Outperforming 'X' a.k.a The 'X' Factor

Based on a true story

If there seemed to be any resemblance to the characters or the incidents mentioned, it is purely on purpose.

Do you have someone in your life, whom you regret to have known or befriended? Whom you can't get out of your mind, no matter how much you try?

The worst thing is whatever you do, you do it to show them and make them regret what they have done to you, but it doesn't affect them at all, and it kind of back fires at you and there is nothing you can do about it.

I have someone like that in my life. Lets call this person 'X', shall we? I will also be referring 'X' as 'It', as an effort taken inorder to not to reveal 'Its' true gender.

I met X in my early teen years. Even though, we had heard about each other as someone's daughter or son, we never really interacted with each other. We belonged to different social circles and we didn't have any common friends at that moment.

As fate had already got its blueprint, X and I met and became acquaintances and slowly we became good friends. One thing about X is that, you can either hate or love X, but you just can't ignore X.

X is very nice, sweet, understanding and all those other things that you expect from a friend. Without your knowledege, you will start believing in whatever X tells you, because X is a good narrator and a story teller.

Well... this is what 'X' pretends to be.. in reality X is cunning, crude, pretentious, hyprocritic, manipulative,a liar and whatever other negative traits you can come up with.. X can define it to you by Its doings and sayings...

I had the misfortune to be associated with X for sometime in my life...and I regret that from the bottom of my heart.. Eventhough X and I haven't met each other in person for over 10 years now..we are still 'good' friends and we still keep in touch through emails and forwaded messages..It even calls me once in a blue moon...

I began to realise what X really is.. when It stabbed me on the back, when I least expected it.. or didn't expect it at all.. that was the time when I came to know..the true face of X.. the one I saw... was all an act... and I could never imagine it in my wildest dreams..I actually trusted X and told It my inner most secrets.. and It used all those things against me.. and even publicised it...

When I confronted X, well.. I never got a chance for that..and I don't want too..because I know no good can come out of it..

When I told our common friends, what X is really like.. they didn't believe me.. infact, they told me that I am jealous of X, because of Its positivity in everything.. I was absolutely shocked...

I lost some of my friends when I stopped my friendship with X.. those were friendship with association...

Now, X has become this obsession with me..whatever I do, I do it to show X that I am leading a better life than It... when I did my education.. when I went to work.. when I lost my excess weight.. when I passed some prestigious exams.. when I got admission to some of the universities in England...when I came to England for my higher studies.. and the kind of life that I lead right now...its all something I want X to know.. whenever I go somewhere I take my camera with me.. so that I can take some pictures of the beautiful places I see and put it in orkut..so that X can see it and get jealous.. but..nooooo...X doesn't even care.. what I do, where I go... doesn't make an impact on X..

Eventhough we are in completely different sectors of the career industry, X has made it clear to me that whatever I do for a living is everyone's cup of tea..and doesn't need any effort or training to do it.. and what It does for the daily bread is only possible for people of high intelligence...whatever chance It gets to shatter my self-confidence, It never avoids those oppurtunities...

Its really sad when I think about it.. one of my best friendship has taken this ugly turn and can't be mended anymore... but X has taught me alot about life and myself..

X has taught me not to trust anybody and keep a distance from everybody.. whatever you see doesn't have to be whatever you get.. and most importantly, I am not the loser that I think I am...

Eventhough, X has hurt me so bad... It has become this motivational force that I use to achieve my goals...everything that I do is to outperform X.. the X factor is pretty strong in my life..whenever I want to lose some fat (like right now).. or I want to try out something completely new and I am scared to death to do so.. I just think about how I want to appear before X.. and that's all I need to do.. everything else will fall into place..

Even now.. I am thinking... on a bizzare occassion.. X reads my blog, calls me up and asks me , "Is this about me?".. and once and for all.. I would like to say,

" Not everything in this world is about you"...

Ain't it amazing!!!

Two days ago I decided to take my blogging seriously, a medium to use inorder to express my creative outlet... I sat down and began to write about the things that I want to write in my blog.. including my story ideas...

Until now.. I have come up with 27 different things to write in my blog space... I think its really cool!!!

To have alot of stuffs to say about yourself.. the people around you... your take on things.. the things you have seen, heard, said and imagined...

After writing about one thing.. I will cut it out of the list and replace it with another one... its going to be a never ending process...

So here I am.. taking this media seriously and with a list of things to speak out...

World Wide Web.. here I come !!! with the mightiest weapons ever... a keyboard and an unstoppable brain....

