why is that woman always being associated with a man… why is it if a woman is not chained to a man, society types her as an outcaste… Why is it shown that a woman’s life is the wait for a man, or else there is no life to live at all??
Can’t women survive on their own…. Is the ultimate aim of a woman’s birth is to be a man’s woman??
“No matter how strong, intelligent, independent and fierce she is.. she can’t go on like this… there has to be someone to whom she is answerable to…” Please… gimme a break…
Men can get away with murder.. women can’t even be on their own !!!
P.S. You don’t really believe that the heroes in our movies or any movies can beat up all these men and can stand on their own two feet ..do you?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well…this is what I think about our movies… it’s high time that we stopped all these non-senses… and create something real, so that people can relate to the new and changing world and see what is really happening instead of living in some fantasy world where the man can do anything and nothing happens to him and the woman has to depend on man and can’t even decide on her own life… It’s so barbaric…
If cinema is a medium where we can project the unthinkable, can’t we atleast try to show the real life instead of living in the 6th century B.C.
All I am saying is time has changed.. new things are happening everywhere… but we still cling on to the old age thoughts, which may be good in a way.. but shouldn’t we also consider thinking outside the box… and may be possibly thinking about the present and the future….
It is a sad thing that highly talented actors like Shobhana, Revathi , and such like are not being able to be associated with Malayalam cinema like before, as they have crossed a certain age and they are not getting any good scripts to satisfy their talent… The heroes who started with them are still on the roll, dancing with the 20 year olds…
Don’t you think Malayalam cinema deserves a renaissance era??
You might be thinking now… isn’t this the case with Indian cinema in total… or may be with World Cinema…
I am only concerned with Malayalam cinema.. if we are not interested in mending our own house… what right do we have to criticise our neighbours??
Where shall I begin...Ok ...here goes....
It is a fact that media has a great part in influencing the way people think, behave and feel…. After years of movie watching experience I honestly feel that it has helped in de-grading the position of women in our society through the characters portrayed in them…
Even once in a while.. (in a decade or so...) there comes a movie where the female is the protagonist… (it's like throwing a bone at them).. even then they are shown as this weak, desperate , pathetic creatures who just act strong on the outside.. but is the exact opposite on the inside….
Does the portrayal of female characters in our movies have actually influenced our society to think that women are like this in real life too???
Here’s what I think…
Female characters have always been an inevitable part in our movies...face it.. we can’t have a movie without them…. they are always someone related to the male protagonist (99.9% of the time, the male is the protagonist)...the hero‘s mother, sister, love interest, friend of the love interest, colleague, neighbour, the wife, the seductress, the mistress, the daughter, whose responsibility lies on the strong, muscular shoulders of the hero... he is their saviour, warrior, their HERO….
Lately, or for more than lately .... the role of women in our movies are being deteriorated.... they are always the side kick... a side track...not necessarily involved in the main part of the story.... even the movie is made for family audience (which 'most' malayalam movies are).... the women‘s role is not always as important as the men in the family.... they are there to support the men... not to run the show….
The following points are some of my personal thoughts on the role of female characters (a.k.a heroines) in Malayalam cinema… this is based on the movies I used to watch when I was growing up…may be things have changed now… or have they??
1) REEL LIFE
It is always the guys who fall in ‘love’ first, and they chase the woman they ‘love’ wherever they go, tortures them, disturbs them, walks behind them singing… and guess what… after a song or two…. the girl will start loving him… if she doesn’t then he will threaten to commit suicide (or simply ignore her.. that always seems to work)… by drinking poison (which is always ready to consume)… or jump from the top of some building… and the girl’s conscience suddenly starts to work… a second before he consumes the poison or jumps… she will profess her love for him… (if not ..there is no movie to be watched) there.. the beginning of a love story…
In a love story.. you can always see the female is helpless... solely depending on the male to do everything... especially to save her from the bad guy... in most cases her own parents who stands in her way to be with her lover and live a life filled with eternal bliss.... she has to be saved from her own house (because she was in house arrest), or from the marriage that was going to take place without her consent… and she depends solely on the man to do all this for her… after so many chases and fights… the lovers get married and live happily ever after… and what about the parents?? Oh.. they will forgive and forget after a baby comes into the picture… they always do….
REAL LIFE
Can someone actually fall in love with someone just because they chase you, disturb you, jump from a hidden bush singing or threaten you to commit suicide?? Do women really depend on guys to come up with a plan and execute it inorder to be together for the ‘rest of their lives’ ? Do parents always forget and forgive their daughters for doing what she did, when a baby comes into the picture?? And why do the parents always select the wrong guy for their daughter, when the man she ‘loves’ is perfect in every which way?? And if he is perfect, as he is shown, then why do parents refuse to accept him?? In a real life love story, is there a villain?? If so, who or what is it??
2) REEL LIFE
I don‘t know if you have noticed.. but..when a girl is being raped in a movie (that is, if she is the heroine)... even if it is in her own house...or at a cottage on top of the hill.... the hero will always appear on the exact right moment (may be seconds before the rape occurs)..by kicking down a door...or jumping through a glass window.... defeating more than 10 bad guys, gives her his own shirt or jacket to wear (because her dress is all torned up), helps her to get home safely...after that..she doesn‘t ..even for a moment think about the horrible experience she has been through (the attempt to be raped and all)... but never fails to fall in love with the guy who saved her from happening it... (she will still have the shirt or jacket he has loaned to her).... again.. the start of the love story….
On the other hand, if it wasn’t the heroine who undergoes this sort of a thing… the hero still saves the girl…no matter who she is… then she will consider him as the elder brother she never had… but always wanted… she would even help him to get the girl he wants… by talking him up to her..
