Ain't it amazing!!!

Two days ago I decided to take my blogging seriously, a medium to use inorder to express my creative outlet... I sat down and began to write about the things that I want to write in my blog.. including my story ideas...

Until now.. I have come up with 27 different things to write in my blog space... I think its really cool!!!

To have alot of stuffs to say about yourself.. the people around you... your take on things.. the things you have seen, heard, said and imagined...

After writing about one thing.. I will cut it out of the list and replace it with another one... its going to be a never ending process...

So here I am.. taking this media seriously and with a list of things to speak out...

World Wide Web.. here I come !!! with the mightiest weapons ever... a keyboard and an unstoppable brain....

There is no reason for passion

I am in the middle of watching the first part of Indiana Jones for the first time..kind of like one aspect of the character.. his passion for archaeology and expedition...he risks his life for his passion..

I think every living man/woman should have a passion in their life... something they would dedicate their lives for..something they don't mind giving their life for..

Do I have one of those?? Am I passionate about something? I know I like a lot of stuffs.. but am I passionate about those things?? I don't know... I am pretty serious about being a writer sometime in my life.. (I hope it is not too late)... I am really interested in travelling the world...I also have this crazy idea of becoming an actress.. I guess we can cut that off the list... umm.. so writing, travelling, acting.. lets see .. what else... I am interested in playing sports..like badminton, tennis, squash and the like... but it can't be considered as passion..it is something that I am interested in.. thats all...

I am creative in a way..so to speak... I really like my profession.. teaching... I have proved myself to be good at it.. in all possible way...

I think I still have to find out what am I really passionate about?? I guess everything I do I should do it with passion.. just to get a kick of it...

My day out

I hate shopping for clothes.. the looking, the crowd.. the fitting room.. the holding .. the queues, the paying..its such a drag.. but I do like the idea of having lots of clothes... clothes to wear at home... night dresses..sports outfits..fitness clothes.. casual dresses.. summer clothes..different varieties of clothes..filling up the entire wardrobe...

Shopping for clothes have always been a problem for me..I never know what I want.. I am never satisfied with what I see.. and I always regret what I bought after coming home...

But I was desperate.. all my clothes were out dated and I started to hate them.. all my jeans lost my attention...so I decided to go shopping anyway as I was in a pretty bad shape...

I didnt want to go alone.. so I asked couple of my friends to accompany me.. but unfortunately they were busy with their own things... so I went alone to the city...it has been a while since I went to the city.. so I was pretty excited as I always love going to the city..its energetic, it has got this amazing flow and you just want to go with it without hesitating..

On my way, I saw a nude cycle rally from my bus... naked men and women were riding bicycles and cheering something loudly... I couldnt make out what they were saying... people were standing on the street and taking pictures.. the only thing that I thought then was that.. is such a thing possible from where I come from.. nope.. not even in someone's wildest dreams...

So there I was.. out off the bus.. in the city... and all I had in my mind was to buy a couple of jeans and head back home.. yeah..right...like that is what really happened..

So I was walking on the street.. I saw GAP.. I mean the store.. GAP store... I have always heard on the american sitcoms I watch.. the characters talk about GAP and their shopping experiences there.. so I had this idea that the clothes they wear on the show must be coming from stores like GAP.. so I crossed the road and went in... It was a small store.. not something I had in mind..

I went in and scrolled through the TOP section..nothing seemed to entice me..this has always been a problem .. I have never found a TOP that satisfies me.. not even close...either they are too long or too short..or low necked or low back.. or there must be wrong with everything...by any chance if I like a TOP then it must be really expensive..so I moved on to other sections..watching people trying out their outfits .. discussing the matching and unmatching pairs..

Then I spotted the Jeans section.. without wasting my time I went in searching for the pair of jeans which will make me happy... I dont know much about jeans or any form of clothing for that matter..but I was determined to get skinny jeans instead of wide bottoms... so I was looking and I found jeans with a 32 inch waist.. I have always considered myself to be a waist person.. mainly because it runs in our family and sadly because it is the truth...