JLM (Part 2)

So where were we?? Ah..yes..2 Sierra's... Let's call the receptionist Sierra.. Sierra A......and the other one Sierra B..

Sierra A... so disappointed in herself and in the world... strongly starts to believe the existence of the cult and begins to hate herself.. stops talking to her family.. stops going out of the house except to the office... becomes some sort of an anti-social...

Sierra B..on the otherhand.. starts to believe in herself and the people around her.. shows considerable amount of potential in the job.. improves herself through attending some workshops.. plans to rent an apartment at the upper west side of Manhattan..a place she wanted so badly, for quite some years now...

December 31st... 2006..

Both Sierra's go to the office new year's party.. both of them have only one thing in their mind.. 'Kevin'...

Eventhough Sierra B was in the 25th floor all this time... she didn't really get a chance to meet Kevin..as he was away for business purposes on several occassions...

Sierra B sees Kevin and walks towards him preparing herself to say 'hai' in her mind... she reaches his left side and without wasting much time, she says 'hai'...

Sierra B: 'Hai'

Kevin : 'Hai'

Sierra B gives out her hand for a shake: 'Sierra Anderson, business executive'..

Kevin: 'Kevin Bradley.. Vice President'.. (they shake hands)...

Sierra B (in her mind):'I know who you are!'..

Kevin: 'Hey.. weren't you one of the receptionist?'

Sierra B: (Oh..so you did notice me!!)... Yes..yes I was..but not any more...

At this time.. Sierra A comes to the scene.. she sees Kevin..walks towards him with a trembling body and heart..stands to his right side..turned to the other side..

Sierra A to herself: Just say 'hai'.. its not so hard.. its just a word 'hai'.. just say it .. will you?? Come on.. (practices different ways to say 'hai')

hai.. Hai.. HAI... oh my God!! Oh my God !!...

By this time.. Kevin and Sierra B were talking to each other.. they were really hitting it off...

Kevin: 'Hey.. are you interested in seeing my art collection in my office room?'

Sierra B: 'Sure.. I would love too...' ( I just want to be with you)...

Kevin: 'Ok then..come with me...'

They leave the party...

When Sierra A turns back, ready to say 'hai' she sees Kevin leaving the room with 'another' woman whose face she couldn't see...

Kevin and Sierra B goes to his office room and sees his art collection.. Sierra B is actually amazed by the kind of person Kevin is...

It was almost midnight... Sierra A leaves the party..as she is not interested in staying any more...She goes home, opens a bottle of vodka and starts drinking..

Kevin and Sierra B goes to the roof top.. and at the stroke of midnight.. they kiss each other...(as this is something westerners normally do.. they kiss each other at the stroke of midnight on New years')..

....to be continued

Just Like Me (Part 1)

This is the name of a movie script that I have in mind.. I know.. the very idea of me trying out something like this.. is outrageous.. but.. it is something that my brain does.. I can't just shut it off...

This is an English film.. starring Me..(that is my 'desire to be an actress' talking)....This is about a girl having two lives at the same time.... It is about how one event can change your entire life...

So as I go through the plot I would like you to picturise the scenes.. It wouldn't be that hard.. I apologise in advance for all the cliche's and imperfectness...as you know.. it is just me.. so here goes...


JUST LIKE ME

Year: 2006
Place: Manhattan, New York

Sierra Anderson is a 26 year old Receptionist working at a big investment company in Manhattan for over three years. She lives alone at a crappy apartment in Manhattan. Sierra is not at all happy with her current life. As she knows, that, she can do more in the company she works for besides attending calls and receiving mails. She is also qualified for a higher position.

Sierra's parents live at Brooklyn. They own a restaurant there and is not at all satisfied with Sierra or her career choice. According to them, she is a disgrace to her siblings. (Sierra has one elder brother, and an elder sister -lawyer and architect- they are just for namesake, they don't have much role in the movie)..

Sierra has a best friend 'Sam'antha.. They have been friends with each other for more than 10 years. Sam is a florist..

Now comes the big problem.. Sierra believes that everybody hates her and they are all members of some kind of a cult that is named 'Let's hate Sierra'.. She thinks that everyone out there is to get her.. and wants to destroy her self confidence by ignoring her or by paying her false compliments.. for ex:- if she sees somebody she knows on the road and they are talking over the phone at that time, she would say that, that person is pretending to talk over the phone, so that they can avoid her.. If someone pays her a compliment, she thinks they mean the exact opposite thing.. she believes that everybody is laughing behind her back.. Until now, she can't find a reason for why people hate her so much..as she is a nice, friendly girl..because of this attitude she doesn't have that many friends... she also blames everyone, especially God when something bad happens to her.. she believes that this is all the result of the cult..she is also the proud owner of an alarm clock that doesn't work..