The heroine never gets raped.. if she does..then.. she is not the heroine anymore… she becomes this thing who is just physically living and mentally dead… even if the hero agrees to marry her..( because he loved her, not her body)… she will always refuse.. because he deserves to have a nice life with a ‘nice’ girl… which she isn’t anymore… again..the hero is considered to be this so-called ‘perfect’ man..who was ready to marry a rape victim… What happens to the girl/ former heroine who gets raped…. She will either commit suicide, dedicates her life to those women who had been through what she has been through or join some sort of an ashram…. (which all sounds really ‘good’)…
What happens to the hero who loved this woman?? Someone younger, prettier, richer, loving and caring virgin will always be there for them to spend the rest of their life with… hey… after all… the movie wasn’t about the girl who got raped.. its all about the guy who was still ready to marry her and continues to live even after being in such a horrible mental state…
REAL LIFE
When a girl gets raped, teased or harassed (lets not pretend its not happening… we all know it is happening somewhere in this world, even as you read this)… does a guy or somebody (like a GODSEND) magically appears there on the exact right time and saves her from what is happening… (lets wish so!!!)… if not… does a woman after years of watching all these movies…actually believes even for a spilt second…that somebody is actually going to rescue her or do they fight back fiercely… no compromise whatsoever… Does being raped by some moron/s actually takes away a woman’s right to live?? Why is it after being raped (we all know its not her fault)… society sees the rape victim only as that… and not as an individual anymore.. Does a rape victim has to abscond themselves from the society, family and friends and disappear to some place where nobody knows them, or commit suicide … does she actually have to forget the life she had or wanted to have… and live with this label for ever…’RAPE VICTIM’… here is a little secret.. even if the woman after going through all that mental and physical trauma wants to lead a normal life like before… people around her…(a.k.a the society)…wouldn’t let her… how could they possibly let a rape victim pretend nothing has happened to her and live normal like them !!! its just not right !!!! Right???
3) REEL LIFE
In a Malayalam movie, it doesn ‘t matter if the female is well read, successful and has her own feministic viewpoints about both sexes... there will always be a man to teach her otherwise... all he has to do is to make her surrender using a little physical strength.... and then ignore her for a period of time.. there...after that…. she can't live without him anymore.... in how many movies we have actually heard this dialogue ... " അവളെ അങ്ങനെ വിട്ടാ പറ്റില്ല ... ഒരു പാഠം പഠിപ്പിക്കണം .... പെന്പില്ലെര്‍ക്ക് ഇത്ര അഹങ്കാരം പാടില്ലല്ലോ..."... during the process of this so-called ‘ പാഠം പഠിപ്പിക്കല്‍'... a man can use the following tactics... either in public or in private... kiss her (on the mouth), slap her (real hard), or try to rape her (in private, ofcourse) and withdraw at a point when she can ‘ t put up a fight anymore , just to let her know that... "ഞാന്‍ വിചാരിച്ചാല്‍ നിന്നെ ഇപ്പോള്‍ നശിപ്പിക്കാം, പക്ഷെ ഞാന്‍ അത് ചെയ്യുന്നില്ല ".... and then...just ignore her (on purpose)... that ‘incident’ changes everything about her.. the way she think, talk, act, what she wants from life… eventually she will come in search of him..why?? because she has fallen in love with him....point blank....
REAL LIFE
Does a woman actually changes her 'self' after being kissed, slapped or attempted to be physically molested by some random guy just because he doesn’t like the way she is?? If a man wants a woman to notice him all he has to do is to get physical with her?? Did any guys actually tried this trick and won anything??
If you are a woman, would you fall in love with a guy and go in search for him just because he has had the ‘courage’ to insult you in public or in private??
I mean…really…what sort of a message does these movies give out… “if you don’t agree with the way some girl is or if you want them to notice you or want to make someone fall in love with you.. all a guy have to do is, use some muscle power, that will definitely teach her and if you are lucky.. she is all yours"... just curious…what lesson would that be??
Do women really wait around for a guy to come into their life, use a little muscle , so that they can change themselves and dedicate their whole self to him… may be there is… who the hell am I to say..no…
4) REEL LIFE
Years ago... make that more than 12 years ago.. I saw this malayalam movie... where a woman is getting ready for her wedding… she is all alone in her room… then a guy comes in and rapes her… actually this guy was paid to do so by some other woman who was jealous of this girl… so if the guy rapes her… minutes before her marriage.. her marriage wouldn’t take place …her family will get insulted… and thus… her life will be ruined forever….
So as planned, this guy rapes her…. Her marriage didn’t take place.. because she won’t marry the other guy… as she is not ‘pure’ anymore… but something interesting did happen… she goes to live with this other guy… u know.. the one who raped her… lives in a slum… the guy had to agree to it eventually… (you have to see the movie to understand why)… helps him turn his life around… he marries her.. they have a baby ..(conceived as the result of the rape)…. They live happily until she is killed in a bomb blast…
REAL LIFE
What sort of a woman would actually go live with the guy who raped her (even if it was her first time having physical contact)?? And what do someone mean by not being ‘pure anymore’?? Why is it so assumed that if a woman doesn’t get married or if her marriage ceremony gets hindered or cancelled due to some reason…that is, for any reason at all… that it is her fault and her entire life is ruined?? Is getting married so inevitably important in a woman’s life, that if it didn’t occur she has to actually live a life full of darkness?? Are we that narrow minded?? If someone really wants to ruin your life ..all they have to do is … either physically molest you or ruin your marriage or married life or even both, because apparently these two can be done at one instant… would that ‘teach you a lesson’???
Just curious…if this woman in the movie…gets raped minutes after her wedding…what would she had done?? Would she live with her husband or the guy who raped her or with both, or by herself or would she have committed suicide ?? Guess… no one will ever know….
5) REEL LIFE
Remember in that movie ചിത്രം , Renjini has been hurt in love and lost all trust in men… she even said “ I HATE MEN”, and then Mohanlal comes into her life… they tease each other, quarrel with each other… giving us so many scenes over the years to laugh about… then suddenly… out of a moment’s thought.. inorder to protect their cover up as husband and wife… he ties something on her neck… and that’s it… she become this changed woman… she even hits her head into a huge bell repeatedly and lose consciousness and lots of blood, as her way for asking forgiveness for all the cruelties she has done to him… at the end of the movie… she even decides to stay as his wife and take care of his child when he goes off to get executed…
There is a similar scene like this in the movie THOMMANNUM MAKKALLUM… instead of Mohanlal its Mammootty who ties the knot without even a moment’s notice (doesn’t seem like women need one though)… but after that… the girl do find herself impossible to get him out of her head and most importantly her heart and wants to live with him as his wife…
REAL LIFE
What is with these women and wedlocks in our movies? Would women actually stop everything they were doing and follow the guy who ties something onto their neck area?? If some random guy jumps out of no where and ties something on to some girl/woman, would they let it stay there for the rest of their life??
“It doesn’t matter, who you are and what you do… just tie some wire around my neck…and I will be your female orderly for as long as I breathe”…
Is this logical?? Does in real life women actually behave like this?? It is one thing getting married because of parental pressure… but isn’t it totally unacceptable to let men take advantage of women like this… even if its in a movie… Does women actually fall in love or consider someone important in their life just because that particular person tied something around her neck?? Are women that weak?? ahem.. don't think so......