I took this 32 inch jeans and a 30 inch jeans..hoping that it will fit me... went to the fitting room.. put on the 30 inch one first..on one side yearnin it to be my exact size and on the other scared whether I will rip it off... to my surprise it was loose for me... I was a little bewildered at that time... I thought may be its a mistake... so I ignored what happened... and I tried on the 32 inch one.. again.. it was loose for me... it was obvious... so I went out and took a 29 inch jeans... went in and tried it on... again ... it was loose... I was ecstactic... no..really!!!

Then I took a 28 inch jeans and went in ... that was a perfect fit..within all angles... so I bought it ....actually I bought 3 of them...

I paid for it.. again I went in to the TOP section.. hoping I will find something now.. but I didnt..so I got out of GAP..

Next I went into NEW LOOK.. I think its a new store... it was pretty impressive and expensive at the same time... couldnt find anything so I moved on...

Next I went to PRIMARK...its claimed to be the cheapest cloth shopping centre in Brighton.. so I went in..looked around... there were lots of stuffs which I liked and cheap too...but one look at the cash counter I changed my mind about buying something... it may take me 5-10 minutes to select something, try it on and decide what I want.. but it will take me the whole day to get paid for it..so I got out..

Then I wandered through the city .. it was lunch time.. I wanted to try out the KFC restaurant at the city... I actually work part time in one of the KFC branches..I just wanted to check what is the difference between the two.. may be this one has something that we dont have.. I went in..looked at the menu..its exactly the same..so I got out.. went into McDonald's and had a chicken sandwich and banana milkshake...

Then I went to the other side of the street.. casually checked through the stores.. actually bought a couple of TOPS... and some workout clothes..went to the bus stop.. saw that my bus wont come for another 20 mins..

So I started walking to the other side.. the side from where I came from.. went into a bookstore.. saw so many tempting books.. the ones that you want soo badly..but can't because you know..once you buy them it will lose your attention.. it will become something that fills up your space.. so I got out from there too...

Next.. I went into MARK & SPENCER... a pretty famous store around the world.. it wasnt that crowded... I went in..looked around.. found somethings I liked.. paid for it...got out... I checked and there was just 1 min for my bus to come.. so I waited... holding my bags...

Within no time.. I reached home.. unpacked my stuffs and tried it on..for some bizzare reason..I liked what I bought... organised my cupboards...

Took a bubble bath... saw some TV... read a magazine and went to sleep...

It wasnt a hectic day.. but its something that I should do more often... get out there..feel new things.. see new people.... instead of locking myself in and complaining about what I dont have...what I should do is to get out there and appreciate what I have in my hand... before its too late...

...and then she touched me!!!

I finally did it.. or ..had it... I was waiting for this my entire life.. I can't actually believe that it has happened..after all these years..
I have only seen it on TV and heard about it and dreamt about it in my sleep... for several nights the thought of it has put me into sleep... and the best thing is that I can have it whenever I want to.. the only problem is whether it will be available when I want it...

Before today, I just had it once.. it was not that satisfying... the room was so narrow and smelly.. the bed was made of hard wood and there was nothing on it... the worst part was I was dissatisfied the whole time...

But today...I had it the way I wanted it to be... I wasn't planning for it.. but I really wanted to try it out.. I heard our campus is offering this kind of services..I wanted to get one on my b'day, but couldnt..as it was all booked up and no one was available... so today after going to the gym I just stopped by and asked for a free time slot... luckily, for me there was something available..they asked me to come back after 2 hrs..

I came back home.. thinking about what is going to happen to me today after all this waiting and yearning..

The time has arrived..I reached the spot where I was supposed to reach... the person was waiting for me.. we went into this large room with a soothing smell and lightened candles all over the place.. we sat and talked for a while... then ....it happened..slowly and comfortingly...

In case you are wondering what am I talking about.. its about a wonderful massage I got today... the lady who massaged me..I think she is a physiotherapist... as she was aware of all the muscle parts of the body..like who goes where? whose job is to do that? that kind of stuff...was very kind, understanding and patient with me.. she said the same thing about me too..

So we went into this room which puts you into ease, we talked for a little bit.. about if I had any massages before, what area of my body should she really concentrate on...stuffs like that.. then she asked me to undress myself and lay on the massage table... obviously, she went out, letting me to do so...

There I was, on the massage table waiting for her to come... She came in..set the music, took some massage cream... and then she touched me!! all my muscles woke up at once... and I could feel it.. she worked on the areas that troubled me...it felt like thousands of hands were on my back at the same time...