Sierra works on the 22nd floor of the company, and all the big shots of the firm have their offices at the 25th floor.. Sierra has a huge crush on a guy named (well.. lets call him) 'Kevin' for three years now and she has never talked to him.. ( I have Rahul khanna in my mind for this role.. pretty cool...ha) Kevin works at the 25th floor.. as she doesn't have the nerve to go over and talk to him, she began to convince herself that Kevin is a womaniser and a casanova type, so there is no point in talking to him, as he wouldn't be interested in talking to a receptionist..

In her mind, she knows that she is deeply in love with Kevin and her heart beats thrice as fast,whenever he comes down to the 22nd floor, and gives her a courtesy smile on his way to meet someone..

One moonlit night, she writes a heartfelt letter to Kevin, telling him how much she loves and adores him.. and how she can't even imagine him being with someone else..but she never gives this letter to him.. (don't forget this letter)..

One day, when she reaches her office ( her office time is 9 to 5.. except for Mondays.. it is 11 to 6 on Mondays. so she has a tendency to sleep in on Mondays)...one of the supervisor called Sierra to her office and told her that there is a new position opening up at the firm.. and she would like Sierra to have the job, as she has been around for some time and also she is qualified for the same..She is asked to meet the CEO on November 5th, Monday.. as that is the only day he is going to be around and that too only for 15 mins..So she is asked to meet him informally at 10 am... eventhough the job is already been set to be given to her, she has to meet him before he leaves for a 3 month business tour.. if she fails to do so, the position will be passed on to someone else before he leaves..

Sierra becomes ecstatic... as she knew after getting this job her entire life will change.. she can move to a nice place...she can afford the things she always wanted to have..she waits anxiously for November 5th.. she preps herself for the meeting..(I don't know why I chose Nov 5th.. may be its the influence of the Back to the Future, Triology..)..

Before you know..it was Sunday, November 4th.. Sierra was really happy thinking what the future beholds..she drank a little too much that day out of happiness.. she set her alarm clock to half past 7.. and went to sleep...

She woke up the next morning and found out that it is already quarter past 9... and her damn alarm let her down once again...she immediately put on the dress she had already ironed and kept ready for the day... it tears up really bad.. so she had to get another dress from her messy closet and puts it on... she runs with all her papers and gets into a taxi..the route the taxi driver takes was already jammed because of an accident.. she was stuck in traffic jam for sometime..by the time she reached the office it was already 10 o'clock... she heads to the elevator and sees an 'OUT OF ORDER' sign on it.. so she uses the stairs instead to reach the 25nd floor...it was already 20 past 10... and the CEO was leaving in his helicopter from the roof.. his assistant told her that he already appointed someone for the post just before he left...a disppointed, frustated Sierra goes back to 22nd floor to her desk and saw someone coming out of the elevator... she asks the person about the OUT OF THE ORDER sign and turns out somebody was playing a prank on them by putting up the 'OUT OF THE ORDER' sign.. (Cut there.. now we are going back to an alternate day)...

November 5th...

Sierra wakes up... she notices the dress she is about to wear is a litte torn on the side.. so she puts on another one.. she gets into a different taxi.. the driver chooses a different route than the previous one.. she reaches the building 5 minutes to 10... she runs to the elevator..sees the 'out of the order' sign... at the same moment.. the service elevator on the corner opens up... she gets in and reaches the 25th floor... just in time for the interview... she has an informal chat with the CEO... he gets really pleased with her...gives her the job and asks the supervisor who recommended her to take her to her designated office room and start an expense account by Sierra's name... both Sierra and the supervisor comes out of the CEO's office.. and goes towards the long corridor.. Sierra looks at the clock on the wall and it is 20 past 10... at the exact same moment the 'other' Sierra comes in and talks to the assistant and finds out that she lost the job...

Now we have 2 Sierras'... one with the high position working at the 25th floor and the other one, the receptionist working at the 22nd floor... both working at the same building at the same time...

From here on.. the alternate life of Sierra Anderson begins..

I hope you liked it so far..

It is time for a break now...

INTERVAL

There is no reason for passion

I am in the middle of watching the first part of Indiana Jones for the first time..kind of like one aspect of the character.. his passion for archaeology and expedition...he risks his life for his passion..