6) REEL LIFE
Over these years, I have watched immense number of movies… (my mother used to tell me, "നീ സ്കൂളില്‍ ഒന്നും പോക്കണ്ടാടി …ഇങ്ങനെ ടീവീടെ മൂട്ടില്‍ ഇരുന്നോ ...വെറുതെ കാശ് കളയാനായിട്ട് "... she was teasing me…ofcourse). And when I became a certain age, I started to realise one very common thing in our movies.
The heroine is always a virgin. (I meant in the movie). That’s right? The heroine is this untouched protected thing just waiting for the hero to come along..
I don’t know if you have noticed in some of the movies like Sarvakalasaala, Chandrolsavam… the heroine or the hero’s love interest did get married.. but they still remained a virgin… their husband either died or got paralysed the very day of their wedding… so how can she not be a virgin??
The hero can be a play boy… juggling from women to women, single at 40, travelling the world, if not atleast around India… but the heroine has to be between 19-21, homely, possibly studying in college and a virgin… and she should only succumb herself to the hero…
REAL LIFE
I wonder.. why is it so important for a woman to be a virgin when the man can loiter around … How did this happen??
Why does men get away these things and yet have their head held high, whereas a woman has to be a virgin until she gets married no matter what?? പെനുങ്ങള്‍ക്ക് ചെളി കഴുകി കളയാന്‍ എന്താ ഇത്ര പാടു ??
Does the men of this era actually expect their prospective wife / lover / girl friend to be a virgin?? If so, GET REAL !!!!
Is this because of this attitude that heroines who get married don’t come back to the field as their image of a ‘pure’ girl has now been destroyed and they can only do roles of the unimportant wife or the fat mother?? I don't know if you have noticed.. but it's always the heroines who quit the field after marriage...or as the media put it.. retire... not the supporting female actors... actors such as K.P.A.C. Lalitha, Kalpana, Bindu Panicker... they didn't quit after marriage... they have proved that married life is not an hindrance for a career in the film field... then why is it different for heroines??
Is virginity that important?? If it is, then why is the street still a one way?? ( I mean, why is the rule different for men??)…
The strangest thing is that we do watch foreign movies ( and by foreign I meant.. English ofcourse)… and we do enjoy them.. The above said factor is never an issue with the movies they produce there ..
ഓ ... പറഞ്ഞതു പോലെ ഇതു അമേരിക്ക അല്ലല്ലോ .... അല്ലെ ??
For once, I would like to see a (Malayalam) movie where the female protagonist is not a virgin, not married, committed, raped ..and she should not be a sex worker either… For a man to be with a woman, he doesn’t have to be married to her or committed, and neither should he be a gigolo… right??
If you are thinking about our ‘culture’ and ‘tradition’.. and all those other ‘moral values’ that your parents and society injected in you… don’t you think, that ship has been sailed long ago !!!
7) REEL LIFE
The heroine always have to fall under the age range of 18-21.. because after that ..I guess life just ends..
It doesn’t matter what age the hero is … he can still be single and happy…
But the heroine has to be below 22.. other wise she is not fit to play the single, happy, cheerful ‘pure’ next door gal…
If the heroine is a 25 year old or a 30 yr old woman..then she has to be a woman who is looking to get married, but can’t do so, because of so many reasons (horoscope, love ‘failure’, not being able to find a suitable man, family problems).. or who is desperate and frustrated because she is not married and the people around her is so much concerned about her future life.. because as it seems a woman can’t have a life unless she is married…
If she is married… then it is all about her family life… as if she is not supposed to have a life outside her family…
We do get some movies with the female as the protagonist… it is like throwing a bone at them.. women seems to get satisfied with anything thrown at them…
Even then, they are shown as strong and fierce outside but just as weak inside…
They work, they carry all the burden of their family and themselves on the shoulders… still they are someone who is waiting for a man to share their burden or if possible , take out the entire load and set them free…
In the movie കന്മദം … (or in any movie)… Manju Variyar is shown as this strong energetic woman who looks after her family and everybody is scared of her.. but there is a Mohanlal (there is always a Mohanlal)… to kiss her and make her exhibit her weaker side…
So in every ‘chick flick’ movie… the woman is yearning for a male companionship.. even when she is fighting the world … she has to submit herself to the man… any man….
REAL LIFE
Can you believe that our above 40 year old heroes suggest for new comers to play opposite to them instead of the ones they paired up in the early time of their careers.. because all those women has gotten married and have kids and look so different… They want somebody young and good looking…
(I would love to see Mammooty pairing up with Seema again… they were the hit pair of the 80’s..remember??)
Does in real life all women belong to the age range of under 22.. if they are older than that.. which obviously they are…does that mean they are pathetic and desperate and frustrated and they will continue to be living like that.. regardless of their relationship status…
Is the only way to be happy is to get married??? I know from personal experience that it is not…
Does women really yearn for a male companionship?? Are they ready to do anything to be the love interest of some guy they don’t even know??
We do clap vigourously at the theatre when the hero beats up 50 well built men, shot by 7 or 8 bullets and still walk away with all pride- in slow motion..
We do watch movies like ‘Charlies Angles’ and enjoy it (well I do)..
Then why don’t we have female actors here who fights and break the bad people’s body parts… If the men can fight 50 , won’t the women be able to fight atleast 5 of them…
Why can’t we accept a single independent woman as she is.. why is that woman always being associated with a man… why is it if a woman is not chained to a man, society types her as an outcaste… Why is it shown that a woman’s life is the wait for a man, or else there is no life to live at all??
Can’t women survive on their own…. Is the ultimate aim of a woman’s birth is to be a man’s woman??
“No matter how strong, intelligent, independent and fierce she is.. she can’t go on like this… there has to be someone to whom she is answerable to…” Please… gimme a break…
Men can get away with murder.. women can’t even be on their own !!!
P.S. You don’t really believe that the heroes in our movies or any movies can beat up all these men and can stand on their own two feet ..do you?
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Well…this is what I think about our movies… it’s high time that we stopped all these non-senses… and create something real, so that people can relate to the new and changing world and see what is really happening instead of living in some fantasy world where the man can do anything and nothing happens to him and the woman has to depend on man and can’t even decide on her own life… It’s so barbaric…
If cinema is a medium where we can project the unthinkable, can’t we atleast try to show the real life instead of living in the 6th century B.C.