Eventhough it was really painful I felt really good...all my troubling nerves were scared and ran away in terror...

It was a 1 hour massage... after our session was over she showed me a couple of exercises that I can do in case of any back pain... She asked me to come over again as she has only released the muscles now... she would like to work on the problem areas more deeply...

I tell you for 22pounds it was worth it..

If you haven't had a massage in your lives and you would like to have one, I would suggest that you should go for it.. I m telling you from my own life story...

Birthday Resolutions

I am going to celebrate my 27th b'day within less than 5 days from now... I really don't believe it..me... 27... I sure don't look like a 27 yr old woman.. don't feel like it.. its just a number.. chronologically speaking .. I might be 27..

I really don't care how old I look.. bcoz frankly I haven't looked into the mirror for a long time... and mentally... I am still this pathetic little girl who is not being able to let go off the memories of her mid teen years...

27 yrs.. lets see... 10 yrs ago.. all I wanted was a MA degree... meet someone special.. fall in love.. get married with my parents blessings..move to England...bcoz my husband is working there... have twins.. a boy and a girl... lead a quiet life as a housewife...

Now... I have 2 Post graduate degrees... on my way to the third one... a single, unattached woman... trying really hard to be like that for the rest of my life....

What happened??? in these 10 years.. I would like to say.. lots of things... my personal life, my academic life... everything took this unexpected turn and I am living this life I never planned to have.. and I am happy...infact... more than happy..I am content in my current life...

Upto now whatever my life was.. it turned out to be good for me... I had a few hardships in my personal life... but in the end, it all turned out to be fine...

Now, what am I going to do with the rest of my life?? Well... I have made this bunch of birthday resolutions... things that I want to do before I die... I would like to share some of them with you...

Physical

1) Try out different hairstyles and hair colours
2) Maintain a slim figure.. I mean extremely slim figure.. like I am sick or something...
3) Exercise regularly
4) Play sports like badminton, football, basketball etc
5) Involve in adventure sports

Inshort, do a lot of physical exertion...I know it sounds silly and stupid like me.. but hey.. I am a simple girl who like to do simple things...

Now time to do serious things...

1) Travel the world
2) Become a famous writer
3) Do different kinds of jobs
4) Buy a dream house, car and a dog
5) Keep in touch with all my friends
6) Make new friends around the world
7)Learn a new language every year
8) Live my life the way I want to live... no rules .. no regulations...
9) Try not to forget the people who had made an impact on me...
10)Discover and improvise the skills I have

I know these are cliches'..but..these are only the few.... I have made a huge list of things that I need to do with my life...

I can only hope that I will out perform myself inorder to do all those things...

What have I learned from my past life?? well...

Like every normal human being.. we make plans for our lives... how to live .. what to study ..where to go... where not to go..things like that.. sometimes.. things wont go like the way we planned... we get disappointed..frustrated... think that it is the end of the world... if we are someone who believes in God.. we scold Him for not making things happen in our way...

But what we dont know is that .. God has already set a life for us... which is far better than what we have planned... and only time can prove it... thats why He doesnt reply atonce, when we ask Him "why?"...

I have learnt to be patient...to trust and to believe... I hope the same things for you....

Until we meet again..Believe..that things have its own way of working out... no matter what we do or dont do...

Change is inevitable

I am a big buff for sitcoms.. I started to watch American sitcoms in my late teen years and still continues to do so... The thing with sitcoms are, you never wonder about its ending.. you just enjoy each episode minute by minute, week by week, month by month, season by season... frankly..you don't want it to end.. you sort of live it up... you become one of the characters in the series... either the protagonist..or someone close to them.. and in your head... you are giving out all these facial reactions to someone else's weirdosities (I don't know whether such a word exists..but it sounds just right now)... and hear the audience going crazy over something you have said or did... you are happy and well paid in your head...

But when the series ends... I feel this big emptiness... I miss the show, the characters and everything related to them... and I began to wonder what happened to those people in real life.. where are they now and what are they doing?? May be that's because.. you don't see the actor.. you see the character... you are concerned about them... You don't care if Jennifer Aniston broke up with Brad Pitt for cheating on her with Angelina Jolie... even if you were, you will pass it... but when Rachael broke up with Ross, for cheating on her with the girl at the xerox place with the belly button ring... you were concerned... you wanted her to forgive him and get back together..even though it was his fault...