I think every living man/woman should have a passion in their life... something they would dedicate their lives for..something they don't mind giving their life for..

Do I have one of those?? Am I passionate about something? I know I like a lot of stuffs.. but am I passionate about those things?? I don't know... I am pretty serious about being a writer sometime in my life.. (I hope it is not too late)... I am really interested in travelling the world...I also have this crazy idea of becoming an actress.. I guess we can cut that off the list... umm.. so writing, travelling, acting.. lets see .. what else... I am interested in playing sports..like badminton, tennis, squash and the like... but it can't be considered as passion..it is something that I am interested in.. thats all...

I am creative in a way..so to speak... I really like my profession.. teaching... I have proved myself to be good at it.. in all possible way...

I think I still have to find out what am I really passionate about?? I guess everything I do I should do it with passion.. just to get a kick of it...

What is in a title??? I would say everything!!!

The idea of having a catchy title has always intrigued me.. I am a sucker for titles.. whenever I think about writing something I don't think about what I am going to write... I think about what title should I give for whatever I am going to write.. Once I decide the title, then I draw the graph of the subject for my writing..

Even now.. I thought about the title first and then these words.. I guess its a journalism trick I picked up from reading all those gossip columns in tabaloids..

The title can actually make somebody interested in the topic.. actually it is the title which sparks the enthusiasm of the reader.. if you read an headline which says, "Politician visited Barbados with his wife".. the first impression of the reader would be "So.. big deal!!!".. but if the title is "Politician taking a vacation at Barbados with a woman".. you really want to read it .. eventhough you have no interest in politics or politicians...

That is the magic of Titles..it will turn on your curiosity and will definitely kill the cat...

My day out

I hate shopping for clothes.. the looking, the crowd.. the fitting room.. the holding .. the queues, the paying..its such a drag.. but I do like the idea of having lots of clothes... clothes to wear at home... night dresses..sports outfits..fitness clothes.. casual dresses.. summer clothes..different varieties of clothes..filling up the entire wardrobe...

Shopping for clothes have always been a problem for me..I never know what I want.. I am never satisfied with what I see.. and I always regret what I bought after coming home...

But I was desperate.. all my clothes were out dated and I started to hate them.. all my jeans lost my attention...so I decided to go shopping anyway as I was in a pretty bad shape...

I didnt want to go alone.. so I asked couple of my friends to accompany me.. but unfortunately they were busy with their own things... so I went alone to the city...it has been a while since I went to the city.. so I was pretty excited as I always love going to the city..its energetic, it has got this amazing flow and you just want to go with it without hesitating..

On my way, I saw a nude cycle rally from my bus... naked men and women were riding bicycles and cheering something loudly... I couldnt make out what they were saying... people were standing on the street and taking pictures.. the only thing that I thought then was that.. is such a thing possible from where I come from.. nope.. not even in someone's wildest dreams...

So there I was.. out off the bus.. in the city... and all I had in my mind was to buy a couple of jeans and head back home.. yeah..right...like that is what really happened..

So I was walking on the street.. I saw GAP.. I mean the store.. GAP store... I have always heard on the american sitcoms I watch.. the characters talk about GAP and their shopping experiences there.. so I had this idea that the clothes they wear on the show must be coming from stores like GAP.. so I crossed the road and went in... It was a small store.. not something I had in mind..

I went in and scrolled through the TOP section..nothing seemed to entice me..this has always been a problem .. I have never found a TOP that satisfies me.. not even close...either they are too long or too short..or low necked or low back.. or there must be wrong with everything...by any chance if I like a TOP then it must be really expensive..so I moved on to other sections..watching people trying out their outfits .. discussing the matching and unmatching pairs..

Then I spotted the Jeans section.. without wasting my time I went in searching for the pair of jeans which will make me happy... I dont know much about jeans or any form of clothing for that matter..but I was determined to get skinny jeans instead of wide bottoms... so I was looking and I found jeans with a 32 inch waist.. I have always considered myself to be a waist person.. mainly because it runs in our family and sadly because it is the truth...

I took this 32 inch jeans and a 30 inch jeans..hoping that it will fit me... went to the fitting room.. put on the 30 inch one first..on one side yearnin it to be my exact size and on the other scared whether I will rip it off... to my surprise it was loose for me... I was a little bewildered at that time... I thought may be its a mistake... so I ignored what happened... and I tried on the 32 inch one.. again.. it was loose for me... it was obvious... so I went out and took a 29 inch jeans... went in and tried it on... again ... it was loose... I was ecstactic... no..really!!!