All I am saying is time has changed.. new things are happening everywhere… but we still cling on to the old age thoughts, which may be good in a way.. but shouldn’t we also consider thinking outside the box… and may be possibly thinking about the present and the future….
It is a sad thing that highly talented actors like Shobhana, Revathi , and such like are not being able to be associated with Malayalam cinema like before, as they have crossed a certain age and they are not getting any good scripts to satisfy their talent… The heroes who started with them are still on the roll, dancing with the 20 year olds…
Don’t you think Malayalam cinema deserves a renaissance era??
You might be thinking now… isn’t this the case with Indian cinema in total… or may be with World Cinema…
I am only concerned with Malayalam cinema.. if we are not interested in mending our own house… what right do we have to criticise our neighbours??
Friday, August 21, 2009
Follow me !!!
Women are obsessed with the idea of neatness... where ever they go they have this urge to keep it clean... they can ‘t just imagine the idea of a dirty dish lying there in the sink... or a finished coffee mug on their living room teepoi... They even clean up the house they visit...But men are just the opposite... they don ‘t mind having a little mess around... a lot , for that matter of fact.... They just leave things where ever they want to leave it... inappropriately... of course.... They can rule the world... but can ‘t take care of their own dirty clothes, cups, plates or shoes.... Why??? You may ask.... Because....
a) That ‘ s how our mother trained us to be....
Women always complain about men not helping them or sharing their household works... what really happens is that mothers train their sons to be lazy scumbags.. the prince who will eventually turn out to be the king of some castle.. when wives brag about their husband ‘ s childish irresponsible behaviour, what they don ‘t realise is that they are also bringing up a male child exactly like that.... "My mother always took care of everything in our house.. I never saw my father even lifting a paper, washing his own clothes or cleaning his plate... why can ‘t you be more like her?".... The truth is men want someone exactly like their mother as their wife..who takes care of them, cleans up after them, treat them like they are the most precious thing in the world and everything and everyone is inferior to them... only difference is with their wives they can have sex and have kids... and make wife jokes to their buddies....
What they don ‘ t understand is that, women also want someone like their father... who treats them like princess... who will be there for them no matter what, who makes them feel special....
So before even thinking of wanting a nice girl who can be a good wife to you and a great asset to your family... just check if you can be atleast an above average husband and is able to understand the fact that your ‘s is not the only family on the planet.....
b) Women get sick at the sight of this carelessly lying around filthy things that which doesn ‘t even belong to them... It is in their DNA... they can ‘t stand it... a messy woman is considered to be a man trapped in a woman ‘s body.... it is supposed to come naturally to them....
c) Superwoman - Women always feel ... if something has to be done in the right, perfect way, they have to do it by themselves.. they have a way and a place for everything.. which according to them, no one will ever understand...
So where ever the men go within the circumference of their own house... the policy is FOLLOW ME!!! or else you will be the one who suffers....
Thats why most of the women do not allow men in the kitchen... Because the more time they spend in there, the more messy it is supposed to get...and ofcourse they are doing it on purpose... so that you won ‘ t ask them for any help or sharing the so called household chores from now on... who is to blamed?
The mothers who discriminates their own kids on the basis of gender...and raises their sons to be kings and the daughters to be the peasant.... the women who has a way for anything and everything.... and does not get satisfied with anything.... or the men.... who just take advantage of the situation.. and just act totally innocent and ignorant.....
So mothers... please don ‘ t allow your sons to grow up like this... it is not going to have a pretty ending....
a) That ‘ s how our mother trained us to be....
Women always complain about men not helping them or sharing their household works... what really happens is that mothers train their sons to be lazy scumbags.. the prince who will eventually turn out to be the king of some castle.. when wives brag about their husband ‘ s childish irresponsible behaviour, what they don ‘t realise is that they are also bringing up a male child exactly like that.... "My mother always took care of everything in our house.. I never saw my father even lifting a paper, washing his own clothes or cleaning his plate... why can ‘t you be more like her?".... The truth is men want someone exactly like their mother as their wife..who takes care of them, cleans up after them, treat them like they are the most precious thing in the world and everything and everyone is inferior to them... only difference is with their wives they can have sex and have kids... and make wife jokes to their buddies....
What they don ‘ t understand is that, women also want someone like their father... who treats them like princess... who will be there for them no matter what, who makes them feel special....
So before even thinking of wanting a nice girl who can be a good wife to you and a great asset to your family... just check if you can be atleast an above average husband and is able to understand the fact that your ‘s is not the only family on the planet.....
b) Women get sick at the sight of this carelessly lying around filthy things that which doesn ‘t even belong to them... It is in their DNA... they can ‘t stand it... a messy woman is considered to be a man trapped in a woman ‘s body.... it is supposed to come naturally to them....
c) Superwoman - Women always feel ... if something has to be done in the right, perfect way, they have to do it by themselves.. they have a way and a place for everything.. which according to them, no one will ever understand...
So where ever the men go within the circumference of their own house... the policy is FOLLOW ME!!! or else you will be the one who suffers....
Thats why most of the women do not allow men in the kitchen... Because the more time they spend in there, the more messy it is supposed to get...and ofcourse they are doing it on purpose... so that you won ‘ t ask them for any help or sharing the so called household chores from now on... who is to blamed?
The mothers who discriminates their own kids on the basis of gender...and raises their sons to be kings and the daughters to be the peasant.... the women who has a way for anything and everything.... and does not get satisfied with anything.... or the men.... who just take advantage of the situation.. and just act totally innocent and ignorant.....
So mothers... please don ‘ t allow your sons to grow up like this... it is not going to have a pretty ending....
Saturday, August 15, 2009
5 mistakes women make
A friend of mine sent me this article which was written by a man and told me to spread the word..Some of the language is a bitstrongbut it ‘ s been a long time I read something so powerful.Enjoy the read everyone.
5 Mistakes Women Make - By Ekene Agabu
"Before I begin or rather let you into what I have written, I must confess that I had completed this article months ago but was a bit apprehensive in publishing it. I didn’t want to come across as being judgmental and if after reading this you feel judged or put down as a woman, please excuse my unskilled delivery, for that is not my intent. And if you feel that I have crossed the line as man sharing these with you, do not hesitate to express your disdain for my impetus.