Recently, I happened to catch the season finale episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond, FRIENDS and Frasier... When I realised that it is the last episode that I am going to watch of that particular show, I was overwhelmed. Thinking they are leaving me and would only come back as re-runs and that made me feel, well.. kind of sad..

Anyways.. there I was watching the season finale episode, not knowing how it is going to end...

The one thing I have noticed in the endings of the sitcoms is the change the characters overcome. Change in their life, career, relationships, appearance and in many other areas.

I found the ending of Everybody loves Raymond a bit different from this.. nothing is changed there... the meddling parents are still across the street paying helpful visits every five minutes, the giant in secured brother is visiting as always, the wife is upset and angry for reasons which a man will never understand, the kids are angels and Raymond is being an idiot as usual... I mean.. nothing changed.. they are going to live like that for the rest of their lives..then why couldn't they have continued the series...

The ending of FRIENDS on the other hand... showed some class... at least some class to me...the six main characters... 5 of them got married.. 2 pairs married each other and had kids... one of them out of the 5 married an outside guy.. that itself shows change... now they are not the urban singles who hangs out in their uptight high maintenance chef friends' beautiful apartment with a balcony.. they had their own life and things to take care of.. they left the apartment and bought a new house as they now had kids.. which was a wise decision. And what about the 6th one.. what is he doing?? nothing happened to him.. he is not married or in a serious relationship.. his career was not taking him anywhere... all his friends were leaving him... the show ended with an uncertainty on this character...

I was a bit worried about thinking about him... I mean.. what is going to happen to him without his FRIENDS.. Well.. I didn't have to worry that much.. they started a spin off series with him in the title role and without his buddies...but for that, he had to move.. move from The Big Apple to Hollywood..new place, new people and new life..

Same was the case with Frasier... Frasier moved from Boston to Seattle in search of a new life... thus the show 'Frasier' begins... After 11 years of being a successful radio therapist..having ups and downs in his romantic life... meeting so many people... having constant differences with his family in a funny way..his brother getting married for the 3rd time and becoming a father, his father getting married for the 2nd time and his bestfriend getting promoted as the station manager...Frasier is offered a job at San Francisco with more pay and benefits.. but he hesitates at first.. as Seattle is his hometown.. the place where he grew up and where his family is... but when sitting at home alone on a rainy day looking out from the balcony door... he changes his mind and decides to take this big risk...so he flies to San Francisco to take up the new job... On the final episode, Frasier talks about how a man should take risks in their life... Taking a risk means you are willing to change...

When I saw that final episode of Frasier, I started to think about my own life... My life is a somewhat perfect example of how I accept change..All my life, I was living the same way... same town,same house, same address, same phone number, same food,same plate, same cup, same brands, same type of dresses, same friends, same neighbours, same hairstyle, same genre of movies, same TV shows, same places for shopping, same library..and to top it all.. same parents and same brother..-just kidding- and what was wrong with it?? I will tell you what was wrong?? NOTHING...absolutely NOTHING... my life was just fine.. I was surrounded with good people..good food and living in the middle of luxury... I may have to disagree with the hairstyle and dresses..I was never happy with either one of them..but apart from that.. I was in heaven...well..not exactly..but something close to that...

At some point in that due course I started to miss out something...I didn't know quite what it was.. but I was certain..there is something..or in fact.. so many things..I seemed to be holding on to something which never belonged to me in the first place... I didn't want to end up living in my past... I wanted a change.. a change from everything I was so far..I wanted a new chapter in my life... I wanted to start a new series in my life.. I realised if I stay where I was right then..nothing new is going to happen to me.. I will be the victim of a mega serial instead of a reality show.. so I decided to take a risk.. a risk that most of the women of my age will hesitate to take.. I decided to travel from safety to uncertainty.. which seemed impossible for a girl like me... who was always been taken care of, lived in the lap of luxury... for whom any problem can be solved with a phone call... who had a TV, a phone, a computer, a room, and a toilet for herself...