Then I took a 28 inch jeans and went in ... that was a perfect fit..within all angles... so I bought it ....actually I bought 3 of them...

I paid for it.. again I went in to the TOP section.. hoping I will find something now.. but I didnt..so I got out of GAP..

Next I went into NEW LOOK.. I think its a new store... it was pretty impressive and expensive at the same time... couldnt find anything so I moved on...

Next I went to PRIMARK...its claimed to be the cheapest cloth shopping centre in Brighton.. so I went in..looked around... there were lots of stuffs which I liked and cheap too...but one look at the cash counter I changed my mind about buying something... it may take me 5-10 minutes to select something, try it on and decide what I want.. but it will take me the whole day to get paid for it..so I got out..

Then I wandered through the city .. it was lunch time.. I wanted to try out the KFC restaurant at the city... I actually work part time in one of the KFC branches..I just wanted to check what is the difference between the two.. may be this one has something that we dont have.. I went in..looked at the menu..its exactly the same..so I got out.. went into McDonald's and had a chicken sandwich and banana milkshake...

Then I went to the other side of the street.. casually checked through the stores.. actually bought a couple of TOPS... and some workout clothes..went to the bus stop.. saw that my bus wont come for another 20 mins..

So I started walking to the other side.. the side from where I came from.. went into a bookstore.. saw so many tempting books.. the ones that you want soo badly..but can't because you know..once you buy them it will lose your attention.. it will become something that fills up your space.. so I got out from there too...

Next.. I went into MARK & SPENCER... a pretty famous store around the world.. it wasnt that crowded... I went in..looked around.. found somethings I liked.. paid for it...got out... I checked and there was just 1 min for my bus to come.. so I waited... holding my bags...

Within no time.. I reached home.. unpacked my stuffs and tried it on..for some bizzare reason..I liked what I bought... organised my cupboards...

Took a bubble bath... saw some TV... read a magazine and went to sleep...

It wasnt a hectic day.. but its something that I should do more often... get out there..feel new things.. see new people.... instead of locking myself in and complaining about what I dont have...what I should do is to get out there and appreciate what I have in my hand... before its too late...

...and then she touched me!!!

I finally did it.. or ..had it... I was waiting for this my entire life.. I can't actually believe that it has happened..after all these years..
I have only seen it on TV and heard about it and dreamt about it in my sleep... for several nights the thought of it has put me into sleep... and the best thing is that I can have it whenever I want to.. the only problem is whether it will be available when I want it...

Before today, I just had it once.. it was not that satisfying... the room was so narrow and smelly.. the bed was made of hard wood and there was nothing on it... the worst part was I was dissatisfied the whole time...

But today...I had it the way I wanted it to be... I wasn't planning for it.. but I really wanted to try it out.. I heard our campus is offering this kind of services..I wanted to get one on my b'day, but couldnt..as it was all booked up and no one was available... so today after going to the gym I just stopped by and asked for a free time slot... luckily, for me there was something available..they asked me to come back after 2 hrs..

I came back home.. thinking about what is going to happen to me today after all this waiting and yearning..

The time has arrived..I reached the spot where I was supposed to reach... the person was waiting for me.. we went into this large room with a soothing smell and lightened candles all over the place.. we sat and talked for a while... then ....it happened..slowly and comfortingly...

In case you are wondering what am I talking about.. its about a wonderful massage I got today... the lady who massaged me..I think she is a physiotherapist... as she was aware of all the muscle parts of the body..like who goes where? whose job is to do that? that kind of stuff...was very kind, understanding and patient with me.. she said the same thing about me too..

So we went into this room which puts you into ease, we talked for a little bit.. about if I had any massages before, what area of my body should she really concentrate on...stuffs like that.. then she asked me to undress myself and lay on the massage table... obviously, she went out, letting me to do so...

There I was, on the massage table waiting for her to come... She came in..set the music, took some massage cream... and then she touched me!! all my muscles woke up at once... and I could feel it.. she worked on the areas that troubled me...it felt like thousands of hands were on my back at the same time...

Eventhough it was really painful I felt really good...all my troubling nerves were scared and ran away in terror...

It was a 1 hour massage... after our session was over she showed me a couple of exercises that I can do in case of any back pain... She asked me to come over again as she has only released the muscles now... she would like to work on the problem areas more deeply...

I tell you for 22pounds it was worth it..

If you haven't had a massage in your lives and you would like to have one, I would suggest that you should go for it.. I m telling you from my own life story...