Having said that, I feel qualified to write this as a man because I stand as an unbiased observer and also one who has had the opportunity to take advantage of these mistakes. But I must confess, we as men have been @$$#*%*$ . Where we should have given, we took; where we should have loved, we lusted and where we should have preserved, we devoured. As a Man, I must call myself to higher standards. Before I touch you, I must respect you like my mother, protect you like my sister and look out for your best interest like my baby – after all, that’s what I call you when I want you! We’ve failed to realize that the significance of our masculinity does not lie in how many girls we can dis-virgin but rather the honor we can bestow upon one. We fail to understand that the purpose of our strength and dominance is to defend and protect not to attack and destroy.
But the first mistake was not yours.You were born into a world that didn’t even give you the chance - the chance to be who you really are without any pressure or expectation. From day one you were unconsciously groomed from childhood to be an acceptable accessory to a man’s life. You were constantly made conscious of a false milestone that suggested your value was based upon a man finding you worthy to be his, instead of being made aware of who you are by virtue of your own unique existence. Your worth as a woman was reduced to two things; being a wife and your ability to bear a child– and in some cultures, you had to bear the right type of child. And if per chance you failed in one of these areas, you were nobody, no one – you are nothing.
Unfortunately, along the way, you may have made some mistakes in trying to fulfill this false notion of who you are supposed to be.Bad relationship after bad relationship continually emphasized the lie thatyou are nothing without a man.Not only do you sit there as one with mental wounds from childhood, but also with hurts and wounds that are self inflicted asyou sincerely tried to fulfillthe so called destiny of the woman – being someone’s woman.
As I share this with you, I do not come as one who claims to understand your plight, but rather I stand as one who has heard you. From my mother to my aunts to my cousins and my friends, I have heard you and will continue to listen whenever you speak.
That being said, I do not believe one is responsible for the things that are done or said to them, but I do know that one is responsible for allowing those things continue happening to them. It’s in this light that I share with you the five common mistakes women make in relationships.
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1) Your Personal Standards! Don‘t livewithout them!
By not setting your standard, you’ve just set the standard. The standards I speak of are not standards for the relationship; I speak of your personal standards irrespective of the relationship. What is your life’s moral compass? This could get a bit confusing, so let me explain. Often times, at a certain point in life, people turn to religion or society for some sort of moral guidance or law. It’s an acknowledgment of some sort that they have made numerous personal mistakes and are in probable search for a turn around. So you might be a young lady who practices a certain religion and professes that she will be a virgin until she gets married thereby claiming this new belief to be her standard. This is a religious/social belief that she has now adopted and not a personal standard.Your personal standards are born and realized from within you and become your principles rather than a law. A principle is born out of understanding; an understanding of who you are and why you are here on this earth. If you are roaming the earth like a lost sheep in search of a man to give you relevance, you will always find yourself jumping from relationship to relationship with each one leaving you even more confused than you were in the beginning. But when you understand that you are not here by chance and your presence on this earth has significant relevance, the aura about you changes and the people and things you accept into your life will only be a reflection of your internal essence or your personal standard. A man can cause you to go against a belief because it was never yours in the first place, but he can never sway you away from your principle because you are one with your principle.A lady who lives from her principles takes personal responsibility for her own actions and responses.She takes charge and never leaves her fate to the opinions or actions of men. She doesn’t get married with any man that her parents select for her becauseshe doesn’t need a man– she would want a man but she fully well understands that her worth is solely appraised on who she is and not who she’s with. She would not change her principle to have or keep a man. She doesn’t need to sleep with a man to have or keep him.She understands that whatever she can’t get by way of her principles will never be her own. That you are sleeping with a guy does not mean he’s yours. If you had to sleep with him to keep him, he was never yours in the first place. In the absence of your personal standards, you end up trying many things and many people, but you never experience the love that is already within you. Allow that love within to write your standards and begin to live from them. That love will never lead you astray, never ever!
2) Why are you making excuses for him…..again?
I have come to observe that ladies often see the man as the prize. So once it looks like they have him – especially if he appears to be a good one – they want to do everything in their power to keep him. I understand that, but I don’t accept that and neither should you.You are the Prize. We should fight over you and want to do things to get and keep you. We should want to make sure you are ok. A man who loves and respects a woman will never want her in doubt when it comes her knowing of his feelings towards her. When we are crazy about a woman, we are no longer the reserved and non emotional creatures you think we are. We become a mess - drooling internally when we think of you. We would never want you to feel you are on shaky ground concerning your status with us. We will publicly profess and show you to the whole world. We will put up a picture with you in it as the our profile pic, tag you in all photos you appear in and most importantly make sure that our status box shows that we are in a relationship with you. Yup, that’s what we do when we love you - we say it out LOUD! And when we are out and about with you, our professions are usually crystal clear: ‘Meet my girlfriend, Sandra’ or ‘Meet my fiance, Sandra.’ Not, ‘Meet Sandra’ who is Sandra??? When we love you, we want the world to know that we love you. But I get amazed when ladies see the writing on the wall and continually make excuses to justify a man’s blatant abuse towards them. What do I mean? Take for instance the introductions highlighted above; He introduces you as just ‘Sandra’: you know you don’t like it, but you make an excuse within yourself and say, ‘he’s a private kinda guy, he doesn’t like to publicly show stuff.’ Really? Ok, let me ask, “Are you enrolled in midnight gymnastics with him?” In other words has he bent your body in ways you didn’t think possible? Well, there is only one thing worse than a guy sleeping with a woman in secret; and that is, a woman allowing that to happen. Before you allow a man do to you privately what can affect you publicly, he must first of all acknowledge you publicly as the woman he respects and loves. If he can’t do that, you need to tell me why you are still sticking around. How can you allow a man to knock you up when you are just ‘Sandra’ to him?You know you deserve better, so stop the excuses.Instead of making excuses for him, take charge – not of him or the relationship, but of yourself.Never remain in an environment where your integrity is compromised.Remember, you are the prize and we should work hard to get and keep you. And after all our hard work,you still have a right to say NO.
3) Why are you looking for ‘something’ in a bag of ‘nothings?’