But when I decided to take this risk... the reaction of the people around me surprised me a little bit.. I thought they will be concerned and will try to make me change my mind... but I was wrong.. you know what they said.. they said.."we knew this would happen one day". There weren't surprised or worried about me.. on the other hand..they had confidence and faith in me... and for some reason they are sure that I am going to be more than OK with my new life... ha...amazing...

If I hadn't made this particular change in my life... try to find out what I really want out of it.. I guess..I would have been at my same old house watching the same old re-runs, chatting with my same old friends (which I still do, by the way).. I would have missed out an entire chapter of my life... I think it is like that saying..."Where it appears to be the end of something...it is actually the beginning of something else"...

And now.. I couldn't stop worrying..thinking that..My life is actually getting started....in my way...Oh boy!!!

Introspection

I got this pact from someone's blog. I think it is a good way to know yourself...I thought why not i have my hand on it..in fact.. I do have a lot of things not known to my 'self'..so here goes...

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1. What is your full name?
Rekha Sreekumar

2. When is your birthday?
May 29th, 1981

3. What is your sex?
Female

4. Do you have siblings?
Yes.

5. Who do you live with?
My 'self'..

6. Are you single?
Of course..yes


7. Do you have pets?
Yes..but he is with my family...

8. What is your hometown?
Thiruvananthapuram, Kerala, India

9. Where do you live now?
Brighton, England

What is your favourite...

10.Colour?
Black

11. Day?
Holiday

12. Month?
The hottest

13. Season?
Summer

14. Animal?
Dog

15. Flower?
Nothing in particular

16. TV Show?
Sitcoms

17. Movie?
A lot.. I am a big movie buff...

18. Commercial on TV? T
he really creative ones and also those ones which has the power to touch my heart and make me think...

19. Song?
Soft ones

20. Food?
I'm a foodie...

21. Disney Character?
Nobody in particular

22. Cartoon Character?
Jerry in Tom and Jerry

23. Non-alcoholic drink?
Water

24. Alcoholic drink?
Not an alcoholic.

25. Kind of dessert?
chocolate and butter scotch icecream milkshake...

26. Restaurant?
Nothing in particular..

27. Store?
Not a shopper...

Part 3 - If you could.

28. Go anywhere in the world where would you go?
everywhere in the world

29. Talk to anybody dead or alive who would you choose?
My mother

30. Do anything you wanted to what would you do?
I will rule thw world.. (atleast India)...

31. Change one thing about the world what would you change?
I believe nature has its course..let it be...

32. Have one superpower, what would it be?
Be God's Assistant...

33. Change one thing about your past what would u change?
Nothing... I m who I am now, because of my past...

Part 4 -

What is your least favourite.

34.Colour?
Yellow

35. Day?
The days which I have to get out of my house... which is everyday...

36. Month?
Exam months

37. Season?
Winter/Monsoon

38. Animal?
Cockroach, spiders, lizards..the whole reptile species...

39. Flower?
Any flower that stinks...

40. TV Show?
Mega serials

41. Movie?
offensive to women and the ones boasts up men unreasonably...

42. Commercial on TV?
The ones with poor ideas and illogical products...

43. Song?
that doesnt have the ability to make me dream...

44. Food?
anything not well cooked...

45. Disney Character?
nothing specific

46. Cartoon Character?
nothing specific

47. Non-alcoholic drink?
cranberry juice

48. Alcoholic drink? not an alcoholic.

49. dessert??
Cheese cake...

50. Restaurant?
nothing in specific.

51. Store?
the ones which intimidates the customers...

Part 5 - If you\'re a girl fill this part in (guys skip to part 6).

52. What do you look for in a guy? I am not looking for it...

53. Long or short hair?

54. Book smart or jock smart?

55. Tall or short?

56. Big or little muscles?

57. Sweet/sensitive or Sweet/tough?

WHO CARES !!!!

Part 6 - If you\'re a guy fill this part in (girls skip to part 7)
58. Tall or short?
59. Beauty or brains?
60. What do you look for in a girl?
61. Long or short hair?
62. Curly or straight?
63. Sweet or butch?

Part 7 - The first thing that comes to your mind when you hear....

64. Farm - house
65. Zoo -keeper
66. Red – bull
67. Bug – mania
68. Punk – jerk
69. Ralph - lauren
70. Glue -stone
71. Mouse -town
72. Fire -fox
73. Life – long
74. Phone – card !!

where do u see ur selves 10 yrs from now???