A few years ago, a friend who was engaged was getting ready for her wedding which was just a couple of months away at the time. She called me occasionally during the preparation process, but on this one phone call, things were pretty bad. She was mad, upset, disappointed and unhappy that she was marrying this guy. So I asked her why she was still going on with the wedding if she felt the marriage wouldn’t work out. She said to me that she did not want the last four years of her life spent with him to go to waste and besides the families are involved now and everybody was counting on her to go through with it. Hmmm! When she said this, I looked at my phone because I couldn’t look at her (she was in a different city) and in that instant – if I had a private jet – I would have flown to her city to give her a knock on her head - not a hard one, just a gentle knock - to help tilt her brain back to the center of her skull, because obviously it seemed out of balance with what she had just said to me. Let’s think about this, You are willing to screw up the next 50 years of your life, create babies in a hostile environment with a man you despise thereby screwing up the next generation, raising kids that would need therapy for the rest of their lives based on the abuse they will experience in that home, all because you don’t want the last four years of your life - 1,2,3,4 - to mean nothing and your family was counting on you to get married.. (I’m having a headache just rehashing the story). So you are trying to create a love marriage from a four year crappy relationship. Needless to say, this lady was a young beautiful 28yr old lawyer. With good life habits she could easily live another healthy 50 years. And here you are, willing to mortgage a future on four years with this jerk? She was desperately trying to make something out of nothing.If you’ve been in a long term relationship does not mean you should continually stay in it. Unfortunately for some ladies, it takes a while to see the light and muster up courage to get out of a bad situation. But when you see the light; RUN, GO, your life deserves it. If you don’t make that change, you’ll never know what’s out there? And when I say out there, I don’t mean what’s out there in another relationship; I mean what’s out there in you that you are yet to discover. Some of you ladies are afraid – afraid that you might not be married by a certain time. You begin the calculations, ‘Ok, I’m 23 now, if I break this up, how long will it take to find another guy and get married? Oooh! It may take another 4 years and I’ll be 27. No! I can’t be single at 25.” You are killing yourself with this kind of dialogue. Like she later said to me, she always saw herself married by 29. Needless to say, she was divorced by 29. They got married alright, but their divorce was made final before a possible 1st wedding anniversary.Sometimes we allow fear to dictate what we should do.We will never get from fear what love has to give. Love is bold, confident and fearless. Why are you scared? What are you scared of? Why are you letting fear keep you in a relationship that you know you don’t want? Why do you want to marry a guy or stay married to someone who has made you feel like trash? Why are you choosing to be with someone who is not crazy about you? Ok,so you are more concerned about looking good and successful on the outside at the expense of how you truly feel on the inside. You are too special for that.Let people think what they think, you know what you know and that’s all that should matter.Sometimes, we don’t believe; we don’t believe in ourselves, so we settle and then try to make something out of nothing.You can’t change another human being, it’s impossible. You haven’t even changed some things about yourself; how then do you think it possible to change another?
4) You’ve gotta think before you have his baby!
Often times when I’m in conversation with one of my numerous lady friends, something always cracks me up. I know they been having sex for years in and out of relationships and that fact is not hidden between us. But on some occasions, when I ask them if they have been pregnant before, their voice takes on a new tone of ‘How dare you?’ And then there is a resounding NO, like, ‘how could I get pregnant?’ Wait a minute! Am I missing something here? If you are having sex – sexual intercourse - you are potentially making a baby. You are filling in an application. As soon as he ejaculates into you, the application is submitted and the outcome of that process is no longer left to you or him but to the Department of Conception. And if they approve it, you become pregnant whether you want it or not. Sex is not just about the pleasure derived, neither is it an antidote for loneliness. Sex is Responsibility; meaning you will have to respond to the outcome of that sexual encounter and sometimes it could be a lifetime of responses especially when a child is conceived. And when that child is born, you will forever have a symbol representing your union with your ex. Once a child is conceived, there is no moving on from that relationship. It begins the strongest bond known between a man and a woman. That man holds a special place in your heart regardless of how you feel about him today. You may have an abortion in trying to cut any future ties to this man, but may I have you know that the power of conception outweighs the power of birth. For something to be born, it has to be conceived. We are all on this earth first because of conception then birth.Without conception they will be no birth but without birth there can be conception. A strong bond is created when you allow a man’s sperm to start life within you. It is a major privilege to give to someone and not everyone should have that kind of access to you. If a man is horny and wants to be relieved, tell him to use his hand. You are no object and certainly no substitute for a man’s hand. So if you don’t want to have his baby, don’t make his baby.
(This was thestrong languageI was talking about)...
5) I know there’s Pressure, but why are you under it?
I have come to observe that whether she’s 21 or 30, she always feels she’s running out of time. One thing you must understand is thatpressure is not real. You are realand when you give attention to or come under the dominance of something that is impotent, you give it potency – you give it power. That is why this thing we call ‘pressure’ has the effect it has. You give it the effect. You are the effect. Sometimes we are driven by those voices of ignorance that may have come from people we love, so we try hard to get into a relationship and make it work. “Oh! This one has to work ‘ coz I’m almost 25.” Screw him and screw 25.You are more valuable to yourself and to the world than the timeline of your eggs or your age.Your world will not come to an end if you are not married by 25 or even 35; in fact, it may just be beginning!
A few years ago, a lady friend of mine, who was 27 at the time called me up to talk about her ‘man ‘ troubles. During our conversation, I remembered that she had always been in a relationship since she was 18. She confessed to me that she didn’t want to be alone; actually she didn’t know how to be alone. You see, you do yourself a huge injustice when you spend your formative years interrupted. Relationship interrupts. It stops your creative and intellectual development and gives strength to your emotional cravings which should still be asleep. Your formative years are years you spend forming your personality and your identity in readiness for your service to the world. Unfortunately, ladies give that time and space to some guy – a guy who may not even be in your life past your 23rd birthday.
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Have we as men failed you? Oh yes we have! As fathers some of us weren’t present in your young life. As uncles, instead of being fond of you, we fondled you. As friends we were more focused on the benefits instead of the sacrifice. We used you when we should have added value. We took advantage instead of giving the advantage. We failed you quite all right, but you don’t have to do to yourself what we did to you –You don’t have to fail yourself. You can’t afford to fail yourself.You are the door to humanity. Life has to go through you to enter this earth. Even God needed a woman to come back into the world.
There’s no need to dumb yourself down or compromise your true integrity.We need the true you. We can’t exist without you and we will adjust to whatever standard you set for us – so why not make it high, why not make it YOU?"..
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Hope you enjoyed reading this piece.. I sure did...
5 Mistakes Women Make - By Ekene Agabu
"Before I begin or rather let you into what I have written, I must confess that I had completed this article months ago but was a bit apprehensive in publishing it. I didn’t want to come across as being judgmental and if after reading this you feel judged or put down as a woman, please excuse my unskilled delivery, for that is not my intent. And if you feel that I have crossed the line as man sharing these with you, do not hesitate to express your disdain for my impetus.
Having said that, I feel qualified to write this as a man because I stand as an unbiased observer and also one who has had the opportunity to take advantage of these mistakes. But I must confess, we as men have been @$$#*%*$ . Where we should have given, we took; where we should have loved, we lusted and where we should have preserved, we devoured. As a Man, I must call myself to higher standards. Before I touch you, I must respect you like my mother, protect you like my sister and look out for your best interest like my baby – after all, that’s what I call you when I want you! We’ve failed to realize that the significance of our masculinity does not lie in how many girls we can dis-virgin but rather the honor we can bestow upon one. We fail to understand that the purpose of our strength and dominance is to defend and protect not to attack and destroy.
But the first mistake was not yours.You were born into a world that didn’t even give you the chance - the chance to be who you really are without any pressure or expectation. From day one you were unconsciously groomed from childhood to be an acceptable accessory to a man’s life. You were constantly made conscious of a false milestone that suggested your value was based upon a man finding you worthy to be his, instead of being made aware of who you are by virtue of your own unique existence. Your worth as a woman was reduced to two things; being a wife and your ability to bear a child– and in some cultures, you had to bear the right type of child. And if per chance you failed in one of these areas, you were nobody, no one – you are nothing.
Unfortunately, along the way, you may have made some mistakes in trying to fulfill this false notion of who you are supposed to be.Bad relationship after bad relationship continually emphasized the lie thatyou are nothing without a man.Not only do you sit there as one with mental wounds from childhood, but also with hurts and wounds that are self inflicted asyou sincerely tried to fulfillthe so called destiny of the woman – being someone’s woman.
As I share this with you, I do not come as one who claims to understand your plight, but rather I stand as one who has heard you. From my mother to my aunts to my cousins and my friends, I have heard you and will continue to listen whenever you speak.
That being said, I do not believe one is responsible for the things that are done or said to them, but I do know that one is responsible for allowing those things continue happening to them. It’s in this light that I share with you the five common mistakes women make in relationships.
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1) Your Personal Standards! Don‘t livewithout them!
By not setting your standard, you’ve just set the standard. The standards I speak of are not standards for the relationship; I speak of your personal standards irrespective of the relationship. What is your life’s moral compass? This could get a bit confusing, so let me explain. Often times, at a certain point in life, people turn to religion or society for some sort of moral guidance or law. It’s an acknowledgment of some sort that they have made numerous personal mistakes and are in probable search for a turn around. So you might be a young lady who practices a certain religion and professes that she will be a virgin until she gets married thereby claiming this new belief to be her standard. This is a religious/social belief that she has now adopted and not a personal standard.Your personal standards are born and realized from within you and become your principles rather than a law. A principle is born out of understanding; an understanding of who you are and why you are here on this earth. If you are roaming the earth like a lost sheep in search of a man to give you relevance, you will always find yourself jumping from relationship to relationship with each one leaving you even more confused than you were in the beginning. But when you understand that you are not here by chance and your presence on this earth has significant relevance, the aura about you changes and the people and things you accept into your life will only be a reflection of your internal essence or your personal standard. A man can cause you to go against a belief because it was never yours in the first place, but he can never sway you away from your principle because you are one with your principle.A lady who lives from her principles takes personal responsibility for her own actions and responses.She takes charge and never leaves her fate to the opinions or actions of men. She doesn’t get married with any man that her parents select for her becauseshe doesn’t need a man– she would want a man but she fully well understands that her worth is solely appraised on who she is and not who she’s with. She would not change her principle to have or keep a man. She doesn’t need to sleep with a man to have or keep him.She understands that whatever she can’t get by way of her principles will never be her own. That you are sleeping with a guy does not mean he’s yours. If you had to sleep with him to keep him, he was never yours in the first place. In the absence of your personal standards, you end up trying many things and many people, but you never experience the love that is already within you. Allow that love within to write your standards and begin to live from them. That love will never lead you astray, never ever!
2) Why are you making excuses for him…..again?
I have come to observe that ladies often see the man as the prize. So once it looks like they have him – especially if he appears to be a good one – they want to do everything in their power to keep him. I understand that, but I don’t accept that and neither should you.You are the Prize. We should fight over you and want to do things to get and keep you. We should want to make sure you are ok. A man who loves and respects a woman will never want her in doubt when it comes her knowing of his feelings towards her. When we are crazy about a woman, we are no longer the reserved and non emotional creatures you think we are. We become a mess - drooling internally when we think of you. We would never want you to feel you are on shaky ground concerning your status with us. We will publicly profess and show you to the whole world. We will put up a picture with you in it as the our profile pic, tag you in all photos you appear in and most importantly make sure that our status box shows that we are in a relationship with you. Yup, that’s what we do when we love you - we say it out LOUD! And when we are out and about with you, our professions are usually crystal clear: ‘Meet my girlfriend, Sandra’ or ‘Meet my fiance, Sandra.’ Not, ‘Meet Sandra’ who is Sandra??? When we love you, we want the world to know that we love you. But I get amazed when ladies see the writing on the wall and continually make excuses to justify a man’s blatant abuse towards them. What do I mean? Take for instance the introductions highlighted above; He introduces you as just ‘Sandra’: you know you don’t like it, but you make an excuse within yourself and say, ‘he’s a private kinda guy, he doesn’t like to publicly show stuff.’ Really? Ok, let me ask, “Are you enrolled in midnight gymnastics with him?” In other words has he bent your body in ways you didn’t think possible? Well, there is only one thing worse than a guy sleeping with a woman in secret; and that is, a woman allowing that to happen. Before you allow a man do to you privately what can affect you publicly, he must first of all acknowledge you publicly as the woman he respects and loves. If he can’t do that, you need to tell me why you are still sticking around. How can you allow a man to knock you up when you are just ‘Sandra’ to him?You know you deserve better, so stop the excuses.Instead of making excuses for him, take charge – not of him or the relationship, but of yourself.Never remain in an environment where your integrity is compromised.Remember, you are the prize and we should work hard to get and keep you. And after all our hard work,you still have a right to say NO.
3) Why are you looking for ‘something’ in a bag of ‘nothings?’