75. With a job?
of course yes...

76. Married?
hell...no....

77. With kids?
nope...

78. In a different town from the one you're in now?
yep...

79. With a pet?
may be...
80. With a lot, or a little money?
enough to lead a decent living...

81. In your own house?
ummm...i think so...

82. Happy?
nope... ecstatic...

83. Still friends with the friends you have now?
depends on them...

Part 9 - What is your favourite memory of...

84. Elementary school?
I was innocent..wasnt complexed as I am right now..

85. Highschool?
No worries except for exams and grades...

86. College?
Falling in love...one of the best thing that has ever happened to me...

87. University?
Finding my spot...

88. Prom?
Not applicable..

89. New Years?
nothing coming to mind at present...

90. St. Patricks day?
Not applicable

91. Christmas?
nothing

92. Halloween?
Not applicable

93. Summer?
holidays...

Part 10 - Would you rather be..

94. Hot or cold?
hot

95. Tired or wired?
Wired...

96. Hungry or full?
Half Full

97. Tall or small?
Tall!

98. A lion or a tiger?
tiger

99. Canadian or American? neither...

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Did you have fun reading about me..I certainly did.... Go ahead..try it.. it will really squeeze your brain and makes you wonder about the answers you come up with..

Gym tale

Before coming here, I was never a gym member. We had gyms at my hometown, but nothing seemed to be suitable to me, mainly because the time slots they had didnt seem to fit into mine. I always wanted to be an active gym person, whose lifestyle involved a gym and the energy followed by it.

When I was studying for M.Ed, I was a hostalite and our hostal had a gym. As I was the only one who used it, I was Queen of the Castle.I knew all the equipments,bcoz there werent that much. I used it almost everyday, as there was no fees or any other liabilities attached to it. I was free to use it whenever I wanted. It seemed to be like a place built for me.

After completing my course, I came home and working out seemed to be an unattainable dream. When my brother came home for the holidays, I asked him to buy me a couple of gym equipments and he did as per my request. But as the 'honeymoon' was over, my relationship with the equipments was set aside and I moved on with my life. I used them, only when my father reminded me about the dusty machines lying around in the master bedroom.

After coming to England for higher studies, I joined our on-campus gym which is on top of a hill called the 'Boiler Hill'. On the day I took the membership they signed me up for an induction to get familarised with the facilities and the equipments used there. I attended the induction with two other girls. This guy who works there took us and showed us the deep interior areas of the gym and explained us about the working of each machine. We nodded our heads positively, whenever he asked us, 'Are you alright?' or 'Are we okay?', in the typical English way - which is understandable as he is an English guy.

I began to visit the gym twice or thrice a week. For the first few days, I felt like a new fish in the deep blue ocean. I woke up really early, did some warming up and amateur yoga, dress up in the gym suits which I brought from home, walked to the gym which is kind of a work out in itself. Now I know, why they named the hill 'Boiler Hill'.

After reaching the gym, I go to the 1st floor, where the treadmills, cycles and the other cardio vascular equipments are kept. Then I hop on to one of the elliptical cycles, which is my favourite workout. I enjoy it more than the other workouts, which is also fun by the way.

I look around and I see all these people, confident and well versed with the switches and buttons in the machine. They change it to low, medium and high as the time passes. I also see people who listens to music from their i-pod while working out, guys watching news or sports highlights on the small TV screen on their machine, girls watching something not news or sports, somebody is reading a magazine - I still wonder how that works out- I even see people trying to solve the crossword puzzles while doing their work out, I dont know, is it because their brain functions well when the blood is circulating, or is it because after the work out there will be one less thing to do or is it both?

I am interested in those people who do not do any of the above, but lost in their own world. They are doing their thing, they are alone, not communicating with anyone around them, but their mind is indulged in something beyond the control of technology.

If you know anybody who is a 'regular gymmer', you must have noticed the kind of energy and zest they have in everything they do. They are alive, I mean really alive. Every bone, every muscle in their body is working or as in my case 'aching'.

Well... now it has been some months, since I have become a gym member, and I am not ashamed, but infact, I am proud to say that I have become a 'regular gymmer'.

Now, I see all these new people coming into the gym, struggling with the buttons and switches, looking around them seeing all these people involved in their work and probably wondering, when will I become one of them...

Part time job

Its been 3 months and 11 days since I came to Brighton, England... Since the day I got here, I have been obsessing about getting a part time job, because that's the only way I can make my ends meet without bugging my beloved father anymore... I was trying everything and everywhere.. or so I thought...

Because of the job hunt.. I was not being able to concentrate on my studies as I was supposed to... I was surrounded with people who thought having a part time job is an unnecessary and unappealing strata to their student life...

I always thought it must be a piece of cake for someone like me... who believes that I can do any kind of job... this is the only area where my inferiority complex does not bug me...but I was not successful...

When I started seeing people getting a job, having money with them and live an active life, I became jealous and confronted myself with my over running complexes... but I didn't get an answer...

I was even forgetting the fact that, I am in my dream land and I should go out, make friends and enjoy life like I always wanted to.. but I didn't ... I was sitting at my room, not talking to anybody..finding excuses for staying in and telling it to myself, as I didn't have anyone to talk to...

You must be thinking why such a simple matter should become such a big problem... See... thats where you are wrong... it wasn't a simple matter for me...!!! for me..having a part time meant alot... as it would get me some money of my own..which I could use for so many things..such as shopping, hanging out at the city's cool places, sight seeing, taking part in some of the sporting events and so on....

Even though, one of my flatmate did ask me to accompany her with her friends to a gorgeous thing happening at a place called Eastbourne.. I couldn't go because.. I didnt wanted to spend the money I had with me.... I couldn't enjoy any of the city's cool things because of that...

I couldn't go out of town on my holidays... I was holding back myself and staying in my room, thinking.. the less I went out ..the less money I will be spending...

When I see my classmates go on tours and shopping fiestas and have this "talk" on the cool things they did and the parties they attend everyday.. I sit there, thinking about some excuses to come up with, for not knowing the cool places they were talking about...

Now, by God's grace, I got a job... I just joined today... I dont know whether I will like it, or they will like me... how long will I last.. but one thing is for sure... I will definitely make an effort to change the things they were...and try to live an active and fulfilling life..as I am aware that I am never going to get back these 3 months and 11 days...but I surely dont want to miss the rest of the 9 months that I am gonna be here ....

New Year Resolutions

Well... another year went by...just like that... I have to admit ...2007 was a fulfiling year for me... I had lots of things in my mind to do for the past year.. and I can confidently say that I did ninety percentage of the things on my list... (just as you know.. I do keep a things to do list)...Let's see what all things happened to me in the last year...

I lost weight..well..i gained it right back... that's not the point.... losing weight is one of the things that is never been rubbed off my list.. I manage to lose 5 kgs in 3 months and gain it right back within no time....amazing..uh...

I was working as a College lecturer.. I proved myself and everybody around me a success in the said profession... All my students passed out with flying colours and they adore me like anything...

I secured the National Eligibility Test, which is considered to be one of the most important Test in India, for lectureship and research.

For the first time, in my entire life I bought my father dinner for my birthday.. We went out to a restaurant that he picked ( which was unusual.. as I am the one who usually picks up the restaurant and he is the one who pays for the junk food I inhale)...and ordered his favourite foods and we had a great time...

When Onam came, I bought him a Set mundu, an off white shirt with a neriyathu...thats the traditional male dress in kerala....he was so happy and he couldn't put it down until it was time for our lunch...

One of my biggest dreams came true in 2007... coming to England.... yep... it was my dream ever since I can remember my face in the mirror... I don't know why I had a dream like that in the first place...

When I was young, I thought of getting married to someone who is working here.. so that I can come here and fulfil my dream... but when I got my senses back.. I have decided to chase it in my own means...
So I looked for jobs...but it wasn't easy as I thought...and my profession didn't make it any easier either.. so I had to come here as a student....

The most thrilling part of this is that , I got admissions from more than 6 universities from England and 1 university from New Zealand.... I am very proud of myself... as I never thought that I will be admitted in any of the UK universities....that's my inferiority complex talking...

Now, as 2007 passed by... I am sitting here ..at my on- campus shared house single room with my laptop taking a bunch of resolutions to start with and also wondering where I will be next year this time....