A few years ago, a friend who was engaged was getting ready for her wedding which was just a couple of months away at the time. She called me occasionally during the preparation process, but on this one phone call, things were pretty bad. She was mad, upset, disappointed and unhappy that she was marrying this guy. So I asked her why she was still going on with the wedding if she felt the marriage wouldn’t work out. She said to me that she did not want the last four years of her life spent with him to go to waste and besides the families are involved now and everybody was counting on her to go through with it. Hmmm! When she said this, I looked at my phone because I couldn’t look at her (she was in a different city) and in that instant – if I had a private jet – I would have flown to her city to give her a knock on her head - not a hard one, just a gentle knock - to help tilt her brain back to the center of her skull, because obviously it seemed out of balance with what she had just said to me. Let’s think about this, You are willing to screw up the next 50 years of your life, create babies in a hostile environment with a man you despise thereby screwing up the next generation, raising kids that would need therapy for the rest of their lives based on the abuse they will experience in that home, all because you don’t want the last four years of your life - 1,2,3,4 - to mean nothing and your family was counting on you to get married.. (I’m having a headache just rehashing the story). So you are trying to create a love marriage from a four year crappy relationship. Needless to say, this lady was a young beautiful 28yr old lawyer. With good life habits she could easily live another healthy 50 years. And here you are, willing to mortgage a future on four years with this jerk? She was desperately trying to make something out of nothing.If you’ve been in a long term relationship does not mean you should continually stay in it. Unfortunately for some ladies, it takes a while to see the light and muster up courage to get out of a bad situation. But when you see the light; RUN, GO, your life deserves it. If you don’t make that change, you’ll never know what’s out there? And when I say out there, I don’t mean what’s out there in another relationship; I mean what’s out there in you that you are yet to discover. Some of you ladies are afraid – afraid that you might not be married by a certain time. You begin the calculations, ‘Ok, I’m 23 now, if I break this up, how long will it take to find another guy and get married? Oooh! It may take another 4 years and I’ll be 27. No! I can’t be single at 25.” You are killing yourself with this kind of dialogue. Like she later said to me, she always saw herself married by 29. Needless to say, she was divorced by 29. They got married alright, but their divorce was made final before a possible 1st wedding anniversary.Sometimes we allow fear to dictate what we should do.We will never get from fear what love has to give. Love is bold, confident and fearless. Why are you scared? What are you scared of? Why are you letting fear keep you in a relationship that you know you don’t want? Why do you want to marry a guy or stay married to someone who has made you feel like trash? Why are you choosing to be with someone who is not crazy about you? Ok,so you are more concerned about looking good and successful on the outside at the expense of how you truly feel on the inside. You are too special for that.Let people think what they think, you know what you know and that’s all that should matter.Sometimes, we don’t believe; we don’t believe in ourselves, so we settle and then try to make something out of nothing.You can’t change another human being, it’s impossible. You haven’t even changed some things about yourself; how then do you think it possible to change another?
4) You’ve gotta think before you have his baby!
Often times when I’m in conversation with one of my numerous lady friends, something always cracks me up. I know they been having sex for years in and out of relationships and that fact is not hidden between us. But on some occasions, when I ask them if they have been pregnant before, their voice takes on a new tone of ‘How dare you?’ And then there is a resounding NO, like, ‘how could I get pregnant?’ Wait a minute! Am I missing something here? If you are having sex – sexual intercourse - you are potentially making a baby. You are filling in an application. As soon as he ejaculates into you, the application is submitted and the outcome of that process is no longer left to you or him but to the Department of Conception. And if they approve it, you become pregnant whether you want it or not. Sex is not just about the pleasure derived, neither is it an antidote for loneliness. Sex is Responsibility; meaning you will have to respond to the outcome of that sexual encounter and sometimes it could be a lifetime of responses especially when a child is conceived. And when that child is born, you will forever have a symbol representing your union with your ex. Once a child is conceived, there is no moving on from that relationship. It begins the strongest bond known between a man and a woman. That man holds a special place in your heart regardless of how you feel about him today. You may have an abortion in trying to cut any future ties to this man, but may I have you know that the power of conception outweighs the power of birth. For something to be born, it has to be conceived. We are all on this earth first because of conception then birth.Without conception they will be no birth but without birth there can be conception. A strong bond is created when you allow a man’s sperm to start life within you. It is a major privilege to give to someone and not everyone should have that kind of access to you. If a man is horny and wants to be relieved, tell him to use his hand. You are no object and certainly no substitute for a man’s hand. So if you don’t want to have his baby, don’t make his baby.
(This was thestrong languageI was talking about)...
5) I know there’s Pressure, but why are you under it?
I have come to observe that whether she’s 21 or 30, she always feels she’s running out of time. One thing you must understand is thatpressure is not real. You are realand when you give attention to or come under the dominance of something that is impotent, you give it potency – you give it power. That is why this thing we call ‘pressure’ has the effect it has. You give it the effect. You are the effect. Sometimes we are driven by those voices of ignorance that may have come from people we love, so we try hard to get into a relationship and make it work. “Oh! This one has to work ‘ coz I’m almost 25.” Screw him and screw 25.You are more valuable to yourself and to the world than the timeline of your eggs or your age.Your world will not come to an end if you are not married by 25 or even 35; in fact, it may just be beginning!
A few years ago, a lady friend of mine, who was 27 at the time called me up to talk about her ‘man ‘ troubles. During our conversation, I remembered that she had always been in a relationship since she was 18. She confessed to me that she didn’t want to be alone; actually she didn’t know how to be alone. You see, you do yourself a huge injustice when you spend your formative years interrupted. Relationship interrupts. It stops your creative and intellectual development and gives strength to your emotional cravings which should still be asleep. Your formative years are years you spend forming your personality and your identity in readiness for your service to the world. Unfortunately, ladies give that time and space to some guy – a guy who may not even be in your life past your 23rd birthday.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Have we as men failed you? Oh yes we have! As fathers some of us weren’t present in your young life. As uncles, instead of being fond of you, we fondled you. As friends we were more focused on the benefits instead of the sacrifice. We used you when we should have added value. We took advantage instead of giving the advantage. We failed you quite all right, but you don’t have to do to yourself what we did to you –You don’t have to fail yourself. You can’t afford to fail yourself.You are the door to humanity. Life has to go through you to enter this earth. Even God needed a woman to come back into the world.
There’s no need to dumb yourself down or compromise your true integrity.We need the true you. We can’t exist without you and we will adjust to whatever standard you set for us – so why not make it high, why not make it YOU?"..
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hope you enjoyed reading this piece.. I sure did...
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